Crazy Ex-Ghoulfriend

by Angela Roquet

  Eddie blushed and looked down at his hands in his lap. “It was stupid. I was trying to do something the easy way, and it all backfired.”

  “Easy?” Chloe laughed. “I’m not sure how raising the dead is ever the easy way to do anything. You’re crazy.”

  “Yeah,” Eddie sighed. “I better get home.” He looked up at me. “If you change your mind and want me to break the spell again, you’ve got my number. I’m going to get out of your hair.” He stood up from the table.

  “Hey,” I said softly. “Thanks for coming over when I called.”

  Eddie shook his head. “You don’t need to thank me. This is all my fault.”

  I wanted to say it was okay, but that was stupid. It wasn’t okay, and no one was stupid or crazy enough to think it was. Not even Eddie. Instead, I said, “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

  Once Eddie was gone, Chloe went back to the pantry and found a bag of Doritos and some bean dip. She also grabbed a box of powdered donuts and spread everything out on the table as she sat back down.

  “We have some catching up to do,” she said. “I think Wayne and Matilda will be up there a while, so how about you take it from the top.”

  I smiled at Chloe and tore open the bag of Doritos. Half an hour later, I had filled her in on every last gory detail. When I finished, she sat in disbelief amongst the remains of our comfort snacks.

  “Wow. I can’t believe I missed out on all of that. I really wish you would have told me sooner,” she said.

  “Me too.” I sighed and rubbed my stomach. It was sore and full of sugary goodness. “I guess everything will be alright now. I mean, Matilda is having a heart-to-heart with Wayne, and I think that’s all she really wanted anyway. It’s okay if Denise gets her big, gaudy disco ball prom.”

  “Screw that,” Chloe said. “Denise is going down. I’ve got this one covered.”

  “Even if it means helping Matilda?” I raised an eyebrow.

  Chloe tilted her head from side to side. “I gotta give the girl props. She put an awful lot of work into making you the new queen bee at school, just so she might have one last shot with Wayne.” She crinkled her nose.

  Chloe had never really considered Wayne much of a prize. After witnessing his little freak out upstairs, I wasn’t really sure what I saw in him anymore either. Sure, I guess I freaked out when I first saw zombie Matilda too. Who am I kidding? I peed my pants. But I didn’t try to climb the walls in a hysterical panic like some sort of trapped animal, and I hadn’t shrieked like a banshee. Eddie definitely seemed like he’d be a better companion in a crisis.

  Chloe slapped both hands on the table. “Well, I gotta get home. I have a lot of work to do. Plus, you’re out of snacks.”

  After Chloe left, I went upstairs to check on Wayne and Matilda, and caught them making out on my bed.

  “Ewww. Really? Can’t you do that in your own room?” I covered my eyes.

  “Sorry.” Wayne cleared his throat and stood up. “Sorry,” he said again. He looked back at Matilda. “You know, you could come stay in my closet. If you want. There’s a shed in my backyard too.”

  Matilda looked from Wayne to me, almost like she needed my permission.

  I laughed. “You’re a grown woman, er, zombie, whatever. Do what you want.”

  Matilda smiled. “I’ll call from Wayne’s to check on the prom theme verdict tomorrow.”

  “You still want to go?” I frowned, wondering if she would pull out her ruthless threats in front of Wayne.

  She shrugged. “I’d like to, but it’s okay if I can’t. I just thought it might be a nice way to spend my last night with Wayne.” She took his hand and smiled sadly.

  “Your last night?”

  “Yeah, Janie. I can’t live this way forever. I mean, I guess I could, but come on. I don’t belong here anymore. I should be somewhere else, and Wayne needs to get on with his life.”

  Wayne sat back down on my bed and wrapped his arms around her, leaning in for another kiss.

  “Okay. Enough,” I said again. “We’ll talk tomorrow after school.” I shooed them out of my room and downstairs, where I let them out through the back door. Wayne and Matilda snuck across the backyards, hand in hand. It was sweet, in a gross sort of way.

