Babydoll

by Nikkole Pruett

  I thought what we were doing was the best way to spend the first day of Thanksgiving break. Lying on Haley's floor with our heads so close I could feel warmth and smell sweet candy radiating off my girls. It was almost noon but we were still in our jammies with bed head and we had done nothing more important than smoke a pinner and get the munchies. And talk about boys. And sex. And orgasms.

  "For me it's more of a shot of energy," Haley said. "Like I get there and then I want to get up and redecorate or some shit."

  The idea of bouncing up out of bed after sex and rearranging posters made me giggle. But Haley took my laughter to mean something else.

  "Don't worry BaileyBaby-doll, you'll see what it’s like with someone else one of these days," she assures me.

  I was glad the weed had dulled the flip of my mouth because I really wanted to shoot back that I knew all about it. I knew that when someone else took you to orgasm it felt like bliss shooting up your spine. And I knew that the best thing in the world was laying there post-orgasm with your toes curling in the bed sheets and the most amazing boy in the world whispering that he loved you.

  For the millionth time I found myself wanting to come clean to my friends. I wanted to tell them all about me and Lane. I would have said I was sorry and begged for forgiveness. In a perfect world they would have forgiven me and I could have shared all the juicy details. And I would have asked them for advice and they could have told me what to say to my boyfriend to make him stop driving cars that didn't belong to him.

  "It's okay Baby-doll," Lucy assured me, pulling me from my guilty thoughts. "You'll find the right guy and you can tell us if you get sleepy or explode or need to clean the house or whatever. And the minute it happens you'll call us and tell us all about it."

  "And we'll console you because the first time always sucks," Haley said, matter-of-factly.

  "It doesn't always," I replied, before I could think better of it. "At least I've heard it doesn't always." I tacked that on hoping neither of them read into my slip.

  Haley laughed.

  "You've read waaaay too many books," she told me.

  "Yeah, the first time always kind of sucks," Lucy agreed.

  I shoved a fist full of candy into my mouth to shut myself up. My first time hadn’t been sexual ecstasy but it hadn't sucked. I thought it had been pretty perfect. It had been with someone I loved who took the best care of me he possibly could. I wanted to tell them that poking around in the backseat of a Jeep or fumbling around with your equally inexperienced boyfriend of forever weren’t the only ways. I wanted to tell them I wasn’t naive and I knew what I was talking about. Instead, I choked down the sugar and I was careful to keep my voice even when I spoke again.

  "Let's talk about something else," I suggested. "Motion City Soundtrack may be doing Warped Tour next year."

  "Who the fuck is Motion City Soundtrack?" Haley asked, laughing. "God, you listen to the weirdest shit."

  I didn't know if it was her tone or the weed but my frustration melted and morphed into giggles because I did kind of listen to weird shit.

  "I do, don't I?" I replied, and my giggles become all of our giggles.

  B

  "Oh my God," my dad groaned, after he drops his fork to his empty plate. "That may be the best pumpkin pie ever, Bailey."

  I grinned at him.

  "I've got mad defrosting skills," I told him.

  He chuckled.

  "Well, no one defrosts quite as good as you kiddo," he said.

  Most people would have thought a two person Thanksgiving dinner would be depressing but Dad and I had been doing it so long any other way would have sucked for us. Instead of too much turkey, Dad picked up some of Annie's famous fried chicken from the diner. I whipped up the best boxed and canned sides in the universe. I made magic with a can opener and a microwave. Afterward there was never awkward conversations with aunts I hadn't seen since I was two. Just Dad vegging on the couch and me tucking into the loveseat with a book. Although, since Dad had upgraded my system and got me a couple of Sims2 expansion packs for my birthday, I planned to spend the rest of the day gaming.

  The daylight coming through my window was starting to fade and I was considering letting my Sim starve to death (I had put up too much fancy artwork in my expertly decorated house and she had turned into a real snobby bitch) when I heard my Dad tap on my half open bedroom door. I was surprised to see him in full uniform.

