Instant Family

by Donna Gartshore

  Frankie watched the shadow of deep, gripping weariness creep over Ben’s face again, and she felt bad for him. He hadn’t even had time to recuperate from one tense situation before being thrown directly into another.

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” Ben said. “What was the problem?”

  “Pretty much everything,” replied a woman named Eunice as she hustled them through to her office for Ben to sign papers that indicated he’d picked his father up.

  “He refused to sit down for the group activity,” she said. “He was belligerent with one of the volunteers. It upset her so much, in fact, that she had to go cry in the staff room. And he shoved one of the other participants.”

  With each declaration, Frankie watched Ben’s head droop lower, as if the words were like sharp stones being pelted at his head.

  She wanted to take his hand and offer him comfort and support. Reassure him that it wasn’t his fault.

  He raised his head then. “What do you suggest I do, Eunice?” he asked in a voice thick with defeat.

  Eunice softened. “Oh, Ben,” she said. “I know you and I know your father, and I know what kind of man he was. I see the things that this wicked disease can do to people, and I feel for you. But my job here is to protect everyone, and I can’t have that kind of behavior going on. You understand that, don’t you?”

  “Yes,” Ben said, “I understand, but that doesn’t necessarily help.”

  “I think it’s time to think about full-time care, don’t you?” Eunice prodded. “It’s really the best thing for Al, and for you.”

  A challenge flared in Ben’s eyes. “How can I even think about putting him in full-time care when he’s miserable for just a morning?” he demanded.

  Eunice acknowledged his frustration. “It’s one of the sad ironies of the disease that the more they need the care, the more they will rebel against it. It’s not easy, I know, but I also know it’s only going to get harder from here on out.”

  Ben studied his hands and Frankie noticed that the slight tremble in them matched the one in her own.

  Please, God, help him get through it and to make the right decision. It occurred to her that it felt natural and right to pray for Ben, and for his father.

  “I know I have a lot to think about,” Ben said. “I’ll pray about it.”

  “Okay then,” Eunice said, “I’ll take you to get your father. Now, Ben,” she cautioned, “I don’t want you to be upset when you see him. I want you to understand that we did everything we could before we resorted to putting him in the restraint chair.”

  “The restraint chair?” Ben repeated, and the crack in his voice sent an answering fissure through Frankie’s heart.

  She knew the chairs were a necessary evil in some circumstances, but couldn’t help wondering if, for the few hours Al was there, they could have managed without it. She could tell by the stormy look on Ben’s face that he was thinking the same thing.

  Although she had seen the chairs used before, as long as she lived, Frankie didn’t think she’d forget the disturbing sight of Al slumped in the chair with the belt strapped around his waist, and his face folded in defeat.

  But even more heart-wrenching than that was the look on Ben’s face when he saw his father in such a position.

  “I don’t understand it,” he kept saying as he got Al into the car. “I don’t understand. It’s barely been two months. You saw him at the beginning of the summer. He asked Rae to play with him. How could he need to be strapped up like that? I don’t understand.”

  Frankie knew that he wasn’t truly asking her for an answer. She put her hand on his arm gently and looked at him until he returned her gaze.

  “After I get Rae, we’ll talk about this,” she promised. “You won’t have to make this decision alone. I’m here for you, and I’ll pray for you.”

  Ben’s eyes were cloudy with despair as they focused on hers, and then something subtly altered in his expression.

  “Did you say you’d pray for me?” he asked.

  Frankie nodded. “I guess,” she said, “that thinking about some of the things you’ve said has helped me realize that God has been with us.

  “I mean,” she added hastily, “I still have to sort some things out and I’m still not thrilled with what Rae and I have gone through. But I’m learning to see His hand in what we do have and how He’s brought us through.”

  “I’m very glad to hear that,” Ben said, “and I’m very glad you’re here.”

  Almost before she knew what was happening, Ben leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her mouth.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Way to go, Cedar!” Ben scolded himself as he rattled around the kitchen, slapping together a peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich for his father.

  “Ouch!” Al covered his ears with his hands.

  “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m just a little frustrated with myself. Come sit down, please—your sandwich is ready.”

  As a small blessing, his father sat down without protest. His silence, except for some enthusiastic chewing, gave Ben time to think, though he wasn’t sure how much thinking he was ready to do.

  Why, he asked himself, had he picked then of all times to kiss her? Now she probably thought he’d played the pity card for a chance to kiss her again.

  He tried to interpret the look on Frankie’s face when she’d pulled away and said, “I have to go. Rae will be waiting for me.” He didn’t think she looked angry or even surprised. Her cheeks had flushed pink, making her look particularly captivating, and she had searched his eyes with a myriad of questions in her own.

  Lord, where is Your direction in my life? I feel like I keep doing the wrong things.

  His father belched softly and pushed his plate away.

  Ben turned to him. “Do you want another, Dad?”

  “Nope!”