  I went back up to my room and stripped the comforter off my bed. I didn’t feel like burning it this time, but I definitely didn’t feel like lying down where Wayne had just made out with his zombie girlfriend. Yuck. No thank you.

  Surprises

  Chapter 21

  I wasn’t looking forward to the prom committee meeting Tuesday afternoon. It seemed as if I was just setting myself up for disappointment. It wasn’t that I didn’t have faith in Chloe’s determination. I just knew that Denise would be bringing Amanda and her hoard of pom-pom wielding drones. It didn’t seem worth the fight. Without Matilda’s threats, my motivation was a little lighter too. Of course, I did feel compelled to help her and Wayne have their perfect goodbye. So I decided to go ahead and try my luck.

  Danielle met me in the hall outside the art room with four girls in tow whose names escaped me. “Denise and Amanda brought half the damn school,” she fumed. “We’re wasting our time.”

  I patted her on the back. “Let’s just take a look at the presentations. It can’t hurt. Besides, even if we do go with the Disco theme, I’m sure it will be a good time.”

  Danielle scowled at me. “Are you drunk? What happened to you?” She stepped back to take in my hoodie, jeans, and clean face with a panicked expression.

  “I’m fine. This is no big deal. Let’s just get in there before they start without us.” I opened the door and led our small group inside.

  Danielle had been right. There was barely standing room left, especially with the big television cart Mrs. Walters had set up next to her desk. Chloe spotted me and waved me up to the front of the room.

  Denise watched me join her with a sinister smile. She gave me a once-over, and her smile widened. I could see the wheels turning behind her fake eyelashes. She thought I was digging my own grave. I smiled back at her and waved. It didn’t matter what she thought of me anymore, and I was done snubbing Chloe, especially after the way she had come through for me.

  I owed her a second thank you for my lack of chemistry homework. Mrs. Roth was furious about the missing blood, and I was pretty sure that we were going to run out of science documentaries before the end of the semester, but it had been totally worth it.

  Chloe handed me a notecard. “Here,” she whispered. “You’re the face of this campaign. I’m just the speech writer.”

  Mrs. Walters cleaned her glasses with the hem of her painting smock and turned to face us. “Are we ready girls?”

  “I am.” Denise stepped forward and snapped her fingers. Amanda appeared at her side with a foldout poster board, like the kind used at the science fair. She spread it open on Mrs. Walters’ desk for everyone to see.

  It was covered in various magazine clippings. Images of John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever and Staying Alive were spread out over a backdrop of seventies textiles. Right at the top of the center panel was a big, tacky disco ball. It was impressive enough by D standards, I guess.

  Denise tilted her chin up and looked over her shoulder at me. “Where’s your presentation, Janie?”

  I looked down at the notecard Chloe had handed me, but all it said was Press Play. I glanced over at the television cart next to Mrs. Walters’ desk and then grinned at Chloe. She really had been busy last night. Denise frowned as I walked past her and pressed play on the DVD player under the television. One of Chloe’s art friends clicked off the lights.

  Haunting orchestra music filled the room as a slideshow of movie clips flickered across the screen. There were dance scenes from the Labyrinth, Phantom of the Opera, Marie Antoinette, Romeo and Juliet, Legend, and Sweeny Todd. They were sliced together in an effortless collage. It was elegant and enchanting. I was hypnotized and in awe of Chloe’s masterpiece.

  I looked
around the room. Quite a few of the cheerleaders were whispering amongst themselves, sighing and pointing at the screen. Denise looked like she might be sick. Chloe didn’t look surprised at all, although she did look pretty tired.

  She nudged me with her shoulder and smiled. “Stick around after we take that wench down a notch. I have something for you,” she whispered.

  When the presentation ended, a little diagram popped up on the screen. On one side, there was a girl in a tight, sparkly disco getup. On the other side, there was a regal looking lady in a ball gown and a feathered mask. I was waiting for a caption to pop up that said something along the lines of Trash or Class, but Chloe had been good. She knew her work was solid. A cheap shot wasn’t really needed at this point.

  Denise left the art room before the voting had even begun.

  Chances

  Chapter 22

  Eddie was waiting for me outside of the cafeteria when I came downstairs.

