Grasping at Eternity (The Kindrily)

by Karen Amanda Hooper

  “And I was right? You chose how to come back?”

  “No.” Krista looked at her twiddling thumbs. “I lived to be thirty-nine. When I crossed over, I wasn’t an Element—but you had made me a promise. In my first life, you told me when I died, if I wasn’t an Element, but I chose to retain, you would find me. So I retained. I was born to awful, abusive parents, but you kept your promise.” She raised her eyes to meet mine and tears were forming. “You came for me. You found me, just like you said you would, and you took me away from them.” She sniffled quietly. “That was my previous life. I was forty-nine when I died at Dylan and Amber’s wedding, but when I arrived at the Higher Realm again, things were different. I was an Element. I got to choose when and where I’d return just like you suspected.”

  Faith rose and sat in the empty seat next to me, taking my hand. “You beat the system,” she said softly. “You believed it was possible when all of us told you it wasn’t. You believed so deeply that you made it real. This time Krista is one of us by divine right. You’re a superhero in our eyes.”

  “But—I’m not,” I retorted through a choked voice. “I’m—plain and average.”

  “Maryah, you are our eighth member,” Amber said. “Eight is a symbol for infinity. Your position represents the infinite source more than any of us. We think we’ve only begun to see what powers you possess.”

  I couldn’t have done the things they were talking about. Adopting Krista? That made no sense at all. Not to mention it creeped me out. She was my cousin and best friend!

  A tornado blew through my brain. One strong gust of wind blew Krista’s earlier words back at me.

  “Kris, you mentioned you had a sister. What happened to her?”

  Krista lit up. “She’s still alive. She’s ninety-nine and lives on an island between Ireland and England—Isle of Man. Her name is Sheila.”

  I let go of Faith’s hand and gripped the sides of my chair. If what they were telling me was true, then I had an adopted daughter from a previous life who was still alive. It was impossible.

  “She’s coming here for a visit soon,” Edgar said.

  I felt like someone was holding my head underwater. Breathing became impossible. Did they expect me to accept that we lived like secret comic book characters? To act like it was no big deal?

  “I have to go,” I mumbled, pushing back my chair.

  “Go where?” Faith asked.

  Good question. Where could I go? April wouldn’t speak to me. River was the only one who wasn’t a part of this. He was my only remaining connection to the normal world. “I have plans with River.”

  The front door seemed a million miles away. My legs felt like wet noodles. Edgar called my name, but I kept walking, hoping that Time Freezer and Speed Demon had brought my car back to the house.

  As I passed through the gate, I saw the Desoto. I ran to it and climbed inside, but there were no keys.

  “No,” I moaned. “Get me away from here.”

  “Maryah,” Carson shouted, blurring past my window. The passenger door opened and he was beside me before I could blink. “We won’t try to stop you. We understand how overwhelming this is. But please don’t tell anyone about us. You’re one of us and look how you’re reacting. Imagine if you told this stuff to a normal person.”

  A head nod was my only reply.

  He placed my key in the ignition, and the engine roared to life. “Call us if you need anything. We’re here for you no matter what. Forever.”

  SURPRISE SURPRISE

  Maryah

  Eightball barked and howled while I rang River’s doorbell for the second time. I didn’t call to tell him I was coming, so the look of surprise on his face when he answered the door seemed normal.

  “Maryah, I didn’t know you were stopping by.”

  Eightball waddled out onto the porch. His nubby tail wagged as I picked him up and hugged him for warmth.

  “I needed to get out of the house.” I eyed the tattoos all over River’s bare chest and arms. I’d never seen him with his shirt off before.

  “Give me a second.” He shut the door and I stood on the porch feeling stupid. I forgot my coat and I was shivering. Why didn’t he invite me in?

  A few minutes later, the door opened and a girl with auburn hair shouldered past me without even glancing in my direction. She had to be in her mid-twenties and dressed like someone in a porno version of The Matrix. She climbed into a black Mercedes and drove away.

