If Only In My Dreams (Seven Brides Seven Brothers Book 5)

by Calhoune, Belle

  They’d just had Thanksgiving, for crying out loud. Why did they have to rush the season like this? Christmas was usually his favorite time of year. But this Christmas, all bets were off. For starters, his mother hadn’t been doing so well lately. Her dementia was getting worse and it was making his entire family take stock of their lives. No one knew what the future held, nor where the situation might take them. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. Just a few days ago there had been a burning pot of greens left on the stove. Had it been a sign of dementia or simply a mistake anyone could make?

  How bad would Mom get? Would she be unable to recognize her family? And if so, when? Weeks? Months? Years? And although his father was making great strides in his recovery from a stroke, he seemed dispirited and not his usual cheery self. It was understandable. This past year had been emotionally draining and scary. There had been good things though for the Donahue clan. He couldn’t ignore the blessings. Blue and Nick had gotten married, while Remy and Ryder were both engaged, with plans for a double wedding at Christmas.

  “Must be nice,” he mumbled as a trickle of jealousy flowed through him. He wanted his own happily ever after, even though he’d just begun to realize it. Seeing Nick reunited with his first love, Layla, then getting married in record time had caused something to shift inside him. He still felt the sting of guilt since he’d worked overtime to convince Nick all those years ago that he’d been too young to run off with Layla. Because he’d wanted to protect his brother he’d gone overboard. He’d been wrong to do it. Thankfully, Nick and Layla weren’t holding any grudges against him and the two of them had taught him an important lesson about grace and forgiveness.

  Although his family was his number one priority, his personal life had just been rear-ended. He’d been dumped on live television tonight by a world famous supermodel. For a purple-haired rock star! It almost sounded like the punch line of a joke. Only it wasn't a laughing matter. As the owner and CEO of BD Holdings, he didn't appreciate the idea of being humiliated and embarrassed in front of the whole world. His PR guy had been fielding calls for the last few hours from the media and entertainment sites regarding the break-up. On his behalf, he'd issued the standard “No comment.”

  Granted, things hadn't been going so well between him and Thalia as of late, but to be as calculating and insensitive as to announce that she was breaking up with him on a TV talk show. That was a low blow. And it had been premeditated. Earlier that morning she'd left him a message about guesting on the show and telling him to tune in to listen to her big announcement. She'd done it to get under his skin because he hadn't acted on her hints about an engagement ring.

  What kind of person, he wondered, did such a thing to their so-called boyfriend? He had to give it to his now ex-girlfriend, Thalia. She sure knew how to go out with a bang. Wait till his brothers found out. They were going to laugh themselves silly about it.

  It shouldn't bother him that a woman he didn't love had kicked him to the curb. But it did bother him. And he knew why. Being with Thalia had driven away some of the loneliness he felt. For a man like himself who sat in his concrete tower day after day, making deals and amassing a vast fortune, it had come as a surprise to him that the one thing he desperately wanted, money couldn't buy.

  He wanted love. Pure, true, enduring love. And he had no idea how to find it. He let out a low chuckle. Not many people were bound to feel sorry for him if he admitted his truth. They’d probably remind him that a man with all his various blessings had nothing to complain about.

  After his father’s stroke he'd surprised himself by moving his company to his hometown of Breeze Point, Cape Cod. Seeing his father hovering between life and death had made things in his life crystal clear. Family...his big, bustling Donahue family...was the single most important thing in his world. He'd made a vow—a solemn, life affirming vow—that he would focus on his family in light of the fact that tomorrows were never promised. He wanted to walk Breezy Beach with his father, play football scrimmages with his brothers and learn how to make baked lasagna from his mother. Money had once been a motivator for him. Now that he'd amassed millions, it was no longer his main focus.

  Family first. It was his new motto. He intended to live out that motto, each and every day. Perhaps God was showing him that Thalia was an unnecessary distraction in his world.

