Fighting Solitude (On The Ropes #3)
Page 17
“It’s harsh, but true,” she continued. “You’ve heard about when Quarry was fourteen and his mom tried to regain custody, right?”
I nodded, settling back down on the futon.
“Then I’m sure you also know that she was married to my dad and that Quarry lived with me for about a month. Well, every night, we would stay awake until the early morning, talking. I was mostly pumping him for information about Flint, but he filled my ears with you.”
“Seriously?” I blinked in shock.
Those were the years Quarry and I hadn’t been speaking. The years when I’d had my head low, pretending I hated him for having locked me in the closet when, really, I’d just hated him for having proved me right—I couldn’t trust anyone.
“Yep. I knew all about Liv James,” Ash assured me. “The little Hispanic angel who used to bury her face in his back. The one he vowed to protect from the silence. The one who he regretted failing more than anyone else in his entire life.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. “He…told you about that?”
“He wouldn’t tell me why you were afraid or why he was so attached to you, but yeah…he told me all of that. Multiple times.”
My eyes flashed between the two of them. We were tight, but I never would have revealed Quarry’s secrets to them. Even if he was telling mine.
“Did he tell you why we stopped speaking for those years?”
“No.” Eliza jumped in before Ash had a chance. “Your dad told us about the closet. Quarry has never once spoken about it, not even when I cornered him after I’d heard what he’d done.”
I glanced at the floor and lied, “It wasn’t as bad as it sounds.”
“It was to him,” Eliza said. “He was a mess. After Vegas, Quarry was never the same. He didn’t come out of his room for weeks. He started skipping school and getting into fights. He eventually got kicked out of school, and then he quit boxing.”
“What?” I gasped. “He quit boxing?”
“Yep. You have no idea how bad things got with him. Back then, we were so focused on Flint, but what we failed to see was that Quarry was equally as injured. His wounds just weren’t on the surface.”
I swallowed around the lump in my throat. Mine weren’t on the surface, either, and I knew firsthand that that was exactly what made them lethal.
“Neither Till nor Slate could get through to him. We tried counseling, but he refused to go, and the harder we pushed, the harder he fought us. The thing was that we all assumed he was torn up over what had happened with Flint and me, but it wasn’t until he talked to your dad one night that things started to turn around.”
“My dad?” I breathed. “What…what did he say to him?”
Eliza shrugged. “No clue. Till just said Quarry came out of Slate’s office almost in tears and Leo looked murderous.”
Well, that wasn’t all that shocking. My dad wasn’t exactly a teddy bear, especially when it came to me. But one thing stuck out to me.
“And things got better after that? I mean…with Quarry?”
“Yep. He started going to the gym again the very next day. No more fights at school. He started laughing again. Hanging out with his brothers. It was like he just reappeared.”
“Wow. I didn’t figure my dad for the inspirational-speech kind of guy.”
“Flint looked for me for three years,” Ash announced randomly. “We had only been together for a month and he ripped up the weeds from his old apartment and planted them at his house just to take a piece of me with him when he moved.”
Eliza picked up with more randomness. “Till climbed through windows for eight years. He was so afraid to step out of his fantasy world because he couldn’t bear the thought of it changing us. But, when he finally walked through my door, things went from zero to married in a year.”
“Okay?” I drawled.
“So you’re fucked,” Ash repeated.
“Totally,” Eliza agreed.
Ash stood and moved beside me on the futon. “Way I see it, Quarry has been sitting on some serious feelings for you since he was a kid, and a few weeks ago, he woke up and realized that those feelings were still there. And, if I had to guess, they’re probably stronger than ever. You think a man like him—a Page man—is just going to walk away from that? And, more so, do you think you could handle it if he did?”
My pulse spiked. “I won’t lose him. We could stay friends.”
“The friend thing doesn’t work when you’re in love, Liv. It will destroy you faster than anything else. Longing and love turns to bitterness and anger.” Eliza smiled. “Trust me. I’ve been there.”
I shook my head adamantly. “No. Quarry and I are…different.” Panic began to build in my chest. As sad as it may sound, Quarry was my life. Without him, it would just be me and the silence. “N-nothing changes. He…told me so.”
“Simmer down.” Ash’s hand gently landed on my back. “You look like you’re about to pass out or puke.”
I was about to do both.
It was all too overwhelming.
The idea of losing him.
The idea of being with him.
The idea of trusting him.
The idea of him leaving me when I couldn’t give him that trust.
The idea of just being friends after the way it’d felt to wake up in his arms.
The idea of never having him inside me again.
The idea of…Mia.
Then the idea of having him inside me again.
Too much. All of it.
“Hey…you want to breathe?” Ash hit me on the back like I was choking.
A rush of breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding flew from my mouth.
“I can’t do this.” I jumped to my feet and began pacing the room. “Help me think of a way to get out of this date with him tonight.”
“You’re in love with him. Do you think dodging a date will make that disappear?” Eliza asked.
