The Substitute

by Sean Ashcroft

  Not that he did have anything to be ashamed of. He was beautiful. So much so that Zach needed to lie down after looking at him.

  He was in way over his head, but that wasn’t about to stop him diving deeper. If he drowned in Flynn’s kindness, it wouldn’t have been the worst way to go.

  Chapter Nine

  “You look like such a natural holding that baby,” Callie teased as she passed Flynn a cup of coffee, sitting down across from him at the kitchen table.

  “I’m a good honorary uncle,” he said, cuddling Lily just a little closer. “I’m gonna spoil her every chance I get, you know that, right?”

  “I know,” Callie said. “Which means she’ll have someone to talk to when she thinks Alexis and I are being unfair. Someone who’s good enough with kids to know if we are being unfair.”

  “I mean… I doubt you will be. You’re both incredible,” Flynn said, shifting Lily’s weight so he could pick up his coffee with the other hand. She was still so tiny, and while Flynn knew she couldn’t stay that way forever, he kind of wished she would.

  “Flattery gets you everywhere,” Callie said. “But not out of telling me all about how you’ve got Zach sleeping over on a regular basis now.”

  Flynn sighed, though he couldn’t quite bring himself to be too annoyed. “I should never have let that slip. I knew you’d never let me hear the end of it.”

  “I think it’s sweet,” Callie teased.

  “It’s once a week, for school,” Flynn said. “On the couch,” he added.

  He was pretty sure he didn’t actually need to clarify that, but he felt the urge to anyway. It wasn’t that he thought Callie might get the wrong impression, it was just…

  Well, he wasn’t entirely sure how it was. All he knew was that when he had told her, he felt as though he’d been telling her an exciting secret, and he still wasn’t sure how to handle that.

  “Oh, well, as long as you’re making your new puppy sleep on the couch…” Callie said, reaching out to wrap both hands around her coffee cup.

  “He’s not a puppy,” Flynn defended. “He’s a grown man who just… needs a little help. And I can give it to him. And I know he says he doesn’t blame me for the way Aiden behaved-”

  “Because it’s not your fault. Come on, Flynn. You were twenty-two when your mom died. You weren’t ready to keep a seventeen-year-old in check by yourself, but you were stuck doing it, and that wasn’t fair.”

  “You helped,” Flynn argued. “You helped so much. I wasn’t alone. I just… don’t know what I did wrong.”

  “Have you ever considered that you didn’t do anything wrong, and Aiden was always your spoiled little brother? And maybe you just didn’t notice until all of his attention was directed at you?”

  Flynn swallowed. They’d had this conversation before, and he didn’t doubt that they’d have it again. It felt like his fault. It’d probably always feel like his fault, no matter how many times Callie said this to him.

  He was glad she was willing to keep saying it anyway. She was the best best friend anyone could ever ask for.

  Lily gurgled in his arms, making a soft, demanding noise. “Something wrong, sweetie?” he asked, looking down with concern. She’d just been fed and changed, so that probably wasn’t it…

  “She can tell you’re stressed and she doesn’t want you to be,” Callie said.

  “Oh.” Flynn’s heart sank. “Maybe I shouldn’t… if it’s stressing her out…”

  “No, just… hold her a little closer until you calm down. Tell me what you did with your new boyfriend all night,” Callie teased.

  Flynn snorted. “If he was actually my new boyfriend, you wouldn’t wanna know. He showed up just as I was starting dinner, so I cooked for him as well. Then he told me about how he was going at school.”

  “Not all night,” Callie said perceptively.

  “No, not all night. We moved to the couch after and he explained some of the finer points of a particular pottery technique to me. It’s… not that I wasn’t listening, it just mostly went right over my head. It was good to see him comfortable, though. I don’t have dozens of friends like you do. It’s really just… you.”

  Callie made a soft, sympathetic noise, and sipped her coffee.

  “Anyway we basically just… both worked on our own thing in comfortable silence until I went to bed. The apartment was still there when I got up, so he didn’t burn it down or anything. I know he’s practically a stranger, but I’ve got a good feeling about him.”

