If Only In My Dreams (Seven Brides Seven Brothers Book 5)

by Calhoune, Belle

  As she settled into a bubble bath, her thoughts kept drifting back to the events of this evening. How could she possibly go into work tomorrow and face him? Had Mr. Donahue somehow thought she was making herself available to him? No, that didn’t sound right. He’d never done anything to make her suspect he was that type of man. From all his words, deeds and charitable acts, she knew he was a good Christian man. She bit her lip as she imagined awkward moments unfolding between the two of them in the future. How could they work in such close proximity after they’d shared such an intimate kiss? And how in the world could she ever expect Mr. Donahue to respect her as his executive secretary?

  “It gives me a thrill to do good for others. Caring about the people around me and making sure that they’re safe and sound means the world to me.” Ryder Donahue

  Chapter Two

  As he sat in his new office in Breeze Point, Brandon let out a sigh of contentment at the beautiful vista outside his window. He had a prime view of the endless miles of ocean at Breezy Beach. Every day he could gaze out this window and watch the tide roll in. His decision to buy a building near the ocean was a strategic one. He was returning to his roots by moving back to Cape Cod. He wanted to be near the ocean. It inspired him. Calmed him. It was a part of him. It pushed all the bad memories back until they receded into nothing more than wisps of air.

  Today of all days he needed to be calmed down. Had he really kissed his secretary last night? He'd downed a few glasses of wine prior to arriving at the office, hadn't he? Otherwise, he never would have crossed that particular line with Rose Maddock. Normally, he didn't have more than one glass, but he'd been foolish enough to believe that a few glasses of wine could help him deal with his hurt. It sure had backfired on him.

  And for what? He hadn't been in love with Thalia. He'd never been in love with any woman, a fact that he found hard to admit. His ego was bruised. Nothing more. She'd tossed him aside for a celebrity fling. Her feelings for him had been shallow and nothing more than a sham

  And now he was knee-deep in an awkward situation. He'd kissed his prim and proper secretary. There was no telling how things would pan out today when Rose showed up at work. For a man who never broke a sweat brokering million dollar deals, he was suddenly feeling as if he might snap under the pressure, all because of an impulsive kiss that had been sweeter than any of the delights at Sweet Treats bakery.

  **

  Rose Maddock shook her head with disgust as she walked into the offices of BD Holdings, her employer for the last five years. She’d dressed this morning in her most conservative suit and heels, all in an effort to detract from the events of last night. She knew some might say her suits were too conservative, but for her, it felt like a suit of armor. As a single woman in the workforce, she’d always wanted to be taken seriously.

  All through the night she’d tossed and turned and prayed, hoping for a way out of her situation. When she’d finally drifted off to slumber, Brandon Donahue had made an appearance in her dream. As usual, he’d been devastatingly handsome. Tall, dark and magnetic. At six foot two, broad shouldered and with rugged features, Brandon was a man you couldn’t help but notice. His flawless skin was the color of espresso. His eyes were a rich, intense brown. Sometimes he had the appearance of brooding, even when his mood was upbeat. No wonder he was a magnet for supermodels!

  She was upset with herself. Her whole life she'd played it safe, always following the rules. She'd always been the quintessential good girl. Straight A's in school. No out of control behavior. Her first love was her college sweetheart. She’d purchased her first house at twenty-six. She'd never had a single misstep, except for the one that had brought her beautiful son into the world. He’d been the rainbow at the end of the storm. And she’d never ever regret bringing him into her world. Yet, life had shown her on several occasions that sometimes good girls finished dead last.

  Last night she'd crossed a line and thrown everything in her life into chaos. She’d kissed Brandon Donahue. It would be a long time before she forgave herself for that huge misstep. It was common knowledge that Mr. Donahue had a girlfriend. And even though she’d broken up with him on live television, Rose had a feeling it was only a matter of time before they got back together. She’d crossed paths with the famous supermodel several times. Thalia was famous and beautiful and as mean-spirited as the day was long. She’d always treated Rose as if she were invisible.