  Ben carried the dishes to the sink and rinsed them off, and got his father settled on the couch with an assortment of seashells and small rocks to sort. He thought about making himself something for lunch, but he couldn’t chase away the image of his father in the restraint chair and he had no appetite.

  As well, he kept checking the time, anxious to hear word about Danny. And, pushing through both of these thoughts, the memory of his second kiss with Frankie nestled into his mind.

  * * *

  Frankie was grateful that Rae had asked to spend the afternoon at the library.

  “We’re going to be supervised, Mom,” she explained. “It’s a chance for us to do extra work on our special projects. Can I please stay?”

  Her glasses slid down her paint-smudged nose. Frankie pushed them back up for her and touched a spot of paint with a gentle finger.

  “What time should I come back?”

  “Hurray!” Rae set her off-kilter with an enthusiastic hug. “You’re the best, Mom! Can you come back at four?”

  They decided that Rae would be ready and waiting promptly at four o’clock, and Frankie was left with extra time to sort out her thoughts.

  She pondered whether the summer was turning out to be what she needed and wanted it to be for her and Rae. Certainly, there were complications that she hadn’t expected, but there had been unexpected joys, too. Rae seemed to be her happy, quirky and creative self again, but what about her own life? Was she really keeping her own goals in mind if her thoughts insisted on returning to Ben and to those kisses?

  They had caught her off guard, but she hadn’t disliked them. No, actually, it was quite the opposite. For those heady, intoxicating moments, nothing else in life had mattered apart from the sensation of Ben’s warm and gentle lips on hers, bringing forth feelings she thought she’d put to rest permanently.

  Then common sense had spoken jarringly into her ear. Did she really want to put herself or Rae at risk of being hurt again? Even if she was so inclined, she knew that Ben
already had all-consuming priorities.

  She checked the time and wondered how long it would be before they heard word about Danny. The practical part of her said that she didn’t need to get involved. Too late, she thought. All she had to do was think about Rae and her mother’s heart wouldn’t allow her to ignore what happened to the young boy. Besides, she couldn’t bring herself to let Ben carry the extra load without doing her share.

  Frankie was just passing by the Ice Cream Adventure, when she saw Ben and Al headed in her direction. No doubt, Ben was trying to help his father walk off some of his jitters in hopes of a reprieve later on.

  “Oh, hi,” Ben said when he saw her. His eyes searched hers anxiously, as if seeking reassurance that she wasn’t upset that he had kissed her again. She mustered a smile to show him that she was fine and hoped the smile masked that inside she was still a turmoil of emotions that she didn’t even want to begin to interpret.

  “Where’s Rae?” he asked. “I thought you had gone to pick her up?”

  “They were able to keep the room longer at the library and she has a project she wanted to keep working on.”

  “She sure seems to love her art,” Ben observed.

  “Yes, she does.”

  “Have you heard anything back from Irma yet?” she asked. “I mean, I know it’s early, but I just wondered.”

  “No, nothing yet,” Ben said. “Walk with us?” he urged. “If you have time.”

  They strolled, watching Al amble along a few steps ahead of them.

  “Ah...” Ben began. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about those kisses.”

  “They were nothing,” Frankie interjected hastily.

  “Nothing?” Ben raised his eyebrows at her. “Well, that’s just so flattering.”

  She chuckled uncomfortably. “I didn’t mean it like that. They were—ah—nice.” She could feel her own cheeks growing warm. “I just didn’t want to make too big a deal out of it.”

  “But isn’t it a big deal?” Ben asked, growing more serious. “To show affection like that usually means something, doesn’t it?”

  Frankie stopped and turned to face him. “And in our case, what do you think it could mean?” she demanded.

  Ben looked slightly taken aback. Frankie resumed walking, and he hurried to catch up with her.

  “Look,” he said. “I’m not suggesting that we make this into more than what it is or can be. I just...I just wanted you to know that I’m not the kind of man who does things like that without any regard for the other person’s feelings.”

  “So, you do that sort of thing often?”

  “Frankie, you know that isn’t what I meant.”

  She shrugged her shoulders. When Ben began to speak again she could hear the note in his voice that asked for understanding.

  “I told you about my mom,” he said. “And I don’t share that story often. You told me about your ex-husband, and I have the feeling that’s also something that has been stuck inside of you for a long time. I don’t know exactly what any of that means, and I’m not in the position to make any promises but I want you to know that I won’t forget the bond we shared.”

  Frankie couldn’t even explain to herself the contrary feelings that flared up in her.

  “Good to know,” she said abruptly. “Listen, I just remembered I’ve got an errand to run. Let me know when you hear something.”

  She walked rapidly in the other direction, trying not to visualize what she was sure was a very puzzled look on Ben’s face.

  I don’t know what to do! Frankie thought as she walked. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel anymore. She completely agreed with Ben that there was no point delving into something when circumstances prevented both of them from having the time or the inclination. So, why had it bothered her so much to hear him say that he couldn’t make any promises?

