Bittersweet

by Jannine Gallant

  Downstairs, she let Shadow in for the night and cleaned his muddy paws. Then she made a cup of tea and returned to the front room. Daniel was still in the exact same position. His thick, reddish blond lashes fanned out on his brown cheeks. She touched his hair hesitantly, smoothing it back from his forehead. His eyes opened slowly.

  “Did I fall asleep?”

  She nodded. “Why don’t you go to bed? It would be a lot more comfortable than sleeping on the floor.”

  He sat up and stretched. “What have you got there?”

  “Tea, would you like some?”

  “No thank you.” He yawned and smiled. “Sorry for dozing off like that. Did you put Emily to bed?”

  “Yes. I love the rocker in our room, Daniel. So does Emily. She fell asleep in no time.”

  “I’m glad. I guess I should go upstairs,” he said, but he made no effort to rise.

  Tess finished her tea and set the cup aside. She was content to sit with Daniel while the fire burned low in the grate. She had an almost irresistible urge to lean back against him and rest her head on his shoulder. How would he react? He reached out a hand and stroked her hair, his finger running the length of her braid. Abruptly he jumped to his feet.

  With a sigh of disappointment, she held out her hand. He pulled her up, and together they climbed the stairs with Shadow following. At the door to her room, Daniel stopped.

  “Goodnight, Tess.”

  She touched his cheek. “Goodnight, Daniel.”

  He covered her hand with his and turned his face until his lips touched her palm. Before she could say anything, he dropped her hand and fled down the hall. Smiling, she went inside her room, leaving the door ajar for Shadow.

  Sometime in the night Emily woke. Outside thunder crashed and lightening lit the sky. Holding her screaming daughter, Tess left the bed and felt for the rocker. Crooning softly, she rocked Emily until the storm abated.

  “Is she all right?” Daniel asked.

  She looked up and saw him standing in the doorway, a darker shadow in the night. “She’s asleep again. I’m sorry we woke you.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  Tess rose to her feet and laid Emily on the bed. She crossed the room in her trailing white nightgown and stopped in front of him. He wore a pair of trousers, but his chest was bare. Her heart pounded, and she took a deep breath to calm her jumping nerves.

  “The thunder scared her. She must have inherited her fear from me. I don’t like storms either, but I try not to let it show.”

  “You shouldn’t have to be so brave, Tess.”

  “I don’t mind. But sometimes on a night like this, I miss having someone to lean on.”

  Daniel reached for her, tugging her close. “You can always lean on me.”

  “I know I can.” She rested her cheek against his chest. He smelled good, a combination of soap and some scent that was uniquely Daniel. She wrapped her arms around his waist and closed her eyes, losing herself in the joy of being close to him, taking the comfort he offered.

  He stroked her hair. His hand moved through the loose mass to her back, bringing her body closer to his. Her breasts pressed against his chest, and she felt his arousal grow. With a shuddering sigh, he took a step back.

  She stared up at him in wonder. “Daniel?” she whispered.

  “Oh, Tess.” Abruptly, he pulled her into his arms and lowered his mouth to hers. The kiss was unlike the innocent pecks they’d shared a time or two in the past. It was full of heat, a joining of souls starved for affection. His mouth moved on hers, opening her lips.

  Her knees weakened. His kiss was as fierce as it was unexpected, and it awakened an answering passion that made her tremble. His tongue entered her mouth. She touched it with her own and tightened her grip on his back. His desire fed hers.

  Behind them, Emily turned restlessly in her sleep and let out a soft cry. Daniel jerked away and leaned against the doorframe, breathing deeply.

  Tess touched his chest with a shaking hand.

  He flinched and pulled away. “I’m sorry. If you can forgive me, I promise it will never happen again.”

  “There’s nothing to forgive.”

  “Yes there is. I took advantage of your vulnerability. I abused your trust.”

  “But, Daniel…”

  “Please, can we just forget it happened? I’m going back to my room. Will you be all right?”

