The Substitute

by Sean Ashcroft

  “What’re you drinking?” Flynn asked, hovering on the other side of the table Zach had claimed for them.

  “Oh, don’t order yet, hold on,” he said, grabbing his bag and going through it until he found the tissue paper-wrapped bundle he was looking for. “I have a gift for you.”

  “For me?” Flynn asked as he accepted what probably seemed like a very heavy wad of paper.

  Zach really hoped he liked it. He’d gotten the impression that it was the kind of thing Flynn would enjoy, but...

  “It’s no big deal. It’s actually something I’m experimenting with, so you’re kind of a guinea pig,” Zach said, trying to force himself not to ramble nervously and only half-succeeding. “You’ll have to tell me whether or not you like it.”

  Flynn paused, then unwrapped the gift to reveal a ceramic cup in the same blue-and-white dipped glaze he’d admired on the bowls he’d seen. Zach was pleased with the way it’d come out aesthetically, but he wasn’t sure if it functioned quite the way he wanted it to yet.

  “It’s a reusable coffee cup,” Zach said, though that was probably obvious. “The top is obviously silicone, but I made the cup part myself. I thought, uh… I thought I might save the world, one cup at a time?”

  Flynn turned the cup over in his hands, touching it exactly the way Zach had imagined he would, feeling out the curves with infinite care.

  Zach’s neck was suddenly warm, and he scratched it absentmindedly as he watched Flynn check his work. The look on his face said everything he needed to know about whether or not Flynn appreciated it.

  “I am definitely getting a lot of use out of this. I drink three or four coffees a day in here,” he said. “But you really didn’t have to give me anything.”

  “I wanted to.” Zach shrugged. “You’ve been so good to me. Besides, like I said, you’re testing it for me. This is a prototype. You have to tell me whether or not you like it.”

  “I already love it,” Flynn said. “But I will test it out, starting now. How do you take your coffee?”

  “With a lot of milk and sugar,” Zach said.

  Flynn chuckled. “You’re not sweet enough without it?”

  Zach could feel his neck getting hot all over again. His budding crush on Flynn was obviously not going anywhere anytime soon.

  “I have to get the sweetness somewhere,” Zach responded, which earned him another smile in response.

  “I’ll be back in a second,” Flynn promised, heading to the counter.

  Zach definitely didn’t watch him smile and laugh with the barista, who he clearly knew, and he definitely didn’t feel a little flutter in his stomach. Flynn was just a shockingly kind friend, and they barely knew each other, marriage notwithstanding.

  Lots of people who didn’t know each other got married in Vegas. It was traditional. They’d even done it on purpose, instead of by accident.

  The point was, it didn’t mean anything. Other than that Flynn was a ridiculously kind man who’d been happy to help Zach out of a tough spot.

  Besides, he was straight. And gorgeous. Zach didn’t stand a chance with him.

  Flynn passed him a coffee when he came back, sitting down opposite with his own coffee in the reusable cup he’d been given.

  “The barista likes this,” he said, nodding to the cup. “I think you’re in with a shot.”

  Zach glanced automatically at the barista, who he could admit had a certain appeal about him, but…

  When Flynn was right there, it was really hard to care who else might be interested. “I can’t believe you’re playing wingman to your own husband.”

  Flynn chuckled. “Please feel free to consider this an open relationship,” he said. “I’ve got too much work on right now to date, but…”

  Zach shrugged. “I’m about to have too much to do, too,” he said. “So I guess I’m single for the next two years. Aside from being married.”

  “He’s cute though, right? I’m pretty sure he flirts with me, which I even kinda like, but I’m not… I’m being stupid, huh? You’re not interested in every man you come across.”

  “He’s cute,” Zach agreed, laughing. “Don’t worry, I’m not actually offended or anything. It’s sweet that you’re looking out for me. Still looking out for me.”

  “You’re my responsibility now,” Flynn said, sipping his coffee. “Gotta make sure you’re happy.”

  Something inside Zach broke at that, a flood of warmth filling his chest. Flynn was impossibly sweet, and kind, and Zach didn’t even begin to deserve him.

