NEARLY Trilogy

by Ashley, Devon

  I really wish I hadn’t left him. I knew at the time I thought it was best to distance myself from anyone who could be put in the line of fire, but in retrospect, I hurt him just as badly this way.

  “Why not? I left you. You had every right.” I lowered my head in shame. It would certainly serve me right.

  His hand moved to caress my cheek, the stroking of his thumb hypnotic. “If I wasn’t able to replace you the first time you went missing, what makes you think I’d be able to do it the second time? Besides, I had faith you’d find your way back to me again.”

  “I saw the flowers. At their graves. Yours, right?”

  He nodded. “I paid for a year, hoping you’d come by.”

  “And hoping it’d get me to come see you?”

  “Worked didn’t it?”

  “I was going to come, but yeah, it got me to come a little sooner.”

  My eyes honed in on his heart. Even in the dimness I could see the faint line that scarred his chest, and my index finger moved to trace it slowly downward.

  “So were you successful at falling out of love with me?”

  His question cut me to the core. Flabbergasted, I replied, “Nick, I wasn’t trying to fall out of love with you. I was trying to protect you.”

  “I don’t need you to protect me. I need you to love me.”

  “I do love you!”

  “Then stop leaving. Stop running. You have no idea how hard it was when you were taken against your will, but to leave me the way you did? No more, Mia.”

  “I’m sorry,” I practically whispered. My chest felt like it was concaving, hollowing out my heart. “I never should have left you. I was in so much pain. And I was so ashamed that everything was backfiring. Thea was missing. My parents were murdered. Suddenly everything I did seemed like a mistake. It was like quicksand taking me under. I couldn’t handle losing you too.”

  Both his hands pressed into my cheeks, forcing my gaze. “You never would have lost me.”

  “I know. But that didn’t mean someone wouldn’t have taken you from me. I had to be the one to break us. You were too kind to ever leave me, no matter how impossible I was to save.”

  “It wasn’t an impossible situation. The odds sucked, but it wasn’t impossible. You still got out.”

  “But my family didn’t. Thea didn’t.”

  He nudged closer and brushed some hair behind my ear. Gently, he told me, “I hate to say it, but Thea and your parents were doomed to lose this round. Even if you hadn’t gone off with Zander, Friggs still would have found your mom and dad. Thea had a completely new identity and he still found her.”

  Lifelessly, I replied, “He went after them because of me.”

  “Still doesn’t make it your fault.”

  “It’s not like there’s an on-off switch for my guilt, Nick.”

  “Have you got one for your heart?”

  “I wish,” I replied dully. “Then leaving you wouldn’t have hurt so much.”

  I leaned my forehead into his neck. Nick returned the gesture and wrapped his arms lightly around me.

  I murmured, “You called me Mia.”

  “I like Mia.” His hug began to slowly tighten. “And I love you,” he added. “No matter what.”

  My smile was tired, but it grew wider than it had in a long time. “I love you more.”

  With a single laugh in his chest, he said, “Doubt it.”

  His hand reached out and grabbed my chin, but I didn’t need the guidance. My mouth locked on to his. At first our lips barely touched, gently pressing before they slowly began their dance. They dipped and tugged and pulled all in slow motion. Nick pushed his body into mine until my back became flush with the wall. His hands moved down my arms and clenched my hands, sliding them all the way above our heads. Gravity slowly took my towel.

  He nibbled hard on the sweet spot on my neck and a rush of endorphins surged throughout my insides. When he released me to pull his shirt over the back of his head, my fingers ran the length of his biceps. The curves were bigger, his arms thicker than before. “Someone’s been working out,” I admired between kisses.

  “I suddenly had a lot of spare time on my hands and you need all the protection you can get.”

  “You do know it’ll take a different kind of gun if it comes to that, right?”

  His full lips were smiling as he kneaded my own. “I’ve got those, too.”