  As he let himself into his executive offices with his key card, he frowned at the shaft of light emanating from what should have been a pitch black office space. Had someone left a light on? No. Someone was inside. He heard muffled voices. Was someone singing?

  As he silently moved down the hall, he realized the noise was coming from his secretary’s office. The closer he got, the louder the music became. Someone was singing about rocking around the Christmas tree. A female voice was belting out the lyrics. Filled with curiosity, Brandon leaned in front of the open glass door and caught a glimpse of Rose. She had her hand up to her lips like a microphone and she was dancing like she was on a stage somewhere. Her hair was flipping all around and she was really grooving to the music. Not wanting to embarrass her, he took a step backward, then clumsily stumbled, dropping his briefcase in the process. It landed with a loud thunk.

  Rose twirled around, her eyes widening at the sight of him. Her hand was pressed up against her neck as she took several deep breaths. “Oh, Mr. Donahue. You startled me.”

  “Sorry about that,” he said sheepishly. “I had no idea anyone would be in the office at this time of night. I was coming home from an event and I realized that I needed to sign some documents.”

  She reached over to her desk and turned the volume down on her radio. He held up his hand.

  “Don’t turn the music down on my account. I love Christmas songs.” She smoothed her hair back and shifted from one foot to the other. He couldn’t remember ever seeing his cool as a cucumber secretary look so incredibly flustered.

  “I-I had some work to do since I’ll be out of the office a few days this week. My son’s teachers have conference days set up, so there’s no school,” she explained.

  His gaze traveled the length of her. She had a slim fitting black skirt on with a white, long-sleeved T shirt on top. She wore black leggings and no shoes. She’d probably kicked them off while she was dancing, he imagined. There was something very endearing about the sight of Rose in such an uninhibited state. He felt as if he was getting a glimpse at the real Rose Maddock. The one who disappeared the moment she was in “work mode.”

  He leveled his gaze at her. “Rose, you work incredibly hard for me every day of the week. It’s not necessary to come in on the weekend to do additional work. I know you need quality time with your son.”

  He detected a slight smile on her ruby lips. “He’s at a sleepover, Mr. Donahue. Otherwise I’d be at home with him. Is there something I can do to help you?”

  Brandon should have known Rose would offer her assistance. She was the most conscientious employee he’d ever had in his employ. Not once in five years had she ever disappointed him or done a poor job on an assignment. “I’d be grateful if you could locate the Dennison files for me. They need it to be expedited faster than I realized.”

  “Of course,” Rose replied, moving quickly towards a file cabinet. He watched as her long, slender fingers quickly moved over the files. In no time at all, she’d located it. When she handed it to him their fingers brushed against each other. He felt a slight jolt as their skin touched. Rose’s eyes widened and she took a step back. What was that? He asked himself. Shake it off. It was nothing. He was just imagining things due to the slight awkwardness of the situation. Had there ever been a time when it had been just the two of them alone in his corporate offices? The reality of the situation made him nervous, which was somewhat startling since he wasn’t prone to nervousness.

  “I’ll just go to my office and look this over,” he said as he held up the file and then beat a fast path to his office. Once he was safely ensconced in his office he let out a huge sigh. Why did it
feel like he’d just run from something? He sat down in his leather backed chair and buried his head in paperwork. Try as he might, he couldn’t stop thinking about Rose in her office down the hall. He felt a smile tugging at his lips at the memory of her dancing up a storm to sassy Christmas tunes. He enjoyed seeing her so relaxed and upbeat.

  “Mr. Donahue?” Rose’s soft, lilting voice washed over him. He swung his head up to find her standing a few feet away from his desk. “Is there something I can do to help?”

  He should say no and send her on her way. That way they’d both be safe from the crazy thoughts dancing through his head. It felt strange to have these thoughts about Rose. As his secretary, he’d always placed her in a category where he didn’t even allow himself to appreciate her as a woman. Tonight, for the first time, all those barriers had come crashing down. He felt as if he was seeing her through a crystal clear lens.

