Praise Him Anyhow - Volume 1

by Vanessa Miller

  “Daddy was so proud. He told me that you were the first child he had the honor of walking down the aisle,” Raven said.

  “Don’t get me wrong, Raven, I was truly grateful that Ramsey was there for me... but it didn’t stop me from wishing it had been my dad.”

  “And I with you... with all of you,” Carmella said as she kissed her girls’ foreheads. Life was good, even when you had to struggle to get to the good part.

  “Hey, what’s going on in here?” Ramsey asked as he and the boys came out of the kitchen carrying plates and bowls of food.

  Carmella glanced over at the men in her life. Ramsey was so open, honest and loving towards her. Ronny had a bright future in store, once he could figure out what the Lord put him on this earth to accomplish. Ramsey Jr. and Dontae already had their careers in order, but both men were nursing some wounds that were long overdue for healing. Ramsey had asked her to leave them alone. He said if they wanted to talk to their parents, they would come to them. Even though she mostly agreed with him, she couldn’t allow Dontae to go another day without taking some of the burden off his shoulders.

  Just as she was silently praying about how to approach the subject of Coach Linden—since it was obvious to everyone that Dontae did not want to talk about the man—the doorbell rang.

  Carmella hopped up, thankful to have something to take her mind off of what she would have to do to her son before he walked away and just began ignoring their calls again. Looking out the peephole, Carmella was surprised to see Jewel on the other side. She had come to family events with Dontae before, but not since she and Dontae had broken up. Lord, is this your answer to my prayers?

  Carmella swung open the door and said, “Bless the Lord, my son is going to be so happy to see you.”

  “Who is it, Mom?” Joy asked as she entered the foyer. When she saw Jewel, she began to smile. Joy hugged her and said, “I’m so glad you could make it.”

  “You knew she was coming?” Carmella asked with a puzzled look on her face.

  Joy nodded and then whispered, “She’s been trying to talk to Dontae about Coach Linden, too. I was hoping she could help us get some answers out of him.”

  “Dinner is on the table, so you two need to get back in there so we can eat and—” Dontae was saying as he entered the foyer. He stopped short as he caught sight of Jewel. “What are you doing here?”

  “You haven’t been answering my calls, and we need to talk,” Jewel told him like a woman determined to get answers to mysteries that had troubled her for too long.

  ***

  Looking at the women in his life, Dontae could see that each one of them wanted answers from him, but to give those answers he'd have to open himself up to things he didn't want to deal with or ever think about again. He put his hands in his pants pocket and felt his keys. "I'm going for a drive. Go ahead and eat without me."

  "Don't do this, Dontae. Don't run out on the very people who love you and want to help you," his mother admonished.

  "I'll be back. Just give me a little time to myself." He rushed out of the door before anyone could stop him. He just needed to get away. To be alone... to feel safe. But as he sped down the street his mind wouldn't let it go, wouldn't let him forget. So Dontae once again went back with that seventeen-year-old kid, away from home at a summer football camp. The football camp that Coach Linden had talked his parents into letting him attend. It had been ten years ago, but Dontae was reliving it as if it had just happened to him last night.

  "Good game, boy. We are heading out of here with the championship and do you know who we have to thank for that?" Coach Linden strutted in front of the team like a man on his way to the Super Bowl. He answered his own question, "Our team MVP, Stevie Wallace and the boy wonder who scored the winning touchdown tonight, Dontae Marshall."

  The locker room erupted in cheers.

  Coach Linden then said, "So, you guys go on out and party and have yourselves a good time tonight. Be back by midnight." He held up a room key. "And Dontae and Stevie get to stay in the suite tonight. There's two bedrooms and plenty of room in the living area to throw another party."

  All smiles, Stevie grabbed the room key with excitement dancing in his eyes. "Thanks, coach." Stevie turned to Dontae and said, "We’re picking up some girls tonight."

