Toxic (Addiction #1)

by Meghan Quinn

  “Because she loves him, you can see it in her eyes, the way she looks at him, the way her face lights up when he enters the room or winks at her from the stage. She can’t get enough of him and someone with that much passion for another person would never use them to get ahead.”

  “Damn. It didn’t seem like Maisy to do something so conniving.”

  “You guys fucked up. You treated Twisted Perfection with disrespect. You should know by now that they would do anything for you four morons and are beyond grateful for everything you did for them, that they would give you anything.”

  Quinn was right. Willow was even thankful enough to betray her friendship with Quinn to give Grey a little peep show, since he was such a horn dog and couldn’t take his eyes off of her bikini-clad body. He still hated himself for that night, but he wasn’t going to focus on that.

  “We’re dicks.”

  “You really are,” Quinn said, while placing some ice cream in her mouth. Grey’s spirit lightened up as Quinn shoveled the ice cream into her mouth like she hadn’t eaten in the last five days, which she most likely hadn’t. Now all Grey needed to do was make sure she didn’t make any trips to the bathroom because she was notorious for purging.

  “Thank you for eating the ice cream, sweetheart.”

  “Why are you thankful? It’s not like I was going to let it go to waste. I eat, see?” she said, as she put the last of the ice cream in her mouth. How she didn’t get an ice cream headache was beyond him.

  “I know you do, babe. I know you do.”

  Chapter 15

  The tension in the room was almost unbearable. Twisted Perfection and Shattered Souls were all sitting around a conference table, waiting for the label executives to come in and discuss their expectations for the rest of the tour, as well as promotional pieces and requirements. They met in some rented offices in Boston, since the label couldn’t meet with them in New York.

  Rook sat directly across from Maisy and couldn’t help but sneak glances at her. She was wearing a flowing skirt with a tight tank top that accentuated her tiny waist. Her hair was up in a giant bun on top of her head and she had no eye make-up on. Her eyes were rimmed with red and there was concealer piled up where she was trying to cover dark circles under her eyes. It was obvious she hadn’t slept in the past two days.

  Grey tried to tell Rook that Maisy didn’t use him, like Pete claimed, but that didn’t change the fact that she didn’t stand up to Pete and tell him differently. Apparently, Quinn knew Maisy wouldn’t do such a thing to Rook and Rook also believed Maisy wouldn’t use him, but he didn’t want to believe any of it. He refused to. If he denied his feelings and Quinn’s words, then he wouldn’t have to put up with being hurt again. He was trying to move on, as lousy as it was going, he was trying to move on.

  Rook took another glance at Maisy, but this time he was caught by her big, brown eyes. They were like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold day, they warmed him up instantly and made him feel like everything was going to be alright in the world.

  Maisy didn’t look away when she made eye contact with him and damn if he didn’t look away either. He couldn’t tear his gaze away from her, from her intense eyes that were begging for him to talk to her. He avoided her every chance he got, which only caused tension between the two bands because Rook refused to let the guys hang out with Twisted Perfection, since they were an extension of Maisy.

  Rob, the VP of the label, came through the door along with a couple of his minions who worshipped the toilets he crapped on.

  “Good to see you all,” Rob said, as he sat down in the chair that was at the head of the table. “I wanted to see you guys one last time before I headed back to the west coast. I’m really impressed with the chemistry you built between your two bands.”

  Rook held back the snort that was begging to be released.

  “We have a couple of radio tours we set up with both bands, as well as promotional sightings. Pete will go over the schedule with you when I’m done. Our goal is to make your tour one that people will die to go to. We are already at that level, but I want people clawing each other’s eyes out to get their hands on a ticket,” Rob said with a sardonic smile.

  Executives always bothered Rook, they didn’t care about people, they just cared about the bottom line and money. Rook cared about the music.

  “Rook and Maisy, I want more spots of you two in public. It’s great publicity. If you get caught making out in the car or doing something indecent, then so be it,” Rob said with a wink.

  The room was deathly silent as the elephant in the room was just squeezed by the trunk. Everyone held their head down, avoiding eye contact with anyone from the label and Rob noticed.

  “What’s wrong?” He looked between Maisy and Rook and then rubbed his face. “Ah, hell.” He shook his head and continued. “Fix it. Pete will have all the details about the radio tour. Any questions?”

  No one said anything, so Rob got up and walked out of the room with a tail of poop-licking minions following close behind.

  Neither of the bands got up to leave. They all just stared at each other. The awkwardness that was between them was almost comical. They were all so close, up until the point that everything turned to shit. Rook knew it wasn’t fair to ask his boys to not be friends with Twisted Perfection because of his own reasons but they all agreed that they backed each other up, even when one of them might be wrong. Might, being the key word.

  “Oh for Christ sake,” Cruz broke the silence. “You three are a bunch of asshats for taking advantage of Rook, especially you, Maisy. There, I said it,” Cruz announced, as if he was doing everyone a favor.

  “Maisy did nothing wrong but fall for a jackass like Rook,” Kaid replied, as Maisy touched his arm to calm his voice. Rook didn’t like the gesture because he didn’t want her touching anyone.