  “I’d argue with your good feeling,” Callie said. “But I got one, too. I like him. I think he’ll be good for you.”

  Lily seemed to be settling down, which was probably because Flynn was settling down. She was so nice to hold that Flynn wasn’t sure how Callie could bring herself to let him do it instead of her.

  Probably some combination of being able to do it as much as she wanted, and of loving Flynn enough to let him have this. She was awesome, and he loved seeing her so happy.

  “He’s easy to exist around,” Flynn responded. “I asked him to come with me to that networking thing I’ve been freaking out about for months.”

  Callie raised an eyebrow all over again.

  “He told me this story about telling a guy who was hitting on him in one of his classes that he was married and then said there were perks to it. So that got me thinking… I do him a favor, he does me one, maybe this whole thing isn’t the worst idea I’ve ever had?”

  “You know,” Callie began. “Back in Vegas I thought it really was the worst idea you’d ever had, but now… you seem better. Better than you have been in a while.”

  Flynn wet his lips. This was where he could have the conversation he’d come here to have, he just had to be brave enough to do it.

  He cuddled Lily a little bit closer and took a deep breath.

  “I know you liked Stacy, but she was a whole lot like Aiden, and I never said anything because I’m thirty-two and my life seems to be getting away from me and I’m scared of ending up alone. And then this happened, and I realized how stupid all that was. This is ridiculous, but… I dunno. Maybe it’s the change I needed.”

  Callie reached out to touch the fingers Flynn had wrapped around his coffee cup, just the gentlest brush of contact. Just enough to let him know she was there, physically and emotionally.

  This was why she made such a good preschool teacher.

  “I’m sorry for not seeing it,” Callie said. “I owed you better than that.”

  “I went out of my way to hide it because I knew you’d tell me to leave.” Flynn smiled wryly. “So I guess… I knew, but… I dunno, I think that’s why I wanna help Zach? This keeps happening to me, and I think maybe it keeps happening to him, too. Is that stupid?”

  “It’s not stupid,” Callie confirmed. “And I’ll stop teasing you about it. It’s nice that you’ve made friends with your new husband.”

  Flynn gave her a look.

  “Okay, now I’ll stop teasing you about it,” she said, smiling over the rim of her coffee cup. “Thanks for being brave enough to tell me. I know that was hard.”

  “Was it ever,” Flynn agreed, his stomach still aching with the worry that Callie was going to yell at him. He knew better than that, and she never yelled unless someone was in immediate danger of hurting themselves or someone else, but…

  He’d been worried, all the same. Worried was his default state.

  “I have a frozen cheesecake on hand for times like this,” Callie said. “Wanna help me eat it?”

  Flynn wet his lips. He could definitely have gone for some sugar right now. “Sure, why not?”

  Callie grinned at him, standing. “Good, you’ve earned it. And you’re right. I think Zach’s good for you.”

  Flynn nodded, watching her go and rocking Lily gently. He felt better, now that he’d told her what had really been going on between him and Stacy. He knew there were more in-depth conversations about it in his future, but that was okay.

  It
had been easier to tell Zach first. He’d only been vague, but it’d helped him to admit it to himself, and to realize that he really did need to tell Callie about it.

  So she was right. Zach was good for him.

  Chapter Ten

  Zach supposed he should have expected an upmarket bar in the nice part of town when an IT professional invited him to a networking event, but he hadn’t, and at first he’d felt a little out of place among the mood lighting, glossy black glass bar, and beers he’d never heard of being offered to him by an obviously nervous Flynn.

  On the other hand, being introduced to a few people as Flynn’s husband was nice, and the rooftop beer garden full of shrubbery and what he supposed were ironic mass-produced Greek-style statues was nice, and no one seemed to care that he was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers.

  Not that he would have had the wardrobe to dress up nicely even if Flynn had told him to.

  Flynn was wearing beautifully-tailored charcoal pants and a fitted deep indigo shirt that looked incredible on him and was giving Zach ideas for new glazes and combinations he planned on experimenting with when he next had the chance.