  Dontae smiled, thinking that he was about to score and Coach Linden had made it all possible. The boy hung out, getting a little rowdy at times, but mostly just having fun and celebrating their win. Their fake ID's weren't working, so a bunch of them decided to go back to the hotel and get into the liquor that Coach Linden had stashed in the suite that Stevie and Dontae would be staying in. They ran into a few girls who wanted to hang out with them, so they all went back and got their party started with booze and music and dancing.

  Around midnight Coach Linden opened the door and came into the suite. He turned off the music. Everyone turned and stared at him. His hands were on his hips and smoke was coming out of his nose as he yelled, "Do you know how many complaints I have received about all the loud music coming out of this room?”

  "But coach, we were just having fun like you told us to," Brad, one of the football players said.

  "I didn't tell you all to disturb the entire hotel." Coach Linden pointed towards the door. "Party over, get to your rooms."

  "What about us, coach? Do we still get to sleep here tonight?" Stevie half asked and half slurred because he had drunk more than his fair share of the booze.

  "You and Dontae can stay, but it's lights out for everyone." He pointed at the girls. "I'll call you a cab, so that you can get home safely."

  Feeling ill from all the beer he’d drunk through the night, Dontae was ready to lay it down. He went to his room, closed the door, took off his jeans and threw them on the floor. He didn’t have the energy to do anything else, so Dontae fell face first onto the bed. He heard himself snoring as his head hit the pillow.

  Dontae didn’t know how long he had slept before he felt someone lying in the bed with him. At first Dontae thought he was dreaming and imagined that one of the girls from the party had snuck into his room. But even in his drunken state, something didn’t feel right. The hand that was moving down his back and then touching other parts of his body didn’t seem girly. It was more like the touch of big, clumsy man hands. Dontae jumped out of bed and fumbled around in the dark until he found the light switch. Coach Linden was lying in his bed naked and smiling up at him.

  “What are you doing? Get out of my bed,” Dontae said in a low voice. He wanted to yell at his coach, but Stevie was in the next room and he didn’t want anyone to know what Coach Linden had just tried to pull.

  “What wrong?” Coach Linden asked. “I just wanted to sleep in here with you tonight.”

  Coach Linden was married. Dontae never imagined that the man was gay. But the world was full of people who went both ways... maybe that was how Coach Linden lived his life. But Dontae’s parents had brought him up in church and had taught him right from wrong. They’d opened the Bible to the book of Romans and showed him where God spoke of men and women who became lovers of their own kind, and how the word of God said such acts were unseemly and would be judged by God.

  “You’ll have to kill me before I get back in that bed with you,” Dontae told him and prepared to fight to the death. But then his stomach lurched and the illness he felt earlier erupted as he vomited all over himself and the floor.

  “Clean yourself up,” Linden growled as he got off the bed and pulled the boxers he’d left on the side of the bed back on. He flung open the door and stormed out of the room, looking as if Dontae disgusted him. Dontae ran over to the door, quickly closed and locked it. Looking down at his shirt, Dontae saw clumps of vomit splattered over it. He wanted to go and wash himself off, but the bathroom was across the hall and he’d left his duffle bag full of clothes in the living room; there was no way he was going out there tonight.

  Dontae took his shirt off, wiped his
mouth and neck with it and then threw it on the floor. Looking at the bed where Coach Linden had been laying with him made Dontae feel ill again. He couldn’t get back in that bed. He wanted to call his dad to find out what he should do. After all, his dad was a big time judge; he’d know how to fix Coach Linden. But it was too late to call his house. The team was heading home in the morning, so he would just tell his dad what happened when he got home.

  Dontae pulled the blanket off the bed and sat down in the chair across from the bed, put the cover around him and slept off and on. Every time he thought he heard a noise, he would jump and try to keep his eyes open, until his lids would close on their own.

