Burn, Baby, Burn

by R. J. Blain

  “Can you please stop naming your pets after possible disasters?”

  I snorted, threw my clothes at her, and got out of the SUV. As I didn’t want to frighten Blizzard, I refrained from slamming the door.

  Transforming in the snow hurt like hell. The cold stabbed through my fur and stung my nose. I snorted steam and cursed my dumbass self for thinking adopting some random, orphaned big cat was a good idea. Then again, I couldn’t leave the poor thing to die.

  Nature sucked, and I didn’t like letting it run its course.

  But first, I needed to eat a tree. The forest had plenty of old deadfall, and I tore into the nearest log, digging with my claws until I found some good, dry wood to fuel my flames. I ate until my coat steamed and I could snort flame instead of steam.

  I’d have to assault several more trees to stay warm unless I got lucky and found Quinn’s kitten nearby. I took off at a brisk walk so I wouldn’t break my neck running around a snowy mountain—or trigger an avalanche.

  Quinn would be proud until he realized I’d run around a snowy mountain on my own. Once he realized I’d done something stupid and dangerous, he’d scold me. I didn’t mind scoldings from him. It took a single pout and sniffle to get him to back off my case, then he felt bad for yelling at me, no matter how much I deserved a scolding. When he felt bad for yelling at me, I got rewarded.

  Yep, I was half the reason I didn’t get enough sleep.

  The trail led me across the mountain, down into a valley, and across a stream just starting to freeze. I jumped over it and snorted flame at the offensive water. The snow deepened, and I had to stop to eat several more trees until my magic guided me beneath an outcropping of stone hidden between scraggly bushes and a dying tree.

  I smelled death before I spotted the wiggling, spotted kitten beside the frozen body of its mother and several other young kittens.

  Nature truly sucked.

  The kitten hissed at me, and I stuck my head into the hole, careful to avoid hitting anything with my horn. Careful to avoid snagging the poor thing with my sharper teeth, I seized it by the nape of its neck and lifted.

  The poor thing weighed practically nothing.

  Most days, I viewed my magic as a cranky, twisted entity out to ruin my life, but it took pity on me—or the kitten—for a change, and it backtracked towards the SUV. It followed the trail I’d blazed to reach the kitten.

  As I didn’t want it to freeze before I could get it to the SUV and the supplies we’d purchased for a young cat, I abandoned my brisk walk for a ground-eating lope. I stopped once to devour a tree, and I blasted the ground until it steamed to give the kitten a warm place to rest while I ate.

  The kitten cried, but it didn’t try to run away.

  I picked the kitten up and bolted for the road and the warm safety of the SUV. When I arrived, I tapped on the window to catch Perkette’s attention.

  She opened her door and took the kitten out of my mouth. “That was a lot faster than I expected. Get changed. I’ll have a look at the kitten and give it some replacer milk.” Ignoring the kitten’s protesting squeaks, she flipped the kitten onto its back and poked between its hind legs. “It’s a female. If my eyes aren’t playing tricks on me, an ocelot. What in the hell is an ocelot doing here?”

  I had no idea. I hadn’t even known ocelots lived in the United States.

  As freezing to death wasn’t on my list of things to do, I circled the vehicle and began the process of shifting back to human. It went a lot better than expected; I got punted to my human form as though I’d offended my magic being a unicorn in a blizzard.

  I understood. With chattering teeth, I climbed into the back of the SUV to warm up and change into my clothes. Blizzard licked my face.

  “You okay?”

  “Snow sucks.”

  Perkette laughed. “You’re better off than I expected. Your lips aren’t even blue this time. There’s a blanket in the back. I’ll switch seats with you, and you can take care of the kitten and get warmed up.”

  “Where do ocelots usually live?”

  “Southwestern United States and down into Mexico. They are native to the United States, but this poor baby was probably someone’s pet and dumped.”

  I shook my head. “Her mother and several other kittens were dead in their den.”