  The thing was, though, that Zach wasn’t the only one who’d noticed that Flynn looked amazing.

  When he got back from peeing—this was why he’d avoided drinking beer at Flynn’s house on Tuesday—he found Flynn cornered by a woman who’d definitely been looking at him with interest earlier.

  Everything about Flynn’s body language said he was stressed and wanted to get away, from the way his eyes were darting around the room to the grip he had on the table of the booth they were in, hard enough to make his knuckles go white.

  This, Zach realized with a rush, was what he was here for. To save Flynn from being hit on by people he didn’t really want to be hit on by.

  The woman who had him trapped was pretty, long copper curls cascading down her back, contrasting beautifully with her forest green and black lace dress, but Zach got the impression that pretty wasn’t enough for Flynn.

  Actually, he got the impression that Flynn wasn’t really interested in what people looked like at all.

  Taking a deep breath, he approached from the side, catching Flynn’s eye just a moment before sliding into the booth beside him, taking the hand that had been gripping the table, and resting his head on Flynn’s shoulder in one fluid movement.

  Zach’s heart pounded in his ears at the contact, so much more intimate than anything they’d shared before, but the woman sitting across from them finally seemed to falter in her relentless pursuit of the beautiful, apparently single man she’d set her sights on.

  Zach couldn’t exactly blame her. Under other circumstances—ones, for example, where he thought Flynn was anything other than completely straight—he would have done much the same.

  Well, no. He would have backed off if Flynn looked uncomfortable.

  Or… he probably would never have actually approached him, because Flynn was several orders of magnitude out of his league, and rejection stung, even if he knew Flynn would have been really nice about it.

  “Introduce me,” Zach nudged, squeezing Flynn’s hand lightly in a show of support. He really hoped he was doing the right thing. The last thing he wanted was for Flynn to be mad at him.

  Flynn cleared his throat, and Zach could feel the tension easing out of his shoulders as he did it.

  So this was probably the right thing to do.

  “This is my husband, Zach,” he said, and he even managed to sound cheerful. “He’s studying for his MFA right now. He’s a potter. Zach, this is Elouise.”

  Elouise smiled the iciest smile Zach had ever been on the receiving end of. It was enough to make him shift a little closer to Flynn.

  For comfort, obviously. Not out of possessiveness. Flynn didn’t belong to him, and he wasn’t about to mark his territory or anything…

  Okay, maybe a little. He liked the fantasy of pretending they were married because Flynn wanted him. That was all.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Zach said, offering his free hand across the table. “Do you do what Flynn does, or…?”

  “I’m a community manager, actually,” she responded, looking between the two of them. “But you probably don’t care all that much about the ins and outs of my job.”

  Zach shrugged. “Oh, no, I love hearing about what people do. I’m a people person,” he lied.

  Hopefully his enthusiasm would be enough to scare her off without putting Flynn in an awkward position later. He couldn’t be rude to her, because then Flynn was the guy with the rude husband.

  If Flynn was the guy with the insufferably cheerful husband instead, no one could complain about it without sounding like an asshole. Zach being enthusiastic and curious wasn’t a bad thing. As long as he was polite, this wouldn’t come back to bite Flynn.

  He cared about that a whole lot. Flynn had been kind to him when he really didn’t need to be, and that, apparently, was the key to his undying loyalty.

  “I’ll leave you two in peace,” Elouise said, as though Zach hadn’t just asked her to explain her job. Her interest in Flynn had all but evaporated the moment he’d sat down, which meant Zach’s presence was working as intended.

  “It was so nice to meet both of you. I’ll leave you my card,” she added as she stood, plucking one out of a slim stainless steel case and sliding it across the table.

  Zach snapped it up enthusiastically. “I’ll keep this, he’d lose it,” he said, smiling brightly. Elouise walked away without another word.

  Once she was out of earshot, Flynn breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Thank you,” he said softly. “I thought she was gonna eat me like one of those spiders.”

  “Black widows?” Zach suggested.

