Shank's Mare

by Ikku Jippensha

  'Are you a fireman?' asked the man. 'Shall I bring some water? Where's the fire?'

  'Look at that chap with the ladder,' said another. 'What a fool!'

  'Shut your jaw, you rascal,' said Yaji.

  'Look what a stupid fellow he looks,' said another.

  'Where is the fool?' said Yaji, and turning round to see who it was he caught the man a crack on the head with the end of the ladder.

  'Oh! Oh!' yelled the man. 'What are you doing carrying a thing like that crossways. Such a fool! See what a bruise you've given me.'

  'What's that you're jawing about a fool?' said Yaji.

  'Well, look at the lump on my forehead if you don't believe me,' said the man. 'Isn't there one there?'

  'I can see you're a fool without looking at your lump,' retorted Yaji.

  'You talk big, don't you?' said the man. 'I'll soon settle your hash.'

  As there seemed likely to be a fight a crowd began to gather round.

  'It's our fault, entirely our fault,' said Kita intervening. 'We're very sorry. Here, come along, Yaji. Walk up.'

  'Insolent fellow!' growled Yaji. 'Here, Kita, I can't carry it any more. Just hold it up at the back on your shoulders.'

  'All right,' said Kita. 'You'll make me look as big a fool as yourself.'

  'I wish I could get rid of it,' said Yaji.

  They went down a side street where they thought there would be few people and they could leave the troublesome ladder in spite of the two hundred coppers they had paid for it and run away without being seen, but there was always someone watching them, and finally they arrived with the ladder at Sanjō-dōri, where they met an inn tout.

  'Are your honours stopping here?' he asked.

  'Yes, yes,' said Yaji.

  'Won't you let me conduct you to my place?' said the man.

  'Where is it?' asked Kita.

  'It's just here,' said the tout. 'Please come this way,' and he led them across the bridge to the inn.

  SECOND PART

  HE sun was already sinking in the west and at all the houses the lamps were lit when the inn servant led them across the bridge to the inn.

  'Guests have arrived,' he called.

  'Welcome, welcome,' cried the landlord rushing out. 'What about your baggage?'

  'We've only got this ladder,' said Kita.

  'That's strange baggage,' said the landlord. 'Here. Tako, Tako'—calling the maid—'show the guests in.'

  The maid showed them to a room and then the landlord came in.

  'As I have very few guests to-night,' he said,'I didn't have the bath heated, but there's a very good bath-house just by the bridge where you can go if you like.'

  'I don't want a bath,' said Kita,'but you'd better go, Yaji. They say that the water in the capital makes your skin quite white.'

  'I don't want to get any whiter than I am,' said Yaij.

  'By the way,' said the landlord. 'I suppose you live somewhere in the neighbourhood.

  'No, no,' said Kita. 'We come from Edo.'

  'I thought that as you were carrying a ladder you lived somewhere near here,' said the landlord. 'How is it you Edo gentlemen come to be carrying a ladder?'

  'Well, there's a reason for that,' said Kita. 'It was entrusted to us to bring from Edo.'

  'How did you come to be entrusted with such a thing?' asked the landlord.

  'I'll tell you,' said Kita. 'You see I and my friend are intimate with a fellow up in Edo who was born in these parts and he got this ladder sent to him by his people down here, for the reason that as they can't read and write, and it makes them ashamed to get letters and not return 'em, they always send him a ladder when they want him to go up to the capital. By the same token, this chap in Edo can't write and read either—don't know a letter of the alphabet, in fact—though he's too proud to own it. So, as I told him that I was coming down to these parts, he said to me what a lucky thing it was and would I mind taking something to his people. So I said I'd take anything along he wanted, and what do you think he sent me? Just listen. A greasy old priest and that ladder. Well, I didn't mind about the ladder, but I told him it would be very troublesome to carry the priest, because, you know, this priest was alive. Well, he said, then take the ladder only and when you get there hire a priest and get him to carry a bell-clapper and the ladder to my people. Well, then I asked him what he wanted us to take the ladder to Kyōto for and he said that as the ladder had come from his people he was sending it back as an answer.'

  'Ha-ha-ha!' laughed the landlord. 'I see, I see. The ladder was to show that he was going up to the capital. But what were the priest and the bell-clapper for?'