“No! But I think it will give him more time to realize how fucked up this whole thing is. He wasn’t supposed to develop feelings for me. And, now that I know he has, I can’t seem to keep mine shut down anymore.” I groaned. “No. This isn’t happening. He loves Mia. I can’t fill those shoes. He needs to get over this…so I can too. End of story.”
Ash’s eyes lifted to Eliza then back to me. “Love is different. It’s not a one-size-fits-all. And it’s definitely not universal or transferable. There are no shoes to fill. Whatever you and Quarry have is unique to the two of you. It’s not what he had with Mia—and I mean that for better or worse. You can’t compare his feelings. If Quarry is risking what you two have to take it to the next level, then you have to assume they are pretty freaking strong.”
She drew in a deep breath and lowered her voice as if she were going impart some serious wisdom. “If you hear nothing else I say today, please hear this. It took me a long time to realize this, and I don’t want to see you make the same mistakes. So listen up.” She leaned toward me, her eyes imploring. “There are no shoes to fill, Liv. And the way I know this is because, if there were, Mia would have been filling yours for years.”
My heart stopped. “You…you don’t know what you’re talking about. Quarry loved Mia.”
Eliza nodded. “He did. Very much. But he loved you first.”
I shot to my feet. “You don’t know that.”
“We all know that! Everyone who has ever seen you two together knows that! It’s not a competition between you and Mia, Liv. It’s not an affair. It’s not some dirty little secret. It’s life. So cut yourself some slack. Go on a date with the guy you’ve always wanted, talk to him, and then figure out how to start the real relationship you both so obviously want.” Ash threw her arms out to the sides in frustration and then turned to Eliza. “Christ! Please tell me I wasn’t this stubborn.”
Eliza giggled. “Worse.”
I stood frozen.
Could it be that easy?
I had to admit flighty-and-crazy Ash wasn’t too shabby at advice.
&
nbsp; While the chat about Mia did make me feel marginally better, the biggest problem I saw with all of this was that, in order to be with Quarry, I was going to have to find a way to trust him.
It was impossible.
“He loved you first.”
“I don’t know how to do this,” I admitted.
“Well, that’s better than the ‘I can’t do this’ you were claiming a few minutes ago.” Ash smiled and tossed my cell phone into my lap. “Start there.”
Me: I’m going to the community center and setting up some stuff for Don so he can handle my tutoring appointments for tonight. What time should I be ready for our date?
Quarry: Actually, I’m busy tonight. Can we do something tomorrow?
Me: That’s better for me anyway. The male revue is in town for tonight only.
Quarry: Jesus. I was kidding. You aren’t going to a fucking male revue.
Me: I was kidding too…kinda.
Quarry: I’ll pick you up at seven. Dress warm.
Me: Are you sure about this? I mean…this is weird.
Quarry: I’ll pick you up at seven. Be naked. Better?
Me: Aaaaaaaanddddd…I’ll dress warm. K. Thanks.
I SPENT THE DAY RUNNING around to get everything ready for my date for Liv. She was going to absolutely hate every single minute of it. Which was precisely why I was so excited. I hadn’t been lying—I did have somewhere special to take her, but I had a sneaking suspicion it was only going to be special for me. I could live with that though.
With my hand poised in the air, I stared at the second hand on my watch until it clicked to seven o’clock. After knocking, I nervously shoved my free hand in the pocket of my slacks.
“What are you doing?” she asked when she pulled the door open. “Did you lose your key?”
I smiled wide as I took her in. Liv was beautiful. I was well aware of that. But, that night, knowing she’d gotten dressed just for me, I felt things I hadn’t expected.
“What the hell, Liv!” I growled, extending the bouquet of white roses her way.
“Um…thanks?” she replied, hesitantly taking them from my hand.
“I’m offended!” I tugged at the collar of my dress shirt and then straightened the lapels on my suit coat.
She bit her lip to stifle a laugh. “It’s the jacket. You know how it cuts off the oxygen to your brain and all.” She giggled, but I found not one thing funny.
“You’re wearing jeans and a sweater.” I made a show of raking my eyes from her head to her toes and back again.
Liv looked undeniably gorgeous. The dark skinny jeans were tight, and the tall, black heels elongated her already-long legs. Her pale-purple sweater hugged her tits perfectly. I was sure it would have given a spectacular show when we walked into the cool October night air. However, the fact still remained that she was wearing jeans and a sweater.
She lifted the roses to her nose, hiding the wide smile she was sporting. “You didn’t tell me I needed to dress up. You just said dress warm.”
“Douchebag Boatshoes got a dress,” I stated simply.
“Douchebag Boatshoes didn’t tell me to dress warm.” She twisted away from me, her ass swaying seductively as she made her way to the kitchen.
Maybe those jeans hadn’t been a bad choice after all.
“I’m in a suit,” I announced as if she hadn’t noticed.
“Congratulations!” she shouted over the running water as she filled a vase.
I scratched the back of my head. “I’m not sure they’ll let you in the restaurant in jeans. I guess I could always call to check.”
Her eyes perked. “Really?”
“Yeah, really. I’m worth millions, Liv. You think I’m taking you to a drive-thru?”
