NEARLY Trilogy

by Ashley, Devon

  The female bartender followed me over. Her nametag said her name was Tiffany and she was lean and blonde, with gorgeous blue-gray eyes and wavy hair that fell half way down her back. I imagined she was probably really pretty beneath the numerous layers of makeup she seemed to wear. I understood the need to dress the part for better tips – though I never did it myself– so it was surely the reason her shirt was one size too small and why she felt it was necessary to pop open one too many buttons.

  I couldn’t help but wonder if I too did that as a teenager. In the before time. Because nowadays I tended to cover anything that would illicit the kind of attention her clothes were aiming for. And a part of me was jealous that she still had that confidence about it, that her world had never been shattered in a way that would have her doing the opposite.

  “What can I get for you?” she asked with a smile.

  I blew a long breath between my lips, thinking it over. “Whatever you already have open in a red is fine.”

  “Can I see an ID?” she asked.

  I almost burst a chuckle because I felt so tired and old. But despite the life I’ve had, I was still pretty damn young, still not old enough to legally drink.

  But Mia was.

  I flashed her the ID Zander made. Satisfied with the picture of me, Tiffany said, “Alright, one merlot coming up.”

  It was late on a Wednesday night and the bar was already empty, so my eyes took a long gaze throughout the restaurant. It was pleasantly dim, decorated the same as it was back when Nick worked here. I still loved the mixture of deep orange, cranberry and midnight blue, and the décor of reflective artistic metal and glass pieces. The last time I was here we had dinner on a private veranda. That was the same night Anne, Nick’s boss, made no effort to conceal her attraction for him. It was also the same night Zander ambushed us in the parking garage of his apartment. A memory I doubt Nick would ever be able to erase from his head either, seeing as how he got shot and all.

  Tiffany placed a glass on the bar for me. I didn’t hesitate to down half the rich wine, and I was enough of a lightweight that the burn was immediate. I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly through my nose. When I opened them back up again, Tiffany was still there, amusement coloring her smile.

  “That kind of day, huh?”

  That kind of life, really. I simply nodded.

  “Do you want something to eat or are you just here for the wine?”

  I took another long sip of liquid courage. “Actually, I was told Nickolas Ellis came back to work here. Is he here?”

  “Uh…” she dragged out, her eyes looking down at the counter. “Yeah,” she finally said with hesitation. She looked at me anxiously. “But I can honestly tell you he doesn’t like to be bothered at work.”

  I felt my gaze narrow, trying to read Tiffany better. Was this something Nick was against, or something she was? Not wanting to have an issue either way, I shook it off. “Yeah, you’re probably right. We’re just old friends but I can catch up with him some other time. I’m sure there will be some wedding or something in the near future we’ll both be invited to.”

  I whipped out enough cash to cover the wine and her tip, then I took one final gulp before smiling and exchanging a goodnight. Hers seemed a little too cheery. I kept my tongue bit as I made my way towards the doors. Even if Nick had moved on, I was pretty sure she wasn’t his type. Tiffany reminded me a lot of his old boss, who also didn’t stand a chance.

  “You know what?” I suddenly said out loud, my courage finally returning. I turned and made my way back to the bar, Tiffany’s glare set on me the whole way. I dumped my bag and jacket back down on the stool. Shrugging my shoulders, I said, “I’ll play the odds. Please tell him Megan would like to see him when he has a moment.”

  Her eyes tightened. “That’s not the name you gave me on that ID.” Her hand moved to her hip as the other remained on the work counter, her weight bearing down on it. “Are you even old enough to drink?”

  I flashed her a fake smile. “I changed my name and I don’t have to explain my reasons to you. Please just tell Nick I’m here.”

  “Fine,” she muttered with attitude before turning to leave.

  I waited for her to disappear before I hailed down one of the waiters. A guy this time.

  “Ma’am?” he asked kindly. He was a few years younger with curly hair I suspected was a moppy mess anywhere but here, where it was combed nicely back.

