Farther Than I Meant to Go, Longer Than I Meant to Stay

by Tiffany L. Warren

  “All the money these days is in the service industry,” interjected Jonathan. “If you can fill a need, you can make a fortune.”

  “Exactly. A friend of mine in Detroit gave me the heads-up about a senior condominium community. They were looking to contract someone like myself to address the larger maintenance requests that their general staff couldn’t handle. I accepted the contract on faith, not knowing if I would be able to procure all of my start-up expenses. But the Lord came through for me with a small-business loan.”

  Jonathan was clearly impressed. “It sounds like you’ve got a plan! I wish you all the success in the world.”

  I was so proud of how well Travis articulated his plans. I was probably more impressed than Lynette and Jonathan. I wanted to kick myself for almost letting him get away. That was nothing but the devil trying to keep me from what God had for me.

  I ushered everyone into the dining room to start our meal. I’d called my housekeeper to come in an extra day, but Travis had insisted on polishing my cherrywood dining room furniture so that it looked brand new.

  Lynette asked between huge bites of food, “So have you two set a date? I know I’m in the bridal party, right?”

  I replied, “Of course. You’re the matron of honor. It’ll probably be the first weekend in December.”

  Jonathan asked, “That’s only two months away. I had no idea you two were that serious.”

  “Neither did I! What’s the rush?” asked Lynette.

  “Why wait?” asked Travis.

  Lynette thought for a moment and said, “I can’t think of any good reason to wait. I guess we have a wedding to plan.”

  “So, Jonathan, how’s married life so far?” asked Travis with a smile. “Am I in for the shock of my life when I take Charmayne down the aisle?”

  Jonathan responded, “Travis, man, finding Lynette was the best thing that ever happened to me. And I mean that.”

  Travis smiled at me, “I feel the same way about Charmayne. It’s funny, though, ’cause I thought she’d never even want to talk to me.”

  Lynette was apparently intrigued, “Really? Why not?”

  “Well, how often does the president of the bank give the time of day to the man who empties the trash cans? I guess our hooking up was something like a miracle.”

  “It was God!” said Lynette supportively. “Plus you’re not the janitor anymore.”

  “You’re right. I was the janitor. But now I’m an entrepreneur. God is good.”

  There were two people I was afraid of sharing my news with—First Lady Jenkins and Ebony. First Lady believed in long courtships and even longer engagements. Ebony had already expressed her displeasure at my decision. I wished that I hadn’t shared with either one of them my earlier concerns about Travis.

  I sat in First Lady’s office putting the final touches on the travel plans for our conference guests. First Lady had glanced at my ring, but she hadn’t yet made any comments.

  “Come here, girl, and let me see that ring.”

  I dutifully obeyed. She pulled my hand in close for inspection and squinted.

  “Have you set a date?” asked First Lady pointedly.

  “First week of December.”

  “You aren’t wasting any time, are you?”

  “Why wait?”

  First Lady sat down at her desk and exhaled slowly. “The passage of time can repair impetuous decisions.”

  “We’re not acting impetuously, First Lady.”

  “I seem to recall a conversation we had about the Lord telling you—”

  I interjected before she could finish. “I know. I was just afraid, and you know the Bible says that He has not given us a spirit of fear.”

  First Lady sighed and pressed her lips into an almost invisible line. This was her look of frustration. I’d seen it many times in the past, but it was the first time she’d ever used it for me.

  “Are you at least having premarital counseling?”

  “Yes. We’ve already made an appointment with Pastor.”

  First Lady paced back and forth across her office as if she was troubled. Her pacing was making me nervous, so my leg started to shake.

  “Charmayne, I hope that this move is not being made out of a sense of desperation.”

  “Certainly not.” I was starting to get offended, but I tried not to let on by any of my facial expressions.

  “I’ll just say one more thing. If he loves you and wants to marry you now, he’ll love you and want to marry you a year from now.”

  “Thank you for your advice, First Lady. I’ll take it into consideration.”

  I was glad that was her last comment, because I was tired of hearing everyone’s opinions on my life. Of course, it was sage advice, perhaps for a young teenager trying to rush into marriage. I was way past youthful indiscretion, and I recognized a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

  Ebony rushed into First Lady’s office just as First Lady was leaving. Ebony had completed some errands and we were going to finish the travel arrangements together. Our relationship had been strained since Ebony had expressed her feelings about my dating Travis. I still valued her as a friend, though, and above all a sister in Christ.

  She raised an eyebrow when she saw my ring. “Is that what I think it is?”

  “Yes.” I smiled hopefully. “It’s an engagement ring.”

  She inhaled sharply and sat down. “Jesus.”

  “How about congratulations.”

  Ebony just smiled and started looking at the printouts of the airline schedules.

  “I was wondering,” I continued, “if you’d be my maid of honor.”

  “I—”

  “Before you answer, you know I don’t have many friends, and your friendship is precious to me. I really want you to be there on my special day.”

