Praise Him Anyhow - Volume 1

by Vanessa Miller

  The entire time Dontae was telling his story, Nelson had been like a ticking time bomb. He’d held his peace so that Dontae would be able to get everything out that was bothering him, but he could take it no more. He stood with fists clenched. “I’m going to kill him.”

  Joy put her hand on her father’s shoulder and said, “You just got out of jail, Dad. We can’t have you going back so soon. I’m going to kill him. And then maybe my husband won’t have to decide who to represent.”

  The rest of the evening turned into an, I’m-mad-as-H-E-L-L-and-I’m-not-going-to-take-it-anymore episode. The men were all ready to ride out. They wanted to go bail Coach Linden out of jail and then drive him to a wooded area, let him out of the car and then hunt him down. They’d tie him to a tree and whip him until he begged for his life. Then they would just go on and kill him anyway.

  The women’s thoughts weren’t any better. Instead of tying the man to a tree, they wanted to string him up by his toes, let him hang there while they took turns stabbing him in the heart. For what else would you do with a monster, but drive something through his black heart?

  A house full of Christians and nobody thought to pray, not that night anyway. The wound was too fresh and too devastating. Tears brought them comfort and anger and thoughts of revenge became their friend.

  Once things had quieted down in the house, Dontae and Jewel went out on the porch and sat for a while. When he finally mustered up enough nerve to look at her again, he was thankful that he didn’t see anything different in her eyes. But he had to hear her say it. “So, I guess you’re thanking God that you gave me back that ring now, huh?”

  “Why would you think something like that?”

  “Well, now you know why I’m so messed up in the head.”

  “If I’m thanking God about anything, it’s that you made it through the horrific part of your life and that I now know you a little bit better.” She put her hand over his and looked at him with compassion showing on her face. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

  Dontae poked himself in the head several times. “I just wish I could get it out of my head. I’ve been so angry for so long that I just want it all to stop.”

  “You know how the Bible tells us that God casts our sins into the sea and remembers them no more?”

  “Yeah,” Dontae answered wondering what that had to do with what Coach Linden did to him and to Stevie and to countless others.

  “I sometimes wish that we could cast the sins that people do to us in some sea of forgetfulness and that way we wouldn’t have to ever give them the satisfaction of thinking about them anymore.”

  “Yeah, me too,” Dontae said as he looked off into nothingness. The street was dark now and it was getting late. With the two hour drive he had ahead of him, he would have normally been gone by now. He noticed Jewel’s car parked across the street. “You don’t plan to drive back tonight do you?”

  “I hadn’t planned on staying so late. I’m on a deadline and need to get back to work.”

  “You work from home, so there’s no need for you to get on the road tonight.” He turned to her. “Look, just stay here with my parents; I’ll bunk with my dad for the night and then I’ll follow you back to Charlotte in the morning, okay?”

  Hesitating for a moment, she finally said, “I can see that you’re worried about me. And you already have enough on your mind, so I won’t get on the highway tonight. I’ll wait and drive back with you in the morning.”

  “Thank you.” He lifted her hand and kissed it. “I wanted to tell you about all of this a while ago, but I kept worrying that you’d think that I was gay or something and then not want to be with me.”

  Shaking her head, Jewel put her hands on his face and gently told him, “You are not what was done to you. Don’t confuse the two. An evil monster molested you, that doesn’t make you gay... just makes you a victim.”

  “I don’t like thinking of myself as a victim.”

  “Nobody does.” She kissed his forehead as she said, “But as long as evil is in this world, there will always be a monster out there victimizing someone.”

  “I think I managed to convince myself that since he didn’t do anything but touch me, I hadn’t been molested. But you’re right, that’s exactly what he did to me.”

  “What he tried to do was steal your future. But look at you, Dontae you made it, despite what Coach Linden did. You beat him; don’t you know that?”

  Dontae stood, walked to the edge of the porch and then turned back to face her. “To tell you the truth, I’m not sure what I believe right now. I just know that I need you in my life... I need your love.”

  “You never have to doubt my love for you, Dontae.”

  Looking at her ring finger he asked, “Then why aren’t you wearing my ring?”

  “I want to wear it,” she admitted with surprising ease. “But I don’t think you’re ready for a lifelong commitment yet. But when you are, please come find me. I’ll be waiting.” With that she stood up and went back inside the house.

  Dontae wanted to go after her and deny her assertion about his marriage readiness. But deep down he knew she was right. She had him pegged. Something was holding him back and he would be spending the night with that person, so maybe he’d try to figure some things out about himself.

  ***

  At the hotel with his dad, they both tried to put up a front like everything was normal between them. But as Dontae lay on one double bed and his father on the other, they both knew it wasn’t true. Nothing would ever be normal between them again, but they could still move forward in this new normal that they would somehow create.

  Dontae turned to his father and asked, “So Dad, how did you like being at the house tonight with mom and her new family?”

  Nelson had no words, just shook his head.

  But Dontae saw the regret in his eyes. “Why couldn’t you make it work with , Mom? I don’t understand how Jasmine got to you in the first place.”