  Amused, I fingered the band of his pants and helped him lose them as we twisted and twirled a path toward the bed. He spun me right before we got there and wrapped me up from behind. His mouth sunk deep into the flesh of my shoulder, neck and ear. Heat filled my core, the muscles inside beginning to ache for him to enter as I reached around to stroke him up and down, swirling my thumb around his tip. Both of us seemed ready to go, desperate for the contact we’d missed for so long.

  He whispered for me to bend over, and I didn’t hesitate, didn’t feel the least bit vulnerable or used. Not with him. Everything with Nick filled out the want category. I wanted him inside me, wanted him to take me however he pleased. Wanted him to kiss and caress my most intimate places. I wanted to hear him getting off behind me. It was fast and hard and rough and that was fine with me.

  Moaning his name lit a real fire under his ass, getting him to slap hard and dig deeper. It all felt needy and I ached for more. The most satisfying spasms erupted and exploded outward, temporarily locking my muscles as they shot down my legs in waves. Nick groaned as he came after me, collapsing forward onto my back. He stayed inside me, and the aftershocks continued to throb, pulsating against his dick in rhythm with my heart. I couldn’t say what was happening inside his body, but mine was on fire, electrocution style. Tiny little shocks were still firing, and though I’d just had the most amazing orgasm, I wanted him right back at it again.

  When he lifted, I climbed to the head of the bed and crashed onto my back. Nick was right behind, covering me up with his own body again, lips already coming down to meet mine. From there everything moved nice and slow, that desperation to feel explosive with one another finally sated. Our lips were calmer, our hands explorative in a tender way. God how I had missed this. Only when he kissed his way south did it all come to an abrupt halt.

  “What the fuck is this?” he demanded forcefully.

  My head shot up in panic, my heart quickening its pace again. I had no idea why his stare was hardened until his thumb traced over one of my new burns. “Shit.” I threw my head back on the bed. The heels of both of my hands kneaded my temples roughly. “I forgot.”

  “How could you forget something like this?”

  “Alright, I didn’t forget really. I meant to tell you, I just didn’t expect… I didn’t know this was going to happen tonight. I was going to tell you.”

  “Tell me now.” There was still plenty of residual anger left behind in his tone.

  With a little reluctance, I said, “It was Friggs. He wanted to know where Zander’s computer was. The app to my tracker was on it, so it was either be burned or lose my chance at being rescued.”

  “Where the fuck was Zander when this was happening?” he growled.

  “We all thought he was dead. Trust me, he was tortured far worse.”

  “Fuck him! I don’t care that the bastard was tortured. The fucker had it coming. What I have a problem with is you being tortured.”

  “Stop,” I begged. Softly, I added, “Please.” I saw the fire dim a little as his shoulders began to relax. “I’m here and I’m fine now. It’s over. Friggs is dead. This won’t happen again.” I reached down and tried to stroke his cheek but he was just far enough away that only the tips of my fingers could touch. “Stop,” I whispered again.

  Needless to say, our make-up session lost its momentum. With a heavy sigh, Nick laid down beside me, but he pulled me into him, still wanting to keep that physical contact. He kissed my forehead, letting his lips linger for a moment.

  “Were you raped?” he asked quietly.

  “Yes. But pl
ease don’t ask about it. I’ve worked so hard to put it behind me.”

  His opposite hand moved to stroke his eyes, so I knew he wasn’t thinking good thoughts. “What?” I dared to ask.

  “You put yourself in a vulnerable position to get Thea back. You were raped, tortured and you still lost her. You even lost your parents.” With a completely depressed tone, he asked, “What the fuck was any of this for?”

  There was only one positive outcome I could think of. “Friggs. He’s dead now, too. He won’t be able to hurt us anymore.”

  “That’s nowhere near a fair exchange.”

  “No. No, it’s not. But it’s one we’ll have to live with.” I felt his body rise and fall with a deep, silent breath. “I know,” I quietly said, “I’m impossible to protect.”

  “Pretty much,” he admitted with a sense of defeat. “Doesn’t mean I won’t keep trying though.”

