“Off to my childhood home. A’Miracle, you can finally see where mommy grew u. This is where I learned all about life, conquered some demons and learned to fly.” I said to my daughter as I turned around and nudged her nose while she giggled and I smiled back at her. “This was also the place that really made us realize who we were too. Huh, Sha?” I said as I looked at my brother in the rearview mirror and he stared back at me with that same, strong, determined, wise look in his eyes he had as a kid.
“The place where we found out fairytales don’t always come true and sometimes you have to slay more than one dragon.” I said as my brother nodded and looked down before Jerrod reached over to grip my thigh and then turn the radio up.
We rode the rest of the way to Breezy Point almost in silence as the slow jams on the radio and the sound of the game A’Miracle was engrossed in on her IPod calmed our moods. When we pulled into the big, black, wrought iron gate that surrounded the place I called home most of my life, to my surprise I felt nothing. None of the emotions I felt when I first learned Terricka stayed there rushed over me like they had done before, instead I felt numb.
I sat up in my seat and pressed my head against the glass as we turned right and headed up the driveway directly towards our old apartment. I closed my eyes and saw the dingy, beautiful spirited little girl I used to be, run across the grass as the cool air conditioner air of the new truck caressed the skin on my cheek. When I opened my eyes I stared directly at the front door of my hell hole and I felt void of any fear or hurt. Instead I felt angry as fuck and ready to get it all over with. I just wanted to say fuck that ugly chapter in my life and move on, with all of my family with me. I made it up in my mind right then that Terricka was going to listen to reason or I was going to whoop her ass until she did.
“Okay my loves, we’re here.” I said as we pulled into the parking lot of the building across from where I used to live and Jerrod turned off the car. I hid the anger that continued to grow inside of me as I smiled at Jerrod then turned to smile at my daughter. “Now A’Miracle baby I realize you have never been here before and you may not be used to how other people live. It may be different from at home, but be polite and if anything scares you let us know. Okay?” I asked my daughter as she looked out of the window and scanned the apartments before she turned back to me, smiled, and then replied. “Let’s go mommy. I want to see my cousins.” My baby said as she hopped out of the truck and we all hopped out behind her.
I quickly caught up to A’Miracle as she skipped up on to the curb in front of the apartments and Jerrod and Sha trailed behind us. I let A’Miracle pull me along quickly until we go to the door, then I stopped abruptly before I pulled her back close to me. I stood there with my arms wrapped around her neck and my eyes glued on the door as the loud music and voices inside filled my ears and the strong smoke creeped from under the door and into every crevice of my lungs.
I instantly got a vivid, full-color, Quentin-Fucking-Tarantino type of movie flashback at that moment and saw history come to life right before my eyes. I couldn’t move or talk as the anger I had found beyond my pain and hurt sent a whirlwind of evil thoughts through my head. I just wanted to go into the apartment and beat the shit out of Terricka. I wanted to drag her to rehab, face down by her hair, and then take her babies and love on them. I wanted it so bad, but my body just wouldn’t let me move.
“It’s okay baby.” Jerrod said as he walked up to hug me from the back before he reached around to take A’Miracle out of my embrace. When he stepped back Sha stepped forward and leaned in over my shoulder so that he could whisper in my ear.
“I got you big sis. We can do this Tish. We slayed the dragon. This is nothing!” Sha said as he reached over my shoulder and pounded on the door like the Police.
The second he did that my heart began to race in my chest like a pack of project dogs when the free lunch truck comes around. I didn’t know what to expect when that door opened and that no knowing is what worried me. “I got you I told you.” Sha said as he laid his strong, massive hand on my shoulder and I turned to nod and smile at him.
After about three heavy knocks on the door I could hear the music inside go down and hear people scurry away. Seconds later the front door flew open and I was greeted by the biggest, ugliest, ghetto, hood booger I had ever seen. She was about six feet tall and 250 lbs. with dirty, shit colored skin, gaped, dingy yellow teeth with a nappy red weave that looked matted to her scalp. I almost threw up in my mouth as I scanned her from head to toe and noticed the hot pink booty shorts and matching bra top she had on. She looked a hot mess as she sucked on the Newport in her hand and eyed me as intently as I eyed her. Her eyes were a swirl of yellow and red from the dope she had smoked and the expected shot of hepatitis she undoubtedly carried. Just the sight of her made me itch and feel uneasy so I wanted to get the greetings over as soon as possible.