  By morning Dontae’s eyes were red and sleep deprived, but he didn’t care. He’d made it through the night without Coach Linden coming back to his door. Now he just needed to get on that plane and get home. Someone knocked on his door and Dontae practically jumped out of his skin and then shouted, “Go away.”

  “I’m leaving your duffle bag in front of the door. Get dressed so we can all get to the airport on time,” Coach Linden said through the door.

  It took Dontae five minutes to gather up enough nerve to open the door to get his duffle. But the simple fact that he couldn’t go home until he got dressed and left this hotel room was the one thing that set a fire under him. Coach Linden wasn’t standing at the door waiting to pounce on him, so he pulled his bag into the room and quickly got dressed. Throwing the bag’s strap over his shoulder, Dontae rushed out of the hotel room and made his way to the lobby where some of the other team members were already waiting. He hadn’t thought about Stevie at all that morning. Not until he saw him walking towards them and noticed that Stevie wouldn’t make eye contact with him. At that moment, Dontae realized that after leaving his room, Coach Linden must have snuck into Stevie’s room.

  When Dontae had made it home, he’d discovered that his father had left his mother for another woman. The following week, Stevie dropped out of school and tried to commit suicide. Everyone assumed that the anger Dontae displayed when he came back from camp stemmed from his parents’ break-up, but year after year as he’d kept Coach Linden’s secret, Dontae felt as if he was, in effect, sending that monster to the more defenseless Stevie’s room.

  Now his family wanted answers, but how could he tell them that it wasn’t just what Coach Linden did to him that ate at him, but the fact that he hadn’t yelled out that night and exposed Coach Linden. If Dontae had run into the room that night, maybe Coach Linden would have been too ashamed at being caught to try the same thing with Stevie, who had been so wasted that he probably hadn’t been able to fend the man off.

  8

  “I’m worried, Mama. Do you think I made a mistake by inviting Jewel? Maybe, Dontae won’t come back because he wouldn’t want her to hear what he has to say.” Joy was wringing her hands as she stood next to her mother.

  Carmella shook her head as she exhaled. “If he’s going to marry that girl, he owes her the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Time out for married couples keeping secrets from their spouses.”

  “Amen to that,” Joy said and then added. “I wish you would say that to my husband.”

  Carmella looked concerned as she asked, “Has Lance been keeping secrets from you? Is something going on with you and Lance? Is that why he’s not here today?”

  “He’s celebrating Mother’s Day with his own mother today. But you’re right, there is something between us.”

  Brunch had been eaten an hour ago, now everyone was in the family room watching television while Joy and Carmella hung out in the kitchen. Carmella sat down on the stool next to her daughter. “What’s wrong?” She held her breath, praying that whatever it was, it was something that could be fixed.

  “Lance has been meeting with the school board. He’s very close to striking a deal to represent them.”

  “But isn’t that what you wanted? You asked me to attend that awards banquet on Lance’s behalf, remember. You told me that he wanted to become the lawyer of record for the school systems,” Carmella reminded Joy.

  Joy hung her head in misery. She couldn’t decide what was more important in this instance... loyalty to her husband or to her brother. “It’s just that with the way Dontae has been acting, I truly believe that Coach Linden did something to him. So, I think Lance should stick by his family and not represent people who have brought harm to us.”

  Carmella rubbed Joy’s back. “I can understand how you feel. But whether Lance decides to represent them or not, he’s still the man you fell in love with and he’s still the man you promised to spend the rest of your life with. So your job is to love him, even when you don’t agree with him.”

  “I don’t know if I can do that in this situation, Mom.”

  “Then you had no business getting married. He’s your husband, Joy. Stand by him.”

  “How can you ask me to do that? That coach may have done something despicable to your son and you want me to stand by my husband if he decides to represent those people for his own selfish reasons?”

  Carmella pointed at her chest. “I can be mad at Lance all I want to be. But I will not ask you to bear my burden. You took vows with your husband before God. Just because the road gets a little rough, that doesn’t change the promises you made.”

