Grasping at Eternity (The Kindrily)

by Karen Amanda Hooper

  “You all know me. I’m River Malone, lead singer of the Rebel Junkies—future professional rock star.” He held up his hands. “No autographs, please.”

  Most of the class laughed or clapped. One guy high-fived him.

  Faith jumped to her feet, temporarily silencing the room with an animated introduction of herself. Again, people whistled or clapped for her as she graciously curtsied. They made it look easy, so why was I terrified for my turn?

  I was last to introduce myself. I took a deep breath, stood up, and began. “I’m Maryah Woodsen from Maryland. I’ve been living in Sedona for a few days and I don’t play sports.” I sat down before the last word came out of my mouth.

  “You’re from Maryland? How nice!” Ms. Barby exclaimed with a cheesy grin. “What brought you and your family to Sedona?”

  Was she really asking for more information, worse yet, about my family?

  Faith tried to save me. “You forgot to mention your plans after graduation. Any certain college in mind?”

  “Excuse me,” Ms. Barby said, “but I asked her a question.”

  “Sorry,” Faith mumbled.

  I clenched my teeth together. “I moved here to live with my godmother. My parents and brother died.” I glanced at Faith. “And no, no college plans yet.”

  The room was so quiet the class probably heard me struggling to breathe. River turned to look at me. His eyebrows furrowed together in what looked like sympathy. I pulled the brim of my hat over my eyes, focusing on the book in front of me, and fighting the urge to cry.

  Ms. Barby walked down the aisle and touched my desk. “Maria, I’m so sorry.”

  “Her name is Ma-ry-ah.” Faith’s sympathetic stare penetrated me from the front of the room, but I couldn’t look at her. If I cried, I’d be guaranteed to make the headlines of the school rumor mill.

  “Maryah. Right. What a beautiful name. Okay, let’s dive into our first lesson.” Ms. Barby handed out textbooks while River slid a note onto my desk.

  Welcome to Sedona. I’m sorry about your family. I know how you feel. Let me know if you need a tour guide. Peace, River

  Faith and I might have to agree to disagree about being a fan of River’s. I looked at him and mouthed the words “thank you.”

  ∞

  I got lost only once while trying to find history. The rest of the day had gone pretty well, with no more drama, tearing up, or awkwardness—until last period music class.

  River dragged a chair in front of my desk then straddled it to face me. My pulse pounded between my ears.

  Our teacher hadn’t announced his name yet, but he didn’t look pleased. “River Malone, eyes to the front of the room please.”

  “In a sec, Mr. Milton!” River kept his focus on me and lowered his voice. “Something about you left an imprint on my soul. You’ve been stuck in my head all day.”

  I didn’t know whether to be creeped out or flattered. I clicked my pen repeatedly as if the noise would make up for my stunned silence.

  “Mr. Malone!” our teacher yelled. The rest of the class stared at us.

  “I said in a second,” River retorted calmly—the epitome of cool.

  Mr. Milton held up a pad of pink paper, shaking it in the air as he spoke. “Your second is up. Turn around right now or you will be taking a trip to the principal’s office.”

  River rose from his seat in one jaguar-smooth movement then strutted to the front of the class. He took the pad from Mr. Milton’s hand, tore off the top sheet, and scribbled on it. “I do love a good trip. I’ll sign my own ticket.”

  He made a kissing noise at the teacher, and some of the class laughed while he strutted down the aisle to my desk. He whispered, “I’m gonna write a song about you.”

  After he left the room, I looked up to see every member of my class, including Faith and Harmony, staring at me. A redhead one desk over had her phone aimed at me.

  “What are you doing?” I asked her.

  “Taking a video so April can see this.”

  “April? Who is April?” I swatted at her phone. “Stop recording me.”

  “April,” she said, typing frantically, “is River’s girlfriend.”

  Girlfriend. Oh my god. Had he been flirting with me? I’d never been flirted with before. I wasn’t sure how I reacted, but would I look guilty on video? I tried to plead innocence. “I didn’t—it’s not like—I had no idea that—”

  “Save it, new girl. Video has been sent.”