  'The bell-clapper was to show he wanted to go up but that he had no money,' replied Kita.

  'I see,' said the landlord,'but isn't it an enormous distance to carry a ladder. You couldn't pack it in your baggage. You must have had great trouble with it.'

  'Oh, no, not at all,' said Kita. 'It's very convenient having a ladder with you when you're on the road. When you want to ride on horseback all you have to do is to put the ladder up against the horse and mount up. It's very easy to get on a horse that way. A ladder's very useful in crossing rivers too, as you don't have to hire a hand-barrow when you're crossing even rivers like the Ōi and the Abe, and you only want two men to carry it instead of four. If you ever go on a journey I should advise you to take a ladder. People don't know how useful it is.'

  'No,' said the landlord,'I don't suppose anyone has ever thought of taking a ladder with them on a journey. Ha-ha-ha! By the way, are you going to hire the priest here?'

  'Of course, of course,' said Kita. 'We must hire him.'

  'Luckily I know a very good priest,' said the landlord,'who would just suit you. Shall I call him?'

  Here the landlord jumped up to go and call the priest.

  'No, no, wait a bit,' said Kita, who felt himself in a bit of a fix. 'We don't want him in such a hurry. We shouldn't like to lose the ladder, it's so useful. Besides, we don't want to drag a priest about with us, eh, Yaji?'

  'That's your business,' said Yaji. 'If we're going to get one it would be better to get one quickly.'

  'I didn't expect you to say that,' said Kita.

  'But if it is as you say,' said the landlord,'don't you think it would be better to engage a priest at once?'

  'Yes,' said Kita,'but you see....'

  'Just leave it to me,' said the landlord.

  'Instead of worrying about that,' said Kita,'you'd better give us something to eat.'

  'Supper will be ready immediately,' said the landlord. 'But what about the priest?'

  'Oh, hang the priest,' said Kita. 'I'm really too hungry to think about him.'

  The landlord went off to the kitchen and soon the maid came in bringing the supper. Many idle jokes were cracked during supper, and after it was cleared away the landlord came in again. As he himself was fond of a joke, he was pretending to believe Kita's story and had brought a priest, a man of about sixty, with a thin and ragged beard.

  'Have you finished your supper?' asked the landlord. 'I've brought the priest that I was talking about.'

  'Good evening,' said the priest, who had lost his nose. 'My name is Gyantetsu. I was summoned here by the master of the house.' (Only, as he had lost his nose it sounded like—'Good ebedig. By dabe is Gyadtetsu. I was subbod here by the baster of the house.')

  'Thank you for coming,' said Yaji. 'Please sit down.'

  'Dear me, landlord,' said Kita. 'I am very sorry you should take all this trouble.'

  'Not at all,' said the landlord.

  'At the same time,' continued Kita,'I hope you won't think me rude if I tell you that I don't think he'll do. You see I must have a priest who is a bit of an actor of interludes, even if he is only an amateur.'

  'What's that for?' asked the landlord.

  'Well, you see,' said Kita,'as I told you before, the answer means not only that he can't go up to the capital unless he has some money, but also that he can't go unless he has three hun
dred gold pieces. So I want the priest to act the part of Ume-ga-é in the Bell of Mugen.'

  'That's all right,' said the landlord. 'This priest used to take women's parts in the temple plays and was called Hennosuké Bakamura. He's very clever at it. Luckily also my daughter is now learning the Bell of Mugen. Suppose we act a little of it for fun.'

  'Come on, let's start,' said Gwantetsu. 'I'll be Ume-ga-é if somebody will be Genta.

  'What fun!' said Yaji. 'I've never seen an Ume-ga-é without a nose. You'd better be Genta, Kita. You're just right for the part.'

  'Don't talk nonsense,' said Kita. 'I don't like such jokes.'

  He went on grumbling to himself with a sulky face, while the landlord brought in his little daughter of thirteen or fourteen years old with her samisen, and the mistress of the house and all the maid-servants and scullions gathered in the next room to see the priest act. Yaji was greatly amused.

  'Here, Kita,' he said, pulling his sleeve. 'Look how the mistress of the house and all the servants have come to see you. You'll get lots of applause. Just try.'

  At this Kita's spirits began to revive.

  'We'll see who can do it best,' he said. 'I'll be Genta. But you must let me make up the words as I go on.'

