Fighting Solitude (On The Ropes #3)

by Aly Martinez

  I found that out the hard way when I was thirteen years old.

  I sure as hell wouldn’t allow it to happen again.

  Releasing her, I ushered her through our front door for what felt like the first time.

  A beginning.

  An end.

  A brand-new start.

  The way it should have been all along.

  The door had barely clicked when I pushed her up against the wall and crushed my mouth over hers. Her eyes were wide with surprise, but her hands wrapped around my neck and slid into my hair.

  Her moans reverberated in my mouth, and her agile tongue dueled with mine—my cock responding to every twist.

  “Welcome home,” I mumbled. Taking both of her hands, I tugged them around my hips and then placed them on my ass. “Where ass-grabbing is now a requirement.”

  A sexy growl rumbled from her throat; a chuckle escaped from my own. I continued our kiss as she explored the curves of my glutes. Liv really was an ass girl, and it was all I could do to keep from laughing. Fortunately, the twitch of my cock staved the humor away.

  “Let’s take a shower,” I suggested.

  Her mouth froze, and her hands suddenly disappeared.

  Leaning away to catch her gaze, I prompted, “Liv?”

  She looked anywhere but at me. “I…uh…need some time.”

  I was fully aware of what she meant, but I pushed anyway. “Okay, well, just meet me in my bathroom in a few.”

  “That’s not what I mean.” She went to work picking invisible fuzz off her dress. “I think…we need to take a step back. A lot has happened tonight. I can’t do this with you. I know what I said earlier…but…we’ve established my body’s stance on this whole thing, but my mind is reeling. I think I need some space. I’m sorry. I hear what you’re saying—I swear I do. I’m just…not ready.”

  “Fine, I’ll give you some time.”

  Her gaze shot to mine. “Really?”

  “Yeah, really. You’re right. A lot did happen tonight. And, shit, Liv. It was incredible.” I fisted my hands in the fabric at her hips. “But, tomorrow night, we’re going on a date.”

  Her eyes flashed with excitement before dimming with dread. “I’m not thinking that’s a good idea.”

  I pecked her unresponsive lips. “Then stop thinking. If you’re not ready for alone-and-naked yet, you have to at least give me clothed-and-public. Besides, I have somewhere special I want to take you.”

  Again with the flash of excitement. “Quarry—”

  “Go. Before I’m forced to change my mind about the shower.” I nipped at her bottom lip.

  The war within showed on her face. She wanted to be in that shower with me. She just wouldn’t allow herself to have it.

  “Go.” I gently pushed her shoulder to get her feet moving.

  I stood in the doorway, watching her shuffle down the hall. Just before she disappeared into her bedroom, she peeked over her shoulder.

  “Later, Q.”

  The corner of my mouth hiked. She needed normal. I could give her that.

  For now.

  “Later, Rocky.”

  Twenty minutes later, I was standing in our kitchen with the sink running.

  While our apartment was relatively nice, it was still an apartment. The water pressure was shit when someone was in the shower, which…up until that moment had been annoying as hell. But, as I waited not so patiently for the signal that Liv’s shower had turned off, I definitely considered it a perk.

  My hearing aids were in a case on my nightstand, and I was wearing a pair of flannel pajama pants and a gray thermal top Eliza had given me for Christmas the year before. They had never been worn, and I could promise they’d never be worn again. I’d felt like I was wrapping myself in a cotton body condom just pulling the damn shirt on. But, if I wanted my plan to work, sacrifices had to be made.

  When the water on the faucet suddenly picked up to full blast, I turned it off and shifted my attention to the clock on the stove. For ten agonizing minutes, I stared at those sluggish, red numbers, nervously waiting until I was sure she was dressed.

  Strolling past her door with the casual coolness of a man on fire, I spotted the blue tint of her nightlight.

  That was my cue.

  She was in bed.

  And, in less than a minute, I would be too.

  I opted for the element of surprise, pushing her door open without so much as a knock.

  She sat straight up as I stepped into her room.

  Her mouth moved with words I was able to read as, “Hey, what’s up?”