“Ah,” she replied in understanding. “My best friend once told me about douchebags like you. I’m not particularly interested in money. I siphon enough off my boss to keep me set for years.”
“Your boss should fire you. But your best friend sounds brilliant.”
“Meh. He’s okay,” she teased. “So, where are we going?”
With a proud smirk, I joined her in the kitchen.
She stared up at me nervously as I wrapped my arms around her waist and tugged her against me. Her breathing sped when I nuzzled my cheek against hers. Switching to the other side, I nipped playfully at her neck. A breathy moan encouraged me further, so I raked my teeth against her flesh before pulling away.
“It’s a surprise,” I whispered.
Gripping her hips, I lifted her to sit on the counter.
Her fingers went to the top button of my shirt. It wasn’t a nervous gesture. It was heated and sexy as fuck.
“Is this the suit from the Gala?” she asked before licking her lips.
“Mmm,” I mumbled while staring at her mouth. “It’s my most successful outfit from the Liv James collection.”
“Technically, that would be your boxing trunks, but this is a close second.” She smiled. Then it disappeared, taking the woman I so desperately wanted with it. Her pink cheeks paled, and her hands fell away. “Give me a minute and I’ll change into a dress.”
Lifting her legs around my waist, I inched closer, not stopping until her denim met my zipper. “What just went through your mind? You were flirting and then you shut down.”
“Nothing,” she moaned, shifting away, but I refused her the space.
I cupped the back of her neck and forced her eyes to mine. “What. Happened?”
She tried to shimmy off the counter, but I blocked her.
“Can we just go?” she huffed.
I sighed and closed my eyes, pleading for patience. None was found.
“Are you going to spend the entire night trying to put distance between us?”
Her head snapped back, and attitude filled her masked eyes. “Maybe.”
“It doesn’t matter what I do, does it? You’re going to shut me down, aren’t you?”
She disconnected her legs and leaned away. “I am if you don’t stop acting like a dick.”
“I’ll take that as a yes.” I shrugged. “Nothing to lose. Fuck it,” I mumbled.
“What’s that supposed to—”
I crushed my mouth over hers. Swallowing her surprised cry, I went to work coaxing her tongue into a rhythm. It only took seconds for my Liv to reappear.
Folding her arms around my neck, she used it as leverage to take the kiss even deeper. Slowly, her hand slid down my chest and into my jacket before gliding around to my back.
She tugged the back of my shirt up until it untucked.
I chuckled as she slid her hands into my pants. Then I groaned as her nails bit into my ass. Cursing into her mouth, I ground my hard cock between her legs.
She gasped then circled her hips for more.
“This is exactly why you should have worn a dress,” I said, finding the seam of her jeans and tracing it up and down.
She threw her head back, and her long, brown hair teased my hand at the small of her back.
“Give me this woman tonight.” My fingers continued to play as I spoke against her lips. “We’ll talk. Figure this shit out. But don’t go into this closed off from me. Give me a chance.” I wrapped the length of her hair around my fist and tugged her head back to catch my gaze. I dragged my tongue over her parted lips then finished. “Give us a chance.”
“Okay,” she panted.
I smiled triumphantly before abruptly stepping out of her reach. “Go put on a dress.”
She blinked at me through sex-fogged eyes. It took everything I had in me not to rip her jeans and fuck her right there on the kitchen counter.
But, as hard as it was for me to remember, I needed to get her on the same page more than I needed to be balls-deep inside her.
Fucking her then would have only been a short-term answer.
Fucking her for the rest of my life was the long-term goal.
“That was mean,” she whined, jumping off the counter and starting out of the room.
Her lips lifted in a mischievous grin. “I’ll be quick.”
I watched her saunter away. Concerns that perhaps I was turning into an ass guy passed through my head, and then…
All.
Thoughts.
Were.
Gone.
Liv paused just outside her bedroom door and peeled her sweater over her head. Calling over her shoulder, she said, “I guess this would only be mean if I didn’t have plans to show you the front tonight.”
Son of a bitch!
But…score for tonight!
I fought the urge to throw my hands in the air in victory.
I failed.
OPEN MIND.
No guilt.
It’s not a competition.
Of course I can trust him.
We can do this.
That was my mantra as I walked out of our apartment on Quarry’s arm.
I had replaced the jeans with a modern, red dress with half sleeves and a notched hem. It hugged my every curve like a glove, but the high, rounded neckline kept it classy for whatever five-star restaurant Quarry was planning to take me to. My long hair had been pinned into a loose side-bun¸ and diamond stud earrings kept the whole look simple yet dazzling.
Open mind.
No guilt.
It’s not a competition.
Of course I can trust him.
We can do this.
“You look incredible,” Quarry told me.
I felt like an imposter.
My clothes. My skin. My heart. Walking out on his arm.
That all fit perfectly.
On a date with him? After having slept with him? After having admitted that I had been in love with him for my entire life? Wrong. So fucking wrong.
I swallowed hard and willed my heart to slow. “Thanks.” I peeked up and found him watching me with every step. My cheeks heated when his smile turned to his signature smolder.
“You excited for the best date of your life?”
“I’m on pins and needles,” I teased.