Grasping at Eternity (The Kindrily)

by Karen Amanda Hooper

  I couldn’t keep track of their conversation anymore. My thoughts whirled. My vision blurred. My eyes felt heavy, so heavy I couldn’t hold them open.

  Next thing I knew, paramedics were shining lights into my eyes and asking me questions. Officers were talking to Nathan. Bright flashlights and the headlights of emergency vehicles lit up the parking lot. One cop carried the bagged thermoses we had drunk from and River’s gun. They rolled me away on a stretcher while an officer told Nathan to come to the station for questioning. Harmony volunteered to go too.

  Faith insisted on riding in the ambulance with me and argued with the medics. “I’ve known her all my lives! She needs a friend right now.”

  To anyone else it may have sounded like a mispronunciation if they noticed it at all. But I caught it. Not life—lives. I was anxious, wanting so badly to tell her what I’d seen, what I knew, how much I loved Nathan.

  Faith hopped into the ambulance and held my hand. “It’s okay, Ma-Ma. Try to relax.”

  Nathan’s voice echoed near my feet. “I’ll be at the station awhile. Look after her.”

  My love for him overwhelmed me. I had slight sensation in my fingers, so I tried to squeeze Faith’s hand.

  “Nathan,” Faith gasped. Her eyes danced between the two of us. “Love. She’s feeling an unbelievable amount of love.”

  Nathan climbed in and leaned over me. I swallowed and it burned like hell, but at least feeling was returning to my muscles. I tried to get my lips and tongue to work so I could say three simple words to him. Three words were all I needed and I’d be satisfied, but I only managed a pathetic whimper.

  “We have to get her to the hospital. Let’s go, kids.” The paramedic ordered.

  Nathan brushed the side of my face with his thumb and my insides danced, ecstatic by his touch and that I could feel it. “See you soon.”

  He disappeared from my view. I wanted to beg him not to leave me again, not to ever leave me. The ambulance doors shut and the medic hooked me up to a monitor.

  Faith squeezed my hand, “What is it? What are you trying to say?”

  Finally, I summoned enough strength to murmur two important words. “I remember.”

  SOMETHING TO REMEMBER

  Maryah

  Faith never left my side at the hospital. A couple nurses and a doctor came and went, but my motor function and speech were returning. I waited until the police officer finished taking my statement, and when he left the room, I turned to Faith.

  “Nathan’s eyes, I could see for miles into his eyes. It's true—I love him!”

  Faith’s face was practically glowing. “I can’t believe it. I kept undying faith it would happen, but now it seems so surreal.”

  “How did we know each other?” I asked.

  Her smile dropped away. “You don’t remember me?”

  I shook my head.

  “Aw crap!” She slapped her hand against her forehead.

  Just then, Louise and Krista hurried into the room.

  Louise saw me and her hands flew to her mouth. “Dear celestial creation and all that is magical.”

  Faith whipped her head around to look at Louise before grinning at me. “I know! What a ripsnorter, huh? I can imagine how incredible she must look.”

  “Oh, thank heavens!” Krista hugged me. “I was so worried.” She sat on my bed and squeezed my leg. “Dylan will convince my parents to let me stay here for as long as you need me.”

  Louise came closer, reaching forward, but didn’t touch me. “Some of your light has returned.”

  I stared at all of them like they had ten heads. “What are you talking about?”

  Faith giggled. “Your soul. The light has come back into your soul. Krista and I can only see it in your eyes, but Louise sees it everywhere.”

  “Huh?”

  Louise folded her hands in front of her. “My gift is that I see a soul’s essence in great detail. I experience their energy as an intricate cloud of light and color surrounding them. No two souls look the same.”

  “Wow,” I said. “Just like your paintings.”

  Faith giggled. “The paintings at the house are portraits of all of us.”

  All the colorful canvases that sparkled and shined in every room were Louise’s family photos. No wonder I caught myself staring at them so much.

  “Faith.” Krista sighed. “You said she remembered.”

