So, You Want to Live Past Next Tuesday

by Billy Bob Richardson

  Half a heartbeat later Hey told him, “We already knew that. The captain, then our lieutenant considered your requests, and gave you what you asked for. However, not much happens that the first sergeant doesn’t hear about. He gave us the word and told us if we didn’t want the duty he would find a way to keep us in camp. Since we had already put our asses on the line for you before, he figured we might want to let someone else babysit you.”

  “Still, you went even when you didn’t have to?” asked Al.

  Half a heartbeat later Ivan said, “We didn’t volunteer for active duty in the Infantry to sit in camp and clean weapons, or polish the seats of our ACUs.”

  You could just see the wheels turning in Al’s head again.

  You could see he was sizing us up as he said, “Today’s army is all volunteer; some guys join up to shoot and blow things up, some join to get an education, or serve their country. From the sounds of it you five joined up for that but also specifically to get into combat as much as possible, that about right?”

  “Well, yes and no,” I told him.

  “Yes and no? Which is it? What is up with you five?” asked Al.

  I gave him a bland look, similar to the ones he gave us when he wanted to pretend he didn’t understand what we were saying.

  “What exactly do you think is going on, Al?” I asked.

  “You guys remind me of an old married couple. They don’t have to talk to one another to decide who will say what, or even look at each other. There is a sort of telepathy between them that allows them to speak for each other and finish each other’s sentences.”

  I just gave him that same blank look and said, “What are you talking about, Al?”

  “I guess what I am saying is that while we were in country, you took orders from the Sergeant there like any subordinate would,” Al said, pointing at Ivan.

  “Sitting in the bar and now here, it is obvious that they all look to you, Madd. They check to see which way the conversation should go, and if something I ask gets answered or deflected. There’s another thing,” said Al.

  “All of you except Ivan look about fifteen; he looks about seventeen, yet he has already made sergeant. You guys look as young as most all the newer guys in the company, but when a firefight starts you act like old professionals. Calm and focused and never seem to get rattled. Now the other younger guys in the company will eventually get to that point but you guys seem to already be there,” said Al.

  “According to the Captain and the company Sergeant I talked to, you guys shipped in this way. How is that possible?”

  Laughing, I said, “Anything else bothering you, Al?”

  “Maybe not bothering me exactly Madd, but you are all six feet two or over and look like you stepped out of a WWF commercial or Hollywood’s vision of a crew of Vikings. I asked at headquarters and they said you were cousins and/ or brothers. That doesn’t really account for how much you look alike or the fact that when you shipped in the older hotshots in the company stepped lightly around you. So, what gives?”

  I looked at the table for a sec, and said, “I might not be the best one to answer any of that.”

  With an imperceptible shifting of his eyes Madd went silent and Ivan took up the conversation.

  “No offense Al, but we don’t know you all that well. I’m willing to answer some of what you asked, but I’m not going to go into any areas that are family business. I will tell you what anyone who looked up our service records or public records would be able to find out,” said Ivan.

  “First, we are country folks. If you’re not familiar with what that can mean, let me give you some basics of what a lot of country folks, and our immediate family specifically, calls ‘Family’. A person doesn’t have to actually be related by blood to be considered family.

  “As an example, say we had neighbors that were good folk, did right by everyone we knew, kept their word and did the things they said they would do. If they had fourteen kids and could only afford thirteen, one of the kids might come to live with one of our immediate families’ households. If they pitched in, worked side by side with the family and were an asset, they would then be considered family. If everything went along the way the family did things, pretty soon, no one would think of that person as anything but a part of the family,” said Ivan.

  “There are men in our family that went to war with our uncles, fathers and brothers who came to live on the ranch/farms, and they are now family. We call them uncles. I would have to stop and think about it for a second to tell you which ones are not our blood kin, because no one thinks about how they became uncles.

  “On the other side of the coin, there are people who don’t live up to the family standards. Those who moved off to town and don’t call or come back for funerals, and as such may be blood but we don’t call them uncles, cousins or brothers. We know they are blood of course, but they don’t figure into the family plans or reap some of the benefits of a family member.

  “Our adopted uncles, cousins, brothers and sisters are always included in the benefits. Real and Hey are in fact brothers,” Ivan said, pointing across the table.

  “We are all cousins with each other. In this case we are actually related by blood,” said Ivan.

  “OK, I have heard something like that about country people, not to that level maybe but I see what you are saying,” said Al.

  I took up the conversation at this point.

  “We look similar Al, because we are related closely by blood. We look the way we do because our great, great, great grandfather had some unique ideas for the times. He decided that if you breed cattle for certain characteristics, then people could benefit from the same strategies and produce good, healthy offspring without inbreeding.

  “I have an aunt and uncle who are also my great aunt and great uncle as well as being different tier cousins. Both from different family trees. My grandfather’s sister’s daughter married my grandmother’s brother.”

  “Wow, he sounds like quite the character. You five are the results of careful breeding?” asked Al.

  “You could put it that way, Al.”