  A look of sadness shadowed Ebony’s usually bright and cheerful eyes. She dropped her head, telling me her response before she even voiced it.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I can’t be a bridesmaid in your wedding.”

  “Why not?” I asked angrily, my hands balled into fists.

  “I just don’t support your decision. I can’t, in good conscience, stand up with you when I think you’re making a horrible mistake.”

  The involuntary tears that had become a regular occurrence clouded my vision. I stood up from the desk and ran from First Lady’s office. I was devastated that I didn’t have Ebony’s or First Lady’s blessing. Why did this have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t everyone just be happy for me?

  CHAPTER Seventeen

  Past

  “You two will be my only bridesmaids. Lynette, I’d like you to be the matron of honor.” I let it slip out casually when Dayna, Lynette, and I were having a meeting at my home.

  Dayna responded immediately. “You mean, I’m the matron of honor?”

  Lynette’s eyes widened. She knew that an ugly argument was brewing, but I was determined not to go there.

  “Dayna,” I continued, “Lynette is my best friend.”

  “But you were my maid of honor,” Dayna whined.

  “Well, that’s because you didn’t have many friends,” I said before I could stop myself.

  Dayna looked at me as if I’d just stabbed her in the chest. I hadn’t meant to come across so bluntly, since it wasn’t the complete truth. Dayna didn’t have any friends.

  In an attempt to keep the peace, Lynette said, “Well, it doesn’t make any difference at all to me. She can be the matron of honor.”

  “Oh, so now you’re just letting me be the matron of honor!” Dayna spat. “I don’t want it if it’s going to be about all that.”

  “Do you want to be in the wedding or not, Dayna?” I asked wearily.

  Dayna started to cry. She was so predictable. I’d had a countdown going on in my mind as to when the waterworks would begin. She beat me by about two seconds.

  “Yes,” she sobbed, “of course I want to be in the wedding. I can’t believe my own sister would t
reat me this way.”

  Lynette rolled her eyes. She’d seen countless similar exchanges between me and my sister. Dayna usually fussed, cussed, and cried and typically won out in the end. But I wasn’t going to let Dayna destroy the one day that I would be the center of attention.

  I replied, “If you want to be a part of this, you’ll cooperate.”

  When Dayna was still not appeased, Lynette suggested, “Why don’t you just have two matrons of honor. I’ve seen it done before.”

  “All right then,” I decided. “We’ll have two matrons of honor. Are you happy now, Dayna?”

  Dayna’s tears vanished as quickly as they had been produced. “Yes.”

  Even though I’d made the final decision, Dayna had yet again gotten the best of me.

  In the midst of our hasty wedding plans, Travis and I had set aside time to have premarital counseling with Pastor Jenkins. As we sat in front of his desk waiting for the session to begin, I was nervous that something would be revealed that would ruin my plans for a wonderful married life. If Travis was worried about the outcome of the session, I couldn’t tell.

  Pastor Jenkins started, “This is one of the facets of my job that I truly enjoy. Guiding young people who are in love is very rewarding.”

  “Thank you for fitting us in, Pastor,” Travis said.

  “Charmayne is like a daughter to me. Of course I’d make time for this, but I’m wondering why you all didn’t choose to go with Travis’s pastor. You will be attending his church, right?” Pastor asked me.

  Travis replied, “Well, with my traveling to commence soon, I thought that it would be better for us to just come to Bread of Life. You are an anointed man of God, Pastor Jenkins, and I’d love to serve on your staff.”

  Pastor Jenkins patted Travis on the back. “And we’d love to have you. I’ll talk to your pastor after you join officially.”

  Travis didn’t respond, and I thought for a fleeting moment that I saw uneasiness in his eyes. I hoped and prayed there wasn’t anything else that Travis was keeping from me.

  Pastor Jenkins asked, “So how did you two meet?”

  “We met in her office,” Travis replied. “I came in and fixed one of her office chairs.”

  Pastor nodded. “Yes. Yes. I remember seeing you two together at Sister Lynette’s wedding.”

  I smiled at Travis. “That was our first date, Pastor.”

  It was almost impossible to believe that just a few months after that first slow dance at Lynette and Jonathan’s wedding, we were sitting here in front of Pastor Jenkins, being counseled for our own nuptials.

  “Wow!” Pastor Jenkins exclaimed. “That was a swift courtship. Is there any reason why you all decided not to give it more time?”

  “I know that God has sent Travis to me, Pastor. I feel it deep in my spirit. I’ve prayed and prayed on the matter, and I know that I have peace.” I gave my little speech with confidence. I hoped to convince myself.

  “Well, typically I don’t recommend that couples move so quickly, but I know that Charmayne is a prayer warrior. I know she hears from the Lord.”

  “We both heard from God on this one,” Travis interjected. “That’s what I call confirmation.”

  Travis took my hand in his, passively defying Pastor Jenkins’s doubts. I felt him squeeze my hand determinedly, and I felt my own confidence swell. We both smiled at Pastor, presenting a united front.

