Acquired Tastes

by Simone Mondesir

  Fergus leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees, composing his features into an expression of concern. 'If you want to yell at me, Alicia, yell. Let your feelings out - it's so much healthier. You have that dispiriting Anglo-Saxon tendency to bottle up your emotions.'

  Alicia's look turned to one of outraged incredulity. 'Tell you what I'm feeling,' suddenly the dam holding back her words burst, 'after the way you have betrayed me with her! You used my private thoughts for your own perverted ends.' She rubbed her hands on her skirt as though trying to clean them. 'I feel dirty, as though it were me on that table. What I told you was private.' Her voice broke. 'I trusted you.'

  'Oh, come now Alicia, I've never tried to hide what I'm like from you,' Fergus protested mildly.

  'And that makes it all right to sleep with my best friend, does it?'

  'Hardly sleeping, my dear Alicia. Such a passive and misleading term and such typical English understatement. Try to be more direct: we were fornicating, screwing, fucking, banging, bonking, shagging…' He enunciated the words slowly and deliberately. 'There are so many verbs to describe it and they are all active.'

  'After all,' interjected Vanessa, who was now standing at the bottom of the stairs with her weekend case in one hand, 'it's not as though you and Fergus were having an affair. You told me so yourself. Honestly Alicia, I really can't understand what all the fuss is about.'

  Alicia stood up and advanced on Vanessa, clenching and unclenching her fists. 'You must have had a good laugh at me over dinner.' Her voice was low but charged with anger. She looked back at Fergus. 'Vanessa always did love telling stories about me. The more ridiculous they made me, the better. Virgo intacta, the Great White Whale - isn't that what you nicknamed me at school?' She turned back to Vanessa who shrugged and looked away.

  'You thought I didn't know, but I did,' Alicia continued, her voice rising. She looked at Fergus. 'Whose idea was it to go to St Ethelred's? Yours? You must have nearly died laughing, acting out the fevered sexual fantasies of a repressed old maid.'

  'There you go again,' Fergus said, 'putting yourself down as usual. You really ought to be more positive, Alicia.'

  Alicia pointed at the door. 'Get out! I hate you both and I never want to see either of you again.'

  Vanessa flounced out of the door with a toss of her head but Fergus turned back. 'That was the first positive emotion I've ever heard you express, Alicia.'

  Alicia grabbed a vase of dried flowers and hurled it at his departing back, but it smashed harmlessly against the closed door. Outside, Vanessa threw her case into the back of her car and climbed in. Fergus got in beside her. She wrenched the car into gear and accelerated hard.

  'After all I've done for her, how dare she treat me like that,' Vanessa raged. 'And those other shrieking harridans,' she continued, barely braking as the car sped through the narrow streets of Heartlands, 'it was like being attacked by a flock of harpies. I've always thought that there was something deeply unhealthy about all-female institutions.'

  She glanced at Fergus, who was silent. 'Where shall I drop you off?'

  'London,' he replied, settling down in his seat and closing his eyes.

  Ten

  'My dear, I simply had to come over and find out what happened after you left us last night. Are you all right? You really don't look at all well.'

  Zelda's eyes were greedy with curiosity as she tried to peer round the door which Alicia had only opened a few inches.

  Zelda stood on tiptoe and looked over Alicia's head. 'Have they gone?'

  Alicia nodded, plucking listlessly at her matted hair. She didn't trust herself to speak.

  'You probably feel a little like I do. I couldn't sleep a wink last night, I was so upset. Ernst was so supportive. He made me drink a cup of milky cocoa and take a couple of paracetamols for the shock. I felt positively shattered.'

  Alicia tried to focus her thoughts. There were few things she felt sure of any more, but one thing she knew for certain, there was no way Zelda or anyone else could possibly feel the way she did. She desperately wanted to ask Zelda to go away, so she could crawl back into the dark little hole she had inhabited since last night, but her throat still refused to make any sound and Zelda was not easily thwarted. She gently but firmly prised Alicia's fingers from their hold and pushed the door wide. As she stepped into Alicia's sitting room there was a loud crunch. She had stepped on the broken pottery which still littered the floor.