  “How convenient that she fell for the lead singer of the band.”

  “It wasn’t actually…”

  “And how nice that she was after my dick, too.” Cruz fought with Kaid as everyone watched.

  “You think awfully highly of yourself. She wouldn’t touch your disease infested dick if you signed her for a million dollars.”

  “That’s not how it felt when she spent hours in my arms, talking about her feelings, pulling the woe-is-me card, batting her eyelashes and grabbing my dick every chance she got.”

  Maisy stood up. “I never grabbed your dick; it would be way too hard to find.”

  Cruz stood up in protest. “Rook felt bad for you. That’s why he even gave you a chance.”

  “Enough!” Rook shouted to shut everyone up. “Jesus, everyone just shut the fuck up. Cruz this is not your problem so take your loud mouth out of here before I beat you to a bloody pulp for saying something you’ll regret later.”

  Cruz shook his head and left.

  “I actually don’t know why I’m hanging around,” Rook said, assessing the situation. He needed to get out of the room because it was closing in on him. He itched for his amber liquid.

  Rook pushed his chair in and started walking out the door.

  “Wait.” Maisy went after him and asked everyone to leave.

  They all filed out of the room, not talking to each other and not saying a word to Rook or Maisy. When they were finally alone, Maisy shut the door and turned to face Rook.

  Even though her eyes looked like hell, she still was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. No one could compare to the vision that was standing in front of him. He knew that she ruined him for anyone else, not that he planned on having any kind of relationship with another woman. He didn’t even know why he started one with Maisy to begin with. Oh yeah, because his soul was connected to hers and he was lacking in the self-control department.

  “Rook…”

  “Maisy, don’t.”

  A tear fell down her face as she looked desperately at him.

  “Please Rook, just hear me out.” She hiccupped and his heart turned in his chest from the despair th
at had taken over her body.

  He nodded for her to continue.

  “I…I didn’t listen to Pete. He saw the picture of us together when we went to dinner as two bands for the first time and thought it would be a great idea, but I refused to do that. We wanted to make it on our own. I would never do anything like that to you. I know how you feel about people using you and I would never be one of those people.”

  Rook just nodded. He knew she was telling the truth, but he didn’t think he could let himself believe it. He wasn’t strong enough to be with her. He was going to ruin her, he was a jealous ass who didn’t know how to treat women the right way, thanks to his dad. How the hell was he supposed to maintain a relationship with her, his edgy angel, the one person who could make him fall to his knees and beg for forgiveness?

  She continued her pleading. “What you did to me the other night was…I don’t even know how to describe it. You destroyed me, but for some unknown reason, I find myself coming back to you. I can’t stay away from you, no matter how far you try to push me away; I need you.”

  Rook finally found his voice. “It would be for your own good to stay away.”

  “I can’t,” she said, as she walked toward him. “My heart wants what it wants.”

  “Your heart is going to get broken. I’m not good for you, Maisy.” Her hands landed on his waist as she looked up at him. “I’m an idiot, I can’t promise that I’ll be faithful, I can’t promise that I won’t drink or do drugs and I can’t promise that I won’t try to tear us apart.”

  Maisy cupped his face. “I know you won’t do any of those things because I know you care about me, Rook. I can see it in your eyes, so stop denying it and just be with me.”

  “I don’t know if I can trust you.” The words slipped out of his mouth before he could think about stopping himself. When he thought about what he just said, he knew he was right. He didn’t think he could trust her. Yes, he cared about her, wanted her and needed her, but trust her? That was completely different. He had trusted only three people in his entire life and they had just left the room.

  Maisy stepped back for a second at his words. He wasn’t going to lie to her, what their whole fight came down to was trust and he didn’t have any trust where Maisy was concerned. He didn’t know her that well. He thought he did because he felt such a strong connection where she was concerned, but could he really trust her? Trust her to hold the one thing that was most valuable to him and that was already full of scars: his heart?

  “You don’t trust me?” Rook shook his head no to her question. “Oh. Well, I guess that’s fair. Why would you trust me? I’ve only given myself to you mind, body, and soul. I’ve told you some of my darkest stories and I’ve given you the one thing that I’ve saved, the one thing that was violated when I was young. I trusted you with my body, to make me a woman. I let you do that and you say you can’t trust me?”

  Rook felt like a giant dick on a stick but he couldn’t deny what he was feeling.

  “I guess not.”

  “That’s bullshit,” Maisy said. “Fine, if you can’t trust me, then I’m not going to waste my time trying to change your thick-headed skull.”

  Just like that, she gave up on him and left the room without looking back. His heart deflated as he watched her perfectly round hips sway away from him. He was an idiot. A giant idiot for letting her walk away, but his mouth didn’t open to call her back like his brain begged him to. Instead, he walked back to the car that was waiting for him to take him back to the bus. The guys didn’t say anything to him and it was a good thing because if anyone spoke to him, they were going to get a reply from his fist.

  ***

  He couldn’t trust her…he couldn’t trust her! What the hell? He could have slapped her three times and she wouldn’t be as confused as she was now. She knew Pete kind of blew up the trust boat for her when it came to Rook, but the fact that he wasn’t even giving her a chance to prove she was trustworthy was beyond hurtful.