  “Just don’t take any more bullets for me, okay?”

  His lips twitched but the smile never truly formed. “We’ll see.”

  I nestled more snug into his side and he aided by tightening his grasp around me, our legs comfortably bent and tangled. Laying on top of the sheets the way we were, I didn’t mind his excessive body heat for once as I drifted off to sleep.

  I awoke before the sun. Not sure why. My dream wasn’t eventful enough to shock me awake and nothing in the night seemed to stir. I found comfort in the rhythmic sounds of Nick’s breathing, not to mention the way our bodies were settled into a tangled mess of arms and legs. I lay there for a long time, but once the midnight sky began to lighten, I dipped and dodged through Nick’s grasp and slipped out of bed. I quietly rummaged through a few of his drawers, skipping over the black velvet ring box, finally settling on a sweatshirt I could throw over my clothes and drown myself in.

  I shuffled through the house carefully. I had some light, but it was still pretty dark and I had absolutely no idea how to navigate through it. Once I found myself in the kitchen, it felt far enough away to turn on a light without waking him up. I opened the fridge and found the energy drink I knew I’d find, then grabbed a breakfast bar from the pantry. For the first time ever, I was surprised to find his kitchen severely understocked. Very uncharacteristic. Almost reminded me of the bare bones I used to keep in my cabinets when I was always expecting to run.

  Looking out the window, I became in awe of the beautiful sight out back. How far out did we travel last night? I knew I was kind of out of it, but I didn’t think we had driven that long. But Nick had a fabulous view of Mount Hood off in the distance, the nearest neighbor not that near at all. At least not city-near. You know, where every neighbor in a two block radius was close enough to your property line to hear every embarrassing squabble.

  My feet made their way toward the French doors, but paused as I was midway through unlocking them. On the table beside me stood a beautiful framed picture of me and Thea. My eyes stinging, I could feel this awful invisible weight compressing my chest again. Slowly, my hand reached out for the picture before heading outside.

  Nick had a nice wood deck with comfortable cushioned patio furniture, but my body seemed determined to sit on top of the stairs that led down to the richly landscaped yard. I pulled my legs up to my chest and pulled Nick’s sweatshirt over my legs to keep them covered from the chilly air. I was freezing my ass off a little, but the cool, crisp Oregon morning air was soothing all the same.

  My drink and snack forgotten, I balanced the picture frame on my knees and pulled my arms inside the sweatshirt as well. I wasn’t exactly snuggly warm, but it was more than enough body heat to keep me from going in anytime soon.

  I sat there and stared at the photo for so long the image began to blur. I wasn’t even sure when it was taken, but we looked young. Obviously before I was stolen. Before I became Megan. Once again it made me wonder if Nick preferred Claire before all my other versions. But then again, I only took one or two photos with Thea as Megan. Maybe he just didn’t have access to them.

  I heard Nick calling through the house. Loudly. I turned and said, “Out here,” loud enough for him to follow my voice. He spotted me through the window, but didn’t make it out right away. When he came back about two minutes later, he was fully dressed in cotton pants, a long-sleeved shirt and socks. Draped over his arm was a throw that he was quick to wrap over me.

  “Jesus, Mia. Do me a favor,” he said, sitting down beside me. “It still freaks me out when I wake up and find you missing. Either leave a note or be within yelling distance, all right? You’re setting me up for early heart failure.”

  Like a turtle, I slowly pushed my arms and legs outside my protective shell and stretched myself out. “Sorry.”

  “What are you doing out here?”

  “The cool air helps clear my head of all the clutter. Sometimes it’s so chaotic I can’t think straight.”

  “So you want to be alone?”

  “No,” I was quick to say. That was definitely not what I was going for. “Stay. Please.” I gently bumped his shoulder with mine. “If I wanted to remain alone I never would’ve come.” I leaned the side of my head on top of his shoulder. I’d always found his body to be too hot to lay with all night, but right now I welcomed all the heat he had to offer.

