Home: A Novel

by Rachel Smith

  “What would you like, baby?”

  My insides melted at his term of endearment. “Just a beer, thanks.” I wasn’t old enough to drink but that apparently didn’t matter here. I partied a bit in high school but never anything too out of control. I knew it would be best to keep myself together tonight. Justin wasn’t around to protect me anymore.

  After a few beers he coaxed me on stage to sing, telling me he needed to know if I was worth a shit. I thought his tone was a little off, but he had been so attentive and sweet all night it was hard to resist.

  I sang Faith Hill’s “Piece of my Heart,” and I nailed it. The entire crowd was dancing and singing along with me. I was in my element. God, I loved the stage.

  When it was over, I made my way back to the table to Colton’s open arms. After a few more beers, I started to get excited that he kept talking about what a natural performer I was. With each compliment I could feel my confidence grow, or maybe it was the alcohol. Beer turned into tequila shots which turned into him sliding his hand up my leg under the table. Slowly, he inched higher and higher.

  “I’m telling you, baby, you are amazing. I am going to make you a star,” he said as his hand reached my upper thigh. Tightening his fingers, he turned to look at me. “I’ll talk to my colleagues this week. Get me your demo and I’ll see if I can set up a meeting. Baby, you are gonna rock this town. Stick with me, sweetheart, and I will make you a Country Music Legend.”

  I blinked my eyes as my brain tried to register what he just said. Was this guy for real? I mean, I was barely nineteen years old and had been in Nashville for a whole seven weeks. This cannot be the way this works. I was supposed to struggle, right? To work for years and live in little dirty apartments trying to make it through each day? I couldn’t believe this was happening.

  “What?” I shook my head.

  “You heard me, baby.” He tightened his hold on my thigh and leaned in to kiss me. He took me by surprise and I jumped a little when his lips made contact with mine. Taking my hand into his, he brought it down between his legs.

  “Feel what you do to me, Lillian?”

  “Yeah,” I breathed and kissed him again. I don’t know what came over me. It was likely the mixture of beer and tequila, and it didn’t help that the most beautiful man I’d ever seen was kissing me. His tongue worked over and around mine. I could feel his desire for me grow.

  “Come home with me tonight,” he whispered between kisses. “Please.”

  My mind was cloudy from the alcohol. Could I do this? Did I want to even THINK about doing this? My parents didn’t raise me that way. I wasn’t some slutty chick in high school. I’d lost my virginity to my one boyfriend and we had dated almost a whole year first. Never had I done anything like this. I could feel my chest moving in and out as my breathing became heavy. Colton’s fingers were now tracing circles inside my thigh.

  If I turned him down, would the offer still stand that he’d take my demo to RCA? I didn’t want to risk saying no and having him walk away forever.

  “Answer me baby, yes or no.”

  I wanted to sing. I came here to be a singer. I told myself coming out here I’d do whatever it takes.

  Whatever it takes.

  Whatever it takes.

  I took my last shot of tequila on the table and hissed though the burn.

  “Yes.”

  “And how is Miss Sarah?” Mama asked, coming back into the room. I noticed she was dressed and ready to face the day. There was likely some sort of farm wife chore emergency that needed to be finished immediately.

  “She’s good,” I replied. “Just calling to check in and update me on what’s going on with my departure.”

  “And?” she prompted.

  I shrugged. “Nothing out of the ordinary. Apparently I’m in some sort of rehab facility for alcohol abuse. You know, same old same old.”

  Just then I saw an old pickup truck drive up the lane. I could tell instantly it was my brother, Michael. While Alan had become a cop, Michael made my Dad’s dream come true and decided to work on taking over the family farm. James, my brother who was in the middle of the other two, was an elementary teacher at the school in Glenview. You can understand how my parents were beyond proud of each of their boys.

  The door opened without a knock. I didn’t get up. I thought it would be more fun for him to find me sitting at the kitchen table.

  “Ma, you got company?” he yelled as he entered the house. “Who do you know that drives a Lexus SUV?”