  My cocky grin shifted to a grimace when I caught sight of the glistening tracks of her tears.

  I wanted to ask if she was okay. But I knew she wasn’t. She had probably been in that shower drowning herself in worthless guilt while trying to frantically scrub away whatever had been left of me from between her legs. Not too long ago, the idea of her cleansing me from her body would have wrecked me. Now, with the knowledge that she was not only on the same page I was, but fourteen years’ worth of pages ahead of me, I was willing to let it go. After our conversation in the ring, Liv could reject me for the rest of her life and I’d never stop trying.

  I didn’t say anything as I flipped her covers back and slid into the bed beside her. I faintly heard the bass line of whatever music she was playing, or maybe that was the pounding in my chest when I saw she was wearing those little, pink shorts again.

  Her mouth moved, no doubt to scold me, but I gave her arm a tug and pulled her down onto my chest.

  “I gave you time.”

  She pushed away and lifted her hands to translate the accusation her voice was communicating. “An hour is not time!”

  “It was actually only thirty minutes, but I’m a man who lives life in three-minute increments in the ring. Rest assured, it felt like a lifetime. I’d like to note that I’m not naked. That was all I promised you. Now. Can we get some sleep? I’m exhausted.” I fake yawned and stretched my arms.

  She shot me the glare I’d expected. “You’re not sleeping in here!”

  “Yes, I am.”

  “No.”

  “Yes.”

  “No.”

  “Yes.” I grabbed her hand to stop her from signing again. “It’s late, and we have a date tomorrow night.”

  Her eyes grew wide as she yanked her hand from my grasp. “We do not have a date.”

  “Yes, we do.”

  She huffed and then swung her legs over the side of the bed. True to her word at the gym, she didn’t leave. Her hands fisted the edge of the mattress, and her chin fell to her chest in defeat.

  Starting to feel guilty, I looped an arm around her waist and dragged her back against me. “Rocky, listen.”

  Her hands started to respond, but I guided them down.

  “Don’t talk. Don’t sign. Just listen.”

  She rolled her eyes, but her tense body relaxed a fraction.

  “Tonight, you told me that, every single day since we met, you’ve been in love with me. It’s been playing on repeat in my head since you said it. Truthfully, I’m not sure I’ll ever forget it. Tomorrow night, on our date”—I shot her a challenging glare and received yet another eye roll—“we’ll deal with all the other crap you threw at me, but tonight, you’re stuck sleeping with me. I’m sorry, but I think fourteen years has been more than enough time alone.”

  Her eyes cut to the ceiling. “This… Being here with you… I’m scared.”

  “Don’t be. Please, God, don’t be scared.” I flipped to my stomach, draping an arm over her midsection and gliding my palm under her back, forcing her closer to me. Holding us both up on an elbow, I brushed her dark hair away from her face. “We’ll figure this out, I swear. Just give me tonight. Yesterday, I damn near had a nervous breakdown because I could feel you slipping through my fingers. I’ve survived a lot in my life. But that? Losing you? I wouldn’t have recovered.” I pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. “Then, tonight, I found out that you’v
e always been mine. Every. Single. Day.” I kissed her again, breathing in deeply and refusing to exhale.

  She didn’t exactly kiss me back, but her hand reassuringly settled on my back. A telling gesture I recognized for the first time. She was uncomfortable as hell—and still comforting me.

  That was Liv.

  “It’s been a hard twenty-four hours. Just give me, like, eight more of sleeping next to you, and then you can have all day tomorrow to twist shit up in your head. I’ll untangle it”—I paused to smirk—“on our date.”

  Her chest rose with a suffering sigh, but she eventually nodded.

  “Roll over,” she said.

  I flipped to my back, but she pushed at me until I was on my side, facing away from her.

  Not a second later, she buried her face in the back of my shirt and folded her arm over my abs. Her knees nudged mine until I bent them and hers shifted in to spoon me.

  I twisted my lips, taking in our apparent sleeping position. Not exactly what I’d had in mind, but it was more than she had originally offered.