  “She remembers Nathan. Like remembers him.” Faith threw her arms above her head like she scored a touchdown. “And she loves him!”

  “Is that all you remember?” Louise asked.

  I didn’t want to tell them that my small portfolio of memories was getting weaker as the drugs wore off. “What else should I remember?”

  They all smiled at each other.

  “More. An endless amount more,” Louise said. “But we’re off to a promising start.”

  ∞

  My legs felt like jelly, so Anthony carried me from the car into the house. Edgar, Helen, Dylan, Amber, Shiloh, and Carson were already gathered in the living room. They all watched me like I was an infant who needed constant supervision, but to them I guess I was.

  Louise told Anthony, “Put her on the couch, please.”

  He gently set me down and spread a blanket over my legs. “Can we get you anything?”

  “No, thanks. I’d just like to rest.” I shut my eyes, but couldn’t fall asleep. All I could think about was Nathan. Krista swore he still loved me, but did he really? Eighteen years was a long time to be apart, and my knowledge of who I used to be was pathetically weak, but I was pretty sure I’d been way more interesting in my other lives.

  My heart almost danced out of my chest at the sound of the front door opening and closing. I looked over the back of the couch to see Nathan and Harmony standing side by side. They looked dangerous. Harmony—straight-faced and covered from head to toe in black, and Nathan—wearing dark jeans with his black and red leather jacket. Devilish in appearance, but they were angels in actuality.

  Harmony stepped away and stood next to Faith, holding her hand. Carson moved to Harmony’s side, and she wrapped her arm around him.

  At first, Nathan didn’t budge. He just stared at me. Louise took a breath to say something, but Nathan walked around the couch and stood over me. “Are you able to walk?”

  “Maybe?” I answered quietly, worried my legs wouldn’t hold up.

  He scooped me up and carried me across the living room.

  “Nathan,” Helen called out. He pressed me closer to him. Through his open jacket, I felt his heart beating strong and fast in his chest. “I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to be moving her yet.”

  “We need to keep an eye on her,” Edgar added.

  Nathan’s grip on me tightened. His nectar of the Gods smell intoxicated me. “Are my eyes not fit to watch over her?”

  Dylan stepped toward us. “It’s not that, we don't think—”

  Nathan didn’t let him finish. “I am forever grateful to all of you.” He glanced around the room making deliberate eye contact with each person. “However, none of you have any comprehension of my emotions right now. It is my divine right to have time alone with her.”

  We headed for the hallway. My pulse quickened. I kept my chin lifted, hoping to see his beautiful eyes, but he never looked down. He carried me into my room and sat me in the chair beside my bed then turned his back to me. A pain burned in my chest. Why wouldn’t he look at me? “Nathan?”

  “Please, shh,” he said, taking off his jacket and pulling back the covers.

  He gathered me in his arms again, placed me on the bed, pulled the comforter over me, and knelt on the floor. He bowed his head and rested his forehead on his closed fists.

  He stayed that way for what seemed like forever. It felt like the world wouldn’t continue to turn until he looked up again. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I brushed my fingers across his. His head flipped up and our eyes met.

  Time stood still. At that moment nothing existed excep
t Nathan’s eyes—his soul—shining brightly through two beautiful green scepters and radiating into mine.

  His eyes widened, and the sides of his lips almost curved into a smile, but seconds later his brows furrowed together. “What do you remember?”

  “Everything.”

  His left brow lifted and he cocked his head to the side. “Everything is a grand concept.”

  “I remember pieces of our other lives together.”

  “Right. Pieces.”

  “My mother wrote me a letter, then the others explained everything and I didn’t know if I believed it, but at Montezuma Well your eyes lit up and…I remember us.”

  He put his hand over mine, running his thumb over the face of my ring, then he lowered his head again.

  “The photo on your nightstand, it was me. I was Mary.”

  He squeezed my hand so hard it hurt, but then released his grip. His jaw remained stiff. “Yes, you were.”

  “I remember being Mary. I’m still the same soul.”

  He smoothed my hair away from my face. “The same, but very different.”