  “If you’re sure you don’t mind, there are some things I need to change in the contract. It shouldn’t take too long.” Rose walked toward him, stopping on the other side of his desk. “Why don’t I pull up a chair next to me so I can show you the changes that need to be done.” Brandon jumped up and reached for a chair, lifting it and putting it down right next to his. As they began going over the documents, Brandon found himself repeatedly getting distracted.

  What was Rose’s day to day life like? He wondered. Was she happy here in Breeze Point? Had he ever even asked her that? As a single mother, what challenges did she face every day that complicated her life? There were other employees in his corporation who were raising children alone, facing medical calamities or just managing to keep their head above water in a bad economy. Perhaps he should talk to HR about implementing programs within the company to help out the very people who were the backbone of BD Holdings.

  “Mr. Donahue? Did you hear me?”

  Rose’s question, asked in a soft, measured tone, brought him back into the moment. “Sorry. My thoughts wandered for a moment.” He looked down at the paperwork, then swung his gaze back toward Rose. “Rose. I know I may not have said this before, but I want to thank you for making the move here to Breeze Point. I imagine it wasn’t easy to pack up and leave Boston.”

  Rose blinked at him. “Actually it was fine. Boston is a great city, but raising my son in Cape Cod allows for a slice of life we could never get in a city.”

  He grinned at her. “I grew up here, so I’m a big believer in the benefits of growing up in a seaside village. There’s no other place I’d want to raise my own kids.”

  Rose crinkled her nose. She seemed to hesitate before she blurted out. “Do you think Thalia would want to settle down in a small town?”

  Thalia? The question almost made him want to laugh out loud. Although she’d visited Cape Cod a time or two, he’d never gotten the feeling his hometown impressed her in the slightest. She’d referred to it as “quaint” and “old fashioned.”

  “Thalia and I aren’t together anymore. She dumped me on the Stars show tonight,” he drawled, figuring it would be all over the news tomorrow anyway. Stars was an entertainment talk show that specialized in celebrity gossip and edge of the seat interviews. “So if you field any media calls tomorrow, the standard no comment will be fine.”

  Rose’s jaw dropped. “O-oh my!” she said in a voice oozing surprise. “I-I’m so sorry for bringing it up. I had no idea.”

  He shrugged. “It’s fine. Actually better than fine. It’s great. We were dating for a bit, but sometimes it takes a break-up to realize that the relationship wasn’t working.”

  Rose nodded her head. Something flashed in her eyes that resembled understanding. It made him wonder what relationship issues Rose had gone through. They’d always had a purely professional relationship so he had no real knowledge of her life other than her single mother status. Brandon had never pried into her life or inquired about her raising her son alone. Although he’d always been curious, he’d known it was none of his business.

  “I’m sorry to hear that. They say we’re supposed to walk through life with someone by our side supporting and loving us.” Her red lips pursed. “I guess the trick is in finding that special someone.”

  “I can’t imagine you having any trouble in that area,” he said, surprising himself by being so personal. Suddenly it felt as if all of the barriers that had been erected between them were tumbling down, brick by brick. It was almost enough to knock him off balance.

  “You’d be surprised,” she murmured, a gentle smile gracing her face. He sensed an air of wistfulness hovering around her. It must be hard, he imagined, raising a son alone. Not for the first time, he felt a burst of admiration for her quiet courage and grace.

  Rose’s face hovered mere inches from his own. He could smell a sweet, scent hovering around her. Lavender maybe. With her delicate features, high cheekbones and almond shaped eyes, she was simply lovely. Her skin was the color of his favorite, decadent chocolate bar. A rich and deep brown. Her lips were full and inviting.

  All of a sudden Rose looked over at him, catching him red-handed in the act of staring at her. Their gazes locked and held. Rose leaned in, causing him to do the same thing, meeting her halfway as he placed his lips over hers. Aaah. Her lips were sweeter than honey and soft as butter. This kiss, he thought, could go on and on as far as he was concerned. He heard Rose sigh as she kissed him back, followed by the sensation of her gently resting a hand on the side of his face. Well before he was ready, the kiss abruptly ended. He opened his eyes to the sight of a flustered and wide-eyed Rose.