  He actually hated himself for what he was about to ask next. What he really wanted right now was to just bask in Flynn’s presence, but…

  “So… have you heard from Aiden?” he asked, the question tasting bitter in his mouth. He didn’t really want to think about Aiden at all, if he could help it.

  But some part of him just… needed to know.

  “He’s, uh… apparently working in a water park in Florida right now,” Flynn said, sipping his coffee again.

  “Sounds like something he’d do,” Zach said. “I wonder how long that’ll last before he gets bored of it and walks away.”

  Flynn paused to look at him over the rim of his coffee cup, soulful blue eyes full of sympathy.

  “I’m sorry.” Zach sighed. “I know he’s your brother. I’m just… still mad.”

  “So I take it when he apologized to me and I told him he needed to apologize to you a whole lot more, he… didn’t do that.”

  Zach shook his head. “No. I still haven’t heard from him. But I don’t have any idea what I’d say, so… maybe that’s for the best.”

  “You deserve an apology,” Flynn said. “And I can apologize for him until I pass out, but you deserve to hear it from him. He could’ve handled all of this a whole lot better.”

  “It’s okay,” Zach said, sipping his own coffee now that it wasn’t tongue-meltingly hot. “I’m mostly over it. I haven’t even cried about it this week.”

  Flynn made the softest, most heartbroken noise Zach had ever heard at that, which was nice in one way, but mostly made him feel guilty.

  “I’m fine,” he rushed to assure him. “Honestly. You’ve seen how easily I cry. I’m your typical soft, sensitive artist boy.”

  “Yeah, which is more reason not to hurt you,” Flynn said. “He should have treated you better. I’m sorry he didn’t. I’m sorry that I didn’t raise him well enough to make him.”

  Zach’s mouth fell open. “Flynn, this isn’t your fault,” he said softly. “Please don’t think I think that, not even for a second. You’ve been so ridiculously kind to me, I can’t begin to thank you. But this isn’t on you.”

  Flynn smiled wryly. “Every time he does something like this it feels like my fault. Like I just… could have done better.”

  “Flynn,” Zach started seriously, his fingers itching to reach out and take Flynn’s hand. “You lost your parents, too. It had to hurt you as much as it did Aiden, and worse, you suddenly had a younger brother to be responsible for. And yet you turned into the kindest man I’ve ever met. This isn’t your fault. Not for a second.”

  Flynn sat back, looking Zach over carefully for a few long seconds. Something about his eyes made Zach feel as though Flynn could see right through him, search his insides for sincerity.

  At least, if that was true, it was all he’d find. Zach didn’t blame Flynn at all for this.

  Aiden was his own man, and it was his own fault that he was an asshole. There was no way that any of this was kind, sweet, gentle Flynn’s fault.

  Eventually, Flynn sighed a huge sigh, his clearly overburdened shoulders straightening up a little. Relief washed over his features, his fingers loosening around his coffee cup.

  That was, Zach concluded, probably the right thing to say.

  “You know, Callie tells me that all the time, but for some reason, it’s easier to believe coming from you,” Flynn said. “She was asking about you, by the way.”

  Zach smiled. “I was jus
t about to ask you how she was. And Lily.”

  “They’re both good,” Flynn said. “Lily’s growing up so fast. I’m glad I get to be part of their lives. I’ve known Callie forever and I’ve never seen her happier.”

  “Well, tell her I’m good, too. Because I am, mostly. I’m even starting to think you’re right about me being lucky I didn’t end up married to Aiden.”

  “I am right about that,” Flynn said. “But I also get that it still hurts. I can see one or two charming qualities in him.”

  “Only to someone who hadn’t met you first,” Zach responded, wondering instantly if he’d said too much, if maybe that would make Flynn uncomfortable.

  Luckily, Flynn chuckled again. Zach was coming to love the way he laughed, warm and rich and just deep enough for the sound to vibrate in Zach’s chest.

  “So are you all set for school?” Flynn asked, setting his coffee cup down on the table and playing with it again. Zach was distracted for a moment by the way his fingers ran up and down the shape, pausing to circle the place where the glaze ended and the bare stoneware began.

