by Nicola Haken
He took a seat on the plastic chair across from where Blaine and I sat and leaned forward, clasping his hands together on top of his knees. He asked me what seemed like an endless list of questions. When did I first start noticing changes in my mum’s behaviour? How frequent were her mood swings? How severe? Did she ever have irrational thoughts or ideas? The list went on for what felt like hours…
“A member of our psychiatric team will be assessing your mom in the morning. I expect they will want to admit her for a while, possibly just a few days, maybe longer. We will make sure your mom gets all the help she needs. Does that sound okay with you?”
I wasn’t sure. My mum would hate staying in hospital. She would see it as people prying and interfering. And of course she would be scared. I knew she still believed they’d take me away from her. In that very moment I wondered… is that why she was so hysterical? I replayed the day’s events in my mind, remembering how she pleaded with Blaine not to let them take me away.
I nodded at the doctor.
“Can I see her now?”
“Of course. Please, follow me,” he said as he stood up and started walking towards the door.
“I’ll wait here,” Blaine said, taking my hand and kissing it.
“Are you the young man that rode in with her?” Doctor Anchor asked Blaine. Blaine simply nodded. “In that case she’s been asking for you too.”
I smiled, touched by the fact my mum wanted to see him. Even though she didn’t remember what Blaine had done for her, she had been told and I imagined she would want to thank him. I tugged gently at Blaine’s hand until he rose from the bench. He flashed me a half smile but he seemed nervous, his breathing slightly too fast. Still, he clasped his fingers around my hand and followed me out of the room.
The doctor led us to a side room with a small window concealed by vertical slatted blinds. Stepping inside I was almost blinded by the shockingly bright sunshine-yellow walls. Then, after blinking the sight away I noticed my mum’s tiny body tucked up inside the white bed sheets.
“Oh, Mum!” I whimpered, running to her side and flopping my body over hers.
“Fuck, Maddie, I need to breathe!” she choked. Reluctantly I prized myself off her, kissing the top of her fading red hair as I did. It would need dyeing again soon I mentally noted. I wondered what colour she would go for next. “Sit down,” she said warmly, patting the mattress beside her. I lowered myself onto the bed and then she scooted up to the top of the bed and crossed her legs Buddha style. “Come on, Blaine, don’t be shy.” She winked at Blaine who was still standing in the doorway and then gestured her hand towards the polyurethane visitor’s chair by her bed.
As I suspected my mum wanted to thank Blaine. Then she apologised to both of us, even though there was absolutely no need and I repeatedly told her as much. The more time and idle chitchat that passed the more she seemed to struggle to keep up her calm façade.
“I’m so afraid, Maddie. I don’t know what’s happening to me.” Her voice cracked on the last word and then she broke down into a violent sob.
“I’m scared too, Mum,” I uttered through my own tears, leaning across to hug her. “But we’ve got each other. We’ll be okay. We always are, right?”
“Right.”
A knock on the door interrupted us. Blaine rushed over to it as it started to open.
“Not now, Trudy,” he snapped firmly.
“It’s fine, Blaine,” I said, suddenly curious about his hostility towards her. Had they had an argument when I wasn’t looking or something? “Come in, Trudy.”
Treacle shot Blaine a death glare when she thought I wasn’t looking and not so subtly shoved past him. I’d definitely missed something, but I didn’t have the energy to care.
“How are you feeling, Annie?” My mum rolled her eyes and for a second I was expecting her to come back with something sarcastic like ‘with my fingers’. She was pissed off with Treacle too lately.
“Fine,” she deadpanned.
“Well… good. That’s good.”
I looked at Blaine, wondering if he felt as uncomfortable as I did. He shrugged and I decided he was.
“So, Maddie, you start your new job this week, don’t you?” Treacle asked, deflecting to me.
Shit.
“Oh, Maddie, that was supposed to be tonight!” my mum squealed, throwing her hand over her mouth. “Oh shit, Maddie, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, Mum. No big deal.” I strived to sound casual but I just know I failed big time. I was so looking forward to that job. I needed that job.