  It hit me. No, it bulldozed me. I had been beautiful in my former life—stunningly beautiful. Tears welled up and a damn of anger broke open inside me. I was angry at God, or whoever created me to be so ordinary. Nathan couldn’t love this version of me. That’s why he was so sad.

  “Oh,” was all I could say.

  “What do you mean by ‘oh?’”

  “I used to be pretty.” I turned away, hiding my face in my pillow. “How could you love someone who looks like me?”

  “Maryah!” he shouted, suddenly appearing next to me on the other side of the bed. I glanced back to where he’d been kneeling. The teleporting thing wasn’t easy to get used to. He lifted my chin. “You are the most beautiful creation I have ever seen throughout all of my time on this planet or beyond it. You don’t understand a fraction of the love I feel for you. There is so much more to our story than you remember. You can’t fathom what we’ve been through together.” He pressed his lips to the top of my head and breathed in. “I’ve missed your heavenly smell.”

  His touch triggered more memory flashes. I remembered Nathan as the guy I’d seen in the photo album. He was lying on a beach laughing, pointing at oddly-shaped clouds in a sunny sky. Ukulele music played in the background.

  Another memory flipped through my mind like I was watching an old filmstrip: us with our limbs wrapped around each other, floating in a sea of turquoise water. Some part of me knew it was Hawaii, and I ached to go back.

  I forced myself to look at him, but choked on the words. “Do you still love me?”

  He caressed my cheek. “I was put on this earth to love you. I know no other kind of existence but to live and breathe for your wellbeing. It’s who I am, and who I will always be.”

  Goosebumps covered every inch of my skin. “I thought this would feel weird to say, but it doesn’t. I love you, Nathaniel.”

  He smiled, but not like I had hoped he would. His smile never reached his eyes. “I know. That’s the beauty of our relationship. I can see how deeply you love me.”

  “You can?”

  “Yes.” He almost looked sad, but then he traced a figure eight around my eyes. “The eyes do not lie.”

  My brain melted at his touch. “I have so many questions,” I murmured, “but I can’t think of them right now.”

  “We have all the time in the world. You should rest. You’ve endured more than enough.”

  “Stay with me?”

  A real smile surfaced. His eyes shined brighter than ever. “There is no place in this entire universe I would rather be.”

  He wrapped his muscular arms around me and I rested my head on his chest. It fit perfectly, like I was designed to fit the contours of his body. Nathan’s heartbeat was the sweetest lullaby I’d ever heard.

  I was home. He was my home.

  “Thank you for saving me,” I whispered.

  His deep voice was the last thing I heard as I drifted to sleep. “Thank you for saving me.”

  THE UGLY TRUTH

  Nathaniel

  The sound of rain pattering against the roof and windows nudged me from sleep. For a moment I thought I was dreaming. I had dreamt of her being in my arms so many times only to be disappointed when I awoke. But no, my soul mate was really, finally, with me again.

  I laid there, breathing in her comforting scent, and running my fingers through her hair. Would all of her memories ever return? Would we ever be able to discuss our first life together, or our eighth, or eighteenth, with her actually recalling details? It didn’t matter. She remembered pieces. She said she loved me, and I believed her. That’s all I needed.

  I kissed the top of her head and whispered, “I’m sorry I ever doubted you.”

  She bolted up in bed. As did I.

  “Maryah? What is it?”

  She stared ahead at our reflection in the mirror, trying to catch her breath. “River. His eyes were crazy and peering out of a tree in the dark and I was all alone and tried to scream but I couldn’t.”

  I wrapped my arms around her. “It’s all right. It was just a nightmare. He’s in jail and will be for a very long time. He will never set foot near you again.”

  “There’s something I have to tell you. River said his uncle made him kill me. He thinks our family is some sort of cult.”

  “Shh,” I reclined back and tucked her head against my chest. “I already know. River confessed everything while we were at the police station.”

  “What if his uncle comes looking for me? Or hurts someone else?”

