Bittersweet

by Jannine Gallant

  “Actually, I do need a few things. If you can wait ten minutes while I change into something more appropriate and wake Emily, we’ll come with you.”

  His mouth opened and shut. Finally he nodded. “Go ahead. I’ll wait out here.”

  Tess flew into the house, her spirits soaring. Finally she would have an opportunity to speak to him. She changed out of her work dress and into a white blouse and pretty lavender gingham skirt. After re-braiding her hair and pinning it up she went into Emily’s room to wake her.

  “Time to get up, sleepy head.” She rubbed her daughter’s back. Emily rolled over, stretched, and slowly opened her eyes.

  “Pretty baby.” Tess lifted her out of the crib. She changed Emily’s diaper, buttoned her into her second best dress, and rushed down the stairs.

  “Aunt Fay, Emily and I are riding into town with Daniel for supplies,” she called and stopped in the kitchen to grab a handful of crackers for the baby.

  Fay set down her mending and rose to her feet. “Daniel hasn’t been around much lately.”

  “No, he’s been busy.”

  “It’s nice to see a sparkle in your eye, Tess. Don’t forget to buy tea. We’re getting low.”

  Tess nodded and hurried out to the wagon.

  Daniel gave her a hand up onto the seat. “That was fast. No, Shadow, you can’t come. We won’t be gone long.” Leaving the dog in the yard, he turned the horses toward town.

  Emily squirmed on her lap, reaching for him.

  “I’m sorry, sweetie, but Uncle Daniel is busy driving.”

  “I’ll take her, if you’ll hold the reins.”

  She handed Emily to him. “She really has missed you.”

  “I missed her, too.”

  Tess drove with ease. The sun shone, and a steady breeze blew across the prairie. She sniffed the unique aroma of ripening grass. “It’s a lovely day for a drive.”

  Daniel looked up from the crackers he was feeding Emily. “I thought a trip into town would make a nice change.”

  “How’s the corn?”

  “Growing well. It looks like a good crop.”

  She studied his averted profile as the conversation lagged. Apparently he still felt uncomfortable with her. She wondered what to say to ease his mind.

  Emily finished her crackers, and to Tess’s mortification, wiped her messy hands on Daniel’s shirt. She lifted her daughter from his lap and handed him the reins. Their hands touched briefly in the exchange, and a jolt of awareness shot through her. When she tried to meet his gaze, he looked away.

  Tess clenched her teeth and took a deep breath, her frustration sharp. “This has to stop, Daniel.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Your sudden aversion to my company, that’s what! I won’t throw myself at you if you look my way.”

  “I never thought that!”

  “Then why are you avoiding me?”

  He didn’t answer right away. Finally he turned and met her gaze. “I feel badly about what happened. I’m sorry, Tess.”

  She smiled tentatively, hoping to ease his somber expression. “It was just a kiss. I wasn’t angry.”

  “I know, but I had no right to do it.”

  “Even if I say I didn’t mind?”

  His mouth tightened. “The kiss was a betrayal of Rory’s memory.”

  Tess stared at him in disbelief. Of all the reasons she’d imagined for his withdrawal, this wasn’t one of them. “What should I do, Daniel, close myself off from living as a tribute to Rory? I loved him. You know I did, but he’s gone. Don’t I have a right to find happiness again?”

  “Yes of course, but—”

  “But what?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. He was my brother.”

  “All right, Daniel. I respect your feelings. Can we please go back to being friends?”

  “I’ll always be your friend.”

  She frowned at him. “You have a funny way of showing it. I’ve been miserable all week.”

  “You’re right. I’ve been an ass. Am I forgiven?”

  “You are if you promise to take us to Rebecca Sorenson’s wedding a week from Saturday.”

  His lips curved. “I’ll try to fit you into my busy schedule.”

  He drove past the church down Main Street and stopped the horses in front of her father’s store. He set the brake before helping her down from the wagon.

  “How much time do you need?”

  “Not long, a half hour or so.”

  “That’s fine. I’ll meet you back here when you’re finished.”

