Home: A Novel

by Rachel Smith

  I heard sirens coming in the distance.

  “Mama,” I muttered.

  “Car,” was the only answer I got back from Justin.

  With that, I let the darkness take over and my body went limp in his arms.

  “Shit!” Justin hissed.

  As I started to come to, I heard Justin’s voice. “Lil. Lily, honey, please wake up.” I felt softness at my legs and back. It registered that I had somehow gotten into Justin’s truck. I imagine he carried me there after I collapsed. He gently shook my shoulders. “Come on honey, I need you to wake up.”

  “What?” I whispered as my eyes began to flutter open. “What happened?”

  “You passed out. It’s okay, you’re safe.” He continued to lightly rub his hand over my back as he rested his lips against my temple. The comfort and warmth of having him so close was reassuring. While I slowly came back to reality, the horror that I’d blacked out again sat in my gut like a brick. Damn it, I needed to get past this fear. I just didn’t know how.

  The sirens were getting closer, and soon a police cruiser angled in and my brother Alan stepped out of the car.

  “Jesus, you’re here one damn day and I’m gettin’ calls,” he said to me.

  I shrugged but felt Justin’s body go stiff next to me. Alan took note of the change in his body language and tried to hide his smirk. “I see your guard dog is trained to protect.”

  Justin stayed silent. His jaw clamped so tight I could hear his teeth grind together.

  “Um, yeah, so this guy physically took my camera out of my hands and won’t give it back,” the photographer came over to tattle on Justin.

  Alan’s gaze turned to the photographer. “I suggest,” he said to him, “that you shut your trap. I’ll let you have your camera back this one time,” he leaned in to hiss the last three words. “Next time, it’s mine, you’re arrested, and sit a few days at County jail. Understood? You need to leave my fucking sister ALONE!” he shouted.

  The photographer quickly grabbed his camera and muttered, “Jeez, you’re all freaking related to each other in this town,” as he walked away.

  I looked down to where Justin rested his strong hand on my thigh. With his other arm, he continued to rub my back in gentle, soothing strokes. As nice as it felt I needed to remove myself from this situation pronto.

  “Justin, thank you,” I said wiggling out from his hold, “but I need to get back to the farm. It’s not smart for me to be out on the street like this.”

  He turned to Alan. “I’m taking her home. We’ll follow Maggie and make sure she gets there okay.”

  I looked back to see Alan grinning. What was up with my brothers?

  “Wait!” I shouted. “I haven’t seen my brother in over a year. Can I at least give him a hug first?”

  Justin sighed. “Lil, you just passed out. Maybe you should sit here a minute and relax.”

  “She passed out?”

  “Alan, it’s not as bad as it sounds. I just got freaked out by too many people in my space. Please don’t make a big deal out of this.”

  “Fine,” he clipped. “But keep your ass where it is. I can walk over there and give you a damn hug.”

  Leaning into the truck to wrap his arms around his little sister, I decided now was as good of time as any to drive him crazy. “Thank God you didn’t search me and find the drugs in my pocket,” I whispered.

  “Damn it, Lillian,” he muttered.

  “I’m totally kidding.”

  “Good to have you home,” he said in a soft voice as he squeezed me tightly. “Even though you’re still a brat.” My brothers. God, they loved me a lot.

  I pulled back, gave him a small kiss on the cheek and turned back to Justin. “Listen, Mama is already heading home. I’ll just ride with her so I don’t inconvenience you,” I said.

  He gave me a murderous glare. “You’re not an inconvenience Lil. I just need to talk to you.”

  “I’ll make sure Ma gets home okay. Take your time with your talk,” Alan said from behind me. “You go on with Justin, honey.” He gave me a wink and a grin and walked back to the cruiser.

  I sat there wondering what was up with my family trying to push me to Justin, when he grabbed my legs and swung them around the rest of the way into the truck. I was about turn snotty and let him know I was fully capable of taking care of myself. Except the scene back at the grocery store was still a little too fresh. Maybe I actually wasn’t as capable as I thought.