  “Would you mind telling Nick that Megan’s here? I have something I need to give him.”

  “Sure,” he replied. I thanked him, and with a smile he was on his way. Tiffany came back about ten seconds later. Her face wasn’t smug per se, but she was at least pretending to hide the joy she was feeling. She held out a napkin for me to take. It read Sorry, Meagan. Really busy…Leave a #, I’ll call you.

  I kept my face straight but I was laughing internally. And rolling my eyes. This wasn’t Nick’s handwriting. And I didn’t have an extra A in my name.

  I dropped the napkin onto the bar. “You shouldn’t write a name unless you know how to spell it.”

  My gaze glanced over her shoulder, to where the kitchen entrance was. The waiter was returning, giving me a nod that told me he did what I asked. Nick was a few steps behind, and he stopped at the door, eyes scanning the restaurant at a rapid pace. My breath swelled in my chest and I was forced to choke on it, my lungs refusing to release it. I kind of lost all ability to move when his eyes finally found mine.

  They say a single look could be worth a thousand words, and in that moment, I couldn’t stop the memories from flooding my thoughts. And judging by the constant change of expression across his face, his mind wasn’t faring any easier to get a hold of.

  Tiffany was going on about something, which sounded like a denial over the note she wrote, but I only had eyes for the man who was making his way towards me, and only had ears for the echoing pounds inside my head as my heart beat faster and faster. I caught the blonde hair in my peripheral do a flip to the side, and the next thing I knew she was walking briskly away.

  “Hey,” I said quietly when he slowed to a stop. He looked a little dumbfounded. “O’Neill told me you were here. You and Sam refused to stick with witness protection?”

  Slightly defiant, he replied, “If you weren’t in it I saw no reason we should be. Mom went back to her life, too.”

  “Nick, I’ve had an identity to hide under. You went back to using your original name.”

  “It’s my risk to take. Isn’t that what you said to me once?”

  I sighed with frustration. Dejectedly, I said, “I didn’t come here to fight with you.”

  “Then why did you?”

  I didn’t care that he was being uncharacteristically defensive. I stepped up and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his navy blue chef’s uniform. He smelled of spices and herbs, so warm and familiar it soothed me inside and out. His body slowly molded with mine.

  “Damn you, Megan,” he whispered, but it lacked all signs of malice. His hands gently slid down my sides.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered back.

  “Not here.” He twisted and tugged me along, through the kitchen of curious eyes and into a private office. At that moment, with his hand encapsulating mine and leading me on, it felt like home again.

  The moment we were behind a shut door he pulled me into his chest for a tighter hug. My hands got trapped on his chest. We stood there for nearly sixty seconds in silence, just absorbing one another’s touch. I knew I’d been missing him, but there was nothing I could say that could express how much I’d been longing for this moment.

  “On a scale of one to ten, how pissed at me are you right now?”

  Nick finally let go of an exhalation so long and deep I could feel his body shrink as the tension slipped away. “I’m not going to lie, there’s some residual anger left, but I’m just so relieved you’re safe. O’Neill told me you got out, but when you never came back… I began to worry that you were forced to
mail that message.”

  I inhaled a long, deep breath, then exhaled it just as slowly. My eyes closed, but it only made the visions of my mom and dad and sister all the more real. I should have come back for them, I should have. But I was running scared at the time, afraid to do anything but hide.

  “I know, I’m sorry. I should’ve come home. It’s just… I kept thinking how much safer you were without me.”

  I buried my forehead even deeper into his chest and his hands slowly stroked my back in return. Every second was heaven, his arms still a place of pure bliss. “Six months, Megan. It’s been almost six months since you left with Zander. Four since you went missing on your own. Where have you been?”

  I silently pulled away to stand my ground. “Megan’s been retired. It’s Mia now.”

  He didn’t seemed surprised. He didn’t seem anything actually, just accepted the name change with a mild nod. He leaned against the edge of his desk, so I leaned back against the door, leaving about five feet between us. It was a small office made of two window walls with the blinds pulled closed, the inside nothing more than a desk and chair and a few filing cabinets. Not even a second chair. Not even a personal picture of him and his mom. Not surprisingly, it was incredibly clean and kempt.

