Gabriel

by Melissa Meintjes

  One day the dog had noticed her coughing and he got on her bed, and put his paw on her shoulder as if to comfort her. He constantly seemed to show human traits in such a manner.

  Besides being very comforting, he also had the personality and love of comfort of a human. For example, he refused to sit anywhere but the couch. If Natasha bought him a dog bed he chewed it up and then sat on the couch as if to say, how can you expect me to lie on something so uncomfortable. He consistently wanted to eat whatever Natasha ate, and respected her food in the kitchen only when she watched him; but if he noticed her leave, he immediately stood on his back two legs and analyzed her kitchen for anything interesting. In his mind he was always a human and had been a saint to have accepted his role as a dog.

  As time passed, Natasha, did not just encounter cruelty from her father, she found it in the heart of Miguel Sanchez and the staff of the condominium. Although she did not fathom Miguel Sanchez’s true cruelty, she constantly saw glimpses of it as she lived at the Twin Towers. She had first met him during her battle to keep her door locked with a key of her own, and then again when she complained about almost having her car towed away to him. Initially, Miguel Sanchez seemed like the nicest man in the world. He eventually agreed to letting her keep her key, and smiled if he saw her in one of the lobbies of the Twin Towers, but eventually the cruelty of humanity exposed Miguel’s heart the way it truly stood and made her fear living at the Twin Towers.

  For several weeks Natasha noticed that the receptionist in the second tower, in which she lived, constantly stared at her breasts while he spoke to her. She would pick up a package and then he would stare at her breasts blatantly and openly, in a manner which she found disrespectful. She had been taught that looking at someone in such a manner was a form of sexual harassment. She imagined that her looking at a man’s penis in an obvious manner for long periods of time was a way of communicating sexually through body language. She told her mother and her mother told her not to feel concerned about such things, that it was natural for men to stare at women.

  Then Natasha, responded “it might be natural, but I think we are supposed to control ourselves. I do not stare at men’s penises.”

  Then her mother would say “people should forgive men for their animal instinct, that is what Father Schwab used to say. Men are animals and it is the woman’s obligations to control his urges.”

  Then Natasha responded “how can you turn a woman’s body in to a sin. The sinner is the man, if he loses control. I am sorry that the Catholic church manipulates you to think otherwise.”

  Then her mother became angry and responded by saying “I do not care to discuss the receptionist any further. There are better things to talk about.”

  Then Natasha, responded “you should not let priests control your mind they are just human, and Father Schwab’s opinions are sexist.”

  Natasha felt sad as she hung up the phone with her mother because she realized that her mother had been taught her whole life, that men had the right to disrespect her, and that she was the sinner just for being a woman. So she forgave her mother while feeling gratitude for her independent mind, free from the manipulation of horny men dressed up as priests. She remembered all the times she had gone to confession and told priests her thoughts, and thought about all the good priests who had guided her during difficult times, and realized that some priests were worth listening to, but one should never forget their humanity, even though Catholicism converts them in to something more.

  Throughout Natasha’s life, she had been taught to see priests as representatives of god on earth. She had been educated that their lives of self-sacrifice elevated them to a station of judgment, free from cynicism.

  As a child Magdalena used to tell Natasha “a priest is sacred because he never married. He sacrificed a wife, a family and material possessions to serve God and therefore should be revered as something more than just human. You should always trust a priest because they are like angels of god.”

  For a long time, Natasha believed what her mother had told her, but as she became older and spent several years single, she realized that happiness never revolved around being part of a couple but rather about following one’s heart. Therefore, she began to see the lives of priests as non-self-sacrificial and as a result not as sacred. After hearing about the crimes that priests had committed against young boys, Natasha again learned to doubt her religion. One day she talked to a priest about her doubts, behind the fabric of a confession booth.

  The priest responded, “the church will always be its teachings, and there will always be bad people trying to destroy it.”

  Initially Natasha accepted the reasoning of the priest and felt that the evil priests had tested her faith, and therefore strove to win against their corruption of her heart.

  As time passed, Natasha heard her philosophy professor in college call religion a virus that people have implanted in their brain by a series of arguments that depend on each other, and heard one of her English teachers call religion a testament to sadism, and another English teacher forced her to read “Candide” and focus on the irony of having faith in a cruel god. As a result, her faith slipped away and became replaced with doubt and antagonism towards religion. She began to feel that her real religion was something she could see and touch. That the word “faith,” really meant infection from a virus that took away her freedom to think. As she realized she hated religion, she thought about all the times that she had been told by her grandfather that religion made men human, and felt guilty for abandoning something that could make her be a better person. So she continued to struggle to be good. She defined goodness, not by sacrifice, but rather through compassion. Although she started to hate the Catholic church she would never forget a priest telling her “ultimate goodness is compassion, not following the rules with absolute obedience.” As a result, she maintained a belief that ultimate goodness came not from following the rules of the Catholic Church, or even the bible, but rather just a belief in compassion, the whole, and a fear and respect of death.