  “I had lost my way, I guess. In pursuit of my career, I had stopped going to church on a regular basis and just became consumed with what I wanted and I wasn’t thinking about what was best for my family. Cheating became easy after that.”

  They were silent for a long while after Nelson’s confession then Nelson asked, “Why didn’t you tell me about Coach Linden trying to make a move on you?”

  “I wanted to. The whole ride home all I could think about was how powerful my dad was and how you would make Coach Linden pay for what he’d done to me and Stevie. But when I got home everything had changed. Mom was falling apart and was trying desperately to pick the pieces of her life back up and you had moved on with Jasmine. You didn’t have time for me anymore.”

  “And then I let Jasmine call the police on you, so you thought that I wouldn’t hear anything you had to say, huh?”

  Dontae nodded.

  Nelson found that he hadn’t shed the last tears over how much his affair had cost his family. He’d lost a career, done prison time and almost destroyed his family. And for what? Some woman who wasn’t even in his life anymore, nor did he want her in his life, for that matter. “I’m sorry, son. I’m so sorry. All I can do is promise to be there for you from now on. I’m going to make this up to you... you have my word.”

  “That’s all I need, Dad. Now stop crying and get some sleep.” Dontae hit his pillow to fluff it up a bit so he could get a good night’s rest. He was drained from having to comfort his mother earlier and now watching his dad fall apart over his revelation was just too exhausting. “This has got to be the worst Mother’s Day Mom has ever had.”

  “Without a doubt,” Nelson agreed while wiping the tears from his face. “But at least she had Ramsey to help her get through this.”

  9

  Three days had passed since Dontae had told them what Coach Linden tried to do to him. Like the others, Carmella hadn’t taken it well. But unlike the others, Dontae was her son, and it felt as if
her heart was bleeding. She hadn’t gone in to work on Monday or Tuesday. That morning, Ramsey had gone in to do the bookkeeping for her while her clerks handled the baking.

  But now it appeared as though Ramsey had had enough of her moping around the house. He stood at the end of the bed with hands fisted on his hips. "How much longer, Carmella?"

  Playing dumb she asked, "How much longer, what?"

  "A few of the kids called me this afternoon. They're worried about you because they haven't received the Praise Alert you normally email out to them."

  Guilt crossed her face. "I forgot to send that out." She sunk further into her pillow. "Would you mind scouring the internet to find a praise report for me and then send it to the kids?"

  Sitting down on the bed next to his wife, Ramsey gently told her, "I can do a lot of things to help you get through this difficult time. I can hold your hand, love you... I can even go down to the bakery and help the staff make those scrumptious desserts that you are so famous for. But I cannot praise the Lord for you. That's an individual thing and something you will have to do on your own."

  Tears flowed down Carmella's face as she accepted Ramsey's word as truth. God would not settle for a substitute praiser. Everyone must give God His due out of their own hearts. But right now Carmella's heart was so heavy, and she was so ashamed at the condition she'd found herself in that she didn't even feel worthy to praise God.

  Ramsey lifted her into his arms and held onto her. "Dontae is all right, baby. He survived. The enemy didn't tear him down, so don't let it tear you down."

  “I was supposed to protect Dontae, and I allowed him to go somewhere with that monster.”

  “I was Dontae’s principal at the time, and I hadn’t recognized what was going on. And evidently, Coach Linden was doing all this right under my nose.”

  “But I’m Dontae’s mother, I should have paid more attention to what was going on.”

  Ramsey shook his head. “You didn’t know, Carmella. This is not your fault and I’m not going to sit here and let you carry this all on your shoulders. The blame and the shame belong to Linden and Linden alone.”

  "You just don't understand, Ramsey. None of this was ever supposed to happen. Grown men aren't supposed to molest teenage boys." She put her hand to her heart as the tears kept coming and said, "And now I feel so much hatred in my heart towards Coach Linden that it scares me.”

  “It happens, Carmella. I was so livid when I found out about Renee getting bullied for an entire year that I wanted to hurt that kid.”

  “I’ve never felt like this before, Ramsey. Not even when Nelson and Jasmine were sending me through all kinds of drama, never once did I feel hatred towards them. But I am feeling so much hatred for Coach Linden right now that I don’t even know… how can I praise God when I’m feeling like this?"

  Ramsey held on tighter, as he told his wife, "You praise Him anyhow. Isn't that what you've always told me? Through the pain, through the grief and even through the hatred. You keep praising God until He moves the thing that is hindering you out of the way."

  ***

  On her knees, with hands steepled, Jewel cried out to the God she had known since she was fifteen and called out to Him in the back of her grandmother's church, asking Him to come into her heart. Since that day, Jewel had always trusted that God would look out for her and make her into who He wanted her to be. She believed that God was powerful enough to bring the man of her dreams into her life and that He was able to keep them together. Today she was adding something else to the things she believed God was well able to do.

  "Thank You, Father, for always being here for me. I thank you for keeping me and for blessing me over and over again. You've even blessed me with things that I don't know about. Things that I don't readily see... so I just want to thank You for everything. Because I know that if anything good has ever come into my life, You were right in the midst of it.

