I’d forgotten to draw the drapes last night.
I hated sunlight when I woke up in the morning. I could never trust people who put those flimsy net curtains on their windows.
I mean, what was even the point?
I clamped a hand over my eyes and turned to face the other way.
“Mom? Are you up?” Anna stood in the doorway in her green jammies with the gold hearts all over them.
“Hey, baby. What time is it?”
“It’s eleven.”
“Oh.” I sat up and rubbed my eyes then opened my arms wide for our morning hug.
As Anna snuggled into me, I bit my lower lip, thinking about last night.
What had happened? What had almost happened?
Shit. I wasn’t that high. I’d wanted to kiss Jax.
Don’t forget, Liv, he dodged your mouth like you had the plague.
I winced at the brutal reminder.
It wasn’t like Jax to turn down a chance to make out. Maybe he’d changed? I didn’t get it.
When I went into the kitchen to make our Sunday-special waffles, I chided myself. Hard.
I hate weed.
I’d never enjoyed it back when I was young and stupid and full of romanticized ideas about life. And I hated it now. It didn’t calm me down at all. It made me jittery and nervous.
Sure, I slept like the dead when I was high. But I also had these crazy-ass dreams that didn’t really make for relaxing, refreshing sleep.
“Waffles coming up.”
I plated some for Anna and placed them in front of her then sat down to eat. Through the screen door, I stared at the steps where I’d made an utter and complete ass of myself.
God! Why did I have to try and kiss Jax when I wanted him out of here?
I could’ve killed him for disrupting my life like this.
There I was, living the perfect life for Anna and myself. I’d built it from scratch.
I now had a business, plus goals for expanding. I was also completely happy on my own. Without a man.
Then Jax barged in.
Last time I’d let Jax into my life, he’d taken my virginity, made me fall in love with him, then impregnated me a few hours before he dumped me with that sexy smile on his face.
Asshole.
That’s right, Liv. Project all that antagonism and frustration toward him. That’s the way to go.
Then maybe, you wouldn’t attempt to eat his mouth!
A blush stained my cheeks. I pushed my hair behind my ears, glancing at Anna.
This time around, it wasn’t just me that would be heartless, selfish Jax’s collateral damage.
Anna didn’t deserve this. Jax would disappoint. That’s what he did. He wasn’t capable of feeling lasting emotion. Or commitment. I couldn’t allow Jax to hurt Anna. It wasn’t going to happen on my watch. I had to make sure Jax left. And quick.
Anna took too-big bites of the waffles, stuffing them in her mouth—like Jax always did.
I paled.
“Are you okay, Mom?”
I nodded then forced a bite down, and my stomach knotted.
Jax was in a self-imposed prison right next door, with basically no food to eat. He loved waffles, but I’d be damned if I became his personal Uber Eats service.
But he can’t get any food delivered.
The stubborn ass.
He was extremely committed to this hiding out. Crazy. I couldn’t stomach another bite, thinking of a hungry Jax. He was a big man. He always ate too much.
Two hours later, I left the grocery store with three big bags. I pulled into my driveway and unloaded them. As begrudgingly as I could manage, I stomped over to the front door of Jax’s hideout.
I didn’t have a hand free to knock, so I pushed my shoulder against the door, and it opened. Strong hands clutched my upper arms and pulled me inside.
“So you stand behind the door now? Waiting for me?”
“Of course not.”
“But you keep an eye out for me at all times?”
I strode over to the kitchen island and dumped the bags on it. Leaning over it on both elbows, I regarded Jax with cool detachment.
Wow, I’m good.
I forced my face to counteract my embarrassment over last night’s debacle.
It said: “I don’t care what stupidity I did last night. I’m not embarrassed.”
But I was. I so was. My skin crawled with it.
“What’s that?” He pointed to the grocery bags and cautiously stepped forward.
“I don’t remember the last time someone looked at bags of groceries with such wonder.”