  The tips of his ears burned at the thought of Flynn touching… other things, like that. With his strong, careful fingers that were thicker than Zach’s own, but almost certainly less rough.

  “Uh,” he said as he forced his attention back to Flynn’s face. “Yeah, umm… I’m mostly ready? The only thing I’m worried about is that I’ve got this one eight a.m. class and I’m not sure how to get to it, because I live across town and the earliest bus won’t get me there until eight fifteen. Which is maybe not a huge deal for a three-hour class, and I guess I could speak to the lecturer about it, but…”

  “Or I’ve got a pull-out couch,” Flynn said. “And you’re welcome to it.”

  Zach stared at him, his mouth hanging open. After all Flynn had done for him, he still wasn’t finished doing things?

  Whatever he’d done to deserve having this man in his life, he was really glad he’d done it.

  “I couldn’t… that’s…”

  “Gives me a chance to check in with you regularly.” Flynn shrugged. “I mean, no pressure, but I’ll text you my address later and you can drop in anytime. I mostly work from this café or home, so… I’m pretty easy to track down.”

  “Has anyone ever told you you’re an angel?” Zach asked, floored by how damned good Flynn was being to him.

  “You’re my husband,” Flynn said, blushing the tiniest bit and still playing with his coffee cup. “I gotta take care of you. Besides, like I said, I’m invested in you passing this course. So if you need an easy way to get to your eight a.m. class… I live a five minute walk from your school. You’re welcome at my place.”

  “I’ll think about it,” Zach promised, and he already was thinking about it, and he already liked the idea.

  On the one hand, he didn’t want to be like Aiden. He didn’t want to take Flynn for granted, or take too much from him, or… anything like that.

  But he did want to be around him more often, and this was a good excuse. Besides, he knew how to pull his weight in a relationship.

  A friendship, he reminded himself. Flynn was his friend, but he wasn’t interested, and that was fine. Zach could have used a few more friends like Flynn.

  “Like I said, offer’s open,” Flynn said, draining the rest of his coffee. “This cup is really nice to drink out of, by the way. And beautiful.”

  “Form and function,” Zach said, grinning at him. He did like to have his work praised. Maybe he’d have to show Flynn his studio someday after all.

  “And you’ve mastered both,” he said. “I’m glad things worked out the way they did. This way I’ll get to say I knew you before you were famous.”

  Zach blushed all over again, squirming in his seat. It really was a shame that Flynn was straight.

  Chapter Seven

  Right as he put a pot of water on the stove, Flynn’s buzzer rang.

  Who the hell would be dropping by at this time of night? He wasn’t expecting Callie, and there wasn’t really anyone else who’d just come over without Flynn asking them to…

  “Hello?” he asked into the intercom, worrying for a moment that it might be Aiden back in town and looking for a place to stay.

  “Is this a bad time?” Zach’s voice answered. “Because I can go.”

  “No,” Flynn responded immediately, hitting the button to let him in. “No, not at all. Come on up.”

  Zach dropping by was absolutely fine by him, and he’d been sincere when he made said he could come by any time. Flynn liked having guests over. The problem was that he didn’t have a whole lot of close friends. Plenty of vague acquaintances, but for a long time it’d only been Callie.

  Now, he had Zach. Or at least, he kind of did.

  He wasn’t entirely sure what his and Zach’s relationship was going to be like, yet. They barely knew each other.

  Flynn liked him, though. He wanted to be Zach’s friend, based on everything he’d seen of him so far. He was sweet, and talented, and funny once he got over being nervous. It was nice to have him around.

  Selfishly, Flynn was glad to have him in his life. It was a shame that it had to happen the way it had, but… he didn’t exactly regret any of this. He hadn’t had a friend like Zach in a while. Callie had her own life now, and a baby, and a long-term girlfriend, and while Flynn knew he was always welcome, he felt a little like an outsider.

  Zach didn’t seem to have anyone much. And neither did he. So now they had each other.

  Flynn unlocked the door and headed back to the kitchen to keep working on dinner.