  Before she could answer, a voice called her name. Tess turned and shaded her eyes. She smiled when she recognized the speaker.

  “Sheriff Swift, how nice to see you again.”

  “Please call me Nathan.” He took her hand in a warm clasp, and a tingle shot through her. “Hello, Daniel.”

  Daniel looked up from looping the reins around the hitching post and nodded. “Afternoon, Nathan.”

  “What brings you to town?” he asked.

  “Daniel was going, and I needed a few things. Mostly I want to choose material for a dress.”

  The sheriff’s smile widened. “Is there a special reason?”

  “Rebecca Sorenson’s wedding. I didn’t think she and James were ever going to set a date.”

  “You’ll be at the celebration?”

  “Oh yes. Rebecca and I are great friends.”

  “I’ll look forward to seeing you there.” His eyes twinkled as his gaze rested on her. “If I’m lucky, maybe you’ll save me a dance.”

  She smiled. Nathan’s obvious interest gave her morale a much needed boost. She wanted Daniel to see that the sheriff found her attractive. “I would be happy to.”

  Daniel cleared his throat. “Don’t be too long, Tess. I want to get home by chore time.”

  “I won’t,” she promised and turned back to Nathan. “It was nice chatting with you.”

  “Where are you headed?”

  “The dry goods store.”

  “I’ll walk with you. I’m going that way.”

  She shifted Emily to her shoulder and took the arm he offered. She could feel Daniel’s eyes following them as they passed the hotel and headed up the street. Nathan was quiet, and she searched for something to say.

  “Of course you know Rebecca and James. I was forgetting James works for you now.”

  “He’s a good man. I’m lucky to have such a reliable deputy. Maybe the four of us could have supper together sometime?”

  Tess’s stomach fluttered. “Maybe.”

  “She sure is pretty.” He nodded at Emily.

  Tess smiled with pride at her daughter who peeked at him over her shoulder. She shook her head. “Nine months old and already a flirt.”

  “Nothing wrong with letting a fellow know how you feel.” His chocolate brown gaze slid over her as he stopped outside the door to Avery’s dry goods. “Here we are.”

  Tess reached for the doorknob, not quite sure if she should be pleased or offended by his bold perusal. “I’ll see you at the wedding.”

  “I look forward to it.”

  * * * *

  Daniel waited while Ned Blaylock measured two pounds of nails. He stared down at a deep groove in the counter and scowled.

  “You look ready to rip that counter right off the wall, and I don’t think Ned would appreciate it.”

  Daniel glanced up. “What? Oh, hello, Hank.”

  “Something bothering you, Daniel?”

  “No, nothing,” he answered, paying for the nails.

  Hank followed him outside where they stood side by side on the dusty street. Daniel blinked in the bright sunlight.

  “Didn’t you go in there for a reason?” he asked.

  “It can wait. I have a few minutes to spare if you do.”

  “Sure, I have to wait for Tess, anyway.”

  “She came into town with you, did she?”

  “Yes.” Daniel scuffed his boot through the dirt. F
inally he looked at Hank. “Swift sure doesn’t let any grass grow under his feet.”

  Hank smiled. “What has our new sheriff done to annoy you?”

  “Nothing, really, but I didn’t like the way he came rushing out of his office to pounce on Tess the minute we pulled into town.”

  “I would say he’s taken a shine to her.”

  Daniel sighed, his heart plummeting. “It looks like it.”

  “Tess is a lovely girl. It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

  “I suppose.”

  “You know, Daniel, if you told Tess how you feel about her, I doubt she would give Nathan Swift or any other man a second glance.”

  His head snapped up. “What do you mean?”

  Hank gazed steadily at him. “Don’t you think you’ve loved her in silence long enough? Why not speak up before someone else beats you to it?”

  Daniel swallowed and looked away, embarrassed Hank knew his secret. “Does anyone else suspect?”

  “I don’t think so. Nathan was asking about you and Tess at the picnic, and I told him you were just good friends.”

  “That’s all we are.”