  If anyone should have trust issues, it should be Maisy, especially after the way Rook used her the other night on the bus. She wanted to prove to him that she was the one for him and that he didn’t need to invite other women into his life to pleasure him.

  The situation was so fucked up, that she wouldn’t just walk out on him after seeing that nipple-haired wonder straddling her man’s lap, but instead she gave him the best blow job of his life. She just couldn’t walk out on him, she needed to prove to him that she was good enough for him, that she could give him anything he wanted. Well, he took what he wanted and damn if didn’t hurt her.

  The past couple of nights she hadn’t slept and not because of the lack of warmth that Rook usually provided for her at night. It was because the situation on the bus, the crap he pulled on her not only was offensive and hurtful, but it brought back some seriously bad memories from her childhood. Rook used her just like her dad used to and it was hard to forget.

  Sweat and panic woke her up in the middle of the night as she tried to remind herself that she was no longer in her father’s house, under his prodding hands and maniacal care. She was safe, she was with her friends, she was on a bus and she was living out her dream. She had to keep telling herself that every time the images of her father’s deep brown eyes staring down at her as he touched her, ran through her dreams.

  She didn’t dare tell Willow or Kaid what happened on the bus because they would have Rook hanging by his nuts and she didn’t want to get them more involved than they already were. So she dealt with her night terrors by herself and when she woke to the feeling of her dad’s hands all over her body, she put her ear buds in and turned on the soothing voice of Rook Tyler to calm her down.

  She was beyond fucked up in so many ways.

  ***

  The tension between the two bands faded, which was good for Landon because he was able to hang out with Kaid again. Rook told the guys to let the feud go and that it wasn’t Maisy’s fault, which was a relief since Landon didn’t believe Maisy had the manipulative spirit to do such a thing to Rook. Even though everything was fine between the bands and their lives of traveling from venue to venue was back to normal, Rook holed himself up again in the back of the bus.

  The guys worried about him and didn’t understand why, if everything was okay with Maisy, he still separated himself from her. They were cordial to each other, said their hellos, but that was it. Landon wanted to scream whenever he was in a room with them because all they did was lust after each other, but they were both too stubborn to give up whatever happened between them.

  It had been a week since the big feud, Twisted Perfection was quickly climbing the charts and becoming more well-known and the crowds outside the venues and inside were reaching astronomical levels. It seemed like everything was going great, except for the fact that Maisy and Rook sauntered around the venues and buses miserable as hell and bringing down the morale.

  Rook continued to stay sober for the concerts, which the boys were grateful for because when he was sober, he was on fire while he was on stage. He owned the crowd and showed them why they were so successful. Off-stage, that was a different story; he occasionally had his binge nights, but there was not much they could do about it. As long as he was sober when they performed, that was all they could ask for, especially since he was such a moody little bitch.

  Landon was worried about Rook, but knew he could take care of himself; the person Landon was truly concerned about was Quinn. She wasn’t looking good and he knew he had to do something about it. He just was unsure how to approach her.

  He was meeting her for coffee once she got out of a meeting with the label about the style budget. They were extremely happy with her work, which was why she was allowed to travel around with them because she took her job seriously, she didn’t just follow around her boyfriend and play house on a tour bus. She distinctly set apart everyone’s style and made them into individuals by picking out their best attributes and highlighting them. She was a real attribute t
o the two bands and the fact that she was sick again truly worried Landon because, not only could the bands not afford to lose her, but Landon wouldn’t know what he would do with himself if he ever lost Quinn.

  Landon saw Quinn approach him so he straightened out his shirt and got up from the chair he was sitting in. He had already grabbed the coffee and handed over her cup when she stood in front of him.

  “Thank you.” She took a sip and moaned in delight. “You’re too good to me.”

  Landon laughed. “If only women were that easy.”

  They walked outside and headed for a bench that was under a giant tree.

  “Oh, come on now. You don’t have a hard time picking up women. You just have to flash those Cross boy eyes and you could have any woman you want.”

  Landon thought to himself, not any woman.

  “How you doing, Quinn? It seems like you haven’t been yourself lately.”

  Quinn studied the cup in her hands as she turned it around, avoiding his question.

  “Quinn…”

  “I’m not doing very well, but I don’t think I can tell you about it.” Quinn said, while avoiding eye contact.

  “Quinn, we tell each other everything.”

  “I just…I just don’t want you telling Grey anything. Our relationship is already strained.”

  “You’re my friend, Quinn. Your confidence is safe with me. Go ahead.” He playfully nudged her.

  Quinn sipped her coffee and pulled her legs up to her chest so her chin rested on her knees. Landon tried not to think about how flexible she was, that was just asking for trouble.

  “I’m seriously depressed.” Landon reached out and grabbed her hand to offer comfort. She smiled at him. “I haven’t…been eating properly and I know it’s wrong but I don’t know what else to do, how else to combat the turmoil that is running through my body. I feel so ugly all the time and I know not eating isn’t helping. I know a body of just skin and bones isn’t attractive; I just can’t help it. It’s like I have a constant stomach ache and don’t want to eat…ever.”