  Just as he came through the entryway he caught a glimpse of me at the table.

  “It’s actually a rental,” I said with a smirk. “I need to take it back later today.”

  He stood in the doorway staring at me. I wasn’t sure what to think at first. With the less than warm welcome from Justin yesterday, I was prepared for this one to go either way.

  “Did somebody die?” he asked Mama with such sincerity.

  I tried to hold in my laughter but failed.

  “Not funny, jerk,” I said through my giggles. He was already walking toward me with open arms.

  “Well, I just figured it had to be something big for you to grace us with your almighty presence,” he teased.

  He wrapped his big arms around me and straightened his back to pick me up. I had often wondered growing up if I was adopted. All my brothers were over six feet tall. By the time I came along I think all my parents’ baby making ingredients were just worn out. That’s why I ended up half their size.

  “Glad to have you back, kiddo,” he whispered in my ear. He pulled back to look me in the eye. “Heard you’re staying awhile.” He smirked at me.

  Shit.

  “Pops or Justin?” I asked.

  Mama walked up to us. The anger rolled from her body.

  Oops.

  “Lillian,” she scolded.

  Michael grinned at me. “Pops.”

  He set me down and I turned to Mama. “Okay, I drove through town yesterday on my way here. Pops was sitting on a bench so I stopped and we had a beer.”

  She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. I knew she wasn’t happy I stopped in town without coming home first. “And you saw Justin when?” she asked.

  “In the bar,” I answered. “He came in after Pops left. But before you freak out, I wasn’t there long. Justin made it pretty clear that he was NOT happy to see me. I finished my beer, got in my car and came straight out here. I promise.”

  She still didn’t answer me, and Michael was grinning from ear to ear.

  “What do you mean Justin was not happy to see you?” she snapped.

  “I have no idea. Apparently he’s super pissed that I left for Nashville right after graduation. And even more so after I told him I was back in town because I quit. I guess that made the last twelve years completely worthless in his eyes. I don’t want to talk about Justin though,” I turned back to my brother. “How are things with you? And the wifey? And babies? They’re 2 now, right?” I fired off question after question at Michael.

  Michael was married to Linda, his high school sweetheart. They had twin girls at home. I talked to them via Skype several times but had yet to meet them in person. I was the worst aunt in the world.

  “Everyone’s great, Lil,” Michael replied softly. “I’m sure you’ll get to see them all soon.”

  “Let’s turn back to this Justin business,” Mama chimed in.

  I rolled my eyes and took my coffee mug to the sink. “Mama, please let this go. I do not want to talk about Justin.” I really didn’t. Mostly because I didn’t want to think about him being mad at me. The fact that it bothered me more than it should was also bothersome.

  “Well, speak of the devil, look who’s coming up the lane.”

  I raced to the patio door to see Justin’s truck pulling under the oak tree. I whirled to Michael with big eyes and a look of panic.

  “He’s helping us with a few things around the farm today.”

  “Oh,” Mama chimed in. “You shou
ld go say hi, Lil. I’m sure you just caught him in a bad mood yesterday.”

  “I’m not even dressed,” I reminded them.

  “Nonsense, you’re completely covered. Just pop out and say good morning.”

  I walked to the door in complete shock. I had no idea what to say to him, and surely he didn’t want to see me this morning. He made it quite clear yesterday where I stood with him.

  Opening the front door I noticed Justin still sitting in his truck, staring at my rental SUV with a tight jaw and angry eyes.

  Great. This is a horrible idea.

  As he turned and caught my eye, I offered a small wave and a smile, but Justin simply stared right through me. I wanted to curl up and disappear.

  He finally got out of his truck and acknowledged my presence. “Good Morning, Lil.”

  “Hey.”

  We stood on the sidewalk in front of the house looking everywhere but at each other. I glanced at the door to see Mama and Michael peeking at us through the curtains. Rolling my eyes, I decided to push through the awkwardness and make the first move.