“You got me food? Damn!” He rustled through the bags and pulled out a banana. “You have no idea how shitty this place is.”
“Okay, I get it. Shithole. Shitty. Garbage. You don’t like Ashland? I understand. Enough with that.”
“No! I meant this house. Does Dad even eat in here?”
“Well, John isn’t around much.”
He scoffed. “Like I said, nothing’s changed around here.”
Except I have your daughter living with me. She’s ten. That’s a massive change.
“I should get back.”
“Why did you get me all this?”
I pushed my hand into the pocket of my jeans. “So you don’t starve.”
He chuckled, a cocky grin on his handsome face. “That’s a good sign. Judging from your recent bursts of anger, I was beginning to think you’d prefer me dead.”
I hated the overabundance of self-assurance shining in his eyes. “I would prefer you dead. But not in this house. Your rotting corpse a few feet from my house? No. I couldn’t tolerate the stench.”
He grimaced. “That’s graphic.” A laugh burst from his chest, throaty and gruff. It reminded me of the brusque sweet nothings he once murmured in my ear, while his balls slapped loudly, wetly, against me.
I jolted at the memory, stepping backward. I wanted out.
I can’t breathe in here.
“Just making sure you don’t die here.”
His fingers wrapped around my right wrist, and I inhaled sharply in surprise.
“Come on. It’s Sunday. You don’t have work, right? Stay.”
The streaks of hot, hard longing burned a path straight up my arm to my neck, coiled over my breasts, and melted down to my navel. There, it quivered in a hot, wet mess.
“I should get out of here.” I yanked my wrist free.
He looked like he knew why I wanted to bail.
Dammit. He knows I want hm.
What the fuck was I thinking, coming here? I should’ve thrown the groceries in through the window instead of going inside a house alone with him.
“Okay. If that’s what you want. I mean, I wouldn’t mind the company. I’ll be honest, this is hard to admit.”
I clutched the doorknob and faced him. “Look, you’re making this harder than it has to be. Why did you even come here if you were going to be a recluse?”
“Told you. Diane dumped me at this dump.”
“It’s the off-season. Just treat this like a vacation.”
Another laugh. “A vacation in Ashland? Like Gitmo is a vacation?”
“Bizarre comparison alert.”
“That’s what it feels like to me.” He pulled an apple out of the bag and bit into it.
I winced. “Wait, you’re not going to wash that?”
He shrugged. “It’s fine.”
“Apples are one of the most highly contaminated foods with pesticides.”
“Right! You’ve told that horror story a thousand times since high school. I’m still alive. I’ve been eating these shits unwashed for eleven years.”
“Okay, fine. You want to poison yourself slowly? Cool. But can you get out of this house? It isn’t the end of the world that your place was ransacked by hookers and junkies. Get out of here. Go take a walk.”
“I don’t—it’s not that I’m ashamed. I wouldn’t even give a shit if it weren’t for the kids.”
“I mentor kids. Teens. The press is making a huge deal out of me not being an appropriate role model for them. I’m not the Dalai Lama, but who is? I care about those kids, and I intend to sponsor their activities and mentor them. For that, I need to keep my mouth shut.”
I was confused. “How does hiding here help your cause?”
“Well, I say stupid shit to reporters because—”
“You don’t care?”
“Exactly.”
“I’ve seen your interviews. You’re quite a train wreck, to be honest.”
“That’s why I’m here.”
“Get out of the house. Meet up with your old friends. Go have coffee at Mindy’s Corner.”
“My life changed, Liv. It’s not so straightforward anymore. I can’t just go to the grocery store and pick up food. Or pump gas at the station. I can’t even buy gum without people asking for autographs and selfies. I’m sick of it.”
“People here don’t care. Try it. Sure they might say hi, but that’s because they probably went to school with you or played football with you, or had sleepovers at your house. This is your home. No one will ambush you. Think about it. It’s the only place where you can be you. Comfortable. The old you.”