  “How did it go?” he asked.

  “Chloe saved the day,” I said, trying hard not to smile.

  He sighed and scratched his head. “That’s good. Look, I’m really sorry about everything, Janie.”

  “I know you are, and you should be. But I figure you still have time to make it up to me before graduation.”

  His eyes lit up. “I’ll do anything.”

  “Well, you can start by being my date for prom,” I said, still trying to maintain a stern façade.

  “Really?” A slow smile crept over his face. “But what about your college boyfriend?”

  “You’re going to college this fall, right?”

  “Well, yeah, but—”

  “I guess that’ll do.” I spared him half a grin.

  “But what about everything I did wrong?”

  “I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Wrong is such a relative word. I mean, I’ve never had a boy raise the dead for me before, and you did it twice.”

  Eddie smiled then, and it was the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. He scooped me into his arms and laid a kiss on me that made my toes curl, and I didn’t even bite him. It was perfect.

  The weeks flew by faster, now that they weren’t filled with certain dread and loathing. I didn’t see much of Matilda, since she had taken to hiding out in Wayne’s closet and shed, but we did talk on the phone for a few minutes after school each night. I kept her up to date on all the prom planning that Chloe and I were doing. She also gave my sketchbook back, but I didn’t really want it anymore. Chloe almost killed me when I tried to throw it away. I let her keep it, after she swore a zillion times that she would never ever let another soul look at it.

  Denise finally got onboard with the masquerade theme, since everyone else was excited about it. She still didn’t like me. Big surprise there. I wasn’t a fan of hers either. Danielle was growing on me though. She had even stopped wearing so much makeup, and she was surprisingly helpful with the refreshment planning. In the few months I had spent pretending to be her friend, I had never really gotten to know her. She was hoping to follow in her mom’s footsteps after graduation and was all set to go to culinary school.

  Chloe really took charge after our big win. She made up flyers for a costume shop in town and convinced them to offer a rental discount on their Victorian formalwear. She also took up orders for custom masks. Eddie and I helped her make up a series of molds, and she decorated dozens of her creations with feathers and beads. Some even had bits of leather and flowers sewn into them. She said the extra project would really round out her portfolio.

  When prom night finally crept up on us, Chloe and I snuck Matilda past my parents and up to my room to get ready. The Dr. Who painting she had given me after the prom committee win was hanging above my bed. I couldn’t believe that she hadn’t kept it for the art show. It was really the best painting she had ever done.

  Matilda had begun to turn green again, and the little red circles were back under her eyes.

  “I don’t think I can do this,” she said, sighing at herself in the mirror. “I haven’t even been able to let Wayne look at me for the last week. I make him turn the lights off, and I’ve eaten all the baking soda out of his mom’s pantry.”

  Chloe made a face. “You poor thing.” She shuffled around in her bag and found a small coffee thermos. “I brought you a little pick-me-up.”

  Matilda took the thermos from her and popped it open. She swirled the murky contents around. “What is it?”

  “Chicken blood. I squeezed it out of the chicken myself. My mom is going to be pissed when she goes to cook dinner tonight, so don’t let it go to waste. Bottoms up.”

  Matilda shrugged and swallowed it down. The green faded out of her skin and her cheeks plumped once more. “Thanks,” she said, handing the sticky cup back to Chloe. “Janie’s really lucky to have a friend like you. The Ds would have never looked out for me like that.”

  “Well, this fairy godfriend isn’t for sale. I’m doing this for Janie. She seems to think you’re worth helping out,” Chloe snorted.

  “Yeah.” Matilda smiled at me. “I really should have been nicer to you when I was alive.”

  “And after you died.” Chloe snorted again. “I think Janie would have been happy if you had just ignored her. The spray foam in the locker was totally rotten, by the way.”

  Matilda’s jaw dropped. “I didn’t do that. That was Denise.”

  “Denise?” I huffed.

  “Yeah. Mitch said something about inviting you to one of his parties at the playground, and she flipped out.”