  “Did I interrupt something?” I asked.

  River stood in the doorway pulling a shirt over his head. His lips lifted in a cockeyed smile, and he wrapped his arms around my waist. “Friend of my uncle’s. She got wasted last night and had to crash here.”

  “Eww, you smell like you bathed in beer!” I wriggled out of his arms. The scent of Jasmine and sweat lingered on him.

  “You coming in?”

  Against my better judgment, I nodded and went inside. I had nowhere else to go, and no one else to turn to—at least no one normal.

  “You’re still drunk, aren’t you?” I set Eightball down on the floor. Beer bottles and shot glasses covered the coffee table.

  River didn’t answer me. “So what’s up? You never show up here without calling.”

  “Sorry to ruin your party with Little Red Riding Whore.”

  “Hey, watch it.” River pointed the neck of a beer bottle at me. “She’s like family.”

  “Then why do you smell like her?” I mumbled under my breath.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  Apparently the keeper of my secrets was keeping secrets of his own. I collapsed into the leather easy chair and ran my hands over my face. I came here to escape weirdness, but instead I stumbled into a scene from a sleazy soap opera. Part of me wanted to ask him if he slept with her, but another part didn’t care. April was better off without him. Eightball jumped into my lap and snorted while I rubbed his ears.

  “Where’s your uncle?”

  “Out.” River hovered above me. “You look like you pulled an all-nighter too. What’s wrong?”

  Oh, let’s see. Everyone swears Nathan is my soul mate, that we’ve known each other for a bunch of lifetimes, that we all have superpowers, and that some old lady is my adopted daughter. That’s what ran through my mind. What came out of my mouth was, “I haven’t slept much.”

  River sat on the couch across from me. He didn’t take his gaze away from the collage of TV shows as he flipped through channels.

  I didn’t know what to do with my hands. I kept squeezing my fingers and picking at my nails until I finally shoved them between my legs and half-whispered, “I’m freaked out.”

  His eyes drifted sideways to meet mine. “What?”

  “Some strange stuff has happened in the last day or two.”

  He pressed mute and set the remote down. “Do tell.”

  I took a deep breath, thinking about Carson’s warning not to tell anyone. “You have to promise you won’t say anything to anyone. I’m serious. The Lunas could be sent to an asylum if this got out.”

  He raised his hand. “Swear.”

  I leaned forward. Forget dragonflies, my stomach was filled with fire breathing dragons. I wouldn’t tell him everything, just enough to make me feel a little better. “They said we were family in previous lives, like, reincarnated.” I sat up straight, debating how much to tell him. “They said they remember their past lives.”

  His face didn’t flinch. “Do you believe in that stuff? Past lives, or whatever.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I don’t see the big deal. Lots of people in this town believe in some wacky stuff.”

  “They want me to remember my past lives too.”

  He grabbed a half empty beer from the table. “If you’re so freaked out, move in here with me. You’re eighteen now. You’re free to do what you want.”

  The thought of deserting them never occurred to me. I needed a break from the flood of new revelations, bu
t leaving them wasn’t an option. I didn’t know why, but just the idea of it felt wrong in so many ways. “I still love them. I mean, family doesn’t have to believe in all the same things.”

  River squatted down in front of me. Eightball jumped off my lap. “They aren’t your family. You don’t share one drop of blood with any of them. You don’t have to live with them. There’s plenty of room of here, and I’ll take care of you. You’ll be spoiled rotten.”

  He pulled me so close our faces almost touched. His lips pressed against mine.

  “What are you doing?” I pushed him backward and he fell against the coffee table. Empty beer bottles and glasses crashed and rolled around us. Wiping the taste of beer from my lips, I gagged on the bile burning my throat. “I need a friend, and instead, you’re trying to kiss me! I’m not some skank like the girl who just left.”