  Heat burned her cheeks as she remembered the woman’s dismissive tone and cutting glances. She shouldn’t have let it bother her. After all, what difference did it make? She shouldn’t have let Miss Snooty pants bother her in the slightest. They lived in completely different worlds. God didn’t love her any less because she was a secretary living an ordinary life.

  Now that her boss, Brandon Donahue, had moved his company lock, stock and barrel to Breeze Point, Cape Cod, her life was completely different. Not that she was about to complain. Boston was a lovely city, but she'd never gotten accustomed to the hustle and bustle of living there. Breeze Point was a lovely seaside town with quaint shops, friendly townsfolk and beautiful scenery. Who wouldn't want to live here? Her son, AJ, loved it. He was only six years old, but he'd told her he wanted to live in Breeze Point forever. He was looking forward to a Cape Cod Christmas, even though for the life of her she didn’t know how she was going to make his one wish come true.

  She’d promised AJ she would try her best, but there were certain things even a mother couldn’t provide. But now, due to an unfortunate kiss she'd shared with her boss, everything was in turmoil. If she followed through with her resignation, she would no longer have a job at BD Holdings. She hated to do something so drastic, but what kind of woman would she be if she continued to work for a man she’d locked lips with last night. A man she didn’t even like! She bit her lip as the memory washed over her. Brandon's handsome face lowering down to hers. His lips kissing her, oh so tenderly. Her own lips kissing him back. Oh my goodness. She’d kissed him back.

  Her cheeks felt flushed at the memory. Well! She may have gone down the wrong path last night, but this morning she would set everything to rights. With a single piece of paper Rose would regain her dignity and follow her moral compass, even though her heart was shattering into a hundred little pieces. She loved her job, but following any other path just wouldn’t feel right. With a deep breath and a straightening of her jacket, Rose raised her hand and knocked on the door to Brandon Donahue’s office.

  **

  “Good morning, Mr. Donahue.” Rose's voice cut into the silence like a shard of glass. He swung his gaze up from the paperwork on his desk, trying not to react to his secretary any differently based on the events of last night. Mmm. Rose surely wasn’t making it easy for him today.

  How had he failed to notice how attractive she was with her big brown eyes and mahogany skin? She had fine features and nicely shaped lips. Her hair was a gorgeous raven color. No doubt he’d never noticed because he'd always focused on more high-profile women who drew attention to themselves. Rose was a natural beauty, one who he believed deliberately hid her shine behind glasses and shapeless clothing. At the moment she was dressed in a skirt that hung well past her legs and a jacket that looked a few sizes too big on her. It was miles away from the trendier outfit she’d been wearing last night.

  Mr. Donahue? Was she still calling him by his formal name? After that surprisingly sweet kiss they'd shared? He'd love to know what she was thinking about that kiss. Judging by the way she’d scampered off last night after he’d apologized, he sensed she might not be a happy camper. But they’d work through it.

  “Good Morning, Rose. How are you today?” Just keep things professional, Donahue. No need to cross any more lines.

  Was that a scowl on her face? Uh oh! Was he about to get blasted for last night?

  “I'm fine,” she said in a clipped tone.

  Fine? Oh boy. He knew what it meant when a woman said she was fine. And spoken in that particular tone, there was no way on G
od’s green earth she was fine.

  “Here. I need to give you this.” She held out a piece of paper to him. Her hand was shaking as she extended it to him.

  He raised an eyebrow. What was going on? He didn't like the frozen expression on Rose's face. She seemed to be looking everywhere but at him. When he looked down at the piece of paper, a few words jumped out at him. Regret. Resign. Immediately. He quickly scanned the letter, a slow burn rising up inside him at the implications set forth in Rose’s note. He swung his gaze up and locked eyes with his secretary. “What’s this all about? Resigning? For what?”

  Rose’s face seemed to lose a little bit of its rich color. Her eyes fluttered. Her lush lips parted. “For what? B-because of last night of course. The kiss.”