  "There was a fire over at Summer Oaks," he explained, adjusting his rig belt.

  "Holy shit," I gasped, then snapped my hand up to cover my mouth.

  My Dad cocked a warning eyebrow but didn't mention my potty mouth.

  "Some damn fool thought they could fry a turkey in an apartment. A few cases of smoke inhalation but other than that no one is really hurt. But they need extra hands on deck," he explained. "I'll probably be there all damn night."

  "That sucks," I said. I looked closely at my Dad and noticed that the lines around his eyes were looking a bit more prominent. I knew his job had a lot to do with that. "Anything I can do to help?"

  "Nah, you've done plenty today," he said, with a smile. "I just wanted to let know I was leaving. And to tell you happy Thanksgiving."

  I smiled back and crossed the room to give him a hug. I felt him drop a kiss on the top of my head.

  "You’re the one thing I'm most thankful for, kid," he said and gave me one more squeeze before he headed out.

  I curled back up in my chair and got back to simulated life. As I watched my Sim interact with friends that dropped by I found myself less interested in fake life and instead feeling kind of lonely for real, live people. Memories of hours talking Haley through the holidays floated through my mind. Her house had always been jam packed with her dad's relatives so she ended up hiding in the laundry room with the phone. It occurred to me that most of my friends had mentioned their Turkey day plans but I wasn’t really sure what Haley was up to. I was sure the holiday had to be pretty different for her, considering her parents were still in the middle of their divorce. It had been getting kind of nasty and her dad was in a new apartment in the city with his barely legal girlfriend. I missed my friend. And I was worried about her. I snatched up my phone and shot out a text.

  hey blondie whatcha doing?

  I laid it on my desk and dipped back into my game for a bit. Nearly twenty minutes slipped by before a message chimed its way in. It wasn’t who I had expected but it made me smile.

  Happy Thanksgiving pretty girl. Gobble gobble.

  Lane had been on his best behavior since break started and his grandparents were in town. That meant I hadn't had to worry about him but, also, that he hadn't been slipping through my window.

  happy thanksgiving to you handsome boy. did you get plenty to eat?

  3 helpings of Grams sweet potato crunch. Would have got one more but Luke beat me to it. Fucker.

  I laughed picturing Luke bumping his little brother out of the way. We traded a few more texts and I told him about the fire and my dad having to leave. He told me he would come over and keep me company but a bright and early family breakfast was on the agenda for the morning and sleeping in was not an option. He had no intention of letting Luke get the better of him on the cinnamon roll pancakes. It was after ten by the time we said goodnight. Chatting with my guy had put me in a better, more creative mood so I pulled up the latest story I was working on and made with the plot progress. I lost myself in a scary tale about ghosts in the walls. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard the doorbell.

  "What the fuck?" I muttered looking at the clock. It was just after eleven. I knew nothing good could be at the door that late.

  My heart was in my throat by the time I hit the bottom of the stairs. I had seen this moment a million times in movies. I had written this story a million times. Some evil waiting at the door to harm a girl left home all alone. I tried to push away silly kid fears but just beneath those fears lurked worry about a dad who was out policing the city. Out of the t
wo I thought maybe I’d prefer the evil being.

  When I reached the front door and looked through the glass I saw messy blonde hair I breathed a sigh of relief but when I got the door open I wrinkled up in confusion because…what the fuck? I opened the door and stood there gawking stupidly for a moment. My brain was having a hard time understanding what my eyes were seeing. I understood that the person standing in front of me was my best friend forever but she didn't look like my Haley.

  Pretty blonde hair was greasy and knotted. There were dark shadows under her eyes. They looked like bruises, standing out against washed out white. Despite the weather she was wearing a guy’s white T-shirt and a miniskirt with Uggs. The cold breeze rippled the shirt around her body, under her crossed arms and I could see how gaunt she looked. She had looked a little skinny the last time we hung out but standing at my doorstep she looked sickly. She was scary skinny. I didn't understand how someone's body could change that quickly. The absolute worst part was that I could smell her. She smelled like unhealthy sweat and long ago smoked weed. It smelled like decay. It smelled like death knocking at the door.