  He stood up, kicking bottles away from him. “What the hell? I plan a big night for your birthday and you cancel on me. Then you come running to me because those people you live with are mental patients. Now you’re shoving me around and accusing me of cheating on you? I don’t get you.”

  Cheating on me? How could he cheat on me if I never agreed to be his girlfriend? “River, I’m sorry I pushed you, but I told you a dozen times, I don’t want to mess up our friendship.”

  He shook his head then turned his back to me. What else could I say to make it clear to him? Were all guys so stubborn? I really did care about him, just not in the way he wanted. After a minute of uncomfortable silence he sat beside me and let out a deep breath. “You look exhausted. Want to lie down for a while?”

  I nodded, wanting nothing more than to sleep and hopefully not dream—or astral travel.

  We went to River’s room, but when he climbed into his bed, I just stood at his door.

  “Let me guess,” he said. “We’re not allowed to sleep in the same bed.”

  “It’s fine. I can sleep on the sofa.”

  He sighed and rolled off the bed. “No. You sleep here. I’ll crash on the couch.”

  “Sorry, but thank you.” He slipped his hand under the bottom of my shirt, but I pressed my forearm against my stomach to block him. “River, forget it. It’s never going to happen.”

  “I’m just trying to make you feel better, to be here for you and help take your mind off things.”

  “All I’ll ever need from you is friendship.”

  Shadows swept over his eyes. I’d never seen him look so hurt. I felt awful, but he needed to know the truth. I’d put off telling him my decision for too long.

  “Right,” he mumbled. “Get some sleep.”

  He left and I crawled into bed. I closed my eyes and kept picturing Nathan. I couldn’t imagine him acting like River. It occurred to me that if all this was true, if Nathan and I had been together in other lives and he remembered it; it meant we had kissed—lots of times. My cheeks warmed thinking about what other things we must’ve done when we were—it was hard to even think the word—married. Oh my god, did he think about stuff like that when he looked at me? How embarrassing.

  How could I ever face Nathan again?

  ∞

  I dreamed about Nathan non-stop: replays from the hospital, the balloon ride, him giving me my car. Every time he disappeared, I screamed for him to come back. The last time I called out his name, I woke myself up.

  River was standing over me. The room was dark, but I could see his silhouette. I prayed I hadn’t been yelling out Nathan’s name for real.

  River sat on the edge of the bed. “You’ve been tossing and turning for hours.”

  I rolled over and glanced at the window. Not a trace of sunlight. Eightball snored away beside me. “What time is it?”

  “Almost ten.”

  “Wow,” I groaned. “I slept all day?”

  My eyes were adjusting to the lack of light, but I could see River fiddling with his wristband. “You needed it, and so did I. It gave me time to think.”

  “About what?” I heard footsteps in the hallway and worried his uncle might be home. I didn’t want to look like a hussy coming out of River’s bedroom at ten o’clock at night.

  “I’ve been acting like a tool. Even if we can only be friends—” he paused, glanced at his bedroom door, and lowered his voice. “Are you still set on the nothing but friends thing?”

  Why did being honest make me feel so guilty? “Yes.”

  “I figured.”

  The footsteps started up again then faded. Someone had definitely been in the hallway, but it could’ve been the maid putting linens in the closet or something.

  “Anyway,” River continued. “We never went out for your birthday, so I want to make it up to you. I planned a surprise.”

  He was back. The fun friend I didn’t want to lose wanted to take me out for my birthday. I playfully nudged his knee. “Okay, but take it easy on me. I don’t know how many more surprises I can handle.”

  STUMBLING THROUGH THE DARK

  Maryah

  “Where are we going?” I climbed into River’s truck. He rarely took his 4x4 anywhere.

  “You really don’t get the concept of a surprise, do you?” He turned up his stereo and his voice flooded through the speakers. They were songs I’d never heard him sing before—hard, angry rock.