“I’m sure if you called them they’d understand,” Treacle said, placing her hand on my shoulder. I forced a smile and feigned an itch in my ankle so I could bend down and shrug out of her over-familiar touch.
“Maybe,” I said, shrugging.
“Trudy’s right. Go and do it now,” my mum ordered.
“I’ll do it later. I’m not leaving you.”
“Madonna Whitney Davis do as you’re god damn told and go and ring them now!” I opened my mouth to reply but was cut off by the sound of Blaine choking on his own spit.
“I’ll be right back,” I said to my mum. As I stood and walked out of the room I purposely avoided looking at Blaine who I could hear sniggering under his breath.
“Whitney?” he breathed in my ear as he pulled me back a little by the crook of my arm as I stepped past him.
“Fuck off, Blaine,” I mock-scolded. He tipped his head back and laughed before cupping my face with his hands and laying a loud, exaggerated kiss on my lips.
“If you want to screw my daughter, lad, at least take her outside.”
“Annie!” Treacle blasted, clearly offended. Maybe I should’ve been too, but that was just… Mum. Blaine chuckled and I rolled my eyes playfully.
“Come on, lish, I’ll get the drinks while you make the call.”
Like he said, Blaine disappeared down the corridor towards the vending machines. I teased my mobile out of my back pocket and noticed a text from Lori. I didn’t read it, deciding I would call her the second I got a spare minute. I felt sick as I hovered my finger over Sarah’s (the manager of Brewed Awakenings) personal number. I was about to lose my first ever job before I’d even started.
My heart edged a little further up my throat with each ring. Just as I was about to gag on it, Sarah answered.
“Hello?”
“Hi, is that Sarah?” I asked, squeezing my arse cheeks together to stop me crapping my pants.
“Yes, this is Sarah.”
“Hi, Sarah, it’s Maddie Davis. I just wanted to apologise for missing my first shift tonight. My mum was rushed to hospital, I’ve been here all day and I’ve only just noticed how late it was. I know that isn’t your problem and of course I don’t expect another chance I just wanted to say sorry all the same.” The words rushed out and I hoped I wasn’t completely unintelligible.
“Oh no, that’s terrible, Maddie. Nothing too serious I hope. Is she okay?” she asked politely, no doubt working her way up to firing my arse.
“She will be, thank you. Again, I’m sorry I let you down. I hope I didn’t leave you too much in the lurch.”
“Not at all. Families come first. Will you be in tomorrow? It’s no problem if you need more time, just let me know.”
“Really?” I chirped, my voice rising to a higher pitch than I knew I was even capable of. “I can come back?”
“Of course! We all have emergencies beyond our control. It wasn’t your fault and you let me know as soon as you could.”
“I just wasn’t expecting…Thank you, Sarah. Thank you so much. I will see you tomorrow then.” In that moment Blaine appeared holding two steaming Styrofoam cups with white plastic lids. I gave him an excited thumbs up accompanied by a jaw aching grin.
“No problem, Maddie. Give my regards to your mom. See you tomorrow.”
“Thanks again, Sarah. Bye.”
“Bye, Maddie.”
After ending the call an involuntary
, homecoming queen worthy squeal escaped my lips.
“I’ve still got a job!” I shrieked, lunging towards Blaine and stopping abruptly when I remembered the hot drinks.
“That’s great, lish! What did she say? Was she pissed?”
“Not at all. She was really nice and understanding. She said I could take as long as I needed and that she sends her regards to my mum. I said I’d start tomorrow anyway… I didn’t want to push it. Plus I really am looking forward to it and I know my mum will be looked after while she’s here.”
“Good. I’m happy for you, lish. Now will you take one of these god damn cups before the fuckers burn away the last traces of my fingerprints?”
“Sorry,” I muttered, biting my bottom lip as I reached out for a cup. After pushing in the little plastic sipping hole I brought it eagerly to my lips. I was exhausted and emotional and tea was my wonder drug – my answer to everything.