  Joy wanted to argue her point, but she knew she’d never win this argument with Carmella Marshall-Thomas. So she simply said, “Mama, sometimes I think you are just too saved for your own good.”

  Carmella shook her head. “You can never be too saved.” She stood and said, “Come on, let’s get back in the family room with the rest of the family.”

  Nodding as if she was coming to terms with something, Joy stood and followed her mother. But just as they were rounding the corner for the family room, the front door opened and Dontae walked in with Nelson following behind.

  Stepping towards his mom, Dontae said, “I’m only telling this story once, so Dad stays or no go.”

  Carmella looked at Nelson. She had spent twenty-three years of her life with him. During those years of her marriage, Nelson had seemed little “g” godlike to her. He had been a wonderful provider and a great father to his children. She never dreamed that Nelson would cheat on her and had been caught off guard and thrown for several loops when she discovered the truth. But that was then and this was now. The man standing before her now had been humbled by life and the mistakes that he’d made; she could see the difference in him by the sadness in his eyes and the slight slump of his shoulders. “You’re welcome to stay, Nelson. How have things been going?”

  He stepped forward. “I’m looking for an apartment and making contacts so that I can get my life back on track.”

  “I’ve been praying for you. And if your children have anything to say about it, you’ll be back on track before you know it.”

  Joy hugged her daddy. “I was going to stop by the hotel to check on you tonight, but I’m glad you’re here with us now.”

  They went into the family room. Dontae rushed over to Jewel and took her hand. “I’m glad you’re still here.”

  “I wanted to wait for you. I knew you’d come back.” She gave him a weak smile and squeezed his hand.

  Carmella whispered in Ramsey’s ear and he nodded, then got up and shook Nelson’s hand. “Good to have you back home. The kids have missed you.”

  “I missed them something awful as well,” Nelson said and then added, “And thank you for allowing me to come in here so I can hear what my boy has to say.”

  “Not a problem.” Ramsey turned to Dontae. “Do you want me to clear the room so you can talk with your mom and dad in private?”

  Dontae shook his head. “You’re all my family. I’ve been holding this in so long that I just want to say it once and be done with it.”

  “All right, in that case, the floor is yours,” Ramsey said before sitting back down next to Carmella.

  Dontae glanced around the room. One by one h
e took in the faces of his brothers and sisters, his parents and then Jewel. He studied her face the longest because he wanted to know if she would look at him differently after he opened himself up and exposed his wounds. There might not be a need for a prenup at all after this day was over, because Jewel might just decide she didn’t want to marry someone like him.

  Dontae knew that he wouldn’t be able to tell his story if he kept looking at Jewel, so he turned to safer territory. He looked at his mom as he opened his mouth and confessed everything that happened that last night at football camp. He finished up by telling them about Stevie. To Dontae’s surprise, he told his story with dry eyes. The tears hadn’t come until he started thinking about Stevie again.

  Carmella quickly came to his side. “It’s not your fault, Dontae. Don’t torment yourself like this.”

  “You don’t understand, Mama. If I would have hollered and even tried to alert Stevie to what Coach Linden tried to pull with me, then he might not have gone into Stevie’s room that night and Stevie would have kept playing ball and he certainly would have been recruited before me. He was just that good.”

  “You were victimized by Coach Linden, Dontae. Most victims don’t holler out, or tell anyone what their victimizer is doing.” Renee stood up and went to Dontae also. “When I was in the eighth grade a girl bullied me unmercifully. But it wasn’t until the end of the school year that I finally confess to Dad what I was going through. That’s why I work as a youth counselor now. I want to give kids a place to turn, when they think there is nowhere to turn.”

  Dontae leaned on Renee’s shoulder and cried through his sorrows. He wished he’d had someone like his little sister in his life back then. But then his mother started crying and Dontae turned from his little sister and took his mother in his arms and tried to soothe her pain.