  After throwing the vase at Fergus's retreating back, Alicia had blindly lumbered around the room, smashing her entire collection of Clarice Clift pottery, before collapsing at the foot of the stairs where she had finally rocked herself into a grief-sodden sleep.

  Zelda's thin-soled, gold ballet pumps afforded her little protection from the shards of broken pottery, but she determinedly ignored them as she strode into the middle of the room and stood with her hands on her hips, surveying the destruction. 'Well,' she eventually managed.

  Alicia wiped a grubby hand across her face and then waved listlessly at the mess on the floor. 'It was an accident. I…' She could get no further, tears threatened to overwhelm her.

  Instead, she knelt down heavily and attempted to pick up some pieces.

  Zelda crouched next to her and prised the broken pottery from Alicia's hands, dropping it back on the floor as she pulled Alicia to her feet. 'Leave everything to me,' she commanded, shooing Alicia up the stairs. 'What you need is a long hot bath. Go on, I can find my way around,' she urged, as Alicia hesitated.

  Alicia trudged upstairs and discarded her crumpled clothes on the bathroom floor. She poured nearly half a bottle of Lavender bath oil into her claw-footed, Victorian bath tub. She had rescued it from a junk shop and it had cost a fortune to restore but she had not regretted a penny - after the kitchen this was her second-favourite room and the little tub was its centrepiece.

  As perfumed steam began to swirl around the bathroom, despite an occasional little hiccup of a sob, Alicia began to revive - the scent of lavender always had that effect on her. She tied her hair up and then carefully eased her stiff body into the warm water and lay soaking, listening to the sounds of Zelda bustling around downstairs.

  After about twenty minutes, the comforting smell of frying bacon began to waft up from the kitchen. It succeeded in making her mouth water, even though she had sworn to herself that she would never be able to eat again. Five minutes later, her face pink and shining and her hair back to its normal glossy, well-brushed self, Alicia, wrapped in her bathrobe, was sitting in front of a plate of fried eggs, bacon, sausages, tomatoes and mushrooms.

  For the first time, she noticed Zelda's outfit: bright purple ski pants and a billowing over-shirt with a startling purple, yellow and green pattern, and realised it must be Saturday. Alicia glanced at the wall clock. It was 8.30 in the morning. Only a few hours had passed, yet it felt like a lifetime.

  'I've already eaten, so I'll just have some toast and marmalade,' Zelda said, helping herself from the large stack of toast she had put on the table.

  Alicia devoured her food as though starved, barely pausing for breath between mouthfuls.

  Zelda watched approvingly as she waited for the tea to brew. 'Emotional traumas always make me hungry too. I can't understand these women who say they can't eat when they're unhappy. I'm sure it's the sign of a neurotic personality.'

  Alicia nodded, her mouth full of Cumberland sausage.

  'I thought it best not to bring Ernst along, as I thought we ought to have a little girls' talk,' Zelda said, sitting down at the table with two mugs of tea. She heaped three teaspoonfuls of sugar into Alicia's mug and stirred it. 'There, a little bit of sweetness will give you energy. It's good for shock too.'

  Alicia gave her a grateful smile and gulped a mouthful. She was glad that Zelda had come. They had never been particularly close, but she was proving a real friend. A lot of people thought Zelda overbearing, but she was really very kind and well-meaning. People might snigger about Zelda and Professor Grube
r, but they were obviously happy. It must be nice to have someone considerate enough to make milky cocoa for you when you were upset, Alicia thought, and her eyes immediately filled with tears again.

  Seeing this, Zelda reached across the table and patted her hand. 'I'm very sorry my dear, this whole affair must be very trying for you. I know how you felt about Dr Archibald.'

  Zelda didn't, but she was determined to find out.

  'There was nothing between us, at least… not like that,' Alicia said wretchedly. 'But I did, well, I had hoped…'

  'You ought to count your blessings, my dear. I think you had a lucky escape. That man was a pernicious influence on his students and a notorious womaniser,' Zelda said tartly.

  'I know he had a bit of a reputation, but he was always a gentleman with me,' Alicia sighed wistfully.