  “Of course, but shouldn’t we talk about it?”

  “There’s nothing to say. Please, I made a mistake. I’m sorry.”

  “If that’s how you feel.” She wrapped her arms around her waist. Though the house was warm, a shiver ran through her, and all the warmth left her body.

  “It doesn’t matter how I feel. It’s what we have to do.”

  She nodded. “All right, then, I’ll see you in the morning.”

  He disappeared down the hall. She climbed into bed and cuddled next to Emily. For a long time she lay awake, reliving the kiss. She didn’t want to forget it, and even if she had, she knew she never would. There was something special about it, something that made her heart race. Those minutes in Daniel’s arms had been magic, and magic wasn’t easily dismissed.

  * * * *

  Daniel had left to do the chores when Tess came downstairs the next morning. She was tired from her sleepless night but pleased to see the sun breaking over the horizon. The creek would recede quickly, and after last night, she knew it was best they return home.

  She poured herself a cup of coffee and started breakfast. The eggs were ready, and a pan of biscuits warmed in the oven when he finally came inside.

  “Good morning,” she said. “Did the storm do any damage?”

  “No.” He pushed up his sleeves and washed his hands in the basin. “The creek is dropping.”

  “That’s good.” Tess tied Emily’s bib around her neck and took her to the table. “Breakfast is ready. Aunt Fay had a biscuit and coffee and is upstairs packing.”

  Daniel took his time joining them and kept his eyes on his plate. She stared at his bent head in exasperation. The man makes me crazy.

  “I thought we were going to forget about it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s obvious something is bothering you. For heaven’s sake, you haven’t looked at me once this morning.”

  His gaze met hers, and she read misery and confusion in his eyes. Instinctively, she reached for his hand. He pushed away from the table before she could touch him, leaving half his breakfast on his plate.

  “Why should we forget, Daniel? Tell me why.”

  “It’s what we have to do. I’m sorry.” He stopped in the doorway with his back to her. “I’ll take you home as soon as you’re ready.”

  She watched him leave. Tears clogged her throat. The thought of being at odds with Daniel made her heart ache. Blinking them back, she looked down at Emily and saw her bottom lip tremble.

  “It’s all right, girl. Mama is fine, and so is Uncle Daniel.” She gave her daughter a hug and set her on the floor. “He just needs some time to himself. Everything will be back to normal in no time.” Daniel had to get past it, because she didn’t know what she would do without him.

  * * * *

  Only Fay had anything to say on the ride home. The creek, though still high, was back within its banks. Tess crossed her fingers, hoping the clean up would be minimal. With Daniel so quiet beside her, it was almost a relief to see her sister when they pulled into the yard. Lottie waved and walked over to the wagon as he set the brake.

  “Hello there,” she called. “I’m here to offer my services. I imagine the three of you could use some help cleaning up the mess.”

  “That’s awfully nice of you, Lottie,” Tess said, taking Daniel’s hand to climb down from the wagon seat. He released her immediately and turned to help Fay.

  “We can definitely use the extra hands.” He smiled at Lottie. “Have you been here long?”

  “Only a few minutes. I haven’t checked to see
how bad it is yet.”

  Carrying Emily, Tess walked over to the kitchen door and cautiously opened it. Her shoulders sagged in relief.

  “There’s only an inch or two of muck. It shouldn’t take long to clean.”

  He stepped past her. “Let’s get started, then. Lottie and I can work in the front room while you and Fay clean the kitchen.”

  Tess stared at his averted profile before turning away, saddened and a little angry. “Why don’t you fill the buckets with water while I take Emily upstairs for a nap? The mops and rags are in the pantry.”

  When she came down after nursing the baby, Tess heard Daniel and Lottie talking quietly together while they scrubbed the front room. She tried not to let it bother her and chatted with her aunt in the kitchen. As the morning slowly passed, her depression grew. It seemed she was making little headway, only transferring the filth from the kitchen floor to her skirts, but eventually the room was clean.