  When her hand pushed the hem of my shirt up and splayed across my bare stomach, I smiled to myself.

  Resting my hand on top of hers, I intertwined our fingers. “For the record, you get this tonight because I’m done pushing my luck. But don’t get used to it. This has got to be the most emasculating way possible to sleep. I bet this is how Davenport sleeps with his mommy every night.”

  With her hand cradled in mine, she couldn’t respond, but the shake of her body at least let me know she was going to fall asleep with a smile.

  We both were.

  IT WAS NINE IN THE morning when I pulled into Till and Eliza’s driveway. My car was still at the gym, so I’d had to swipe the keys to one of Quarry’s sports cars. If he could sleep in my bed without asking, surely I could drive his Porsche. And I didn’t give a damn if he wanted to bitch about it later. His cars were his babies. Which made peeling out of the parking lot feel so much better.

  I had texted Ash and Eliza for an emergency coffee date this morning. They’d both responded immediately, and since Blakely was home sick from school, we’d agreed to meet at Eliza’s.

  “Spill it!” Ash ordered as I flopped down on the barstool at the end of the long, granite island.

  “Where’s Blakely?” I asked.

  “Till’s watching TV with her in my bedroom. I’m giving them a few minutes together before I have to inform him that his baby girl is not actually sick at all. She started her period.”

  “She’s eleven!” I cried, clutching my heart.

  “Yeah. He’s going to lose his mind. He nearly had an embolism when he found her training bras a few months ago, so this should push him right on over the edge. But hey, he was the one who wanted a girl so badly. He’s gonna have to find a way to cope.”

  Ash set a cup of coffee in front of me. “Ick! I’m so glad we have boys. That is one conversation I never want to have with Flint.”

  Eliza slid the cream and sugar my way. “All right. Let’s move on. I need to save my strength to wrestle the chains from Till’s arms when he tries to lock her in her room for the rest of her life. What’s going on with you to warrant an emergency coffee date?”

  I would have rather continued to talk about poor Blakely, who was clueless to the terror of adolescence that awaited her.

  Eliza and Ash peered at me expectantly.

  While I hadn’t even been properly caffeinated yet, I guessed there would be no use in trying to delay.

  I took a sip of the bitter coffee, not even bothering with the condiments, and then swayed back to check down the hall to make sure Till wasn’t anywhere nearby. When the coast was clear, I sucked in a deep breath and then announced, “I slept with Quarry.”

  I expected gasps of surprise, but I was nowhere near ready for the chaos that exploded around me.

  “When?!” they shrieked in unison.

  My back went straight as they both snatched their cell phones off the table, their fingers frantically tapping the screens.

  “Uhh…who are texting? Don’t tell the guys! I don’t think anything is going—”

  “When?” Ash snapped.

  “Keep it down!” I whisper-yelled, checking for Till again.

  “When?” she repeated, only half of a decibel lower.

  “Jeez. Last night.”

  “Damn,” Eliza groaned. “Not one of my days.”

  “Mine either,” Ash replied. “Shit…looks like Sarah won.”

  I cocked my head in question. “My mom?”

  “Yep,” Ash confirmed, dropping her phone back to the island. “The pot has to be at least a grand by now. I’ll have to ask Flint to check the books. Not too shabby though.”

  “What pot? What the hell are you talking about?” I glanced from Ash, who looked proud, to Eliza, who appeared slightly ashamed.

  “Well…” Eliza started. “About a year ago, we started a small betting pool for when you and Quarry would finally hook up.”

  My jaw fell open in horror. “You were betting on when we would have sex?”

  Eliza knotted her hands uncomfortably. “It was just for fun. Nothing crazy or anything.”

  “The pot was a grand and my mother won. How exactly is that not crazy?”

  Ash chimed in. “Your mom is actually very competitive. She’s going to be pumped to find out she won.”

  I slapped my hand on the countertop and spat, “You are not allowed to tell my mother I had sex with Quarry. Ever. Never. Ever. Ever.”

  Ash laughed, throwing her hands up in surrender.