  "Dontae was one of those good things that You sent my way. I know we've had our differences lately, but that's only because I'm trying to get him to understand this concept of forever love the way You have shown it to me. But in the meantime, Lord Jesus, I'm asking you for a special blessing for Dontae. I'm asking that You renew his mind and even erase part of it. Make it so that he is able to forget the man who tried to destroy his life, even forget the very act. I believe you can do this, Lord God, and I will keep praying this prayer until the day it manifests for Dontae. Thank You, in Jesus’ mighty, can-do-anything-but-fail, name I pray this prayer."

  ***

  “Welcome to my humble abode,” Dontae said as he opened the door to let his father into his home. Nelson had called at about seven in the morning and asked Dontae to stay home from work that day. “So, I guess you’re ready to tell me why you decided to drive all the way to Charlotte and why I had to take the day off of work?”

  “I came to see my favorite son,” Nelson told him as he walked in, looking around the house.

  “Funny... I’m your only son.” Dontae stopped, thought about it for a minute and then said, “At least I thought I was your only son. But feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.”

  Nelson slapped Dontae on the back. “You thought right. I was just joking with you.”

  “Are you hungry?” Dontae asked as he headed to the fridge.

  “Naw, I picked up a breakfast sandwich on the way down.” Nelson sat down on the stool in front of the kitchen island. “Where are your step-brothers?”

  Dontae took out a jug of orange juice, poured it in a glass and took a sip. “Ramsey’s at work and Ronny is out picking up some material for this new business he’s all excited about starting.”

  “Oh really, what’s he working on?”

  Putting the jug of juice back in the fridge, Dontae said, “He won’t say. Claims he wants to present it to us once he has everything in order.”

  “I hope it works out for him.”

  “If this doesn’t, something will. Ronny is destined for success, just needs the right project.”

  “I’m searching for the right project myself... can’t see myself going back into law. But this old dog still has a few tricks left.”

  “You’ll find something, Dad. I have faith in you.”

  “Well, one thing is for sure; I still have connections. And those connections have brought me to your door this morning.”

  Dontae sat down with his father. “What’s up?”

  “I found Stevie Wallace.”

  Dontae looked at his father like he had grown two heads. “Why were you looking for Stevie?”

  Nelson put his hand on Dontae’s shoulder. “Listen to me for a minute, son.” Dontae nodded, giving his father the floor, Nelson continued, “When I was in prison, I sat in my cell every night thinking about one thing and one thing only... redemption. I told God that if He would give me another chance, I would never neglect my family again in life. And God has given me another chance with you and your sister and I’m so thankful for that.”

  “What does Stevie have to do with you receiving redemption?” Dontae asked.

  Nelson’s throat was getting dry. “Can I get a bottle of water?”

  “Sure thing, Dad.” Dontae hopped up and grabbed a bottle of water from the cabinet below the sink. He handed it to his father and sat back down.

  “I know you contacted the DA and agreed to testify against Coach Linden, and I think that’s a good step forward. Putting Coach Linden away will stop him from hurting any more kids that have been placed in his care. But Stevie... that’s where your redemption lies.”

  Dontae was silent as he thought about what his father was saying to him. In a way it made sense. He had always felt guilty for not warning Stevie about Coach Linden and for not helping him while he was being attacked. That night, he’d denied himself the knowledge of what was going on in the next room. Because if he had acknowledged that the sounds were Stevie calling out for help, then he would’ve had to do something. And Dontae
had just gone to sleep, hoping that he, himself would not be further victimized that night.

  Dontae had avoided thinking about Stevie for so many years, but indirectly, Stevie had always been on his mind. He saw him in every young recruit with all the potential in the world that he signed to his agency. Dontae guarded his clients and shielded them from the things in the sports industry that could do them harm. He had taken to his career change like a fish to water, because with each new recruit, he had been subconsciously looking out for Stevie. Now it was time for him to look Stevie Wallace in the face and go hard for the redemption he now needed so desperately.

  “Maybe you’re right this time. It’s way past time for me to man-up and face Stevie.”

  Nelson stood, pulled his keys out of his pocket. “Let’s go.”

  Dontae hesitated. “You want to go right… right now? How do you even know where Stevie is?”

  “When you mentioned that Stevie had been arrested, I figured he might be in jail right now or at least on parole. So, I made a few calls and found out that he’s been out for about six years and has kept his nose clean. He’s married with three kids, but because of the felony on his record Stevie has been bouncing around from job to job. He’s working at a gas station in South Carolina, just fifteen minutes away from your house.”

  When Dontae first moved on the southwest part of Charlotte, he’d thought it strange how he could be driving down the street and be in North Carolina one moment but then in South Caroline the next. The two states probably needed to drop the whole ‘north’ and ‘south’ business and just go on and be plain old Carolina. But he wasn’t in government, so he wasn’t going to tell them how to run their business. And anyway, he had bigger things to concern himself with, at least that’s the way Dontae saw it. “You took the time to find all of that out?”

  Nelson nodded and then said, “The way I see it, your mom made out pretty good when she married Ramsey. He’s a good guy and I’m glad that she’s happy. But I’m still your and Joy’s daddy, so it’s my job to take care of you two.”