  'He was probably just waiting for the right moment to pounce, men are all the same,' Zelda said firmly. 'Look what he did last night and with your best friend, too.'

  'It was probably her idea,' Alicia's tone was harsh.

  'Oh, surely not,' Zelda protested unconvincingly.

  Alicia poured herself some more tea. Zelda waved the pot away, her eyes never leaving Alicia's face.

  'I suppose I've always known what she was really like, it was just that I didn't want to admit it to myself,' Alicia said slowly.

  'Well, I have to say that I didn't take to her from the start, and neither did Ernst, and he's always a good judge of character,' Zelda said. 'There are certain women - how shall I say this - who always let the side down. Men will always be slaves to their libidos, but women should be above such feelings.'

  Why? Alicia thought. What good had it done her trying to be above those feelings? Perhaps if she had been different, Fergus would not have chased after Vanessa. It was all her fault. A tear squeezed its way out of the corner of her eye, trickled down her cheek and plopped into her tea. She sniffed.

  'Tell me something,' Zelda asked. 'Why on earth did you allow Dr Archibald and your friend to go off together like that? I should have thought it a trifle unwise.'

  Alicia swallowed. 'It was my fault really. Vanessa came to Heartlands to talk to Fergus about his research. She was very excited about it, and thought it might make a good television programme - or was it a series? I can't remember. Anyway, it seemed like a good idea to let them talk it over by themselves. I thought it might be a break for Fergus, he's had such a hard time lately with all those academic journals turning him down.'

  Zelda's eyes narrowed. It was too much. She had spent months quietly feeding the choicest bits of gossip about Fergus to the right people and now, just when there wasn't an academic journal in the country that was prepared to publish him, his research was going to get exposure on national television.

  She tore the piece of toast she was holding in half. Even though it was over a year ago, she could still hear the sound of his bellowing laughter echoing in her mind. She would never understand what grotesque impulse had made her - Dr Zelda Drake - suggest to that buffoon that he come back to her rooms. Nor would she ever forgive him for rejecting her. She thought that he would stay away from her after that, but then he had started to come round to St Ethelred's, openly courting Alicia under her nose. She had tried to warn Alicia, but Alicia wouldn't believe her. Last night had presented the perfect opportunity to prove to Alicia what Fergus was really like, but even she had been shocked by what they had seen when they burst in on Fergus and Vanessa. Although later, when she recalled the scene, she found herself more than a little aroused. Luckily Ernst had been on hand with his soothing milky cocoa.

  Zelda offered Alicia some more toast. 'Now, tell me about this Swift woman.'

  'She was always the most popular girl in the class. Everyone wanted to be in her set because she was always first at everything. Not academically, of course,' Alicia said hastily, 'but in the things that matter when you are fourteen. All the other girls tried to look like her. I remember once, she decided she wanted to be blonde, so she dyed her hair. All the girls in her set dyed their hair too.'

  'Did you?'

  'I didn't have enough pocket money to go to a hairdresser to have it done properly, so Vanessa poured a bottle of peroxide over my hair one night in the dormitory. It looked terrible and started coming out in handfuls. I was given washing-up duty for a month, as it was against the rules to dye your hair.'

  'But what about Vanessa?'

  'Oh, she said she had been out in the sun and it had bleached her hair blond. She always seemed to get away with things, even then.'

  Zelda sipped her tea thoughtfully. 'I wonder what people would think of her if they knew what she really gets up to.'

  Alicia looked worried. 'Oh, but we couldn't. Remember what the Principal said. It would cause such a scandal.'

  'I was merely speaking hypothetically, Alicia dear,' Zelda patted her arm. 'I wasn't really suggesting you actually do anything. It's just such a pity those two will get away scot-free. But, as no doubt our admirable bursar would say: vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.'

  'But what about the Academic Council? Surely they will revoke Fergus's tenure as they are bound to listen to the Principal,' said Alicia.

  Zelda buttered another slice of toast and loaded it with marmalade. 'I'm sure they will, Alicia dear, but Fergus will just get a post somewhere else. Given the nature of his offence, the Council are bound to keep their findings secret because of the scandal it could cause. They have to think of the good name of the university. And what about your friend? The Academic Council can't do anything about her,' she continued between mouthfuls, 'and she has betrayed your trust, humiliated you in front of your friends and stolen your erm … boyfriend.'

