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attitudes and behaviors that will earn the reputation you want.
Once your vision list is complete, a quick look will remind you of
how to act. You might also consider a methodical way to practice
the qualities on the list, one by one. If you’re working on several
characteristics, you might try a flavor-of-the month approach.
Let’s say you want colleagues to see you as reliable, creative, and
positive. Go to your calendar and, for each of the next three
months, choose one attribute to be your theme for the month.
Now here is the most important part: If “be reliable” is your tar-
get for May, commit to a specific type of behavior to bolster your
reputation for reliability. For example, you might plan to arrive
right on time for every May meeting.
Your brand sets you apart from the competition. And your brand as a leader
reflects and influences the way other people encounter your deepest values.
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Power up by
tweaking Your
Personal style
did somebody tell you that if you work hard and do a great job, it won’t
matter what you wear to work? Sorry, that’s just not the case.
The way you present yourself to other people has an impact on how they
evaluate your accomplishments and potential. And your personal style—your
clothes and grooming—makes a difference to the way you’re perceived.
Obviously, your style is particularly important when you’re job hunting
or making presentations. Thinking about these occasions, I went to an expert, my sister, Libby Vick.
Libby spent 10 years in Washington politics and public relations, and for
more than 20 years has been on the faculty at Northern Virginia Community
College. In her business and professional communications classes, students of all ages and backgrounds explore how they come across on the job or in the
job market.
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Whether you’re giving a speech or just trying to make a good impres-
sion, Libby says, “Your audience may focus less on your words than on your
nonverbal message. In addition to things like posture and facial expressions, personal style is a part of that message.”
Having a tasteful look doesn’t require lots of money. Libby believes you
can look smart whenever it’s evident you thought carefully about how to put
yourself together.
Women on a tight budget can still appear stylish. One approach that
often works is to wear mostly black, or black and white. For men, dressing
for success is both more flexible and more complicated than it used to be. A
good tactic is to see how others dress and come up with a look that’s a bit less casual than most guys in the group. But male or female, and whatever look
you select, make sure your clothes are clean and pressed.
You’ll feel better about yourself when you know you look good, and
chances are you’ll perform better as well. Libby says that in her early teaching days she didn’t require students to dress up for presentations. Then she realized, “The speeches they give when they’re wearing sweats to class are nothing like the speeches they give when they know they look good.”
Libby says everything comes back to focusing on your audience and rec-
ognizing that all good communication is audience centered. So give some
thought to messages you want to communicate and what your look will con-
vey to the people you’re trying to reach. If it’s apparent that you made an
effort, they may be more open to what you have to say.
Times to kick your style up a notch
Sometimes you feel too busy, tired, or disengaged to make an effort as you
prepare for the workday. Losing interest in your appearance can be part of
a downward spiral in your career. When that happens, a bit of a makeover
might help you to break out of the funk.
Another time for a redo is when your career is on an upswing. A chic
new look can be a subtle way to let the world know that you are on a roll.
And you may want to buff up your look when you:
→ Work with younger people. If your wardrobe hasn’t changed
in years, they may assume that your mindset is back in the 90s,
as well. Notice what your young colleagues are wearing and
modify their choices to create a look that works for you. If you
Power up by tweaking Your Personal style
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don’t know where to begin, ask for advice from a fashionable
friend, explore fashion blogs, or find a personal shopper.
→ Work with older people. It won’t help your career if you look
like a kid. Get rid of the flip-flops if your colleagues will think
your informal dress suggests you don’t mean business.
→ Interact with clients or customers. You won’t make much of
an impression if you’re dressed like you don’t really care. You’ll
be more credible if you look as if you considered all the details,
including what to wear.
→ Are giving a speech. Libby says it’s tougher than ever to
make a presentation, what with audiences constantly yearn-
ing to check their phones. No matter how well you know your
material, you’ll lose your audience at the beginning if you look
sloppy, uncertain, or unprepared. Dress up a bit in an ensemble
that makes you look good, and you’ll get off to a strong start.
→ Hope to move up. If you’re eyeing a promotion, dress like
you’ve already climbed the ladder. Instead of blending in with
your peers, take a cue from your bosses, or their bosses, and
dress as if you’re one of them.