  Brandon cleared his throat. “You’re quitting because we kissed?” If he thought Rose possessed a funny bone he might have made a joke about it, but he knew instinctively it would fall flat. In a world where people did outrageous, shameful things, a sweet kiss didn’t seem so egregious. But judging by the note and the wounded expression on Rose’s face, she didn’t quite agree with him.

  “Yes,” Rose said with a prim nod of her head. “Although you initiated the kiss, I didn’t stop you. I kissed you back. It’s not the type of thing that will allow us to work together in the future in a professional manner.”

  He longed to roll his eyes, but he wasn’t sure that would go over well with his secretary. He’d always believed her to be the demure type, but now that things were not strictly business, he was finding her to be unyielding and a bit stiff in her manner. A sudden desire to shake up her world a little rose up inside of him. The thought made him feel uncharitable. After all, he was in the power position. Maybe she thought he would try to use the situation to take advantage of her. It hurt to believe she thought so poorly of him.

  “Miss Maddock. Er...Rose. May I ask you to reconsider? I can promise you that things can and will remain professional between us. I know you’re a woman of integrity.” He hoped he sounded sincere because he truly thought the world of her.

  She looked down, avoiding eye contact with him. “No, Mr. Donahue. I’ve thought of nothing else ever since last night. It’s for the best.”

  Brandon frowned. He was angry at himself for jeopardizing their professional relationship. Through clenched teeth he asked, “Do you have another job lined up?”

  She shook her head. Her expression was rueful. “No, I don’t.”

  He let out a deeply held breath. “You can’t just up and leave. And you have a son to support, don’t you?”

  Rose appeared to bristle a bit at the question. “Yes,” she said in a curt voice. “I have a son. A six year old. You met him last year, if you recall.”

  “I remember. He’s a sweet boy.” He got up from behind his desk and walked toward Rose, his stride nice and easy. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her off. As it was, she was already acting nervous and not looking him in the eye. Facing her, he sat down on the front of his desk. “Rose, I humbly apologize for last night. I had a bit of a…shock last evening. I lost my head a little bit and I kissed you. I could blame it on the wine or on my ex-girlfriend, but that wouldn’t be taking responsibility. I am very sorry for placing you in such an uncomfortable position.”

  Her mouth swung open. She narrowed her eyes. “Y-your ex? So you’ve really broken up with her?”

  “Like I told you last night, we’re no longer together,” he explained. “And I highly doubt we’ll ever reconcile.” Clearly, Rose hadn’t tuned in to any celebrity news channels or gone online in the last twenty-four hours. She would have realized that he wasn’t exaggerating their break up. There was plenty of buzz in the media regarding it. Something about Rose suggested she wasn’t the celebrity news type. He guaranteed that she’d be fielding phone calls all day from the celebrity gossip sites from her desk down the hall. Not that it mattered much. The rags would make up whatever story would gain them the most sales. Let the celebrity gossip rags do their worst!

  Her shoulders sagged. She let out a little huff of air. He thought he heard her whisper a Hallelujah, which made no sense at all. Why would she care if he was still dating Thalia?

  Brandon folded his arms across his chest. “Can we work this out? Come to some sort of compromise?” He was feeling slightly desperate. Rose was an excellent secretary. She was discreet, professional and hard working. He’d never had a single work-related problem with her. How had he messed things up so royally? She’d been an exemplary employee for the last five years. Had one moment of losing his head cost him his best employee?

  “What can I do? How about a substantial raise? An extra three weeks of vacation? Anything. There has to be some middle ground,” he pressed.

  “There’s nothing—” she began. A strange look passed over her face. “Except. No, it’s too much.”

  Brandon frowned. “What is it? What do you need?” Suddenly, all he wanted was to make her life better, to help her in any way he could. He didn’t know where the sudden urge came from or what to do about it.

  She fumbled with her fingers, shifting from one foot to the other as her gaze swung around the room. Finally, she leveled her gazed directly at him. “My son, AJ. He just turned six. He made his Christmas list a few days ago and there’s something on there that I can’t even begin to give him. Problem is, it’s the only thing on his list.”