  A hundred questions flashed through my head. Where had she been? Who had she been with? How did she get like this? But only her name left my lips.

  "Baby-doll," croaked a scratchy voice through cracked lips. Dilated eyes were unfocused and scared. She swallowed hard and started again. "Bailey, help me."

  The fears that plagued me only moments ago were long gone. Instead of what ifs about my Dad or silly scary story horror, I had fear life horror standing in front of me. Anxiety was cold in the pit of my stomach. It whirled in my brain, turning my thoughts to worried blather. How could I fix this? I didn't know. But I started the only place I could think of. I pulled my friend out of the cold and wrapped my arms around her. Her skin was clammy and cold and everything in me wanted to cringe away but I kept her close to me.

  Her heart was beating too fast and when she laid her head on my shoulder I felt hot tears drip through my t-shirt. I pushed the door closed behind her and rubbed soft circles on her back. She leaned heavy in my arms. I was holding up most of her weight but there didn't seem to be that much to hold up. But I thought I would still try hold her up even if she weighed a ton. I spoke softly like I was trying to calm an upset animal.

  "I've been missing you, girl," I told her. "I text you earlier but I never heard back from you. I heated up the best turkey day dinner ever today and I wanted to tell you about it."

  She didn't answer but she didn't move to pull away either.

  "There's plenty of leftovers, so if you want to eat something after you get cleaned up I could make you a plate," I said.

  There was another moment of silence then my friend pulled away to stand on her own.

  "I dropped my phone," she said softly. She dug in the pocket of her skirt and showed me the Iphone her dad got her, a "sorry I'm fucking someone half my age" present. The screen was shattered.

  I shook my head to show her a missed text didn’t matter.

  "I'm glad you’re here now," I told her.

  She nodded. She looked so lost I made my heart hurt.

  "Come on," I said, reaching out and linking my arm around hers. I didn't know why but I felt like touching her was important at that moment. Like I instinctually knew she needed to feel warmth and love and touches.

  I guided my friend up the stairs and took her to the bathroom. I helped her sit down on the toilet and I felt bad when I had to let her go, so I went about my business quickly. I started a nice hot bath for her. I still had no idea what I was doing but I knew that being clean always felt better so I was going to get her clean. I poured in my favorite lavender bubble bath. I turned on the space heater and in just a couple of minutes the bathroom was nice and steamy warm and smelled great. When the water was deep enough to sit in I waved her over. I helped her out of her clothes and I heard her heave a huge sigh when she sank into the bubbles and hot water.

  I didn't turn the water off until it was damn near up to her chin. Then I just stayed there. I sat on the rug and babbled on about non-sense. I talked about Lucas's never ending quest to top his pizza eating personal record. I talked about Lucy's latest art project. I told her about the newest story I was writing. She didn't talk back and she hardly moved or opened her eyes but I knew she was at least partly there with me because she smiled at some of the things I said. Especially, when I talked about Luke.

  When the water started to get too cool to be comfortable, I handed her a bath poof with a bunch of body wash on it.

  "Scrub up, blondie, I'm going to go grab you some jammies," I told her She nodded and sat up. Her movements were jerky but when I saw she could manage on her own I hurried out of the room. In short order my friend was cleaned up and out of the tub wearing my too short for her pjs. I blow dried her hair and bushed it out. Her gold mane had always been my favorite and now it looked dull and unhealthy. That made me sad. When she was bed ready we climbed into my bed and I snuggled up close to her. Nestled in warm blankets and pillows with dim lamp light shining she started to talk.