→ Are seeking a new position. In interviews, first impressions
are critical. And people will register how nicely you’ve cleaned
up, even before you open your mouth. Dressing conservatively
is often the safest bet, but you’ll also want to look like you fit in
with the office culture. Being a little over-dressed is acceptable
because it shows the interviewer how much you care.
→ Want to avoid stereotypes. My hip mother, Lorna Jones,
passed her driving test at age 93. I asked if she’d been nervous
about driving with a motor vehicle department official in her
car, and she said it had been no problem because she was pre-
pared. “I had my hair done and I dressed like a professional,”
she said. “After 80, if you dress casually or look untidy, people
may assume you have dementia.” When you look classy, folks
are more likely to put their prejudices aside.
In a work setting, your personal image is part of your brand. It suggests
something about how much you value the work, and how you expect others
to treat you.
7
talk Back to the Voice
in Your Head
throughout school there was a voice in my head saying, “If you don’t study,
you’re gonna flunk.” I’ve no idea where those words came from. My par-
ents didn’t pressure me about studying, but I heard the refrain every time I
was tempted to skip my homework.
The voice seemed to fade away when I was an undergraduate, but it roared
back when I entered Georgetown Law. I was excited to be in Washington and
tempted by the leisure o
ptions, from museums to bars. That nagging warning,
though, often kept me at my books. At times I even cranked up the volume,
saying aloud to myself, “You’re gonna flunk, you’re gonna flunk.”
After graduation, the message changed but the voice was more insistent
than ever. During my early years in law, the message was often, “They aren’t
used to women here. You have to work harder than the men.” The exhorta-
tions would wake me up in the middle of the night, and distract me in situa-
tions that should have been fun.
Eventually, however, I noticed that it wasn’t the lawyers sitting longest
at their desks who seemed to be getting clients. In a big “Aha!” moment, I
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talk Back to the Voice in Your Head
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saw that the tyrannical voice in my head could be wrong. Grinding out the
written work mattered, but so did other activities, like building relationships.
From then on, instead of always knuckling under, I practiced ignoring that
voice, or even arguing back. When it told me to stay put, I might respond,
“This dinner is a good opportunity and I’m going.”
Then, as I summoned the courage to broaden my professional circle
and pitch potential clients, I had to find ways to bounce back when peo-
ple weren’t responsive. I noticed that often, the worst part wasn’t what they said—it was the scathing assessment from my inner voice. So I practiced
ignoring messages like, “They’ll never hire you,” and told myself that disap-
pointments are growth experiences. I would say to myself, “Okay, what did
we learn here?”
Unlock new energy by managing your
inner voice
Each of us has a repetitive voice in our head, commenting, warning, and
judging. Sometimes the voice gets stuck in the past, perhaps returning us to
moments that could have gone better. If the voice is preoccupied with things
that could go wrong in the future, we call that “worrying.”
Much Eastern philosophy explores ways to quiet the babble in your mind.
Practices like meditation and prayer can help you stop listening to that tedious noise and become more in touch with a deeper, more connected you.
In the West, scientists have begun to understand the nature of our inter-
nal commentary, as well as the many ways it interacts with our physical health.
It seems that the relentless voice in your head reflects not only your own past learning, but also the collective experience that you’ve soaked up from others.
Some experts suggest that the voice evolved as a survival tool, and its incessant messages are rooted in ancient problems and dangers. At work, that voice can
provide you with warnings and motivation.
When we’re fully engaged in rewarding tasks, the voice may grow quiet.
Too often, however, the whining monologue can become a nuisance, keeping
us awake at night and subjecting us to needless worry. The voice can discour-
age us from taking risks, distract us from important work, and undercut our
productivity.
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Think Like an Entrepreneur, Act Like a CEO
The good news is that you don’t have to let that negative self-talk exhaust
you. Here are a few ways to break free from compulsive negative thought
patterns:
→ Just notice. Simply observing which thoughts tend to recur can help break their hold. Identify the niggling phrases that flow
through your mind most frequently. Each time one returns, just
observe it and try not to react. Remind yourself: It’s just that
old thought and I don’t have to listen.
→ Reframe them. Make a list of your recurring negative
thoughts. Draft a more positive alternative to each thought
on your list. For example, if you keep thinking, “This job is
boring,” your rewrite might be: “Today, I will take one step to
make this job more interesting.” When the same old thought
occurs, counter with the revised version. Repeat the reframed
statement over and over. With enough repetitions, you can
replace the old message with the more helpful new one.