  “Wow. Only one thing.” He let out a deep chuckle as memories of Christmases past flashed into his mind. “My brothers and I had lists as long as our arms.”

  “And did you always get what you wanted?” she asked in a soft voice.

  He stroked his jaw as memories of sleds and footballs and telescopes came to mind. “Not every single thing we requested, but our parents made sure that our Christmas dreams always came true. Part of that was being filled with an appreciation of the birth of Christ and all of our blessings.”

  “That’s what I want to do!” Rose said as tears pooled in her eyes. She began to sniffle. He quickly reached over and pulled out a box of tissues from his desk drawer. Getting up from where he was propped against his desk, he closed the gap between them and extended the tissues to Rose. His chest tightened painfully at the sight of her in so much distress.

  “How can I help?” he asked, forcing himself not to reach out and comfort her with a caress on the back or a pat on her shoulder. Boundaries, he reminded himself. Boundaries. It was the very reason he was in so much trouble with Rose at the moment.

  She locked gazes with him, her chocolate colored eyes radiating anguish. She was close enough to him so that he could see the tears clinging to her eyelashes.

  “What AJ wants…the thing I can’t give him…is a family for Christmas.”

  **

  Saying those words to her boss made her feel like an idiot. Who didn’t have a family? It was hard even admitting it. Having grown up in foster care and never having been adopted out of the system, Rose had spent her adult life explaining how a person could have no ties to the world around them. Even though she’d learned that her boss himself had been adopted, she knew very little else about his personal life or his adopted family, except that they were very close and they owned a popular bakery in town. One of his brothers was a professional athlete and another was a famous painter. Up until last night, they’d both kept their private lives separate from the corporate world of BD Holdings. Now it seemed as if something had shifted and those two worlds were suddenly colliding.

  Brandon raised an eyebrow. “Your son wants a family as a Christmas present?”

  “Yes. As crazy as it sounds, that’s what he wants. For the Holiday season. Christmas Eve. Christmas day. All the fun moments leading up to it. He wants a large family to go sleigh riding with him and to decorate our Christmas tree with. And he wants a family big enough to take up a whole pew at church on Christmas morning. He said he’s sick of it just being the two of us on Christmas morning.”

  Tears stung her eyes. Her voice quivered wit
h raw emotion.

  “And you have no family?” Brandon’s voice sounded incredulous.

  She felt her cheeks warming. “Not a single one. That’s why it was so easy for me to relocate to Breeze Point when you moved the company here from Boston.”

  His dark brows knit together. “And your son’s father? Is he in his life?”

  Rose felt her mouth harden. “No. He walked out on me the day AJ was born. I haven’t seen him since.” She watched Brandon’s face turn to steel. He was practically scowling.

  “I’m sorry to hear that. Every child deserves a father and a mother.”

  Yes, every child did deserve that. And sadly, her son had been denied that security. Guilt pierced her heart. Sometimes she tried to tell herself it wasn’t her fault, but most days she placed the blame squarely on her own shoulders. She should have been wiser. Smarter. She never should have given her heart to someone like Davis. But then again, if she hadn’t, there would be no AJ. And for her, that would be like the sun being stamped out from the sky.

  “So it sounds like your son wants a family Christmas with all the trimmings. Baking and decorating cookies. Singing Christmas carols. Hauling home the Christmas tree from the woods. That sort of stuff. Right?”

  “Yes,” she said simply, her mouth feeling as dry as a desert. It sounded so ordinary. So attainable. Yet for her it was as out of reach as a trip to Mars. She bit her lip, fighting against a rising tide of emotion. It was so painful to realize that she couldn’t give her son the single thing he needed most. The things she’d focused on providing him—a roof over his head, a good school, a mother’s love and food in his belly…it just wasn’t enough anymore. Those things were essentials, but AJ wanted to feel more connected to his environment. Her heart ached a little as she processed her son’s feelings. As a little girl she herself had yearned for a family and relatives and fellowship. All those dreams had never come to pass. Because of her own pain and heartache, she’d long ago vowed that AJ would never experience those hardships.