  She stood, looking around for any missed spots, pressing her hand against the ache in her back. There was some satisfaction in finishing the task, but it was small reward. With a sigh, she put the kitchen back in order. When Emily cried out upstairs, she rose from her hands and knees.

  “I’ll take care of Emily if you want to finish with the pots and pans,” Fay offered.

  “I’ll get her,” Lottie called. “I’m done in here, anyway.”

  Tess smiled at her aunt. “You should rest. You look exhausted.”

  “I’m not as young as I used to be,” Fay admitted.

  Tess walked into the front room, noting the freshly washed floors. “It looks wonderful.”

  Daniel dropped his rag into a bucket of water and stood. “As soon as I move the furniture down, we’ll be finished.”

  “Thank you, Daniel. I appreciate all your hard work.”

  “There’s no need to thank me.” He headed up the stairs after Lottie.

  Anger and hurt stiffened her back as she returned to the kitchen. How long does he intend to ignore me? She made more noise than she needed as she finished rearranging the shelves, but her temper served a duel purpose. The sound of clattering lids drowned out the happy laughter coming from the front room, and it helped take the edge off her annoyance.

  Tess scrubbed dirt from beneath her fingernails, and Fay stoked the stove. Lottie entered the room carrying Emily. “I think she’s hungry,” she said.

  Tess took Emily and kissed her pink cheek. “You’ve been a very good baby. I’ll get you something to eat right away.” Looking up, she included Lottie in her smile. “You were a huge help. I’ll make dinner for all of us if you can stay a little longer.”

  “I don’t think so, Tess. I want to go home and get out of these filthy clothes.”

  “I can’t stay, either.” Daniel carried the buckets and mops through the kitchen and dropped them in the pantry. “I have too much work to do.”

  Tess held up her hands in exasperation. “You have to eat.”

  “I won’t starve. Is there anything you need before I go?”

  She shook her head, the lump in her throat huge and hurting.

  Fay placed the full teakettle on the stove. “Thank you for taking us in last night, Daniel.”

  “It was my pleasure.” He paused at the door to squeeze Lottie’s hand. “You worked harder than a draft horse during spring planting. Next time my house needs cleaning, I’ll know who to call.”

  She smiled up at him. “You do that. I’d be more than willing.”

  Tess turned her back on them, jealous of her sister for the first time in her life. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

  “Goodbye, Tess.”

  She forced herself to turn around. “Goodbye, Daniel. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  She watched him leave then turned and headed for the pantry. Lottie followed her.

  “Is something wrong between you and Daniel?”

  Tess took a loaf of bread out of a drawer and reached for a knife to slice it. “No, what would be wrong?”

  “I don’t know, but you both seemed awfully tense.” Lottie frowned. “What happened last night?”

  “Not a thing.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Of course I am. We’re both tired.”

  “I was beginning to wonder. You said yourself it’s time you got on with your life.”

  Tess turned to her sister. “That doesn’t mean I would do anything improper with Daniel.”

  “I didn’t say you had. I just wondered if you were thinking about it. Or if he was.”

  She looked down at the piece of bread she’d crumbled and nearly choked on the words. “Daniel doesn’t want anything but friendship from me.”

  Lottie smiled. “Good. That leaves me a clear field.” She sauntered back to the kitchen, somehow managing to look enticing in her filthy dress. Tess’s spirits dropped even lower.

  “Thank you for coming out to help, Lottie. I appreciate your effort.”

  “Don’t thank me. I got what I came for. ’Bye, Aunt Fay.”

  Tess stared hard at the closed kitchen door, telling herself not to be angry. Lottie’s good deeds were usually the result of an ulterior motive. She should have known her helpfulness today was no different.

  Behind her, Emily let out a cry. Dismissing Lottie, she turned to take care of her daughter. But forgetting about Daniel wasn’t as easy.

  That night as Tess prepared for bed, she couldn’t help dwelling on Daniel’s inexplicable behavior. She ran her brush through her hair in long, soothing strokes and tried to make sense of it. First there was the kiss and his undeniable passion, then his rejection of her, and finally his withdrawal. She tried to see how one related to the next and failed.