  'All right, all right,' said Gwantetsu. 'Now then, Tora, start from the place where Genta comes in.'

  'Ha-ha-ha!' laughed Yaji. 'Ume-ga-é with a dirty beard, and Genta with an old blue kimono made of flags. What a sight!'

  'Come on, begin, begin,' said Kita.

  Then the little girl began chanting the jōruri.

  Chorus: And every night great Genta went. To see his lady fair, And every night she looked at him With proud, disdainful air. Oh, Genta, now's your chance, for she Is dreaming o'er the brazier. See, She does not turn her face to thee, But smokes her pipe quite silently.

  Genta. How is it you no longer care, But meet me with a haughty air. I am a lordless man,'tis true, Whose clothes are worn and dirty too.

  Chorus: She waits, she waits, she waits for you. Ume-ga-é. Did I not send to let you know My duties would not let me go?

  Chorus: Her eyes are red, but not with hate.The tears of love have fallen of late.

  'Here, get further away,' said Kita to the priest. 'You stink abominably. I never saw such a smelly Ume-ga-é.'

  'And I never saw such a Genta,' said the priest.

  'Didn't I tell you not to come near me?' said Kita. 'Here, I'm going to cut this short.

  Genta. Here, shaven-pate... No, no, Ume-ga-é, Your helmet where is it, I pray?

  Ume-ga-é. I pawned it for three hundred me, To drive my sorrows quite away.

  Genta. Pawned it? Your reason tell to me.

  Ume-ga-é. My bones are rotten as rotten can be. No medicine will bring respite From pains that ache me day and night. But still I would my nose restore, To be as high as once before. Three hundred me I do require To make my nose a little higher.

  Chorus: Twice eight are sixteen That's the age when love is seen. Twice nine are eighteen, When the heart for love is keen. Twice five are twenty, When there's always love a-plenty.

  Ume-ga-é. Ah! What is this? How little you know my mind,

  That you to treat me lightly are inclined.

  'Here, wait a minute,' said Yaji.

  Without waiting for an answer he rushed into the kitchen and brought the ladder, which he put up against the wall of the room. Then he climbed halfway up it and struck an attitude, while he wound a towel round his head to make himself look like a person of importance.

  'I'll play the part of Genta's mother, Anju,' he said. 'Go on, priest. '

  Ume-ga-é. 'Tis said that if one strikes the bell Of Mugen all with thee is well. On a far journey I must wend, And thus, before I reach the end, To strike the bell I fain would tend. The power of will transcends all thought, And thus this basin I have brought. Whether of metal or granite flinty It shall the bell of Mugen be.

  Thereupon Gwantetsu began striking the washbasin with his pipe.

  Meanwhile Yaji from the ladder was scattering coppers while he continued to chant:—

  Anju. Three hundred coppers now I shower. It is not like the yellow flower Whose petals, fallen from mountain-side, Lie scattered far and wide.

  Ume-ga-é. Ah, here are three, and here five more. I'll pick up all and have a store.

  As the priest went on picking up the coppers and stuffing them into his sleeves, Yaji, from the ladder, seized hold of him.

  'I'm not giving it to you really,' he said. 'It's mine.'

  Gwantetsu, however, would not give back the money, and in the struggle the ladder slipped and Yaji fell on the floor with a thud, while the ladder fell on the top of Gwantetsu and also struck the little girl on the side, causing her to cry out.

  'Oh, oh, oh!' yelled Yaji, rubbing his shin.

  'Oh, oh!' groaned Gwantetsu.

  'What have you done? What have you done?' cried the landlord, and he and his wife started up, upsetting the tobacco-box and the lantern, and plunging the room into darkness, amid the wails of those injured.

  The landlord soon brought another light and was horrified to find that his little girl was unconscious.

  'What's the matter with my daughter?' he cried. 'The Ume-ga-é has brought her unhappiness. She is quite unconscious.'

  'Oh, oh!' groaned the priest. 'I've had such a shock. It's driven all my outwards inside.'

  'That's serious,' said Yaji. 'I say, landlord, his outwards have gone inwards.'

  'That's all right,' said Kita. 'I see you advertise some medicine called "money-plaster." If you rub some of that on your head they'll fall down.'