“What the…” Blaine yelped when I sprayed a mouthful of bitter black coffee all over him.
“This is yours,” I muttered, smacking my lips together as if that would shift the vile taste from my mouth. “How can you stand to drink that shit?”
“How can you stand to put milk in your tea? They’re like two different drinks. I mean… would you put milk in your OJ? It’s just wrong.”
“Touche.” I winked at him as we swapped cups. I took a welcome sip and immediately crinkled my nose.
“What now?” Blaine asked, seeming amused with a wicked grin splayed across his delectable face.
“It tastes like piss,” I retorted. Granted it was better than the coffee, but I was pretty sure it’d never seen a real life tea bag. Blaine snorted a small laugh and as he opened his mouth to speak Treacle interrupted.
“We need to get back now, Blaine. Your father is expecting us.” The blood drained from Blaine’s face leaving it almost as pale as his chest.
“I’m not leaving Maddie,” he snapped.
I caught sight of Treacle give Blaine a knowing look and I could practically see his heart sink into his stomach. What the hell was going on with them? I wondered idly if she really did know about the vile things his dad had done to him but almost instantly decided she couldn’t. She wouldn’t allow that to carry on under her nose surely?
“It’s okay, Blaine. I’ll be fine. I’m going home myself soon anyway. There’s not much more I can do for her tonight.”
“Then I’ll wait for you,” he said, tossing the still-full cup of coffee into a plastic bin beside us and wrapping his arms around my waist.
“Blaine…” Trudy said, exasperated.
“Oh fuck off, Trudy!” he barked. I decided then that I would ask Blaine what the hell was going on between him and Trudy the next time we were alone.
“Blaine, go home,” I ordered tenderly, cupping his face in my hands. “I’d like some time alone with my mum before I leave,” I lied. I wanted nothing more than for him to stay with me, but I could tell by the urgent tone in Treacle’s voice and the anxious glint in Blaine’s electric blue eyes, that he needed to go.
“Will you call when you get home?” he asked dejectedly.
“Of course I will. Now do as you’re told and piss off,” I teased. He breathed a small laugh and my insides turned to mush.
“Love you too, lish,” he whispered with a heartfelt smile before brushing my lips with his – so softly I could barely feel it yet somehow it managed to send waves of electricity surging through my veins.
“Blaine?” Treacle called, her tone growing impatient.
“I’m coming!” he bit back. And then I’m sure I heard him mutter ‘for fuck’s sake’ under his breath as he turned away from me.
I stared after him as he walked further and further down the long sterile corridor until he disappeared altogether. I missed him already.
The first thing I did when I got home that night was call Blaine to tell him I was home. His voice was quiet – practically a whisper – and hoarse. I decided he must have been sleeping but he said he hadn’t when I apologised for waking him up. I started to worry something was wrong and it made my head hurt. There were so many worries and problems bouncing around in it lately – it just wasn’t big enough.
After reluctantly hanging up on Blaine to spend my very first night alone in this gigantic country, I called Lori. The text I’d noticed but not read earlier said that Blaine had called her to fill her in and that she hoped my mum was okay. I wondered briefly when he found time to do that – most likely when he stepped out for drinks.
Lori gasped, cooed and offered words of comfort in all the right places and then we ended the conversation by discussing my nerves about my new job. Emotionally drained, I went straight to bed after hanging up on Lori. I was exhausted…
I didn’t sleep a wink.
I phoned the hospital the second my eyes opened the next morning. My mum was sleeping but a friendly nurse with a heavy southern twang told me that she was still ‘compliant’ and a psychiatric doctor would be assessing her at ten-thirty. I said that I’d visit after school and she said she’d arrange for my mum’s doctor to be present.
I was dreading that conversation.
I got ready for school in a daze – my crammed mind struggling to find room for simple mundane tasks. In fact I was in such a trance I didn’t hear Lori’s horn sound and she ended up knocking at the door after apparently beeping three times.