  Mr. Milton started class and everyone but me seemed to be paying attention. I stared at a water stain on the floor, wishing it would turn into a pool I could jump in and drown myself. Somewhere River’s girlfriend was watching a video of her boyfriend causing a scene because of me, the new girl. Nothing good could come of that.

  My plan to go unnoticed had failed miserably.

  SWAPPING STORIES

  Maryah

  My movie-star angel appeared in my dreams again. He didn’t say a word. He just sat on the roof of a building, staring down at a city of cobblestone streets. I could almost see him mentally mapping out his next move. He would find a way to lead me home—to be with my family again.

  Until then, I had to endure another day at school. I asked Louise if I could take a sick day (they really should implement a number of coward days), but she denied me.

  River didn’t show up for school, and I had no idea what his girlfriend looked like. She could have been anyone. All day I caught myself scanning the halls between classes, worrying that every rocker girl I saw was going to bash me in the face with a binder. I didn’t want to ask Faith—or anyone else—about her because I worried it might trigger more drama.

  Even the last period bell ringing didn’t make me feel better. What if she was waiting for me in the parking lot? Maybe she hadn’t been in school all day because she was arming herself to attack me.

  If Mikey were here, he'd tell me I was being a paranoid nut job.

  After making it safely to Faith’s car, I finally relaxed. My muscles ached from being so tense. When Faith suggested stopping by Tlaquepaque to get smoothies, I agreed, hoping they had one with a shot of something that could calm me down.

  We were walking through the shopping village, minding our own business, just feet away from the smoothie place, when a raspy voice shouted my name. I turned around and saw River, but then I noticed the girl holding his hand, and I almost puked. They were coming toward us. I turned to Faith to tell her I was about to get my butt kicked, but she hadn’t stopped. She stood in the open doorway of the store. “I really have to pee. I’ll meet you inside.”

  “Hey, Maryah.” River stopped in front of me. “This is April. Ape, this is the new girl.”

  Ape. She looked nothing like an ape. She was tall and thin with hair that flowed like honey over her shoulders. Her clothes were pastel-colored and feminine with ruffles and all. And she was smiling. At me. A sweet smile, like she was the type who volunteered to feed the homeless and read to lonely old people in nursing homes. This was the girl I had feared for the past twenty-four hours?

  “Hi, Maryah. It’s so nice to meet you.” Her smile drooped when I didn’t respond, but I was so shell shocked. I hadn’t slept all night in fear of having to fight this girl, and here she was all pretty and sweet and being nice to me. She glanced at River then tried again. “How do you like Sedona so far?”

  It took me a few seconds to get my mouth moist enough to speak. “It’s rocky.”

  It’s rocky? Why was I so lame?

  Her laugh sounded like rainbow Skittles spilling onto a glass table, all colorful and sugary. “We do have plenty of rocks, especially red ones.”

  River looked at us like we were ridiculous, and we kind of were. “Maryah’s shy. We might have to bust her out of her shell.”

  “We will have you out of your shell in no time,” April said. “I remember what it’s like being the new girl, constantly slaying the dragonflies in your belly.”

  “Yes!” I practically shouted. “
That’s exactly how I feel. Way worse than butterflies.”

  “Way worse,” April agreed. “Hey, you should hang out here with me tonight. River’s band is playing, and I can introduce you to some cool people.”

  April seemed like someone Krista would’ve been good friends with, or Mikey would’ve dated. I could almost hear Mikey encouraging me to make more friends. “Maybe. I’ll have to see, but it sounds like fun.”

  “Cool. Save my number and call me if you can make it. River goes on at nine.”

  After exchanging numbers and saying goodbye, I strolled into the smoothie shop feeling like a new person.

  ∞

  Faith didn’t want to go to River’s show, but she offered to give me a ride. She couldn’t understand why April was with River, but agreed that she was great. When I confessed my earlier suspicion that she wanted to beat me up, Faith laughed hysterically.