“Yeah, wassup?” The woman said as she blew the smoke from her cigarette directly into my face. That was enough to push that pussy, all in her feelings Tisha deep inside of me and let that Frayser Wild Girl out! I jumped back with the shit before I knew it and my not so little anymore brother Sha was right there with me.
“Hold the fuck up! First of all, hoe, how dare you blow smoke in my muthafucking face. You ole big, back, based out bear looking bitch. I will drag yo big ass. As a matter of fact,” I screamed, just at the point of murder, as I reached out and knocked the cigarette out of the bitch’s hand before I snatched her up in the collar of her dirty ass t-shirt.
“Bitch you really don’t know who the fuck you fucking with. This my muthafucking sister’s house. I’m Tisha. Yeah, hoe I know you heard of me. Now get yo big lame ass on before I kick a patch of skin off yo fucking face.” I yelled as I drug the big bitch out on to the porch, past my family as she cursed and tried to hit me.
“Bitch let me go. I don’t give a fuck who you are. I’m muthafucking Tangie bitch!” She yelled as I wrapped my hands in her hair before I kneed her in the face and broke her down to her knees.
I shook her like a mad dog with a weaker dog between its teeth as she flapped around like a fish out of water. I didn’t care what she did though I just kept my grip on her hair and whipped her head from side-to-side. Even with Jerrod’s hands on my shoulder I still continued to shake and curse at Tangie.
“And I don’t give a fuck that your name Tangie. ANNDDDD hoe. Who the fuck are you? I will murder yo bitch ass so you better just listen closely big bitch before this becomes yo last day to suck dick and eat burgers. Big Winnie the Pooh belly bitch. Stop squirming!” I yelled as the bitch finally began to calm down.
“Now, it’s about to be a new program around here so I don’t want to see you on these steps no more. You understand that bitch? I don’t want yo maggot ass around my sister or her kids again. If you think I’m playing bitch, try me. You better ask somebody.” I said before I quickly stood up and walked around behind the big bitch with her hair still in my hands. “NOW GO!” I said as I Sparta kicked the skank in her ass and she rolled off the porch like a sack of dirty laundry.
After that I didn’t even wait for my anger to subside or to hear the curses and insults the bitch on the ground behind me hurdled my way. Instead I turned around instantly and sprinted inside the apartment. When I stormed into Terricka’s apartment a day after our heartfelt conversation I was instantly astonished by what I saw. The de ja vue was so strong and so real it was intoxicating as I stood inside of the nasty, smoke filled room. Beer bottles, cigar dumping, plastic baggies, clothes, and just plain filth meet me at the door and stretched across the floor for as far as the eye could see.
I quickly scanned the room as my family entered behind me and I knew that my worst nightmare had definitely come true. Everywhere I looked was a drugged out face of a female half naked or a nasty ass nigga who wanted a way to spend his money or dope. It was like a project whore house on some of that Biblical Sodom and Gomorrah shit, all sick and twisted. Like a two-dollar bunny ranch that
had just opened for the day with everyone laid back and enjoying their drug of choice before the main event began.
Everybody in the room was so wrapped up in their own shit they didn’t even hear the whole ass kicking I gave out at the door or notice my entire family as we stood in their faces. They didn’t have to notice me though because as soon as I scanned the room and got a glimpse of one of Terricka’s babies, all scared and dirty as she peered down the stairs, my anger made sure everyone in the entire 171-unit apartment complex knew I was there.
“OKAY, I NEED EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU NASTY, JUNKY, LOW-LIFE MUTHAFUCKAS UP OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW BEFORE IT GET REAL UGLY UP IN HERE.” I yelled as Sha stepped up next to me and folded his massive arms in front of him.
A few of the junkies with sense hurriedly scurried to the door and out on the porch as I turned to see Jerrod sit A’Miracle in a char by the window before he put her earphone over her ears and kissed her on the head. As soon as he did that I knew it was on because Sha was already with the sit as he grabbed niggas and females up and pushed them out the door.