On the way to school I texted Blaine, hoping he was okay after getting his answerphone earlier. I tried to convince myself there would be a simple explanation in an effort to stop my brain from bursting with yet another worry but it didn’t work – I was worried. At risk of sounding narcissistic I was expecting Blaine to call me first thing to see how my mum was and how I fared spending my first night alone.
I prayed whatever kept him from me this morning wasn’t called Mitch.
When Lori and I got to school we were instantly swept into a tide of other students rushing towards the cafeteria. After being jostled and shoved into numerous walls and lockers along the way we finally reached the spectacle everyone was so excited about. It was difficult to see through the wall of students gathering round one of the white tables but the deafening chants of ‘Fight! Fight! Fight!’ resounded through the halls before we even reached it.
Eventually Mr Stephens who I was pretty sure was a music teacher – or possibly art… or algebra… stormed into the cafeteria and the raucous crowd dispersed at just a motion of his finger as if he had actual magical powers. It was then I saw Michelle – the girl who took over my position of ‘new girl’ – yanking shit out of a familiar blonde ponytail as she rammed its owner’s head into a table.
“Break it up, girls!” Mr Stephens blasted as he hotfooted towards them. Michelle released her deathly grasp immediately but not before giving the head one last shove into the table.
I have never been an advocate of violence, but when the blonde hesitantly uncurled herself I couldn’t help but feel a little satisfied – it was Sky.
“4C – ten minutes,” Mr Stephens said sternly, ordering them to his classroom as he pointed to Michelle and Sky in turn. Sky shot Michelle a death glare whilst smoothing out her ponytail with her fingers and Michelle shot back a glare that screamed don’t-mess-with-me-bitch.
“Dammit did I miss all the fun?” Jason groaned, appearing from nowhere and startling the living crap out of me.
“Have you seen Blaine?” I asked immediately, spinning to face him.
“Have I ever. Tread carefully, Dora, he’s in a serious fucking mood.”
I knew it. Something was wrong.
“Where is he?” I pressed impatiently.
“Just left him out in the lot.”
Springing straight for the double doors on my way to the car park I suddenly remembered Lori – we’d been separated during the stampede.
“Hey, Jason?” I called, and he turned around. “Can you find Lori and tell her I’ll meet her in class?”
He saluted me.
“Sure thing, Dora.”
I replied with a thumbs-up, threw open the doors and bounded towards the school car park, hoping Blaine was still there and trying to decide whether I was going to kiss him or slap him.
I spotted Blaine the minute I stepped outside. He was loitering by his car, leaning against it with one foot propped against the tyre. He was staring off towards the football field with a cigarette perched between his fingers and looked every bit the smouldering poster boy in his black jeans and fitted black t-shirt with some rock band I’d never heard of printed on it.
He turned and noticed me as I literally ran over to him. When I reached him he opened his eyes and I threw myself straight into them.
“Maddie,” he breathed in my ear. There was an almost heart breaking desperation in his voice, as if he’d been searching for me his whole life.
“What’s wrong, Blaine?” I urged. The strength in which he was gripping my body told me something wasn’t right – he was hurting, struggling with something. “Why didn’t you answer my calls?”
“My dad took my phone,” he said flatly. “I’m so sorry, lish. Did you need me? Are you okay?” He pulled me from our embrace to examine my face with his eyes.
“I’m fine. I was just worried about you.” He seemed satisfied with the smile I gave him and drew me back into him. I stood on my tiptoes and lifted my head to kiss him. He tasted heavenly as usual – tobacco mixed with mint and manliness. Automatically my arms wrapped around his toned body and my hands began to trail up his back. That was when he froze – his entire body went rigid.
“No, lish. Don’t…”
“What did I… Jesus Christ he did it again?” I asked incredulously even though I knew the answer. He’d earned another strike – his sadistic father had cut him again. Blaine swallowed and simply nodded once.