  Her tentatively rekindled relationship with God still felt tenuous, but she didn’t know who else to share her questions with. She knew Rae was very happy here, and yet she couldn’t help wondering if it would be better to put some distance between herself and Ben. She would just have to find a way to make Rae understand.

  Frankie hadn’t heard God’s voice in her heart for a long time. She could barely remember a time when she had accepted the simple but profound fact that Jesus had died for her sins, that she was allowed to be weak so that God could be strong.

  Maybe it was time to think about that again.

  She rummaged through the drawers of the cabin, on the chance that there had been a Bible left like there was in hotel rooms. When she found one in a bottom drawer, it seemed clear what God wanted her to do.

  She made herself a glass of iced tea and took the Bible out onto the deck, where she sat and turned pages until she found a familiar Psalm.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Ben, who had been puzzled by Frankie’s abrupt departure, was relieved to see her sitting and reading on her deck, and then even more pleased when he saw what she was reading. As he’d walked back home with his dad, he had replayed their conversation in his head and tried to think of what he might have said that had triggered her return to the Frankie of the folded arms and the haughty chin. He had wanted to reassure her that he had no intention of putting any pressure on her because of two kisses, no matter how enjoyable they had been. Actually, they had been more than enjoyable, Ben realized. They had opened his mind and his heart to the possibility of truly caring for a woman. He couldn’t let himself, not now. But the possibility was there.

  He saw Frankie register the footsteps that signaled his approach and she looked up. Although she quickly arranged her features back into neutrality, for a moment he thought he saw in her eyes that what he had meant as reassurance had somehow wounded her. Was it possible that she, too, wished that circumstances were different?

  It was difficult to keep perspective on the matter when she looked so appealing with the sun shining on her bright hair. As well, seeing her read the Bible wrenched at his heart in a way he couldn’t explain.

  “Can I come back to talk after I get Dad settled?” Ben asked.

  She looked slightly startled but nodded.

  When he returned, they sat for a moment looking, but not quite looking, at each other. Ben anxiously threaded and unthreaded his fingers, and prayed that God would help him find the right words.

  “When I say that I can’t make any promises,” he began slowly, “that doesn’t mean that the kisses were meaningless to me. I just wish—” He sighed. “Well, there’s no sense wishing, but in a different time and place...”

  Frankie’s cheeks and the tips of her ears flushed pink, but she kept her jaw rigid and fixed him with a narrow-eyed gaze.

  “I don’t want you to think that I don’t respect you, because I do so much. And I don’t want you to think any less of me as a person,” he said.

  “I don’t,” Frankie said very quietly.

  “So we’re okay, then?”

  She wouldn’t quite look at him, but her jawline had softened.

  “Yes, we’re fine.”

  Ben gestured toward the Bible. “What prompted this, if you don’t mind me asking?”

  “No, I don’t mind you asking, but I’m not sure how much of an answer I can give you. I—I guess I’ve just been thinking more about God again since I’ve been here. Maybe I’m just tired of being mad at Him.”

  “That’s a good place to start,” Ben said quietly.

  “I actually used to love church until... Well, anyway, I’m finding my way back. Trying to find my way back,” she amended.

  Frankie stood up and gathered her hair into a ponytail, signaling, Ben thought, that vulnerable Frankie was gone and it was time to get back to business.

  “I’m getting some apple juice. Would you like some?” she asked.

  Ben nodded and felt relief surge throug
h him that his words hadn’t caused irreparable damage.

  When she returned with two glasses, Ben had his phone to his ear and was listening intently.

  Frankie waited, her brown eyes anxious above her glass, and she took a sip of juice.

  “I see,” Ben said. “Yes, I understand. Well, I guess that’s what we hoped for, isn’t it? Thanks for letting me know.”

  “Was that Irma?” Frankie asked as soon as he’d hung up the phone.”

  “Yes.”

  “And?” Frankie urged, anxiousness infusing her voice.

  “The judge has agreed that community service is the best way for Danny to pay his dues. He had no priors. I gather from Irma that he’s actually been a pretty good kid until his parents separated. It doesn’t take a degree in psychology to see that he’s acting out. And,” Ben added, “why he’s doing it.”

  Frankie nodded in agreement and her expression of concern mirrored his. “What will Danny be doing?” she asked.

  “Irma said that Colin tried to convince the judge to let him take Danny back to Saskatoon, where they live, and get him lined up with some volunteer work there.”

  “I hope the judge didn’t agree.” Frankie’s face crumpled into lines of worry.

  “Well, the judge agreed that Colin has some rights as Danny’s father,” Ben said, “but it was his strong recommendation that Danny pay his recompense to the community he has harmed.”

  Frankie nodded vigorously. “Yes, that makes total sense. So what happens now?”

  “The community is going to meet and review the damages, set some priorities and put together a list of what Danny will be assisting with. I can tell you there will be some long days ahead for that boy.”

  “I hope he understands how fortunate he is,” Frankie said.

  “I hope so, too. I pray for it.”

  “And will you be able to help him?” Frankie asked, “Teach him some of the skills he’ll need?”