→ Name them. You can get distance from recurring negative
thoughts by putting a label on each thought pattern. For exam-
ple, you might say to yourself, “That’s just my Monday morning
chatter,” and let the babble go. Another technique is to visual-
ize the narrator in your mind who is voicing the message. Then
you may be able to dismiss your worries by saying, “Oh, that’s
just my Monday morning Grinch talking.” I love Rick Carson’s
classic book, Taming Your Gremlin, which suggests that you
imagine how your internal narrator may look. By picturing
your nasty little gremlin, you weaken its power to badger you.
So much of building resilience and feeling more comfortable with man-
ageable risk is a matter of getting out of your own way. A good starting point is simply becoming aware of the voice in your head and recognizing that you
don’t always have to listen.
8
How do other People
get self-discipline?
do you know people who have so much self-discipline that it makes every-
thing look easy? Does it sometimes feel like your career would take off if
you had as much discipline as one of your colleagues?
That was the case with Doug*, an energetic communications and mar-
keting consultant. He is an expert in his field and his charismatic personality helps him to attract more clients than he can easily serve. He has a strong team to share the work, but when we first spoke, Doug complained that he couldn’t
seem to get organized. He had so much going on that he couldn’t keep track
of the details. Opportunities would slip away when he failed to follow up, and he worried that his disorganization would result in a serious mistake.
Doug would invent reasonable processes for keeping track of prospects
and client projects, and his team would adopt them. But then he’d create
chaos by ignoring his own systems. He’d fail to report on his activity, forget about his promises, or reinvent a critical strategy without sharing the plans.
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Think Like an Entrepreneur, Act Like a CEO
“The problem is I just wasn’t born with enough self-discipline,” Doug
said. “It’s easy for people like my assistant Jane, who’s methodical but not so creative, but I’m a different kind of person. So how do I get more control?”
It is true that some people, like Jane, are natural y methodical planners,
whereas others, like Doug, are more spontaneous. But, by definition, self-
discipline isn’t easy for anyone. A common definition is that self-discipline is “the ability to motivate oneself in spite of a negative emotional state.” In other words, self-discipline is about making yourself do things you don’t feel like doing.
And there’s no single strategy for boosting your level of self-discipline.
One reason is that this elusive quality can take many forms. Sometimes it’s
about avoiding immediate gratification in order to obtain a greater benefit,
like when you quit smoking. Another type involves doing something you
don’t enjoy in order to achieve a goal, like running every morning so you can lose weight.
But you can develop more self-discipline if you want to. As I explained to Doug, building your self-discipline is rather lik
e building your body. Even if you’re very weak, you can start today to build the strength of your muscles,
one by one, and with time you’ll increase your level of fitness. In the same way, you can start now to strengthen your self-control “muscles.” By working on
them a little bit every day, you’ll gradually develop more discipline.
you can increase your self-discipline
As a young professional, Doug loved deadline pressure and was proud of
his ability to respond to client emergencies. But the cowboy style that worked when he was a sole practitioner wasn’t effective when he was trying to lead
a dozen people. He began to see how one of the most important qualities
for career success, and for joy in life, is self-discipline. He stopped scoffing at research that suggests people with self-control are happier, better able to handle stress, and more likely to reach their goals.
More important, Doug discovered that self-discipline is a learned behavior. It is something you can work on, issue by issue, day by day, freeing you from considerable anxiety and wasted time.
Self-discipline looks different for different people. For Doug, it began
with a new practice of writing things down. At first, he started writing for 10
minutes each morning, planning out his day. When that habit seemed firm,
he began carrying around a notebook for capturing everything from phone
messages to commitments he made to clients.
How do other People get self-discipline?
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Try this plan for building your self-discipline
The people who stand out in a competitive environment show up on time,
meet deadlines and commitments, take on the tough issues, and do every-
thing they promise. To be that kind of person requires self-management.
If you’re ready to build your discipline muscle, begin with this 10-point plan:
1) Start with a goal. Is there something that you would like to do,
if only you had the discipline to do it? Let’s say, for example, that
you think your job would flow more smoothly if you could get
to work on time. Decide upon a manageable goal and express it
in specific terms, like “I will arrive at work by eight o’clock every
day for two weeks.”
2) Visualize what self-discipline would look like. Identify the