  “So, what’s new?” I attempted to sound casual.

  Silence. Okay, let’s cut right to the point here then.

  “I take it from your silence you’re still mad at me?” I asked.

  Justin turned his icy glare my way but still said nothing. I felt like a child being punished, except in my eyes I had done nothing wrong.

  “Seriously? What do you want me to do? Look, I’m sorry. I obviously hurt you by leaving. But how was I supposed to know you were so upset by it? All the times we spoke to each other over the years you were never mad at me. But because I’m home now it gives you the right to treat me like shit?”

  “You wouldn’t understand.”

  “So enlighten me.”

  He pulled in a deep breath but only shook his head.

  I felt my lower lip begin to quiver so I turned to walk back into the house. Fine, if he didn’t want to talk to me I wasn’t going to stand out here and beg like a dog.

  His hand at my elbow brought me to a halt before I even reached the steps. I couldn’t turn to look at him, not with the tears once again starting to pool in my eyes. Damn it, I didn’t want him to see me cry.

  “Bright Eyes,” he said softly.

  “No, you said everything you needed to, Justin. Or I guess you didn’t say it. That’s fine. Just let me go.” My voice was husky from the unshed tears.

  He released my elbow and I ran into the house. I paused in the entryway to get my emotions in check. Having Mama see me upset would just cause more problems.

  Dad came in from the living room to save the day. “You ready to head out, son?” he asked Michael.

  “You bet. Justin pulled in just a few minutes ago.” Michael winked at me and headed for the door. Dad followed right behind, stopping to give Mama a kiss on the cheek. “Have a good day, Mag-pie,” he whispered to her. I grinned down at my feet. Even though Dad would do anything possible to drive my mother crazy, he loved her just the same. I looked up, thinking he was already out the door, and witnessed him give her a little love squeeze on her backside. Mama let out a yelp and playfully swatted his arm.

  “Ugh,” I groaned. “I did not need to see that shit first thing in the morning.”

  Dad gave me a wink of my own and turned for the door. Mama giggled and then said, “Lillian, mouth.”

  Rolling my eyes, I went to get dressed. I had to return the rental car today among other things, like figure out what to do with the rest of my life.

  Chapter 5

  After dropping the Lexus off at the rental place, Mama decided we needed to swing through Glenview and make a grocery store run. Since she didn’t know I was coming, apparently there wasn’t enough food for three people in the house. I thought she was nuts. Her pantry was stocked FULL of food. And the woman had not only the refrigerator in her kitchen, but one in the basement for ‘overflow’ and one out in my Dad’s shop. Her deep freeze in the basement was full of enough frozen meat and vegetables that she technically could get by without shopping for almost a year. It was ridiculous.

  “I don’t understand why we have to stop,” I groaned as we pulled into the parking spot in front of the grocery store. “You have enough food in your house to feed the entire town of Glenview.”

  Mama just rolled her eyes at me. “I only need to grab a couple things. I swear it won’t take but a minute.”

  “Fine,” I said. “But I’m staying in the car.”

  “Suit yourself, Baby Girl,” she said as she turned the key back to roll down my window. “I’ll just give you a little air flow while I’m gone. It’s a hot one today.”

  “Great,” I muttered. I loved being treated like a dog.

  Fifteen minutes rolled by and I was beginning to get nervous. Not that anything had happened to my mom, but the fact that a lot of people walked by and likely saw me sitting in her car. A group of young girls worried me the most. I think they walked past the car at least six times, always going a different direction and slowing to crane their necks at me each time. It wouldn’t be long before--

  “OH MY GOD IT’S LILY RAE!!!” I heard a shrill screech coming from the far corner of the block. I looked to my right to see a group of six middle school girls running in my direction.

  Oh crap!

  I opened the car door as quickly as possible and dashed into the grocery store. I figured Mama had to be at one of the checkout lanes by then. She wasn’t much bigger than I was, but for some reason I felt like she could protect me. Except she wasn’t in a checkout lane. I couldn’t see her anywhere. I rushed over to the woman scanning groceries and asked if she could help me.