  Hank snorted. “Of course Rory knew, but I don’t think he ever mentioned it to anyone but me.”

  Daniel stiffened. “You’re mistaken. I certainly never let on to Rory how I felt about Tess.”

  “You did a fine job of hiding it, but he knew. We talked about it once. He hoped one day you’d find a woman who would make you forget all about her.”

  Daniel closed his eyes and took a deep breath, despair eating at his conscience. “I can’t believe he knew.”

  “Well, he did, and Tess deserves to know, too. Rory wouldn’t begrudge you the happiness you both deserve.”

  Daniel shook his head before he finished speaking. “I wonder if Rory thought I let him die on purpose.” His voice rose, pain ripping through his chest. “I wonder if he thought I didn’t back him up so I could have Tess.”

  “Don’t be absurd,” Hank said sharply.

  “He must have resented me.”

  “He felt sorry for you, Daniel, loving someone you couldn’t have. He wanted you to be happy.”

  “God, Hank. Why didn’t he ever tell me he knew?”

  “He didn’t want to embarrass you or cause any awkwardness.” He laid a hand on Daniel’s arm. “Rory wasn’t the jealous sort, and he knew you would never betray him.”

  “Of course I wouldn’t, and I don’t plan to betray his memory. Anyway, Tess doesn’t love me, not the way a woman loves her husband.”

  “You don’t know as much as you think. Give her a chance to tell you herself how she feels.”

  “No. I kissed her the other night. I lost my head and kissed her. It came close to ruining our friendship.”

  “I’m surprised to hear that.”

  “I’m right about this.” He stood in silence for a few moments, remembering the kiss. He’d tried to put it out of his mind and failed miserably. “How’s your shoulder? You’re not wearing the sling anymore.”

  “A little stiff, but I can work again. It’s a good thing because Mary has a list of chores for me a yard long.”

  Daniel smiled. “See, Hank, I’m doing myself a favor by staying single. No one to nag me.”

  “Keep telling yourself that, my boy. Maybe someday you’ll even believe it.”

  He watched Tess come out of Avery’s, carrying a parcel in one arm and Emily in the other. She gave them an awkward wave and went into her father’s store.

  “I should go. I still have to pick up a harness over at the livery before I meet Tess.”

  “Tell her hello for me.”

  “I will. Hank?”

  “Yes?”

  “You won’t mention our talk, even to Mary, will you?”

  “Of course not.”

  “I appreciate that. I wouldn’t want it to get back to Tess. I couldn’t stand her knowing what’s in my heart and feeling sorry for me.”

  “You’re a fool, Daniel, but she won’t hear it from me.”

  “At least I’m a fool who has his pride.”

  “Pride doesn’t keep a man warm on a cold winter night,” he said gruffly.

  “Then it’s a good thing it’s summer.”

  Chuckling, Hank went inside the hardware store, and Daniel headed down the street toward the livery.

  * * * *

  “Hi, Pa,” Tess called. She shut the door to her father’s store with a jangle of bells.

  Wesley rose to his feet. “Tess, honey, what brings you to town?”

  “I’m low on a few things. Why were you down there on your hands and knees?”

  “I decided to rearrange the shelves.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “I get enough of that every time it rains hard.”

  “Lottie told us. Did you stay at Daniel’s?”

  “Yes.” She sighed and leaned against the counter. “I doubt we will again.”

  “What happened?”

  As she looked at her father’s concerned expression, Tess’s worries poured out in a flood of emotion. “Daniel kissed me, Pa.”

  “And that upset you?”

  She stared at him in amazement. “You’re not surprised?”

  “I’m only surprised he hasn’t done it sooner. You didn’t answer my question.”

  “I wasn’t upset by the kiss, only by what followed. The next day he wouldn’t look at me, and then he avoided me for a week.”

  “I imagine he feels a little guilty.”

  “A lot guilty.” She scowled at a smudge of dirt on the smooth counter top. “He has this notion in his head that touching me is a betrayal of Rory.”

  “How do you feel about it?”