  He picked up the photo and stared at it the way I had. “Do you miss her?” I asked.

  Looking at me like I was crazy, he replied, “We were in the same grade. We grew up together. Of course I do.”

  “No, not Thea. I meant Claire.”

  His confusion increased ten-fold. “Why are you asking me that?”

  “Because. I doubt I’m anything like her. And she’s the one you fell in love with.”

  “So? Do you think I’m the same guy Claire fell for? Because I’m not. Mia, neither one of us are who we were when we were teens. We’re not even close. Did I love Claire? Yes. And I love you, too. With all my heart. You don’t need to ever question that. I’m here for you, not because of who you used to be.”

  I offered a small, silent smile. He returned his gaze to the picture and I returned my head to rest on his shoulder.

  “I need to tell you something,” he said quietly. He seemed to have trouble getting whatever the something was out. Pretty sure I knew where his solemn conscience was headed, I lifted my head and saved himself the agony.

  “I already know you slept with Thea.”

  With a horrified expression, his eyes swung back to meet mine. “How long have you known that?”

  I shrugged and returned my gaze to the mountain beginning to really brighten against the clear morning sky. “I don’t know. I think I always suspected, but Zander confirmed it for me.”

  He spit Zander’s name over his breath, preceded by a solid curse word.

  “Just so you know, I asked. It wasn’t like he used it to make me question our relationship or anything. And I didn’t ask until after I ended it.”

  “I was going to tell you. I argued with myself over and over again about how and when to tell you. I even argued with Thea about it. I didn’t like moving forward in our relationship without you knowing, but at the same time, you already had so much shit to deal with. And to make you question me or your family on top of that? I know it was wrong, but I was just getting to know you as Megan. You sometimes handled things differently than Claire. I feared upsetting you in a way that might get you to run from us again. And then our world kept falling apart. Over and over again. Then so much time had passed I didn’t have a good enough reason to explain the delay.” Nick’s head fell forward and his hands roughly smeared over his forehead onto his head. “God, Mia, I am so sorry.”

  “When did it happen?” I asked quietly.

  “A couple of months before we found you. It was one time, one moment of weakness on both our parts. We regretted it almost immediately after. We were just… We had been searching for so long. We were so exhausted. And everyone kept telling us to throw in the towel, that it was time to grieve our loss and move on. It felt li
ke all the support was ripped out beneath us, and for that one moment, we reached out to catch the other in a way we shouldn’t have. It never happened again. Hell, we never even dared to discuss it until we found you. I honestly think that if you had never been found, Thea and I would have never mentioned it for the rest of our lives.

  “I can’t believe he knew that.”

  “How did he know that?” I wondered aloud, since it happened before Zander came around. I’d never thought to ask.

  Nick shook his head, trying to think on it. “The only time we ever discussed it after Zander came into play was when I left to pick her up from the airport. Our car must’ve been bugged, too.

  “The fucker,” he mumbled. “No privacy.”

  I felt no anger for either one of them. I think I must’ve forgiven them long ago, even though nothing was ever said. I appreciated knowing though, and it made my stomach sour over the secret I was keeping from him. And I supposed if I didn’t admit to it now, I might not ever have the courage.

  “I need to tell you something, too.”

  “Oh, shit,” he muttered with his hand pressed into his mouth. It was followed by a disbelieving chuckle, like what twisted ass door did I just open?

  “I slept with Zander.”

  Nick furrowed his forehead in a way that wasn’t impressed by my confession. “I kind of figured you did.”

  “I’m not talking about the time we spent together looking for Thea. This happened in Belize.”

  “You mean…”

  “After,” I finished for him. He suddenly seemed lost. Dazed and confused. Lost in translation. I wasn’t sure telling him was going to help with that, but he deserved the truth. “I was in a pretty bad way then. I didn’t know how to deal with all the loss. Especially Thea.”

  I paused. I still had issues when it came to Thea, and I suspected that wasn’t going to change for a very long time.