“Get the fuck out!” Sha yelled as he came back for another group and a dude just as tall and buff as Sha who had to be a drug dealer and not a junkie stood up and stared him down. “Nigga, I ain’t going nowhere until I get paid. Who the fuck gonna make me go?” He yelled in my brother’s face as I watched Sha’s always calm demeanor turn into that of a beast.
I watched as veins popped out of his neck and he clenched his fists so tightly that they turned white. I could see the murder of the lanky, stupid ass nigga with a big mouth in my mind as I called my brother’s name. It was too late to stop that runaway train though and I learned that when I saw Jerrod come from around me with the Mark XIX Desert Eagle in his hand. I watched him for a second as he stalked up behind the dude and put the barrel of his gun to the back of his head.
“Now who ain’t gonna leave ole pussy ass nigga? Now from what I can see you can have this one or two way. You can either leave quietly and get you money at a later time and date. Or you can get yo muthafucking head stomped in to the brink of death, be revived then be tortured for hours before I shoot you in the fucking face? Which one ole tough ass nigga? Huh, which one nigga?” Jerrod yelled as he slapped the dude across the back of the head with the gun just as Sha punched him and I turned around.
I quickly went over to the chair by the window A’Miracle sat in with her back turned and headphones on as I put my hands on her shoulder and stared out right along with her. I looked directly at the big, picture window I used to stare out of and wish for someone to come rescue me. I saw myself as I stood in the window like I did countless times as a child, hungry, beaten, and just worn the fuck out. I closed my eyes and felt the pain I felt as a child who was sexually, mentally, and physically abused for as long as I could remember and I didn’t want that for my nieces and nephews. I didn’t want that for them because I knew they deserved better than that and that maybe that better was more than Terricka could give.
I continued to relive my decades of despair through my memories as my brother and Jerrod finished whooping the dude’s ass and threw him out along with everyone else. When they were done and the room was clear I looked over at Sha before I turned to Jerrod and held my hands up in the air.
“OMG, ITS JUST LIKE I THOUGHT! FUCKING HOPELESS!” I cried as tears poured down my cheeks and I walked over to the steps.
I stared up the stairs and looked for the little, dirty scared face I had seen before, but there was no one in sight. “Children, you can come down. This is your aunt Tisha and uncle Sha. It’s okay now.” I said in the gentlest, most sensitive, kind voice I could muster through my anger and tears.
I waited at the bottom of the steps as I heard their little footsteps overhead, but no one came down to see what I wanted.
“Come down children, it’s okay.” I said through my tears as I imagined them running to hide like we had done. “It’s okay baby give them a little time.” Jerrod said as he came over to hug me just as the front door swung open behind me.
I couldn’t see who had come in as I held on to my husband, but I instantly knew it was Terricka when Jerrod’s whole body stiffened up and he tried to keep me from seeing who was behind me. I quickly squirmed out of his embrace and turned around to see my sister as she stood there all drunk, and high in skank gear, an exact twin of Denise. She had the same ashy pale skin, and dirty, nappy, long hair that was pulled into a raggedy ponytail that Denise often wore when she staggered home after one of her binges. I looked at her from top to bottom dressed like a prostitute in black tights, a white studded bra top and six-inch stiletto heels. Her face looked distorted and her eyes wild like a wolf with rabbies as she smirked at me before she turned up the bottle of Hennessy in her hand. I almost didn’t recognize the sister who I once admired as she stood there dressed like the whore Denise tried to make us become.
I stared at her and right through her to that hurt little girl she still was inside as she tried to put on that tough girl routine and sucked her teeth while she shifted from one leg to the other. I wanted her to know at that moment I was tired of her bullshit and I would not bow down to big sister know-it-all anymore. I was going to show her that I was right in that situation and she was going to have to listen or else.
I folded my arms in front of me and leaned on my right side with my mean mug on, heated as I continued to watch her from across the room. Sha, Jerrod, and A’Miracle stood there silently and watched us as they waited for the war to begin. Minutes crept by like hours as Terricka and I stood there in front of each other, less than three feet away and exchanged angry glares that could melt a glacier. Finally, I had enough of the stare off bullshit as my sister rolled her eyes at me before she smirked and my anger erupted like a bottle of soda that had been shaken up and opened. I rushed forward right at my sister as I caught her off guard when I quickly wrapped my hands around her neck as I cursed.