  “After what you’ve been through, punches from her would feel like butterfly kisses.”

  I nodded in agreement like I was all tough and confident, but why hadn’t I thought of that? I’d been beaten and left on death’s doorstep by an evil man three times the size of April. I survived that, yet I was worried about getting into a fight in the cafeteria?

  “Here we are.” Faith pulled up outside of Tlaquepaque. “Have fun.”

  “You sure you don’t want to come?”

  “And listen to River scream into a microphone all night? No, thank you. I cherish my eardrums. Plus, I have plans with Shiloh. But if April can’t bring you home, call me. We’ll come back and get you.”

  “Thanks.” I climbed out of the car and waved to Faith as she drove away.

  The sky had darkened, but the street lights of the shopping village were glowing. Strings of large white bulbs hung from balconies and archways, making it feel more like Christmas than the end of August.

  April waved me over to the garden wall where she was sitting.

  “Thanks again for inviting me.”

  “Have a seat. The show’s not starting for a few minutes.”

  More people trickled into the courtyard. A guy in front of us dropped popcorn all over the ground while aiming for his mouth. The buttery smell made my stomach growl. I looked around at the store windows, trying to think of something to talk about. “We didn’t have any place like this in Maryland.”

  She almost fell off the wall she whipped around so fast. “You’re from Maryland? Me too! What part?”

  “Baltimore.”

  “We lived near the Eastern Shore!”

  “How’d you end up in Sedona?”

  She looked around like she didn’t want anyone to overhear. “My mom is sick, and there’s a clinic out here that’s supposedly amazing. She thinks this is some kind of magical healing town.”

  “Oh.” I almost asked what kind of sickness, but figured it might be too personal. “I heard the healing town theory too. Hopefully this place will help her.”

  April nodded. I thought I saw tears, but then a breeze blew her hair over her face, “So, what’s your story? River said you lost your parents. I’m sorry.”

  I ran my finger over the curves of a flower pot beside me, trying to get my voice to work.

  “Was it a car accident?”

  I shook my head. “They were murdered.”

  “Oh my gosh! That’s horrible.”

  I swallowed the boulder in my throat and focused on the flower pot again.

  “I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say. I…Okay, let’s talk about something else.” April spun a strand of her hair around her finger. “What about a boyfriend? No lucky guy missing you back in Maryland?”

  I choked on the cool air. “Me? Are you kidding? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m no guy magnet.”

  “What do you mean? You’re pretty and seem cool.”

  “I’m sorry, have we met? I’m Maryah, member of the socially challenged.”

  “You don’t give yourself enough credit. I’ve seen you with Faith and Shiloh. Everyone loves them. You’re part of their in-crowd.”

  In-crowd. It seemed like an untouchable exclusive club when I lived in Maryland. Mikey would be so proud that I had evolved from my wallflower status.

  “Trust me,” April watched River fiddle with speakers on stage. “Their club is hard to get into.”

  “Their club? What do you mean?”

  She kicked her long legs against the wall under us. “I don’t mean this in a bad way, so please don’t think I’m talking trash, but Shiloh and Faith, her twin sister, their little brother Carson and his brothers, they’ve always been this tight clique that no one else can join. I mean, Faith is really nice and she makes lots of surface friends, but forget trying to hang out with her or go any deeper. They don’t welcome outsiders. They’re all like that. It’s surprising to see Faith buddy up with you so fast.”

  I was dumbfounded. “Carson seems like that, and Harmony definitely, but Shiloh and Faith? Dakota? They’re so far from snobby.”

  April shrugged. “You’ll see what I mean as time goes by. I hope you don’t get roped into being that way. You seem really genuine.”

  “I could never be a snob. I have nothing to be snobby about.”

  The band tested their instruments, playing a few notes on the guitars and drums. A couple people waved hello to April, but they stayed gathered close to the stage.