  Setting down the brush, she walked to the window and stared out at the star filled sky. Why did she care so much? Her mind edged up to the truth and withdrew. She cared deeply for Daniel, but it was only caring. She wasn’t ready to love again. She just wanted a dependable man to help her with Emily and the farm, someone she could lean on. Someone to take away the loneliness.

  After turning down the lamp wick, Tess climbed into bed. She needed sleep, but her mind was too full of questions to relax. With a deep sigh, she flipped over onto her stomach.

  Why had Daniel kissed her? She closed her eyes and remembered the feel of his lips closing over hers. She recaptured the taste of him, and her body tingled with the memory. She couldn’t deny the truth. She had enjoyed every second of their embrace. Worse, she hadn’t wanted it to end. She desired Daniel the way a woman desires a man.

  He’d stopped, pushed her away, and she didn’t know why. She wasn’t a naïve miss who didn’t recognize when a man was aroused, and he had definitely been aroused. Could it be his attraction for her was purely physical, and he had too much respect for her to use her to satisfy his baser needs? Her face burned. That had to be the answer. This morning he’d been reluctant to look at her because he was embarrassed and ashamed.

  With a cry of distress, she buried her face in her pillow. What must he think of her? Did he believe she would pursue him with unwanted attentions? The notion made her want to curl up and hide.

  Tess threw back the sheet and paced about the room. Somehow she had to fix things with Daniel. If friendship was all he wanted from her, then she would show him it was what she wanted, too. She would do as he asked and forget the kiss ever happened. If she treated him the way she always had, surely he would see everything was back to normal. He would have to respond in kind, because the thought of losing his friendship was too horrible to contemplate.

  Her steps slowed before the bureau, and she ran her finger across the photograph of Rory taken on their wedding day. Though it was too dark to see, she knew every line of his face. She pictured the way his eyes crinkled up at the corners and the chipped front tooth his smile revealed.

  “Oh Rory,” she whispered, hugging the photograph to her breasts. “Why did you have to leave me? Why did you have to die?”

 
; With silent tears slipping down her face, she stood at the window and stared up at the stars.

  * * * *

  Across the field Daniel stood at his bedroom window, too restless to sleep. He’d hurt Tess’s feelings and felt awful about it. Even worse was the guilt gnawing at his insides, knowing he’d given in to temptation and betrayed his brother.

  “Damn it, Rory, why did you have to be a hero? I would never have looked at Tess while you were alive, but now I’m not sure I can resist her.”

  He slammed his hand against the windowsill, welcoming the pain. She was his brother’s wife. Wanting her was bad enough, but acting on his desire would be like telling the world he was glad Rory was gone. And he wasn’t.

  Tears burned behind his eyelids, and he blinked hard. Holding Tess last night had been a dream come true. For a minute he let himself forget she could never be his. He let himself forget about Rory.

  It wouldn’t happen again. He wouldn’t let temptation win. Just to make sure, he would stay away from her for a few days and give himself a chance to forget the bittersweet pleasure of holding her, kissing her soft lips. He groaned and turned his back to the window. If he lived to be a hundred, he wasn’t likely to forget. But he had to try.

  Chapter 5

  Tess looked up when she heard a wagon rattle into the yard. Setting down the egg basket, she backed out of the chicken coop. Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of Daniel. It had been over a week since the creek flooded, and in that time she had caught only occasional glimpses of him as he came and went in the fields. She was beginning to despair, fearing their friendship was truly in jeopardy. Maybe he was finally ready to forget about their ill-fated kiss.

  “Hello, Tess.” Daniel tipped his hat back on his head. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around much. Have you been getting along all right?”

  “We’ve been fine. Can you stay a while? Emily will be up from her nap soon. She misses you.”

  “I can’t. I’m headed to town to pick up the mail and a few supplies. I stopped to see if there’s anything you need.”