“TERRICKA WHAT THE FUCK WRONG WITH YOU? HAVE YOU LOST YO FUCKING MIND? YOU STANDING HERE LOOKING JUST LIKE YO MAMA. LIKE A SORRY, CRACK HEAD BITCH. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU T?” I yelled as my sister slowly regained her composure and wrapped her hands around my neck in return.
We both stood there and struggled with our hands wrapped around each other’s throats and stared at the similar rage in our eyes. “Tisha you silly, green bitch.” My sister said as she began to laugh this eerie, deep laugh that made the air on my arms stand up. She sounded just like a demon on a horror movie and looked like one too as the red and yellow in her eyes blazed like fire and she changed from psychotic happy to insanely mad in a second.
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE? I DON’T NEED YO FUCKING HELP ANYMORE BITCH. I’M GOOD SO GET YO BOUSHIE ASS OUT AND TAKE YO LITTLE GREETING CARD LOOKING ASS FAMILY RIGHT WITH YOU. YOU THINK YOU CAN SAVE ME TISHA? BITCH YOU COULDN’T EVEN SAVE YOURSELF OR YO BABY, BUT YOU HERE TO RESCUE MINE? BITCH GET YOUR LIFE QUICKLY!” Terricka said as her words cut deep and pushed me to the point of no return.
Before I knew it I had released my grip on her neck and punched Terricka dead in her face before I wrapped my hands in her hair. I was prepared to take her down then beat her face in, but I forgot she was still the big sister who had taught me all of my moves. As soon as my fist touched her face, Terricka gave that shit right back to me in the form of two jabs straight to the nose. I quickly learned that the drugs had done nothing to my sister’s fighting skills because she still had them hands. Those jabs hit me so hard and so fast I had to stagger back and let the room stop spinning before I gave her two, extra hard jabs of my own. After that the tussle part of our fight was over as we threw blow after blow at each other while we yelled and cursed as loud as we could.
After a few minutes to let us get it out of our systems, Jerrod and Sha stepped in between us and pulled us apart. “Fuck you Terricka, you junky bitch. I should beat your ass again.” I yelled as Jerrod pulled me towards the steps and begged me to calm down. I tried to hear him as he yelled my
name, but I was so mad all I could hear was the curses and insults my sister continued to shoot at me while I tried to wiggle out of my husband’s grip.
“No fuck you Tisha, you little spoiled bitch. You ain’t beat shit lil weak ass hoe. Run up now. RUN UP PUNK BITCH!” Terricka raged as Sha picked her up and carried her out of the door. I held in the curses I wanted to yell back as Jerrod held me around the waist and turned me away from the door so that I was pointed towards the stairs. When he did that I instantly went limp as I stared at the four, beautiful, traumatized babies that sat on the steps and stared down at me with tears in their eyes. I regretted them and my daughter having to see me act that way, but I felt it was necessary to get my point across. I just wished that I could have contained myself until I got Terricka away from them, but what was done was already done.
All I could do was cry as I looked at them and then broke away from Jerrod’s embrace to walk closer. Jerrod yelled that he was going outside to help Sha with Terricka as I waved him off and he ran towards my sister’s loud curses and threats. I paid that shit know mind as I stepped up on the first step as A’Miracle walked up beside me and reached out to grab my hand. I looked down at her beautiful face as tears fell from my eyes and she smiled at me so sweetly. I saw the innocence and right to be loved in her eyes that all children had and all I wanted to do was protect them. I wanted to protect them because no one had managed to protect me.
“Hey Rodney Jr, it’s your aunt Tisha. You remember me?” I asked as A’Miracle and I stepped up another step and the kids continued to sit there and stare. I stopped within inches from his little grimy, handsome face as he stared up at me and squinted his eyes like he was trying to remember my face. For a few minutes he couldn’t place my face then suddenly I saw something sparkle in his eyes. In seconds he was up on his feet and in my arms as I held him tightly to me and kissed his head.
Sins of Thy Mother 4 Page 10