  He heard Zach knock a moment later, and called out that the door was open while he sorted through the fridge to find the fresh basil Callie had given him from her new herb garden, which was her latest project.

  Flynn was encouraging it, because it meant he got free fresh herbs to cook with. That felt like a luxury.

  Maybe he could commission Zach to make him a couple of pots for the window sill, and then he and Callie could trade herbs. That would have been cool.

  The door opened and then closed again, and Zach’s footsteps told Flynn that he was hovering near it.

  “I’m in the kitchen,” he called again, retrieving the basil and setting it out on the counter to rinse before he chopped it.

  Zach came around the corner carrying a heavy-looking backpack, his hair ruffled and more than one spot of what Flynn had to assume was dried clay on his t-shirt and face. “I didn’t mean to interrupt dinner. I was just… hoping that offer to sleep on the couch was still open?”

  “Of course,” Flynn said automatically. “Yeah, obviously. I’ll throw some extra pasta in the pot.”

  Zach’s eyes widened. “You really don’t have to cook for me. I was going to offer to buy you dinner in exchange.”

  Flynn shook his head. “You don’t need to do anything in exchange. We’re married.” He smiled a small, genuine smile. “It’s only pasta. Takes zero effort to make twice as much, and I’m not great at judging how much is enough anyway so I was probably already making at least enough for two.”

  Zach chuckled. “Pasta I can mostly judge. Rice, though? Rice is a mystery to me, I can only make enough to feed ten people no matter how much I actually make.”

  “It’s half a cup per person as a side or a full cup if it’s most of the dish,” Flynn said. “At least, that’s what Callie told me. I mostly buy the instant stuff you just throw in the microwave. Please don’t tell her.”

  “Your secret’s safe with me,” Zach promised.

  “Make yourself at home,” Flynn said belatedly, realizing that apparently, it needed saying. “Take a load off, tell me about your day.”

  He was glad of the company, honestly, now that he knew it wasn’t Aiden. He’d gotten into a strange, simmering argument with a client about what was and was not ethical design, and his stomach still felt tight over it, and he was glad to be done for the day.

  He was even more glad to have a dist
raction.

  “Not a whole lot to tell. I had two classes today plus some studio time in between, which is, uh… why I’m covered in clay, sorry.”

  “No need to apologize. I’m only not in sweatpants because I went to work at the café today,” Flynn said. “We don’t dress up in this house.”

  Zach snorted. “I do have a change of clothes, but I figure if you’re about to feed me pasta I should save them for after I’m covered in sauce.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably wise,” Flynn agreed. “Are you enjoying your classes?”

  “I am,” Zach said brightly, a smile lighting up his whole face. “It’s kind of… everything I dreamed of and more. The lecturers are smart and engaging and they really seem to care about their jobs, which is not what I remember from the first time I went to college. My classmates care a lot more, too, because they’re not just doing this because they think they have to for a job. Although…”

  “Although?” Flynn asked, glancing up at Zach as he tossed some bacon pieces into a pan.

  Zach laughed nervously. “I did have to let one of them down gently by telling them I was married and only not wearing my ring because I didn’t want to damage it while I worked.”

  Flynn wet his lips. “You know it’s completely okay if you date, right?”

  He was pretty sure he’d said that. He remembered trying to set Zach up with his favorite barista.

  “I know,” Zach said. “But it was a much easier let-down than trying to explain to him that he wasn’t remotely my type, and it saved me having to drag out the sob story that my last boyfriend just left me practically at the altar.”

  Flynn’s heart twinged. It wasn’t that he’d forgotten, exactly, it was just that he knew in his bones that Zach was better off this way.

  Aiden was his brother, and Flynn would always love him, but he wasn’t… husband material.

  At least, Flynn wouldn’t have wanted to be married to him, that was for sure. Aside from the fact that they were brothers. Even if Aiden was the prettiest, least related to him girl in the world. He would still have been a nightmare.

  Zach, though… Zach had seen something in him, enough to want to take the risk, and that obviously still stung, and it hadn’t happened all that long ago. He was bound to still be feeling it.