“You’re not getting it.” He sat on the barstool and continued to eat the filthy, contaminated apple. “The press will descend like hounds. They’ll make everyone’s life hell. Disrupt people’s businesses.”
“Oh, come on. Don’t pretend you’re doing this for anyone but yourself.”
He had the decency to give an embarrassed laugh. “Well, I’m honestly not interested in anyone or anything around here.”
“You might be surprised. People are good here, Jax. You’re punishing yourself for no good reason other than your stubbornness.”
He paused with the apple an inch from his mouth. All I could focus on was that he hadn’t washed it. I had to get over my OCD with germs.
And I did, as soon as my eyes snapped to his mouth.
I’d almost kissed that mouth, tasted his lips again. I could’ve had his tongue in my mouth.
But he didn’t want you.
He didn’t want you back then, and he doesn’t want you now.
I jolted. “You know? I should go.” I opened the door and turned around. “If you’re hell-bent on caving it in here, at least let me know if you need anything. I couldn’t stomach my waffles this morning because I could sense your starvation over here.”
“You had waffles?” He glared at me with such accusation that I laughed.
“Yes. With Canadian maple syrup. It was so good.” I smacked my lips.
“I hate you.”
I shook my head and left. “Right back at ya, buddy.”
I was chuckling all the way back to my house. I could sense his eyes on me through the window. I couldn’t help but feel a little bad for him. He obviously wasn’t dealing well with all the fame. It was all so intrusive. Could he be missing the normalcy of his old life? If he did, he didn’t know it yet.
And that’s good for me. And Anna.
Let him go back to his starry, glitzy life in Seattle.
As if I have a choice in the matter.
Jax will leave whether I like it or not.
Anna was in the living room, writing in her unicorn notebook, her unicorn headband on.
Jax will leave, and he wouldn’t give a shit that he has a child.
I refused to allow him to reject my child, like he’d rejected me all those years ago.
My heart sank. I shook my head to clear it.
It’s better for me, anyway. I don’t need him.
But was there ever going to be another man who could take Jax’s place?
Would I ever love anyone the way I’d loved him?
Probably not.
I had to learn to live with it.
6
Jax
What the fuck have I gotten myself into?
My high school coach waved at me from the other end of the street.
I waved back and forced a smile.
It was weird. Liv was right. People had too much shit to do in their own lives to bother about the running back for the Seattle Redhawks.
They stopped, said hi, and walked away.
Those who didn’t know me from when I was younger seemed to glare at me suspiciously.
I was creeped out a little. Couldn’t put my finger on why. I couldn’t stifle the strange feeling in the pit of my stomach, as if I’d personally done them wrong.
For as long as I could remember, men looked at me with blatant mistrust. They clutched their girlfriends and wives or blocked them from my view. The only man who seemed to trust me was Mark, my agent.
I pulled out a case of beer from the fridge at the grocery store and tried to avoid meeting anyone’s eye. Two women stood at the cashier with strollers. I waited ten feet behind them. Safe distance.
Apparently not.
“Oh my god! Jax Decker?”
I smiled and nodded. “Hey.”
Her eyes roved all over me. Extremely licentiously.
“I’m Suzie Walker. We went to high school together, remember?”
“Of course!” The lie wouldn’t hurt her.
“Wait.” Her face fell. “Are you back together with Liv?”
“No, no. I’m just visiting. Some stuff with my dad.”
“Oh!” She beamed. “It’s nice to see you.”
“You too, Sadie.”
Her lips thinned into a hard line. I waited. She looked like she was about to implode.
“I’m Suzie! Not Sadie. I was your partner in chem lab throughout high school. You copied off my English notes twice a week.”
I grimaced. “Sorry. I’m a little tired, you know, with—”
“I have a two-month-old baby. I know what tired is!”
She shoved her stroller so hard toward the door I cringed for the poor baby in there.