  “Yeah, those,” Flynn agreed, reaching out to grab his beer. “Or like… a praying mantis? I think they just cut the head off.”

  “Normally after sex, though,” Zach said. “So you were probably safe.”

  “Didn’t feel that way,” Flynn said, taking several greedy gulps of his drink. “But your timing was perfect. I knew there was a reason I married you,” he joked.

  Zach chuckled, reaching out to play with his own empty beer bottle. He hadn’t let go of Flynn’s hand yet, or moved his head from his shoulder, and he was telling himself that was because they couldn’t just jump apart the moment Elouise left in case she looked back.

  He was also telling himself that was why Flynn hadn’t even tried to move him yet. It definitely made more sense than any other explanation.

  “The reason was that you’re too kind for your own good,” Zach said. “But I’m glad you’re getting some benefit out of it now.”

  Flynn chuckled. “You sound like Callie. I did it because I wanted to, because you needed help and I could help you. That’s all.”

  “Because you’re too kind for your own good,” Zach repeated, since that was essentially what Flynn had just said. Most people wouldn’t even have considered it, let alone made the offer. The fact that Flynn had gone through with it, and was still trying to help Zach out, made him one of a kind.

  “Maybe,” Flynn allowed. “Better to be kind than cruel, I think. I don’t wanna look back on my life and regret the way I treated anyone.”

  Zach sighed softly. Flynn was so fundamentally good, and that was why he was so nice to be around. Whoever he really did end up with would be lucky to have him.

  “You’re sweet,” Zach said, finally lifting his head away from Flynn’s shoulder and straightening up, his hand instantly feeling cold as he took it away.

  “You didn’t have to move,” Flynn said, shifting his weight minutely and staring down at his beer bottle.

  “She’s gone,” Zach said, a lump forming in his throat. They both knew that. Flynn was telling him he didn’t have to move because he hadn’t minded being leaned on, and that really… said everything about him, didn’t it?

  Flynn was the kind of man who put everyone else first, and Zach would
have liked to see him getting his own way for once. Of course, it was impossible to know what Flynn wanted, and Zach wasn’t even convinced that he knew himself.

  He spent so much time being there for other people that there wasn’t a whole lot of him left.

  Dammit.

  He was getting emotionally invested in this man. This kind, sweet man, who really needed more than one friend who cared about whether or not he was happy, and Zach wanted to be that friend.

  He wanted other things, too. He wanted Flynn to hold him again, this time while he wasn’t crying about a man who hadn’t deserved the tears.

  Not compared to his older brother. It wasn’t even fair to make the comparison. He could see similarities between them, and he thought that maybe Aiden had wanted to be more like Flynn, and maybe someday, he would be.

  But Flynn was perfect, just as he was, right now.

  “Was it worth coming tonight?” Zach asked, wondering if Flynn had gotten what he came for.

  “Think so,” Flynn said, draining the last of his beer. People were finally starting to filter out, which meant they’d probably be leaving soon. Flynn hadn’t wanted to be the first to leave, but he wouldn’t want to be the last, either.

  “It gets lonely, you know? Working by yourself all the time. So it’s nice to get to see some of the other people who do similar jobs. I dunno. I wouldn’t want to work in a cubicle. Or I guess these days it’s mostly open-plan offices.”

  “But it’s still nice to see other people from time to time. That’s why you go to the café,” Zach said. “That’s why I work in a shared studio. Because mostly I’d rather work alone, but it’s nice to know there’s someone else in the world all the same.”

  “That’s why Alexis has been looking for a mom group that works for her,” Flynn said. “You’ve gotta meet Lily someday. You’ll love her.”

  “I’d love to,” Zach enthused “She sounds adorable. She’s lucky to have an uncle like you.” He was thrilled that he was being folded into Flynn’s life, and he wasn’t inclined to stop it from happening. He’d been paying attention.

  “She’s my goddaughter, technically, but Callie says I’m Uncle Flynn and honestly… you have no idea how happy that makes me.” Flynn said, smiling to himself. “Do you have… siblings, or? Wow, I should know that by now.”