  I had to smile. Mitch was a meathead, but apparently he had been crushing on me long before the Matilda makeover. Who knew?

  Chloe pondered on that revelation for a minute. “Well, I guess I don’t have to feel too bad about giving you this then.” She laid a wardrobe bag out across my bed and unzipped it, revealing a silvery beaded dress. The sleeves were low and folded out into a sheer cape.

  Matilda’s blue eyes glossed over. “This is for me?”

  Chloe nodded. “And this goes with it.” She opened a hat box on my bed and pulled out a matching silver mask. The jowls dipped down into cute little kitty cheeks, and long, sparkling whiskers stretched out from its pink nose. A white tulle veil formed a little cap behind the pointy ears.

  Matilda touched the mask gently. “I can’t thank you enough,” she said.

  “Yeah, well you can try.” Chloe grinned playfully. “And for you,” she said, turning to me with another hat box.

  I had told Chloe to surprise me, and boy did she ever. My mask was a glossy lilac. Twisted black vines framed the eye holes and the butterfly outline, and black beads dangled down on either side. It matched the colors of my corseted gown.

  “You’re the best, Chloe. Where’s yours?” I asked.

  She pulled a blue gown out of the last wardrobe bag and showed us the matching feathered mask she had made to go with it. We were set. After two hours of primping and curling and fussing over last minute details, the doorbell finally rang.

  “Girls,” my mom shouted up to us. “Your chariot awaits.”

  Chloe hesitated at my bedroom door. “I think I’m just going to drive myself. I don’t want to be a fifth wheel and have to sit in a car with a bunch of necking kids,” she said, trying to joke her way out of the sudden nerves.

  “You’re not going to be a fifth wheel,” I laughed. “I knew you were going to be too busy with the masks to worry about finding a date, so I ordered one for you.”

  “You did what?” Chloe gaped at me.

  “He’s super cute, and you don’t even have to worry about where he puts his hands. Promise.” I pushed her out of my room and towards the stairs. Matilda followed us, now that she was unrecognizable in her mask. We had decided to call her Honey for the night, in honor of her notorious nickname, the Hun.

  Wayne, Eddie, and Benny waited for us in the living room. I had called Benny the week before to ask him about prom. He was tickled, and he was eager to meet the guy I had finally settled on
. Chloe finally stopped struggling with me when he took off his mask and she realized who her date was.

  “You girls better stop roughhousing or you’ll mess up those pretty dresses,” my mom warned while my dad fiddled with his camera.

  Eddie was a dream in his tuxedo and the leafy Green Man mask Chloe had fashioned for him. He gave me a shy smile and took my hand, slipping a lily corsage onto my wrist. “You’re stunning,” he said, lacing his fingers through mine.

  “You kids need to line up in front of the fireplace. We need to document this night for our grandchildren.” My dad shook his camera at us.

  We shuffled around until he could see us all through his lens. Matilda was awkward at first. It had been some time since she’d been around this many people. The fact that she was posing as Wayne’s out-of-town date helped a little, but I could tell that her nerves were stirring at the thought of the crowd we were about to submerge ourselves in.

  After the group picture, my dad had Eddie and me pose for a few with just the two of us. He asked us to remove our masks for one of the shots, and I thanked my lucky stars that he hadn’t asked us to remove them for a group picture.

  When my dad finished up, and we were all seeing spots from the camera flash, we stumbled out into the front yard. Benny had rented a stretch limo. The big white boat rested against the curb, waiting for us to board so that we could be whisked away to the night of our lives.

  Chloe squealed and squeezed my hand. “Eat your heart out, Cinderella.” We climbed inside and took off for Jasper High.

  The cafeteria transformation was better than any I had ever dreamed up, and that was saying something, since I had dreamed up some pretty elaborate plans. The ceiling and walls were covered by a thick layer of black balloons. There were several park light globes scattered around the edges of the room, and they provided just enough light to set the mood. The student council had raised some money for the event too, so we were able to afford fancy little etched champagne flutes with the date and prom slogan on them. The committee had settled on “A Night of Illusions.” It was cheesy and ironic, and I hadn’t had anything to do with it.