  “Confused. Frustrated. Angry. You know I care deeply for Daniel. Sometimes I think it could be more than caring.”

  Wesley’s eyes held compassion. “Maybe Daniel needs time to adjust.”

  “It’s been nine months since Rory was killed. The way he talked driving into town, I don’t think time will make any difference.”

  “You’ve discussed it then?”

  “I tried. He wasn’t very forthcoming.”

  “What do you intend to do?” Wesley asked.

  “There’s nothing I can do. I’ll have to be content with his friendship.”

  “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

  “We don’t always get what we want, Pa. Sometimes we have to settle for what we can have.”

  “And what is that, Tess?”

  She looked away from his penetrating stare. “Nathan Swift shows an interest in me.”

  “Do you intend to encourage him?”

  She squared her shoulders. “He seems nice enough, and he’s certainly handsome. I could do far worse than Nathan Swift.”

  “It sounds like you’ve made up your mind.” He stepped around the counter and laid a gentle hand on Emily’s head as he passed. “Tell me what you need, and I’ll collect your supplies.”

  “Sugar, salt, and tea.” Her heart sank. “You disapprove, don’t you?”

  “It’s not my place to disapprove. I’ll always support your choices. Are you planning to stop by the house to see your mother?”

  “I don’t have time. Daniel is meeting me here.”

  Daniel entered the store, shutting the door behind him. “Did I hear my name?”

  “I just told Pa you would be here any minute. Did you finish your errands?”

  He nodded. “Hello, Wes. Can I get ten pounds of beans and a couple pounds of coffee when you have a chance?”

  “Coming right up.”

  While Daniel carried their supplies out to the wagon, Tess paused at the counter. “Do you think I’m making a mistake, Pa?”

  “Honey, you have to do what you think is right. Your judgment is sound, and you know best what your needs are.”

  “Thank you, Pa.” She kissed his cheek. “I always feel better after I talk to you.”

  “Good. You’d better go. Daniel looked like he was in a
hurry.”

  “He doesn’t like to keep the cows waiting at milking time.”

  “That’s understandable. ’Bye ’bye, Emily.”

  Emily stared back at him with solemn eyes, and Tess smiled. “’Bye, Pa.”

  Daniel helped her into the wagon and turned the horses toward home. The clatter of hooves and rattle of wheels on the dusty road rang in the stillness. Daniel stared straight ahead, his brows drawn together in a frown.

  “You’re certainly cheerful company,” she said.

  He turned toward her, and the frown disappeared. “I’m sorry. I was thinking about something. Did you find your dress material?”

  “I did, a gorgeous pink lawn. Was there any mail?”

  “I received a letter from Uncle John’s lawyer. The house still hasn’t sold.”

  “Are we asking too much for it?”

  “I don’t think so. We can afford to wait a little longer for a buyer at this price.”

  She nodded, content to let him take care of their business. “Whatever you think is best, Daniel.”

  Neither spoke the rest of the way home. She thought about the dress she would make for Rebecca’s wedding and wondered why she cared so much about looking pretty in it. Who did she want to impress, Daniel or Nathan? Maybe the answer was both. A second thought occurred to her, and she squirmed uncomfortably. She shouldn’t be so quick to judge her sister when it came to men. She was just as fickle as Lottie.

  * * * *

  Tess took a last look at herself in the mirror, satisfied with the results of her labor. Her eyes shone, and her cheeks were the same pink as her dress. For once, her flyaway hair cooperated. It lay in a smooth coil at the base of her neck with only a few wisps left loose to curl about her face. She had worked every spare minute, staying up late the night before to finish her dress, and she studied it with pride. The bodice fit smoothly over her shoulders and chest and emphasized her waist. The skirt belled out beneath, held in place by layers of petticoats.

  “What do you think, Emily? Will Mama pass inspection?”

  “You’ll outshine the bride, Tess. You look beautiful.”

  “Oh, Daniel, you startled me!” She raised her hand to her chest. Her heart beat wildly, not wholly in response to the shock of discovering him hovering outside her bedroom door. His sweet words heated her cheeks.