  “What was the old gentleman trying to do, produce a race of Vikings?” asked Al.

  That got all of us to chuckling.

  “As far as we know he wanted big strapping farm hands with tons of endurance. Keep in mind, in those days a lot of jobs around a ranch/farm took manual labor and long hours of work. He also needed intelligent offspring. It doesn’t do much good to work a lifetime creating an impressive farm, then leave it to people who are too dumb to maintain and grow it,” I told Al.

  “We have an idea of what each of us is thinking and how the other one will react to a situation because we grew up together. For us, that means we studied, played, hunted and trained as a group,” I told him.

  “Trained, as in military training?” asked Al

  “The short answer is yes. We have a lot of former service personnel in our family and they made sure we had the best military training they could give us. We all joined the service at seventeen to put what we learned into practice.”

  Pointing at Ivan, I said, “Ivan is two years older so he joined up first. Now you know why we seemed to be ahead of the curve when we got to the company.”

  “Why give five young men military training in the first place, Madd?” asked Al.

  “That falls under the heading of family business Al; I’m not going to go there.”

  Ivan took over at this point and told Al, “As far as deferring to Madd goes, that is a little tricky. Like most large families we have one member that is more or less the leader. Our family has someone more or less in charge, with a council to help them make decisions. People come to the council with their problems and listen when the council makes suggestions. Madd will be a significant player in the family when his contract is up. That’s all I can say about that as well,” Ivan told him.

  I tried my best to look very earnest with what I told Al next.

  “We are just country
boys who want to defend our country like thousands of guys serving in the armed forces, and get some combat experience along the way.

  “Why are you so interested in us, Al?” I asked him.

  “That’s an excellent question, Madd. To be frank, I don’t know exactly. First, you guys are not typical in any way I can see. In my profession I have to evaluate people, see what is below the surface and see what makes them tick. Lives depend on it, usually mine.

  “Second, you guys got my men and myself out of various sticky situations at the risk of your own lives. And did it very professionally as if it were just another day’s work. That makes you dependable, and I might add, valuable.

  “Third...hmm…when I look at you guys under combat conditions, or even just fooling around grab-assing at base, I get this itch on the back of my neck that tells me I am missing something,” Al told them.

  “Sorry we make your neck itch Al; tried sun blocker?” I said.

  “That’s another thing. You block or turn a conversation with humor so that the conversation can go off in another direction. You guys look, sound and act like mom and apple pie, but you are something a lot more than that. I just need to figure out what that is,” was all Al could say.

  “OK Al, but dinner is here, can we get to the food?” said Hey.

  “How about we keep the conversation light. No in-depth political or religious subjects allowed?” I asked Al.

  “Sure thing Madd. I hate a cold steak anyway.”

  “You know anything about prepping or preppers, Al?” I asked.

  “I know the term, don’t know that much about the subject. It’s getting ready for the apocalypse or something, isn’t it?” said Al.

  “In broad terms I suppose that isn’t all that far from the fact, Al. It isn’t as nutty as the press makes it sound, though. Look at it this way. For the sake of this discussion let’s say you live in an area that has been hit by hurricanes a lot. So you stock flashlights, drinking water and some food to tide you over till FEMA gets there. That is one type of ‘prepping’.”

  “Doesn’t sound all that crazy the way you say it, Madd.”

  “Good. Now say you buy a car and you buy the extended warranty. Do you pay that extra money because you expect the car to break down or just in case it breaks down?” I asked Al.

  “Actually, I heard you shouldn’t take extended warranties but I get your drift. I would like to think I don’t have the hassle of taking a newer car to the dealer to be worked on, but buying the extended warranty would be more of a just in case it breaks,” said Al.

  “Exactly. Here is another example. If you lived in tornado alley, your flashlight, drinking water and food would be much more important than the mere inconvenience of having your car towed in for repairs. It could mean your life,” I told Al.

  “That makes sense. It isn’t that I would be expecting to have to use that stuff, it would be just in case a tornado hit. I suppose if I lived in the area long enough I might be very happy I was prepared, since eventually I am going to need that stuff. Madd, you’re telling me in your not so subtle way that by having those items I would be ‘prepping’ to some extent, right?”

  “Exactly, Al.”

  “I need to think about that. I can see the value in being prepared but a hurricane or tornado might or might not hit the exact area I was living in; that could make my preps useless.”

  “Very true Al, but what if the number of hurricanes in your area starts increasing?” I asked.

  “You are upping the ante Madd, and I do see your point.”

  “Just think about that for a while, Al. Then consider this. How crazy is your preparing for that hurricane or tornado if the occurrences of those hurricanes and tornadoes start to double or triple? How crazy does it seem then?”

  Al didn’t answer what was obviously a rhetorical question, but did start doing some serious thinking about the whole concept of prepping.

  Dinner over the conversation turned to the evening’s entertainment.

  “We’re going to head over to our hotel, Al. They have a beach bar next to a huge pool with a view of the sand and surf. The hotel staff tells us that as the sun sets there is a parade of bikinis and good looking girls to fill them, so why not come hang out with us?” asked Ivan.