  'What are you talking about!' said the landlord. 'How will putting money-plaster on your head cause them to fall?'

  'Why, because when copper goes up in price gold falls,' said Kita.

  'Eh?' said the landlord. 'What a thing to say!'

  'What shall I do? What shall I do?' said Gwantetsu. 'How is the little girl?'

  'Somebody must run for the doctor,' cried the landlord's wife.

  'I'll go, I'll go,' said the priest,'and if he isn't there I'll go on to the temple.'

  'Eh?' said the landlord. 'What's that you're talking about?'

  'It isn't a joking matter at all,' said Kita. 'Where did it hit her?'

  'On the side,' replied the landlord. 'It hit her very badly. She's suffering great pain.'

  'For a maiden born in the capital to be struck on the side is a dreadful thing,' chanted Yaji. 'A thousand condolences.'

  'It's not a thing to make a joke over, —to come into a person's house and injure his daughter,' said the landlord.

  'Ha-ha-ha!' laughed Yaji. 'I should be very ashamed to trifle with a person's daughter.'

  'It isn't a laughing matter,' said the landlord. 'I think you're a couple of rogues.'

  'Rogues, indeed!' said Yaji. 'You'd better mind what you're talking about.'

  'Don't be insolent,' said the landlord. 'Look here, I've kept house for a good many years, but this is the first time that I've ever had guests come with a ladder. It's plain to see you don't come from this part of the country, and yet you go about with a ladder. I don't understand it at all. It looks as if you were thieves who got into people's houses from the roof. My wife was grumbling at my taking such strange guests and I think she was quite right.'

  The landlord's insinuations in turn excited Yaji, who was always ready to fly into a passion.

  'What nonsense you're talking,' he said. 'We're perfectly respectable travellers. I can't allow you to make such remarks.'

  'I said you were going about with a ladder. What's there to get angry about in that?' asked the landlard.

  'Never mind him,' said the landlord's wife,'but just come here and look at the girl. She looks worse and worse.' Here she began to cry.

  'Look there,' said the landlord, getting more and more excited. 'If my girl dies you'll both be murderers. Remember that.'

  'Oh what terrible trouble has come upon us,' cried the wife.


  'She's unconscious,' said the landlord. 'Tora! Tora!'

  'Daughter! Daughter!' called the wife.

  As the girl did not revive in spite of the medicine and other things given her, and her parents were weeping bitterly over her. Yaji began to get alarmed.

  'I say, Kita,' he said. 'What shall we do? We can't stop here.'

  'Don't die, Tora!' called the landlord. 'Don't die! How is it?'

  'Tora! Tora!' called his wife.

  'Tora! Tora!' called her husband.

  'What a terrible thing!' said Yaji. 'It's more than I can bear.'

  In his alarm he could not keep still.

  'I can't allow you to leave,' said the landlord.

  'No, no,' said Yaji. 'We're not going anywhere. Look here, Kita, it's all your fault. If you hadn't started that yarn all this trouble wouldn't have arisen. It was the nonsense about the Bell of Mugen which began it all. As you introduced it you're the guilty person.'

  'What a thing to say!' cried Kita. 'You're the real criminal.'

  'Well, look here,' said Yaji. 'Let's play for it, and the one who loses will be the murderer.'

  'Nonsense! I don't know anything about it,' declared Kita.

  Meanwhile the doctor had come and by means of medicine and all kinds of ministrations the little girl was restored to consciousness and thus the anxiety was relieved. Yaji's spirits rose and he made all sorts of apologies for his conduct, in which Kita joined him, and finally the matter was settled by Yaji signing a written apology, to which Kita also set his seal as witness. The apology, which was meant to be a very serious document, read:—

  This is to give notice.

  I hereby affirm that while I was playing the part of Anju in the 'jōruri' Hiragana Seisuiki, when Ume-ga-é was striking the bell of Mugen, which bell can be produced in evidence, I was taking some money from my belt and was throwing it to the ground, when the ladder slipped and fell on Gwantetsu, whose outwards were driven inwards, and also your daughter suffered a blow, all of which happened owing to my having placed the said ladder against the said wall, thus arousing your anger, which was appeased by my excuses, for which I am truly thankful. And I hereby solemnly promise that if I am allowed to stop at this inn hereafter, I will not bring a ladder on the premises. This document is for purposes of record.