  Even though Natasha felt that compassion defined goodness, she also felt that sex should be revered as sacred. She had been taught since a young age that sex was sinful, something taboo, and to be feared. She felt her vagina pulsate at a young age and began to masturbate at the age of thirteen, when her first boyfriend wanted to have phone sex. They had stayed up all night masturbating together. As a result she learned to enjoy sex despite the taboo, and one day asked a priest “why is sex wrong? Why is masturbation something I deserve to burn in hell for?” The priest then replied

  “Sex is not wrong. Sex is sacred, and that is why we teach people to try and refrain. Sex is sacred because it is the life source of earth. Sex causes life, and therefore should be respected for its power and for its role in mankind’s history. Beyond being something that creates life, sex makes up a huge component of the human mind. Sexuality creates love, and therefore should be respected as powerful as the strongest love potion, instead of a cup of coffee that people often treat it as. Since people do not just have sex in life, love and marriage are important choices that should be made without the potential deception of sex. When a couple have sex their minds think that they are for each other and believe they are in love. Even though love can often be reduced to lust and sex, in a world with suffering and hardship it becomes something deeper. In reality love should not be defined by the screams of an orgasm, but rather in the way you would hold each other’s hands in sickness, and in health; the way you would strive to be with him even if he was not the best looking man. That is why it is better to control the temperament of sex, for only then, can one’s heart truly think clearly and feel true love; the kind of love that does not just love pleasure but also the soul and therefore, truly captures unity and compassion the way love should.”

  After talking to the priest, Natasha felt a new understanding for the word “sex,” and understood that she should treat it as the most sacred part of herself. So beyond feeli
ng a respect for compassion and life, she also began to feel a sense of respect for the word “sex.” She remembered her boyfriend from high school, and thought about how they had fornicated almost every week. How she had loved him only for the physical part of him and completely forgot the spiritual. Thinking about her high school boyfriend, Nobie, she would often become filled with sadness, for she had lost him, and she felt the reason was too much sex. They had focused only on the physical, she argued, and had forgotten that life was also about spiritual growth. She imagined the relationship with Nobie working had they focused on the things they had in common more, and then perhaps she would not have taken him for granted the way she had. So she decided to never take sex lightly again. Sex to her had become a word that meant love and therefore she believed in only practicing it after the words “I love you,” had been spoken and meant. She thought about the guy she wanted to share sex with. She imagined him tall and good looking, intelligent, and with a lot in common with her. She believed the guy needed to like to read, and make enough money to support her and a child. So as she contemplated the receptionist of tower two, who made minimum wage, and who she had found unattractive, un-intelligent, and everything she despised in the world; she began to despise his sexuality for wanting to make her part of it. She imagined him fantasizing about her nude. She imagined him playing with her big breasts, and she became filled with anger as she felt that the thoughts he had forced on her illegitimately made her feel violated. She imagined that the receptionist, Jesus Stamos, knew what he was doing. She hated him even more for being called Jesus, and so she decided to confront him by saying “I notice that you always look at my breasts excessively and openly. I feel it is inappropriate, and I will complain about you if you continue to try and force sexual thoughts on me.” Jesus Stamos then responded “I would never do that. Like I would ever like you.” Then Natasha walked away feeling hurt. She wondered if he had done it all just to hurt her, to make her feel raped, and then she wondered how humanity could be so cruel.

  As a result, of Jesus Stamos’s cruel response, she complained to Miguel Sanchez, the manager, by saying “Jesus Stamos, stared at my breasts openly for a while, and repeatedly. I have not tried to get him fired before, but I am tired of feeling raped, so please fire him.”

  Then Miguel responded “I can’t fire people only the board can. I will present the information to them, and then they will vote.”

  After about a week, Natasha walked back to the office of Miguel Sanchez and found out that the board had voted to keep Jesus Stamos on.

  Miguel then said “I am sorry Natasha, the board voted against you because Stamos claimed you insulted him and he got his friend to testify on his behalf.” Natasha felt frustrated that the board had voted against her and that Stamos had made a fool of her by lying about her.

  As time passed, Natasha felt frustrated, angry, and violated as she continued to live in the Twin Towers.

  So she decided to insult Jesus Stamos by calling him “ugly” the way he had insinuated she was.

  He then made fun of her also by calling her names like “dike.”

  Then she decided to make him feel violated too by telling him that she fantasized about cutting off his penis. He became enraged and called the police. The police then told her to go upstairs.

  After dealing with the police, and Stamos’s continual insults, Natasha felt scared to go in to the lobby of tower two of the Twin Towers and therefore decided to either drive out, or use the entrance of tower one. So if she did not drive, she walked through the shared garage in to the elevator of tower one, and rode it down to the lobby and left through one of the two entrances of tower one. Both towers had two entrances; a front entrance and a back entrance, by the elevators. The board of directors had decided that dog owners had to walk their dogs through the back entrance always, and so everyone who owned a dog would always walk through the back entrance, despite the humiliation of feeling persecuted in such a manner. Most dog owning resident convinced themselves, that people were scared of their dog, even though the elevators were shared. As a result nobody complained.