  Pastor said, “Let’s first talk about the biblical structure for a marriage. Both of you turn in your Bibles to Ephesians chapter five. We’ll read verses twenty-two through twenty-five, then skip down to twenty-eight through thirty-one. Travis, why don’t you read that for us.”

  I listened while Travis read a passage I could recite by heart.

  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

  Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. . . .

  For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

  For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

  Pastor Jenkins asked, “Brother Travis, what is your interpretation of these verses?”

  “Basically, that I should love Charmayne unconditionally as Christ loves the church, and that Charmayne should submit her will to me as she would unto Jesus.”

  Pastor nodded, “That’s pretty accurate, son. As a matter of fact the only way that this model of marriage is successful is if both of you choose to fulfill your call as a husband and a wife. Travis, you can’t expect her to submit her will to you if you don’t show her that unconditional love, and Charmayne, you can’t expect Travis to be able to display the love of Christ if you rebel against his leadership at every turn.”

  I commented, “Pastor, of course I agree with this passage, but I’ve been independent a long time and I’ve accomplished a lot in my life. Am I supposed to just follow Travis even if I believe he’s making a mistake?”

  Travis looked shocked at my response. I wanted it to be known up front that while I would be a submitted wife, I would have a voice. I didn’t want to be treated like a child.

  Pastor Jenkins replied, “I don’t think Travis would’ve asked for your hand in marriage if he wanted a mindless drone. Since both of you are believers, this subjection is more about allowing him to be the priest of your home. Allow Travis to seek the Lord for the vision of your household. He has a very difficult and important task. Pray for him to make wise decisions based on the will of God.”

  “Yes, Pastor Jenkins. I can definitely do that.”

  Pastor Jenkins said, “Charmayne, I want you to answer this question. What do you think is the number one reason for divorce?”

  I thought long and hard about what would cause me to want a divorce. I replied, “Infidelity.”

  “That’s a good guess, but actually it’s money issues that drive more couples to seek divorces.”

  “I don’t find that hard to believe,” Travis said.

  Pastor continued, “Have you all discussed how you will handle finances?”

  “What is there to discuss?” asked Travis. “As the head of the household, I will have final say on all financial decisions.”

  “Charmayne, what do you think of that?” asked Pastor Jenkins.

  Obviously, Travis did think that I was going to be a mindless drone, contrary to what Pastor Jenkins had just implied. What I thought was that Travis was out of his natural mind if he thought I was just going to turn the management of my carefully acquired wealth over to him.

  “While I have no problem accepting the leadership of my husband, I plan to have a very active role in all financial matters.”

  Travis looked concerned. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”

  The financial issue was a deal breaker for me. I had been independent too long and gained too much to give up total control immediately.

  “Eventually, I’d like to turn over that responsibility to you completely,” I said calmly and with a steady voice. “But it’s going to take some time.”

  “Charmayne is very wise in the area of finance,” Pastor Jenkins interjected. “I’m sure there are some things you can learn from her.”

  Travis nodded in agreement, but his brooding expression disturbed me. It simply became another warning in my spirit that I put aside.

  Pastor asked, “What about children?”

  Travis spoke again, “I want two, maybe three children.”

  “I, too, would like a small family.”

  P
astor said, “Since you both agree on having children, you all should discuss how you want to raise them and what forms of discipline you both find acceptable.”

  Travis laughed. “We’re going to raise our kids exactly the way my mama and grandmama raised me. I’m going to light up the behind of any child of mine that gets out of line.”

  I inhaled sharply. It was my belief that there were very few occasions when a child needed to be “lit up.” It sounded like Travis was a huge fan of butt whippings. I decided to cross that bridge when we came to it.

  “Speaking of mamas and grandmamas, how do the two of you get along with each other’s families?”

  “I haven’t really met any of Travis’s family, but I do know that his mother is in a nursing home.”

  “My mother is it,” Travis said. “I don’t have any siblings, and Grandmama died when I was sixteen.”

  “And what about Charmayne’s family?” Pastor asked. “Travis, what do you think of them?”

  “Her mom and sister are nice. As long as they know not to meddle in our business, we’ll be fine.”

  That was one thing Travis needn’t worry about. I had been keeping Mama and Dayna out of my business for years. I wasn’t about to start voluntarily giving the two of them any information to add to their arsenals.

  Pastor Jenkins said, “There is no way that we are going to be able to cover every topic you both need to address. We’ll get four more sessions in over the next two weeks to hit on the major areas of trust, sexuality, and prayer in marriage.”

  I replied, “Pastor, you’ve already given us a lot to think about.”

  Travis agreed. “Yes, Pastor Jenkins. This has been an enlightening meeting.”

  Travis’s reply almost made me want to laugh. I didn’t see where he’d been enlightened at all. He came into the meeting with his own views, and he was leaving with them intact. If anything, I had been enlightened on what issues I might have to address in the future.

  I couldn’t say that I was leaving the counseling session with a good feeling. I had no idea how I would submit myself to Travis’s rigid take on the wifely role. What I did know was that I was getting married in less than a month.