  “Maybe an illegal breeder lost a pregnant female? Odd time for her to have a kitten this young. Poor things. They really aren’t suited for winter.” Perkette held up the little kitten. “Aren’t you a lucky little baby?”

  “Avalanche is her name.”

  “That’s such a terrible name for an ocelot.”

  “It’s not! There easily could have been an avalanche.”

  “Not really. There hasn’t been enough snowfall yet this year, and the peaks of this mountain aren’t really steep enough to have avalanche conditions yet. Yeah, we’re having a snowstorm here, but enough snow hasn’t fallen yet. The drive is only bad because the wind is blowing everything around. Come get your kitten so I can get us out of this damned weather.”

  I spent a moment petting Blizzard before obeying Perkette, taking the kitten and the bottle of replacer milk she’d prepared while I’d been gone. After we got the milk into the kitten, we’d see if she wanted any of the meat we’d shredded not knowing how old Quinn’s new kitten would be. “Any idea how old she is?”

  “Not a clue. I was expecting a puma,” she admitted. “Pumas are the only type of wild cat you might see here until you get into the magical species.”

  “Ocelots aren’t magical, correct?”

  “Correct. She’s mundane. They’re prized for their fur. She won’t be too big. Fully grown, she’ll only be twice the size of a house cat.”

  “That’s not too bad!”

  “She’s technically a big cat species, but not by much. She’s still a wild animal, so you’ll have to be careful, but she won’t be hunting your dogs for sport. Rabbits are more her speed.”

  That was something. “Think she’ll adapt to captivity well?”

  “You specifically asked for a big cat kitten that wanted to be adopted. I think you’ll figure it out, but you might need to give her a habitat in your back yard to keep her happy. You’ll definitely want to harness train her young. You can walk her along with your dogs!”

  I rolled my eyes at that. “If you say so.”

  “I do say so.”

  As I knew just how sharp my teeth could be, I checked the back of the kitten’s neck for any signs I’d cut her while carrying her. I spotted no sign of blood in her damp fur. “Quinn’s going to kill me.”

  “No, he won’t. Why would he kill you?”

  “I invited a predator into our home, and she’s adorable. I love her.”

  “Of course you do, Bailey. She’s a baby. You love babies. How you aren’t pregnant already, I have no idea. Then again, the last thing the world needs right now is you and a severe case of pregnancy hormones. At least you have a huge extended family, so if you do have kids, you have entire flocks of people willing to babysit. Gorgons are the best babysitters.”

  They truly were. Nothing was stupider than infringing on a gorgon’s territory when children were involved. “I hadn’t even considered Quinn’s family as potential babysitters.”

  “For the record, you can totally be a police chief and a mother. Knowing you, you’d work right until you were ready to burst, then you’d be ready to go back to work the next day.”

  “No.”

  She laughed. “Okay, you’re right. You’d want some time to pamper your little one.”

  “I’m not having kids yet!”

  “Keyword: yet.”

  Perkette was impossible. Once she got something in her head, she refused to let go of the idea. “I haven’t even asked Quinn if he wants kids.”

  “Bailey. He’s part gorgon, part incubus, part angel, part only-God-knows what. He wants kids. You could be constantly pregnant, and he’d be the happiest of men. He’s genetically incapable of hating ki
ds.”

  I blinked, tilted my head, and considered that. “Huh. You’re right.”

  “I’m always right. If you want kids, ask. It’s that simple.”

  I stared at the kitten on my lap before glancing at the puppy in the backseat. “Judging from my current actions, I totally want kids, don’t I?”

  “I thought you would have figured that out from your constant attempts to adopt gorgon whelps. Bailey, you’re a treasure, but you’re also an idiot.”

  I truly was. “Let me see if I survive three baby animals and two gorgon whelps first.”

  “Good thought. You’ll be fine. Sure, you’re a fire-breathing pain in the ass, but you mean well—and you truly love children. If you want kids ask Quinn. He’ll be all in, so don’t worry.”

  “But Perkette, I’m really good at worrying. It’s my superpower.”