  “Don’t worry yourself with that. Eric Malone is a wanted criminal. He left town and he wouldn’t be foolish enough to return anytime soon. Besides, I’m here, and so is the rest of our kindrily. No one is ever going to hurt you again.”

  Her muscles softened as some of her tension eased. She snuggled up against my neck while thunder rumbled outside. I couldn’t get close enough to her. I squeezed her tighter and relished her breath against my skin, but I had to adjust myself when my body ached to do more than just hold her.

  “I’m not getting out of this bed until tomorrow,” she cooed. “And neither are you.”

  “While I do love that idea, the others won’t allow it. I’m surprised they haven’t besieged us yet. I’m certain they’re out there waiting for an update.” I was also certain we needed to get out of bed so I could take a cold shower.

  Maryah looked at the closed bedroom door and sighed. “I guess we do owe them some details, considering all they’ve been through.”

  I chuckled. “That’s the understatement of the millennium.”

  ∞

  My first instinct was to wait for her outside of the bathroom, but that was much too overbearing. No one would harm her while she was showering. I made it a few steps down the hallway, but that felt too far away, so I straightened the paintings lining the walls.

  I was straightening them for the fifth time when Maryah walked out of the bathroom. “Are you peckish?”

  “Not really, but I am thirsty.” She smiled. “My father always used British words like peckish.”

  While in bed, she felt familiar. The contours of our bodies fit together perfectly just like in every other life. However, now it felt like we were on an awkward first date. “Do you remember anything about our lives in England?”

  “Lives? With an s? We lived there for more than one…cycle, or whatever?”

  Louise appeared at the end of the hallway. “You two missed breakfast, but would you care for some lunch?”

  I spoke so that only Maryah could hear me. “You don’t have to eat, but we should join them.”

  “Fine, but later we are discussing England. And everywhere else we’ve lived.”

  “Happily.” I ushered her down the hallway.

  Krista, Faith, Louise, and Helen were scattered around the kitchen, but all of them were focused on Maryah and me. Helen kissed each of us on the cheek and ladled hot
cocoa into a mug. She handed it to Maryah, who only looked at it skeptically.

  “I assumed you’d want to avoid tea for a while,” Helen said. “It’s cocoa with ginseng, ginko, and gotu kola. It helps the memory.”

  Maryah took a sip. “Your gift has something to do with herbs and stuff, doesn’t it?”

  “I have a way with nature.” Helen untied her apron and hung it in the pantry. “Herbs, plants, flowers: if it’s borne from the earth, I can make it flourish. Many plants and flowers have medicinal properties.”

  The doorbell rang and Faith sprang up to answer it.

  From the foyer, Faith squealed.

  Maryah clenched onto me, and I wrapped my arm around her. “You’re safe. Don’t worry.”

  She let go when she realized Faith was talking—friendly talking—to whomever was at the door. A dog barked, then a bulldog came charging in just as Faith and April came around the corner.

  “April?” Maryah gasped.

  Louise had told me about their fight. April had been in one of my classes last year, but she looked much skinnier and sadder than I remembered, maybe even sick. Her arms cradled her torso like she needed to hold herself up.

  Louise and Helen said a quick hello then excused themselves to do chores at Helen’s.

  “How have you been? How’s,” Maryah hesitated, “your mom?”

  “She’s hanging in there.” April’s voice quivered. “I’m so sorry, Maryah. I’ve been such a horrible friend. River called me from jail, so I went to see him and he wouldn’t tell me much, but he told me you wouldn’t date him, how you said you’d never do that to me. And then I found out he tried to…I can’t even say it. Forget about me, are you okay?”

  Faith, Krista, and I glanced at each other, silently debating whether or not we should leave the girls alone to talk.

  “I’m fine,” Maryah said, but I heard the fear in her voice. “It’s good to see you. This is Nathan and my cousin, Krista.”

  “Yeah, I know Nathan. Nice to meet you, Krista.” April’s eyes were glassy. She fanned herself with her hand like she was trying not to cry. “I’m sorry I never returned your calls or emails. I’m sorry for so many things.”