  She twirled her hair around her finger again. “I know we just met, and this may seem really weird, but could I ask you for a favor?”

  “Sure.”

  “I’m not going to be in school for the rest of the week. My mom is having a rough time and I have to help her, so it might even be a couple weeks, we aren’t sure yet. But—gosh, I feel so insecure for even asking this.”

  “No, go ahead.”

  She took a deep breath. “River is really popular. And, well, we’ve been having some issues lately, so… I’d just like to know how he acts when I’m not around.” She covered her face with her hands. “Gosh, I’m such a horrible person.”

  “That’s not horrible. It’s natural. I think.” What did I know? I’d never had a boyfriend.

  “I feel so sneaky asking you to spy on him. It’s just so many girls throw themselves at him, even my friends. I’m scared to leave him alone for so long, but I have no choice.”

  Why was she with him if she didn’t trust him? She’d probably already asked herself that, and spying was a way to determine if she could. “We’re only in two classes together, so I don’t really see him that much.”

  She leaned in, bumping her shoulder against mine. “Something about you left an impression on his soul.”

  My heartbeat sped up. “You know about that?”

  “Tiffany showed me the video, and River played me the song he’s working on about you. If you inspire him musically, which you did, he won’t leave you alone.”

  I couldn’t believe she was being so nonchalant about her boyfriend writing a song for another girl. I had a lot to learn about the dating world. “What was the song about?”

  “It was haunting and sad. About death and how it brings strangers together. He feels a real connection with you. He gets all artsy and deep like that. He’s written dozens of songs for me.”

  I realized—feeling stupid—that April wasn’t threatened by me because I could never be a threat. Hot, popular guys would never be romantically interested in someone like me.

  River’s voice came through the microphone. “Thanks for coming out tonight. We’re the Rebel Junkies. I’m River Malone, and I’d like to dedicate this set to two captivating chicks in the audience. You know who you are.” He looked back at his drummer, and after three clicks of the drumsticks, the band burst into its first song.

  April yelled into my ear. “I’m glad you came! We’re going to be lifelong friends. I just know it.” She jumped up and started dancing—if you could call it that.

  I smiled, watching her thrash around to the screechy music. I’d never expect someone like her to
love such loud, awful noise. She obviously loved River very much.

  People gathered in front of me, blocking my view of the stage, so I looked up at the stars. One shot across the sky then dissolved into darkness. For the first time since my nightmare night, I closed my eyes and made a wish.

  I wish to find my true love, and for us to last forever.

  WHEN SOULS COLLIDE

  Maryah

  Over the next month, April’s prediction came true. River and I became friends—or the closest thing I could be with the most popular guy in school. He even walked me to classes sometimes. He’d slip me notes asking me what I thought about his new song lyrics. No matter how many times he acknowledged me, it continued to astonish me.

  River shot me an irritated glance during music class. He thought our teacher hated him because he was doing what Mr. Milton could only dream about—sing in a band. River made lots of snide remarks like that, but I never took him seriously. No one could be as full of himself as River pretended to be.

  Mr. Milton had been giving lessons on the “musical greats.” He started a few weeks ago with music from the 1890s and early 1900s. My favorite week of lessons was the 1920s to the 1950s. Each song Mr. Milton played for the class made me think of my parents dancing around our living room.

  Music during that time had so much dignity and soul. There wasn’t a bunch of obscene language, or lyrics about murder, sex, or how cool it was to be a criminal. It wasn’t that I’d been dropped off on the wrong planet—which is how I felt most of the time. I’d been born in the wrong era. If I had my way, I’d have been born in the 1920s. That way I could see the greats like Louie Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald.

  It was Friday, and our last lesson on the '90s. We’d studied many genres, but Mr. Milton seemed to actually get excited about the grunge scene: Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, and Nirvana.

  Kurt Cobain was the main topic of discussion and people gave their opinions about his suicide. Since the attack, I’d considered ending my own life a few times, but I was too much of a coward to shoot myself or take a bunch of pills.