  It wasn't quite the word she was looking for, but it would have to do.

  The tears welled up in Alicia's eyes again and she fumbled for a handkerchief. She had never been sure of her feelings towards Fergus before, but now she knew for certain that she must be in love with him. Why else would she feel so awful?

  Zelda produced a handkerchief, and Alicia gratefully blew her nose. 'There, there, I didn't mean to upset you,' said Zelda, patting Alicia's free hand. 'I'm sure they will get their comeuppance in the end.'

  But they wouldn't, would they? Alicia thought miserably, blowing her nose again.

  Heartlands had been a haven of peace - a small, unchanging, predictable world in which she felt secure. Now it had all changed, changed utterly. Whatever the Principal had said, word would be all over the university before the end of the day. She felt exposed - naked - and all because she had trusted Vanessa.

  She tried unsuccessfully to refold Zelda's handkerchief and offered it back to her, but Zelda waved it away. Alicia crumpled it up and put it into her pocket. She sipped her tea and as often happened when she did, an idea suddenly came to her.

  'Zelda, could I use your London flat for a while? Term's nearly over and I really need to get away for a while.'

  Zelda looked hard at her. 'Are you sure London is quite the right place?'

  Alicia toyed with the pepper pot. 'I just want to go to a few museums and maybe an art gallery or two. You know the sort of thing.'

  'Well, if you're sure that's what you want, you're welcome to my little cubby hole. Ernst and I are off to Hungary for the summer. The Blue Danube beckons to our romantic souls. I can hear those gypsy violins already.'

  Zelda rose to her feet and, closing her eyes, danced round the room to the strains of a silent waltz. With a final twirl she opened her eyes.

  'Ah, how much better the Europeans are at understanding the grand passions of life. When love and honour are betrayed, they cry out for retribution,' she cried dramatically, throwing out her arms.

  Alicia hiccuped and put her hand over her mouth.

  Mistaking the hiccup for a sob, Zelda enveloped Alicia in a diaphanous embrace. 'My dear, I know how simply wretched you must feel, but believe me, in a little while this will have all blown away like dust in the wind, poof! And then life will return
to normal. Trust me.'

  Normal, thought Alicia, as she gasped for breath cocooned in Zelda's suffocating embrace. Whatever else life could be, it would never be normal again.

  Zelda at last released her. 'Better?' she beamed.

  Alicia could only nod as she drank in fresh air. She had thought she was breathing her last,

  'No more tears,' Zelda admonished, 'and tomorrow Ernst and I will expect you for lunch when - if you still insist - I will give you the keys to my flat.'

  Alicia had insisted and four days later, she was carefully counting out a ten per cent tip into the outstretched hand of the taxi driver who had driven her from Euston to Zelda's flat in Camden Town.

  It was the first time in her life that she had actually been relieved to see the grubby, rubbish-strewn, anonymous streets of London. Even the dull, indifferent eyes of the cab driver, as he watched her struggle to lift her suitcase from the cab, were welcome after the questioning eyes which had followed her everywhere she went on campus those last few days.

  An emergency meeting of the Academic Council was enough to rouse intense interest, but when it became known that the meeting and its findings were to be kept confidential, curiosity had fomented a frenzy of speculation that had engulfed the entire university. The pressures of end of year exams and finals were forgotten, as people clustered in excitable groups all over the campus.

  When Alicia had been summoned to attend the Council meeting late on Saturday afternoon, she found her route to the Council room strewn with people who fell suddenly silent as she walked past. The twelve members of the Academic Council listened gravely to her halting account of what had happened, only stopping her once to debate among themselves the most grammatically correct, as well as acceptable, word to describe what Fergus and Vanessa had been doing on High Table. After a brief altercation, it was decided by eight to four, that fornication would be used for the official report. Alicia only got through the ordeal because of the kind urging of Dame Nora, who afterwards assured her that she had done well and must now put the experience behind her.