  My friend laughed. “You realize you shouldn’t be proud of that, right?”

  I snorted. “If I can’t beat it, I may as well own it.”

  “You’re something else.”

  Chapter Nine

  Quinn

  To mitigate the damage the two children could do to my wallet and sanity, I waited until two hours from closing to take them to a bookstore. With Sunny in tow, closer to closing time would help, too. Explaining to the staff that the puppy was a police dog in training would help, and someone had possessed the foresight to provide a training vest and harness for the puppy in several sizes.

  As expected, the instant the employees heard Sunny would be a work dog, they fell for her furry charms, and as I had the attention of the employees anyway, I recruited them to help with my purchases. To do my duty as a book-providing parent, I needed to get them e-readers. As gorgon whelps tended to be more careful with possessions than human children, I asked the employees to recommend their best models, and I splurged on good cases for them. Once I paid for them, I took a few minutes to set each child up with an account and plugged in my credit card info.

  “Perkins?”

  “I have a feeling I’m not going to like what you’re about to ask me to do.”

  I laughed and handed him Sylvester’s new e-reader, which had a blue cover because he loved the color blue more than life itself. “Yep. I don’t think I can operate two e-readers at one time. Can you watch Sunny, too?”

  “Sure.” Perkins claimed the leash, and the puppy obediently sat at my friend’s feet. “Requirements for books?”

  “If he wants to read it, get it for him. Just steer him away from the adult romance section.”

  “Violence?”

  “Violence isn’t a problem, and I’m capable of giving them the talk if there are adult-centric scenes.”

  “Right. Incubus.”

  I chuckled at that. “Yep. I had my first talk when I was two. I think I can handle giving it to them if it hasn’t been done already.”

  Beauty tugged my hand. “Daddy doesn’t let us read out of the girly section for mommies, but we can read anything else.”

  I translated ‘girly section for mommies’ as adult romance, and I fought my urge to laugh at their father’s description of the genre. “We’ll talk about why soon,” I promised.

  “We’re too young.”

  “Ah, you are, but there’s a reason why you’re too young, and you should know. If you’re old enough to ask the questions or be curious about it, you’re old enough to hear the answer.”

  Both children stared at me with wide eyes. Smiling, I shooed Sylvester off, and it only took a word from Perkins to get the boy running across the bookstore to begin his rampage.

  “He likes Nancy Drew,” Beauty whispered. “Daddy doesn’t approve but lets him read it anyway.”

  “Hey, Perkins?” I called.

  Perkins caught Sylvester’s hand so he wouldn’t lose him and turned. “What?”

  “Get the entire Nancy Drew collection for him. That should keep him busy. Ask if he wants the Hardy Boys while you’re at it.”

  “Do you know how many books that is?” Perkins complained.

  “No, but my wallet can handle it, I promise.”

  He sighed, nodded, and resumed allowing Sylvester to drag him across the bookstore.

  “We’re never going to hear from my brother again. I’ll miss him.”

  “It’ll be fine, Beauty. What type of books do you like?”

  She pointed at the horror section. “All of those.”

  Uh oh. “You like the books that have the most pages because they take longer to read, don’t you?”

  She nodded.

  Book dragons. I’d somehow fallen prey to a pair of book dragons. Bailey would laugh herself sick once she found out. “Okay. Show me your favorites first, and I’ll get those. Then you can show me the ones you’ve wanted to read but don’t have yet.”

  “But that’s all of them.”

  Beauty must have been somehow spending time with Bailey. “Humor me, please?”

  She secured her hold on my hand and pulled me to the horror section, where she proceeded to go to several authors, pointing at them and all of their books first. The thinnest book was over an inch thick, and I dutifully plugged in their names, purchasing every one of their titles I could while she waited patiently.

  While on the shelf, the collections didn’t seem too intimidating, but the first batch of books had over a hundred and fifty titles.

  My poor wallet.

  “How long does it take you to read one of these?”

  “If I have quiet time, a day each or so, I guess. But I don’t get a lot of quiet time.”