  "Mak called on Monday… maybe Tuesday. I don't really remember. I'm so fucked up I can't even remember days right. This is so fucked up," her voice trembled when she said the last part. I squeezed her hand. I didn't say anything, but she was right. The situation was so fucked up. "Anyway she's dating some guy named Elijah. He’s like twenty-something and he's got this shitty apartment and this crazy ass hookup. He can get pretty much anything. He had this big ass bag of pills. So we ate some and started rolling and we just didn't stop. His fucking windows are blacked out. Like he had foil over them. I never knew what time it was. And shit was so crazy. Just different people coming in and out and they'd bring pizza or tacos or some shit and I remember Elijah feeding me a fucking burrito telling me he needed me to keep my strength up. And I did some nasty shit, Bailey. Just fucking repulsive. I don't even want to tell you what I did. But I was so fucked up I just didn’t care at the time. And Elijah just kept telling me to do stuff. And I had maybe seven or eight hours of sleep and I’m so tired. So fucking tired. So some people were smoking weed and I hit the pipe a few times because I just wanted to go to sleep. But all the sudden I started feeling so jittery and they told me it was laced. Fucking meth. I didn't want that shit. So I flipped the fuck out. And Elijah starts screaming at me about the cops and how I'm going to get everybody fucking arrested. He grabbed me and just started shaking me. I was so scared I stopped freaking out. Then he snatches me up and throws me in the back seat of his car. I was so fucking scared. I thought he was going to kill me. Like I was going to be on that CSI shit my mom is always watching. So I started screaming again. And he screams back at me to shut the fuck up and just give him an address. So I gave him yours."

  My friend was sobbing and babbling. My heart was in my throat. I wanted to squeeze her and ask her why the hell she'd ever put herself in such a situation. I wanted to find this Elijah guy and kick him in the balls for an hour. I wanted to choke the shit out of Makenna. But I knew I couldn't do any of that. So I hugged my friend.

  "I'm glad you came to me," I told her. And I was because at least that way I knew she was safe. I wouldn't let anything happen to her. But as much as I was glad, I was still anxious because I really had no idea what to do to fix things.

  Haley rolled over and laid her head on my chest. We stayed like that for a long time without talking and I ran my fingers through her hair. By the time my friend slipped into an uneasy sleep it was sometime after two in the morning. I climbed carefully out of the bed so as to not wake her. My dad’s door was cracked and the sound of his snore told me that he had returned while I was tending to my friend. I pulled his door all the way closed and crept down the stairs.

  I had been pretending to be strong since Haley showed up but the weight of the situation was finally coming down on me. I reached my breaking point when I cracked open a soda and it occurred to me that had my friend OD'd she never would have had another Dr
Pepper. It was such a weirdly specific thought. Such a weird concept that dead people would never get to do little things again. The stark realization was that my friend was flirting with being a dead person.

  The dam broke and tears rushed down my cheeks. I just didn't know how to wrap my head around things. I felt like my friend was falling apart and I was the only one who saw it but I couldn't make it better. I couldn't fix Haley no matter how much I wanted to. It made me feel weak and stupid and small and very alone.

  I made my way to the living room and grabbed my discarded phone off of the couch. I fired off a text to the only person would understand.

  I need you.

  It took him twenty minutes to get there. I saw him in the back yard through the back door glass. I opened the door and quietly called his name. He looked confused when he got close enough for his face to be illuminated in the light.

  "What's going on?" he asked. I was sure between my cryptic message and the sudden disregard for potentially getting caught with Lane in the house in the middle of the night, he was mentally preparing for the worse.

  I sighed and grabbed his hand to pull him in. I sat back down at the kitchen table and he followed suit. He watched me with mounting concern etched on his face. I didn't know what to say but I knew I had to tell. I couldn't shoulder it all by myself.

  "Haley is all fucked up," I finally blurted out.

  I gave him the Cliff Notes version of the story Haley had told me. Mostly, I just told him how she did a bunch of pills and got laced weed. And that she was mixed up with some bad people. I told him how scared I was for her and that I didn't know what to do. Fresh tears poured down my cheeks and I felt exhausted. When I stopped talking he held his arms out so I could climb onto his lap. He kissed the top of my head and held me tight.

  "We'll fix it," he told me. "I promise. We'll fix everything."

  * * *

  Chapter 21