  “I’ve been around. Nowhere and everywhere.” Almost rolling my eyes, I added, “Even got out of the country for a bit.”

  “How did you manage that?”

  “Zander caught up with me.” I could see the concern growing on his face, then the anger. “Don’t,” I begged tiredly. “It’s fine. We’re fine. He’s not going to do anything against my will anymore.”

  I could see he was having trouble letting go like I asked, his eyes deepening into a cold, hard stare. “But he tried, didn’t he?”

  “Ask me to stay with him? Of course he did. But I walked out.”

  Nick pinched his eyes and roughly rubbed his brows. “How the fuck does he keep finding you?”

  “Sort of my fault this time.” Curiosity got him to peek. “I thought he died in the mansion. Before I ran I went back to his house and took a few things. Apparently a few of them were trackable.” I crossed my arms and begrudgingly admitted, “Or maybe it was the car.”

  “And?” he led, knowing full well the story wouldn’t end there. “Why the hell was he there?”

  “Because Friggs had a son. Who I pissed off royally. He was tracking me down and Zander was tracking him down. Zander killed him. And then…I sort of ended up in Belize.”

  “Belize?” he deadpanned, his own arms moving to fold diagonally over his chest. “Do I even want to know?”

  My lips pinched together. “Uh-huh,” I mumbled through closed lips. “Definitely not. But I did get credentials out of it.”

  “Mia?”

  “Yeah.”

  Nick groaned. His face disappeared behind his hands as they roughly rubbed up and down. “And is he following you now?”

  My face scrunching, I turned my head to the side, not wanting to face him at the moment. “I told you, he won’t be a problem anymore.”

  “Megan,” he whined. “Or, Mia,” he corrected quickly, shaking his head with frustration. He suddenly seemed very tired. “Why are you here?”

  My cheeks filled with air before I moved to blow it all out. “I’m not here to ask for forgiveness, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Was that abrupt? Because the incredulous look he flashed me made me think it was. “But I owe you so many apologies. I’m not…” I closed my eyes and bit my lips, trying to think of the best way to get my chaotic thoughts together. I’d been going over it my head for quite some time, even had a speech prepared. But hell if I could recall a damn word of it now.

  “Looking back, I can see where I might’ve done things that were unfair to you. Like agreeing to Zander’s conditions without consulting you. Or letting him put a tracker in me.” I pinched my eyes and shook my head when I added, “Or breaking up with you over the phone.”

  He made a noise that agreed with that last one.

  “I wasn’t fair to you. I can’t say that if I were in that situation again that I would make a different choice, but I am sorry if the choices I made angered you. I did what I thought I had to. I was so desperate to save Thea. I was blinded by the obvious. I just didn’t care about the risks.”

  My damn tear ducts activated upon saying her name. Her death was still something I hadn’t gotten over. Nor my parents. Probably one of these days I would have to let myself grieve, not simply try to shift my focus and continue to move onward.

  I swiped a few tears off my cheeks. “Lot of good it did me, huh? After all my sacrifices, after every damn line I found the courage to cross, I still lost everyone.”

  Hoover dam wouldn’t have been able to contain the tears now. My eyes were so flooded I didn’t see Nick coming, just felt him take me into an embrace I was so willing to collapse into. “Not everyone,” he whispered. “You still have me.”

  My chest was thick with hot air, my throat swelling with congestion. I had to clear my throat just to talk, and my voice was still heavy with rasp. “Jesus, Nick, why would you even want me in your life anymore?”

  “I’ve been with you since before the beginning. Spent a year and a half trying to bring you back. Did you really think I would kiss you off because I disagreed with how you went about trying to save your sister? We don’t have to agree on how to handle everything. We just have to survive it and move forward.”

  “But I left you,” I whimpered.