  Beauty would discover she’d get several hours of quiet time a day, as Bailey would love discovering she had book-crazed kids to keep her company. I enjoyed reading, too, but I found I was easily distracted whenever Bailey giggled at something she liked in her latest book.

  I spent more time watching Bailey than reading.

  I needed to work on that.

  After she did her best to clean out my bank account in the horror section, she headed to the thriller section, targeted every spy book in the section, and ran back and forth trying to figure out which author to ask for first. Laughing, I observed until I was able to isolate several she kept going to, chucking all their books into the digital shopping cart to continue the sad destruction of my wallet. “Your top three favorites, please?”

  She halted, and her serpents swayed while she tried to decide. I’d gotten two of her three choices right, and I added the third author’s books.

  According to my cart, I had an entire year’s worth of books for her if she only read one a day. A wise tamer of book dragons, however, got a buffer. “Do you like science fiction and fantasy?”

  She sucked in a breath, and she nodded so hard I worried she gave her poor snakes whiplash.

  “I’ll add my favorite authors for you, so we’ll keep those ones a surprise for now. Do you enjoy children’s books or young adult books?”

  “Sometimes, but Daddy gets frustrated when I ask for them because I usually read big people books.”

  “You can read just about any book you want, and honestly, if you get a hold of a girly book meant for mommies, I can answer your questions and explain why they’re meant for mommies.”

  “They’re full of filth.”

  I rolled my eyes at that. Gorgons had a monopoly on the filth market; most of them disliked limiting themselves to threesomes, and they didn’t discriminate gender when it came to their personal relationships.

  One size fit all for them, and I found their special brand of love endearing despite the angelic genes that made it impossible for me to handle living in traditional gorgon society. “Not precisely, but you’ll find out soon enough.”

  I was pretty certain at least one of the books I’d gotten for her had some borderline material.

  “Okay. He didn’t like our mommies reading them.”

  Ah-ha. Understanding why the gorgon male wouldn’t approve of his wives reading romance novels made me laugh. “That’s becaus
e he wants to make your mommies happy and he may have thought he wasn’t doing that because they were reading those types of books. They’re usually about women finding new love in their lives. That’s not a bad thing, but gorgon males? We get jealous of our ladies easily. Bailey reads the tame ones because she likes it. I can ask her which ones are safe for you to read, because there are some that are a little too blunt about what happens between women and men in private.”

  “Oh! That.”

  Right. That. “If you want some of those books, I’ll talk to Bailey and find some suitable for you.”

  “Really?”

  “Of course. Anything else you want to read?”

  “Can we go into the non-fiction section?”

  I nodded. “What kind of non-fiction do you want to read?”

  “I want to learn how to cook.”

  Under no circumstances could I afford to laugh at her request. “I have some cookbooks at home, but you can get a few here. We’ll get those as printed books. Printed books are better for cooking in the kitchen.”

  Her eyes widened. “Printed cookbooks?”

  “Yep. We’ll get them in print.” I scanned the store, spotted the cookbook section, and guided her to it. “What type of food do you want to cook?”

  “Chinese?”

  Oh boy. I’d have my hands full trying to figure out how to cook Chinese food. I expected I’d have to get a gas stove installed in the kitchen, although I suspected Bailey would be game to breathe fire under a wok while we cooked outside.

  She’d love it without reservation.

  “All right. We’ll get a Chinese cookbook. What else?”

  “We don’t like spicy food.”

  “Got nailed with some hot peppers?”

  She nodded so hard I worried for her poor serpents again. “I think I can work around that condition. How about barbecue?”

  “It’s too spicy.”

  “It doesn’t have to be. It can be sweet.”

  “You mean it doesn’t have to be red and catch my mouth on fire?”

  Good God. What was their father putting on their barbecue? “I’ll show you some pictures of good barbecue.” It took me a few minutes to find a suitable cookbook, but when I showed her the pictures, she gasped. “Daddy’s barbecue looks nothing like that. That looks yummy! Even that yellow stuff looks yummy.”