  “Aaaahhhh!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “You’re really here! Honey, you look amazing. Joan! Joan, look! It’s Lily Rae.”

  Well, she apparently is no help.

  The screaming girls barreled through the doors into the grocery store and were getting louder by the minute. I could see my mom making her way to the front of the store now, likely to check out all the noise. Her eyes looked frantic. In no time, people closed in all around me. Some rattled off question after question. Some just simply screamed. One woman grabbed me, giving me a giant hug.

  The door chimes went off, indicating someone entering the store. I figured it was people from nearby that heard I was in there. To my surprise, I turned to see a few familiar faces. Faces with cameras in front of them, clicking away.

  Just fucking great, I thought.

  Suddenly, a man grabbed my arm, squeezing a little too tightly. I recognized him. He went to the same church as my parents. I thought maybe he was going to help me get out of the crowd when instead his hold tightened. I tried to pull my arm away but he just held it tighter.

  “You turned out so beautiful,” he said in a super creepy voice as he reached out to touch my hair.

  Oh dear God, I thought to myself. This scary old man is going to kill me.

  “Please let me go,” I pleaded. His face was dirty and he smelled of hard liquor.

  It felt like watching a tennis match. My head bounced back and forth from questions coming in every direction. I couldn’t even comprehend what everyone was asking.

  “Um, I’m sorry,” I said, bumping into people left and right. “I don’t have a pen,” I mumbled when they asked for autographs. “Please, no pictures.” I put my arm up to somewhat shield my face. My breathing was steadily increasing and I knew what was coming. I needed to get out of there before the panic set in.

  “Mama!” I yelled over the crowd. I barely heard her yell my name back in response. There had to be close to fifty people, including the photographers, surrounding me now in the tiny checkout area of the grocery store.

  The darkness was starting to creep in from my peripheral vision.

  Please not now. This can’t be happening to me now.

  I heard the bell chime above the door again.

  Oh great, more people coming in to ambush me.

&nbs
p; Sucking in giant gulps of air, I tried to focus on something. If I could just see through the people, maybe I could avoid the full on panic attack. But the darkness continued to creep. Closer and closer, it began to overtake my vision. The room began to spin and my stomach rapidly became nauseous.

  Then, I felt a strong arm slide around my middle from behind. I was pulled back and slammed into a wall. At least I thought it was a wall, and it was in some sense of the word - a wall of muscle.

  “I got you, Bright Eyes,” I heard in my ear.

  Justin, I thought to myself, it’s going to be okay. He put his fingers up to his mouth and let out a sharp whistle.

  “Alright, everybody back off and leave her the hell alone,” he yelled over the crowd. The people seemed to listen to Justin’s booming voice and scatter back to getting groceries. The paparazzi, however, were still snapping away.

  I closed my eyes as he pulled me back toward the door. “Maggie!” he called. Mama left her cart and hurried in our direction.

  “You guys back the fuck up or I’m calling the police,” he ordered the paparazzi. “And that’ll be after I show you how much I don’t like your motherfucking cameras in my face.”

  Most of them stopped as the three of us made our way out the door and to the car. One guy insisted on following us. Justin turned to him, wrapped his hand around the camera and twisted it right out of the man’s hand.

  “You fuckin’ want this back, you can go to the Glenview police department to claim it,” he said.

  “Hey, you can’t do that!” the photographer exclaimed. “That’s personal property!”

  Justin glared him, his eyes a blazing fire of rage. He still had his arm around my waist in a tight hold or he may have decked him. His voice was terrifying when he spoke. “Does it look like I give a flying fuck about your camera?” he snarled to the man. “No? Well good, ‘cause I don’t. You’re just lucky I’m not in the mood for a lawsuit or I’d bust this piece of shit up right now with my fucking boot.”

  I stared at the photographer with wide eyes, trying to blink back the darkness. My breathing had not calmed down at all and I knew I only had a few more seconds before the inevitable.