  Nick released a long, heavy sigh. “Not your greatest moment. I get why you did it, I do. But I can hardly fault you when you had so much death happening around you. I guess I’d want to draw the fire off of all my loved ones, too.”

  My heart was awash with so many emotions and feelings. I didn’t know what to make of it. Relief. Devastation. Sorrow. Hope. I wasn’t sure how long he allowed me to cry it out there in his office, but it was way more tears than I ever thought possible. At some point I managed to get in my car and follow him home so we could continue our conversation more privately. I paid no attention to where it was, what it looked like inside or out. Just that it was an actual home on a lot this time. I remember following him to the bedroom, me waiting as he showered, but that was it. I must’ve fallen asleep before he finished because the next thing I knew I startled awake, frightened when I had no idea where I was in the pitch black of night.

  “Shh,” I heard softly beside me, followed by the click of the lamp to the first setting. I breathed a sigh of relief, the spastic beat of my heart beginning to calm. Nick. I was with Nick. My Nick.

  I collapsed back onto the bed, completely confused as to why I snapped out of my slumber. But I felt hot and sticky, the roots of my hair damp with sweat. I tossed the covers aside and rolled out of bed.

  “What’s wrong?” Nick asked quickly, sitting up as I retreated towards the bath.

  “I’m hot. I need to rinse.”

  I dimmed the bathroom light and started the shower. I lost my clothes to the floor and mindlessly stood my ground beneath the downpour of cool water. I immediately felt too cold and turned the temperature way up, enjoying the heat permeating and soothing the tense muscles in my shoulder. I figured after all the crying I did earlier, the steam could only help my dried-out eyes.

  How in the hell did I end up here? In Nick’s shower? I had every intention of apologizing and affirming that I was okay, and how I would be okay moving forward. Working for the non-profit gave me a new lease on life. I no longer dreaded getting up every day. No longer feared the unknown, nor the strangers who passed me by. At this point I played the odds that I’ve already overcome the worst life had to test me with.

  Lord help me if I was wrong on that.

  But still, I felt the odds were good that life would continue to get better for me. And that was what I wanted to share with Nick. Possibly offer us both the chance to resolve any past issues. I honestly never thought he could forgive me so easily, like he’d been waiting f
or me to come. Like he knew I finally would.

  But I guess I did.

  And now I was back home with him. Asleep in his bed like nothing was lost.

  Could it really be that easy? Or was I setting us up for a failure that would be even more painful the second time around?

  I stood in the shower battling my thoughts long after the hot water ran out. Long enough I was surprised Nick didn’t come in to check on me. I turned off the water and wrapped his towel around me, which was still damp from his shower earlier. I didn’t even remember getting into his bed, so it didn’t surprise me that I didn’t get a shower in before falling asleep.

  I stood there dazed for a moment, wondering what the hell I could possibly change into. When I entered the bedroom, Nick’s arm was thrown over his eyes to block the light. “You awake?” I asked quietly.

  He startled and threw his arm off. He must’ve just fallen back asleep. “I’m surprised you left me alone that long.”

  He rubbed at his eyes, the sleepiness still there. “I figured you needed some time.”

  My eyes scanned the room. “Did I happen to bring in my luggage?”

  Nick’s neck lifted to look my way, confusion sweeping across his sleepy features. “You have luggage?”

  “In the trunk.” I always kept a bag there now. Just in case…

  “No, but I have some of your things from California.” I watched with curiosity as Nick swung his legs out of bed and headed toward the dresser, pulling out the bottom drawer. Inside were random shorts, v-necks and lingerie. All mine. “Everything else is boxed away in the guest room.”

  “Um. Wow. You’re not even worried about another girl finding these, are you?”

  He pulled out clothes I used to wear at night and handed them my way. Softly, he admitted, “I had no intention of inviting anyone over.”

  Thanks to the lack of light, his eyes were way darker than I knew them to be. Usually crystal clear sea glass in emerald, their beauty was lost in the night. But even so, I couldn’t take my eyes off them and the pain they were registering – he was bearing way more than he was admitting.