  We headed south and drove through the town of Oak Creek. We made a right onto an unlit dirt road, passing a sign that showed the way to Montezuma Well and Castle.

  “Montezuma Castle?” I asked. Faith mentioned something about the ruins, but she said it was a tourist attraction and only open during the day.

  “Maryah!” he howled.

  “Right, it’s a surprise. Sorry.”

  We bumped along the dirt road for a few miles. I couldn’t see anything except the few feet ahead of us illuminated by the headlights. After a sharp left, we off-roaded down a narrower path. I held on to the door handle and bounced in my seat until the truck stopped.

  I stared out into the darkness. “Where are we?”

  “Montezuma Well.”

  “The sink hole?”

  “It’s not a sink hole. It’s like a lake at the bottom of a canyon. It’s a sacred Indian site. An underground spring mysteriously fills it with warm water. Lots of magical things happen out here.”

  I laughed. “You don’t believe in that stuff.”

  “Usually no, but this place is different.”

  “It’s pitch black out here. It would be nice if I could see the lake. Can’t we come back in the morning?”

  “Tourists will be here during the day. If you come here at night and follow the Indian rituals, you can communicate with the other side.”

  “You mean talk to ghosts?” I never believed it was possible, but lately people were talking about it as casually as the weather.

  “Yup. With all this adopted family drama going on, I thought you might want to talk to your parents or brother. That’s my birthday gift to you.”

  This was my chance to talk to my mother about her letter and ask her questions without Harmony being involved. “You really think it’ll work?”

  “If so, this is your best shot.” River sounded confident. Maybe he had communicated with his parents.

  “All right. I’m in!” We got out and he grabbed a duffel bag from the truck bed.

  “Supplies we’ll need,” he explained, turning on a flashlight then reaching for my hand. River had loaned me a jacket, but after five minutes of walking my teeth were chattering. I stayed close to his side, only able to see a small amount of ground from the flashlight. I paused at the top of an outdoor staircase made from rocks. “Where do these steps go?”

  “Down to the ruins—close to the water.”

  “I’ve heard Indian sites are sacred. Maybe we shouldn’t be here.”

  “It’s fine. I silently requested permission from the spirits when we parked.”

  “Really?” I asked in astonishment. River wasn’t the spiritual or respectful type.

  “They said it’s coo
l with them,” he snickered.

  I laughed and it eased some of my fear. “Can you shine that flashlight around so I can see where we are? It’s kind of scary out here.”

  “Fine, you big sissy.” The light spanned out into an enormous hole that ended in darkness. Cliffs of jagged rocks surrounded the sides, but railings and tourist signs were nearby. There was even a cement sidewalk, so how off limits or dangerous could it be?

  We made our way down the twists and turns of the rocky stairs. For being such a magical place, it sure was spooky at night.

  River dropped his duffel bag at a clearing near the water’s edge. “This is the place.”

  He handed me the flashlight and I scanned the area around us. We were at the bottom of the massive well. The murky water was only a couple feet in front of us. A slimy film floated on its surface.

  “Keep the light over here!”

  “Sorry.” I aimed the light on him and the bag.

  “I brought tea to keep us warm. It has herbs in it to help us relax and make a connection with the other side.”

  I doubted herbs would connect me to spirits, but a hot drink sounded like heaven. I thought about the time Nathan brought me hot chocolate. I would have preferred that, but I was so cold my hands were going numb. River pulled out two thermoses and handed me one.

  “Thanks.” I took a sip and struggled not to spit it out. Gross or not, it eased the cold so I choked down another sip. “It tastes like dirt.”

  “Don’t be so dramatic. It’s not that bad.” He sipped his tea, and through the dim lighting I saw him smile.

  “So, what do we do now?” I took a few more swallows, growing more worried by the second. What if an animal attacked us? There was no one around for miles if something went wrong. I felt my back pocket, confirming I had my cell phone.

  “We relax and try to open our minds.” He spread out a blanket and sat down.