  “I think I will, it might let me figure out why you guys make my neck itch.”

  The Hotel Bar

  “You guys sure don’t seem to be partying as hard as I would expect soldiers just back from combat would. We’ve been here two hours and none of you even have a buzz on. Madd, that is your fourth or fifth beer and you don’t seem the least bit affected.”

  I turned the bottle and held it in the light so Al could read the label.

  “You must be kidding. Alcohol free beer? I know you aren’t old enough to legally drink, but I never saw a soldier let that stop him. What about the other guys, don’t tell me they aren’t actually drinking?”

  “I think they might have had one or two real beers since we’ve been here.”

  “Those guys are the life of the party over there with girls hanging off of them and they aren’t actually drinking?”

  Madd pointed at the girls. “How do you think things would be going for the guys if the girls all knew they were sober?”

  “I don’t get your drift, what do you mean?”

  “People drinking or getting drunk, whether they are showing their asses or not, want to think that everyone else is doing the same. They are just fitting in, and it seems to be working.”

  Al couldn’t help laughing at that.

  “It does seem to be working, but why, Madd?”

  “Why aren’t we drinking?”

  “Yes, what’s up?”

  “For the guys it’s because we are in a strange place and don’t want any trouble. When trouble does comes, they want to be in good enough condition to handle it.”

  “So you think there’ll be trouble, Madd?”

  “I think it is very possible. Those six guys over in the corner are about two drinks from trying to show how manly they are by kicking the asses of the biggest guys in the bar.”

  “I noticed they don’t seem happy your cousins have most of the girls and they have none.”

  “Exactly, Al.”

  “This happen often to you guys?”

  “Not really. Back home the few hard cases around have learned not to go head to head with the family. But if we get into Denver or someplace we aren’t known, then yes, trouble sometimes finds us. Those six are totaling up the odds. Because there are six of them they believe they can take down my four cousins.”

  “They don’t seem to have noticed you yet.”

  “That’s the virtue of hanging in the shadows quietly and keeping my head down while remaining cool, calm and collected.”

  “Funny man.”

  “Laugh if you like Al, but when guys get a few too many they tend to discount anyone not directly in their view.”

  “I don’t suppose you five need help from me?”

  “Thanks for the offer, but I am not going to jump in to help my cousins unless the odds change somehow. I will be jumping in to keep the cousins from permanently crippling those six idiots. After being shot at and waiting to die from an IED the guys might tend to be more forceful than is called for. They just might work their aggressions out on those idiots.”

  The bouncers had been keeping an eye on what was going on and could tell it was just a matter of time before the six jackasses tried something with the four guys who had all the girls around them.

  Before things could get out of hand the six guys who had been giving the cousins bad looks got into a shouting match with the cocktail waitress, then the bartender. They were cutting the six off, feeling they were too drunk to serve.

  After a tussle the bouncers finally got all six of the troublemakers out the door, and were feeling pretty manly. The head bouncer decided to flex his authority and walked up to Ivan.

  “OK, guys we don’t want to have to pu
t you out too so behave yourselves from here on out.”

  By the time he was finished talking he was standing in Ivan’s personal space. The bouncer was a big guy who was used to being the biggest, baddest guy in the room. When he took a good look at Ivan he realized that not only was he having to look up, he was being way too aggressive with the wrong guy. He braced himself for the inevitable fight. Ivan just thanked him for the help and shook his hand. The bouncer just couldn’t leave it alone.

  “Just remember what I said, or I’ll have to break your arms off.”

  All the cousins, including Madd, got very quiet. Ivan reached to his right and picked up one of the heavy wooden bar stools. Turning it over, Ivan grabbed a leg in each hand. With no apparent effort he started forcing two legs apart. You could hear the rungs and braces screeching as two opposing legs came away from the stool. Ivan handed the legs to the bouncer and smiled.

  The bouncer and his two buddies looked at the cousins as if they were just now seeing them. They had two options: start something they knew they were going to lose, or just walk away and hope they didn’t have to call the police to save themselves. It had finally dawned on them that they were over-matched and outclassed. They just walked back to the door and acted like nothing happened. One of the bouncers kept looking over in the corner where the stool legs had been tossed. Shaking his head, he was wondering just how strong you had to be to do that.

  Al was warming up to these guys. They appeared to be genuinely nice guys. They were big, strong and capable, but all they wanted was to have a good time without problems. Not the kind of men he usually ran into.

  Madd got everyone’s attention. “Guys, I believe we may have overstayed our welcome; it’s probably time to turn in anyway.”

  “Sure Madd, it’s getting late,” said Ivan.

  “Al, would you walk out with us? I would like to make sure you get to your car,” Ivan told him.

  Al just laughed. “Ha, you guys think I need protection?”

  “You were with us in here and if those guys are hanging around you might become a target. Unless you are willing to shoot them in the parking lot of course; six to one are crappy odds, Al.”