  “This,” she sputtered. “This was wrong.” She pushed hard against his chest, effectively moving him away from close proximity. Rose stood up and began backing away from him. Before he knew it, he was staring at the back of her head.

  “Rose. Please don’t leave. Let’s talk about this,” he called out. “You don’t have to run off. It was my fault. I apologize.”

  She waved a hand at him. “I-I’ve got to get home. I don’t want to discuss this right now.” Before he knew it, she was walking away from him and sailing out the door.

  Brandon put his head down on his desk. What had just happened? He’d thought she’d been leaning in for a kiss. Could he have been so wrong? Judging by her shocked reaction to the kiss, he’d been mistaken. But he hadn’t imagined her kissing him back or touching his face. Rose had high-tailed it out of his office like a jack rabbit. Her expression had been one of confusion mixed with anger. He stood up to go after her, then sat back down. Going after her would only make the situation worse. She’d made it quite clear that she wanted to be left alone.

  What have I done?

  Dear Lord, give me wisdom. I crossed a line tonight that I never intended to trespass against. Please help me fix things with Rose. I value her diligence and loyalty more than I can express in words. And I would never do anything to demean her or make her feel uncomfortable. In that split second, kissing her seemed as natural as the sun rising in the morning. How could I have been so wrong?

  **

  Rose couldn’t remember a time when she’s mobilized herself so quickly. She’d scampered down the hall to her office, grabbed her purse and winter parka, and then skedaddled out of the office. Still feeling dazed by the turn of events, she raised her trembling hand to her lips as she rode the elevator down to the lobby. Kissing her boss had never been even a remote possibility, yet it had happened. She could still feel Brandon’s lips moving over hers and the feelings he’d stirred up inside her. With a murmured goodnight to the security guard, she walked to her car in the lot. Before she knew it she’d arrived at Sandalwood Road, almost as if on auto pilot.

  Home sweet home. As she pulled up to her house and exited the car, she stood for a moment in her driveway and admired the gingerbread style home. A stained glass window greeted guests at the front door. Her house was cornflower blue with white trimming. Patterned after the gingerbread houses on the island of Martha’s Vineyard, it had captured her heart at first sight. The wrap ar
ound porch reminded her of the picture perfect home she’d dreamed of living in as a child. Her heart ached a little for her childhood self. Time after time she’d had all her hopes smashed into little pieces. Each and every time her heart had been crushed a little more by rejection.

  Sadly, it seemed be the theme of her life. Wanting things that never came to pass and having the rug pulled out from her when she least expected it, were par for the course. She didn’t want that for AJ. She wanted the sun, moon and the stars for her sweet little man.

  After letting herself into the house, she stood and listened to the silence. She felt a little deflated that AJ was at a friend’s house. The house didn’t feel like a home without him in it. Stop being selfish, she chided herself. It was important that AJ continued to make friends and establish himself within the community. So what if she felt a twinge of loneliness? She was a big girl. Far better that she struggle with these feelings of loneliness than her son experience them.

  Up until this evening she’d been very proud of all the steps she’d taken on this journey of single motherhood. Although it hadn’t been her choice to raise her son alone, she’d handled the situation as gracefully as she could under the circumstances. As always, she thought of the verse from Ephesians. “For by grace you have been saved by faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.”

  She’d recited this Bible verse more times than she could count. For most of her life faith had been her cornerstone. When she’d discovered she was pregnant with her son almost seven years ago, the shame had brought her to her knees. It had never been her intention to have a child without being married to the baby’s father, but life had shown her that, like most humans, she was flawed. Human. And still and all, she truly believed God had sent AJ into her life to show her that her purpose in this world was so much greater than she’d ever fully realized.

  Being a mother was her calling. And through God’s grace, she’d jumped over all the hurdles and devoted her life to raising her son. Not just raising him, but uplifting him and teaching him by example how to be a good person.