  Eliza smiled tightly. “If it makes you feel any better, your dad refused to buy in. Slate too—but only because Erica bought so many days there wasn’t any left.”

  Folding forward, I rested my face on the cool granite. “Oh my God. This is not happening.”

  Her hand soothingly landed on my back. “Quit freaking. One thing at a time. Okay, so you slept with Quarry. That’s good, right?”

  “You guys were supposed to be surprised,” I told the table.

  “The only surprise is that it took this long,” Ash said, hopping up on the counter and propping her neon Converse in the chair beside me.

  I rolled my eyes and then sat up. “This is officially the worst day of my life.”

  “The sex was that bad, huh?” Ash asked before looking toward Eliza, who was shooting her a death glare. “What? It’s a valid question.”

  I groaned. “No. The sex was…incredible. I just don’t think I can give him what he wants.”

  Ash nodded in understanding. “Ah…he’s kinky? I can see that.”

  “Don’t answer that!” Eliza yelled and plugged her ears. “For God’s sake, Ash.”

  I pulled Eliza’s hands away from her ears. “He’s not kinky.”

  “Shame,” Ash mumbled.

  I ignored her. “I’m scared,” I whispered.

  Eliza settled on the stool beside me. “Of what? That things will change between you two? Because when Till and I—”

  I interrupted her. “I’m scared that I’ll never be her.”

  They both sighed, and a pair of arms folded around me in a tight hug.

  They weren’t Eliza’s.

  It was Ash.

  “Don’t say that. When Flint and I—”

  But that wasn’t even the half of it.

  “Mia loved him so much. I can’t stop feeling like we’re having some sort of torrid affair behind her back.”

  Ash squeezed tighter.

  I kept going. “And then there’s the fact that I’m a terrible excuse for a friend. Because I’ve been in love with him for a really long time.” I lifted my gaze to Eliza’s, ready for the disgust I deserved when I confessed, “Even when Mia was alive.”

  Her lips thinned in a sympathetic smile.

  Ash squeezed me again.

  Tears filled my eyes as I swallowed hard. “And the absolute, most horrifying part of all of it is that there are so many reasons why we shouldn’t b
e together. But I still can’t seem to stop hoping that maybe we can.” I sniffed back the tears I refused to shed.

  “Okay. It’s nine a.m. Wine is out. But I’ll get the Baileys for your coffee,” Eliza announced.

  “I’ll call Flint to pick up the boys.”

  “No. It’s fine. Don’t do that,” I insisted.

  “Too late. Let me get Blakely and Till moved to her room, and we’ll reconvene in Chick Central in ten minutes.”

  “Eliza, stop! You have enough to deal with with Blakely right now. You don’t need me moping and crying all day too. Besides, I have a class at the community center this afternoon and a million things to do for Quarry. I can’t be drunk.”

  “Stop worrying. Blakely will probably dub you as her favorite aunt if she finds out you delayed me telling her dad about her period.”

  “Hey!” Ash objected.

  Eliza lifted a hand to hush her. “And for the rest of it. Fine, no Baileys. But Quarry can answer his own e-mails today. This is more important. And I think he’d agree.”

  She had a point. He definitely would agree with her. And I desperately needed to talk all of this stuff through with someone who wasn’t him.

  “Yeah. Okay,” I relented.

  An hour later, the three of us were sprawled out in Eliza’s art room. I had just filled them in on the last month of my life—starting with the night of the Gala and ending this morning, when I’d snuck out from under Quarry’s arm draped possessively across my hips.

  “Wow,” Eliza said then looked at Ash. “Well, do you want to start or should I?”

  “I’ve got this.” Ash dramatically cleared her throat then offered me a healthy dose of pity by way of a tight smile. “You’re fucked.”

  I ignored her and turned my attention to Eliza only to find her nodding.

  “Well. Awesome. That clears it all up,” I smarted, pushing to my feet.

  “Sit down!” Ash called. “I was just getting started.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest and gave her my full attention for what I was positive was going to be a waste of time. “Go on.”

  “I never understood why he was with Mia.”

  I flinched. Never would I have expected those to be her first words.