Placing the beer on the counter, I nodded at the cashier.
He snickered. “That was awkward, right?”
“Tell me about it. I can’t remember the whole town, right? I’ve been away eleven years!”
“Yeah and doing some crazy-ass shit too.”
“Well, thanks—I guess.” I shook my head. I missed Dad’s house with the trickling shower and antique electronics so badly. I was pining for it.
I carried my beer outside and tried to recall where the closest coffeeshop was. I couldn’t remember shit. Picking a direction, I walked. The fresh air was humid, but it felt good to be out. I was used to being outdoors. At home, in Seattle, I had breakfast on the balcony. I was basically outdoors all day long. I even threw my parties poolside.
Speaking of party—
I paused outside a bakery. It looked newish. I tilted my head back to read the sign. In neon rainbow colors, it said Funky Bake.
I was suddenly craving a donut so badly, I pushed through the door and was inside before I knew it. At the counter, I let my gaze dance across the glass case of goodies. I set my box of beer down and eyed the spectacular colorful donuts. “I’ll take six of your best donuts. No sprinkles, though.”
“I know you hate sprinkles, Jax.”
My gaze jerked up toward the girl behind the register. “Liv?” I said, too loud.
She grimaced. “Calm down, crazy.”
I glanced around. “You work here?”
“Oh, come on. I know you’re stalking me.”
“That would be a lot of wasted effort. You’ll come right back home, next door to me, so I don’t really see the point. Do you?”
Her answering smile was contagious. She pulled out a purple box and placed six donuts inside. I watched as she picked out ones with custard filling and Belgian chocolate and buttercream. “I can’t believe you remember my favorites.”
“You were my first boyfriend. I memorized everything you ever did.”
Something in her tone made me feel she regretted it.
But th
en she rolled her eyes at me. Damn, Liv was so cute: her auburn hair mussed up slightly, her face free of makeup. Just an ordinary girl, at work. Except I knew there was nothing ordinary about Liv Garner.
Why did she have to go and get married?
There was this invisible barrier around her that I couldn’t penetrate.
“Do you want to get a coffee or something?” I asked before I could think it through. “What time do you get off?”
She smirked and handed me the box while I pulled out my wallet. “On the house.”
“Really, you can do that?”
She shrugged. “Perks of owning the damned place.”
My mouth fell open. “You own this place? Liv, this is so cool.”
“Thanks. Were you offering to buy me coffee?”
“Of course.”
She motioned to a woman behind the counter to take her place then walked around the counter to meet me, waiting for me to get my beer. I balanced the box of donuts on top of it.
“You want help with that?”
“Nah, I’m good. Shit!” The donut box slid right off the beer, and Liv caught it in the air.
“Maybe I’ll hold these.”
I walked quietly behind her, pissed at myself for getting the beer. First day out after a two-day prison and first thing I got? Beer. Now I had to cart it around the whole town while people said hi.
“This is a nice place.” Liv pointed at a coffeeshop. “Mindy’s Corner. They serve the best cappuccino.”
“Order for me, please.” I placed the beer underneath my chair as Liv ordered two cappuccinos. “You know, I haven’t sat down with a woman at a coffeeshop in a long time.”
“Poor you.”
I caught the sarcasm. “It’s nice, though. I like it.”
“Good for you.” Liv opened the purple box of donuts and pushed it toward me. “Do tell, how was your foray into the real world?”
“I hated it.”
She choked on a bite of donut. “You did? I don’t believe that.”
“It was pretty awkward. I ran into some chick and got her name wrong, and she literally took it out on her baby in her stroller.” I mimicked the way she’d rudely shoved the stroller. “I don’t even like kids. But the poor baby.”
Something dark clouded her bright green eyes, but she recovered quickly. “A minute out in the world, and you’ve already offended people.”
Baby's Daddy: An Enemies to Lovers Romance Page 4