  As a result of Jesus Stamos, Natasha started walking, through the garage, and through the back door of the lobby of tower one, every time she took Goldie out. There she met new receptionists and again enjoyed living at the Twin Towers. All of them greeted her with a smile, until one day there was a bad smell in the corridor leading to the back door of the lobby of tower one, to which Natasha responded by going through the front door, with her dog.

  Immediately the receptionist ordered her to go through the back, and Natasha responded, by saying “there is a bad smell there. If you make the bad smell go away, I don’t mind.”

  Then the short, blonde receptionist responded “I don’t care. The rules are the rules. I am going to write you up for going through the front.”

  Then Natasha responded “I don’t care. Last I recall you work for me.”

  The blonde receptionist ignored her instead of apologizing the way Natasha would have expected.

  At night, Natasha felt like exploring the buildings of the Twin Towers and decided to sit in the resident’s lounge situated in tower one, but for the purpose of all residents of the Twin Towers to use as they wished.

  As Natasha sat experiencing the internet in the residence lounge, a tall African security guard came in and said “You have to leave because it is after 5pm.”

  Then Natasha responded “It is not in the contract that we cannot use the residence lounge unless the manager is here”

  Then the security guard left. A few minutes later, an obese, female, blonde security guard came in to the residence lounge and said to Natasha “you have to leave. Also, to be here you need to give me your driving license”

  Then Natasha responded “why?”

  Then the obese security guard responded “because somebody stole some things.”

  Then Natasha responded “There are little filming cameras everywhere, and you know who I am.”

  Then the obese security guard started to put the lights off and on in order to harass Natasha. After several minutes, Natasha left and went back to her home, realizing that she hated living in the Twin Towers.

  The following day, Natasha decided to walk her dog on the streets of Miami, and therefore took her dog through the lobby of tower one again, and began to walk through the back door when she realized a bad smell existed there again. As a result, she turned around and walked through the front door. When she came back from her walk, Natasha walked in through the front entrance and the receptionist notified her that she had called the police. Natasha felt frustrated to be treated like a scoundrel in her own home, and so she went upstairs to put the dog away. Then she went downstairs to talk to the police. The manager, Miguel Sanchez, then came down from his office in tower one and told her that she should use the lobby for tower two because she lives in tower two and therefore will be arrested for trespassing if she continues to use the lobby for tower one.

  Natasha then replied “I have an electronic key that lets me enter both towers because this is one facility and I am a resident here.” She then walked away, after telling Miguel Sanchez, that she hates him, and that he might lose his job.

  Then Natasha felt uncomfortable and frightened, and walked upstairs to her home where she felt her dog’s love would protect her from the brutality of the world.

  The following day, Natasha noticed that her electronic magnet did not work on any of the doors leading to tower one. She felt devastated. She felt that she had a legal right to enter tower one, because of the gym, residence lounge, and the manager’s office which she had a legal right to use as a resident. She told her father, but her father failed to care because he was too busy with Juliet and Luis. So Natasha accepted her plight, of having to live so close to people who hated her and had power over her life, and knew almost everything about her. The thought terrified her. She dreamed of one day living in a big house, and thought everyday about how to become wealthier, an
d so worked hard for the dream that one day she would live in a home where she felt safe. Despite all the cruelty around her, the beautiful man two doors down, with his big eyes, slender, slightly arched nose, and big mouth captivated her mind, and made her feel a sense of happiness despite the ugly face of humanity she had witnessed through the employees of the Twin Towers.

  Natasha continued to ask her father to leave, but he constantly refused, claiming he was too busy.

  Chapter 31

  Miguel Sanchez, dealt with customer complaints by usually telling them that the board of directors had the power instead of him. One time a customer complained about cars driving in the garage too fast, and so Miguel took the message to the board of directors. The board of directors then decided to install cameras, and then told Miguel to send a man to constantly film the garage ramp until the cameras got installed.

  On another occasion, a customer complained about rude employees, and Miguel shrugged it off saying, “I do not have the power to fire people, and therefore do not bother me.”

  The resident then responded “please, I do not feel comfortable living here. Don’t you have an obligation to do your job correctly?”

  Miguel felt very offended and then began to imagine killing the residents. He constantly felt embarrassed about his lack of power and the accusations that he was not good at his job. Then he imagined his sweet Joanna at home and therefore calmed down. The power rush she gave him, through her nudity and absolute control over her life, made him feel significant and special despite the complaints of the customers. As a result, he felt that there accusations did not hurt him and therefore his homicidal urges became placated by Joanna’s sweet face and nude corpulent body.