  Justin slammed my door and stalked around the front of the truck. Jeez he was so angry again. I guess I really couldn’t do anything right in his eyes. He pulled himself up, slammed his door as well and turned the key. I expected him to back up and head out, but he just sat there staring out the windshield.

  Growing up with three brothers, I knew when to flip on the sass and when to keep my mouth shut. This was one of those occasions where my lips were sealed. I gave him time to get himself under control before I started to speak.

  “Justin,” was all I got out. He shot me a glare and put his hand out to stop me from speaking. I felt my blood start to boil. “What is your problem?” I shouted. “Why are you so mad at me?”

  “Is that shit normal?” he asked.

  Um, what?

  “What?”

  “In the grocery store, Lillian. You passed out. Does this happen a lot? Why would you think it was okay to go out in public alone?”

  “I wasn’t alone,” I stated, clearly ignoring his other question. “Mama was inside.”

  “Your mom is not going to keep you safe in a crowd of people,” he answered. “I know Glenview isn’t a very big town, but you still need to be careful.”

  “I’m sorry. I was in the car and some young girls recognized me and started going ballistic screaming my name. I freaked out and ran inside thinking it was safer than being alone in Mama’s car.”

  “And what was with the fucking photographers?” he asked.

  I took a deep breath and let it out. He put the truck in reverse to back out. Good, at least we were on the way and this would be over soon.

  “I talked to my assistant, Sarah, this morning. Word around Nashville is that I’m in rehab. Someone who saw me yesterday, either at the airport or in town must have tipped them off and they showed up.” I shook my head. I didn’t understand. It was like these people had spies planted everywhere to let them know where celebrities were. Right then it hit me – the lady who rented me the car. She was so excited when I upgraded, I thought she was just happy about her commission. She must’ve been the one to call the tabloids.

  “That’s not the first time you’ve panicked and passed out, is it?”

  “No,” I whispered.

  “I don’t want you going out alone anymore,” he snapped. “If I hadn’t shown up who knows what would’ve happened. Shit, Lil, you could have been seriously hurt.”

  I looked over at him, wondering what he was doing in the grocery store anyway. He was covered in dirt and had obviously been working all day.

  “Why were you even there?” I narrowed my eyes and asked him. “I thought you were helping my Dad today.”

  His face softened as he pulled off the highway onto the gravel road that led to my parents’ house. “I had some business to take care of in town. I was driving through Main Street and saw your mom’s car. I just assumed you were with her and I needed to talk to you.”

  “About what?” I asked.

  “About yesterday,” he answered. “And this morning. I wanted to apologize for acting like such a dick when I saw you. I just….I don’t know Lil. I was so mad and shit just came out of my mouth before I could stop it. You were my best friend once upon a time. And now I have no fucking clue what to say to you,” he shook his head and glanced out his window. “Listen, I’d like to spend some time with you. Get to know the new Lil. Are you free tonight?”

  I stared at him, dumbfounded. Am I free tonight? For us to spend time together? I didn’t know how to answer this. Well, yes, of course
I was free. But I didn’t want him to know that inside I was jumping around yelling Yippee!

  I needed to calm down. He just wanted to be friends again. That’s all. Even though I had to try like crazy to keep my eyes from wandering down his torso to his muscular thighs. Sweet Jesus, he was nice to look at.

  “Lil?”

  I snapped my head back up to his face. I needed to shut this down immediately. The last time I let myself get involved it burned me and left a scar that would never be healed. I knew better than to let some lustful feelings for an old friend steer me off course. And that’s what Justin was. A friend. Nothing more.

  I slid my profession persona back on and cooled my features. Wearing my Lily Rae mask, he’d never be able to tell what I was thinking. Or feeling for that matter.

  “Don’t you have a girlfriend you can take out tonight or something?” I asked, hoping to throw him off track.

  “No, and you know that,” he answered. “It was only six months ago that we talked and I told you things didn’t work out with Emily.”

  I nodded. “I just assumed you’d have some rebound skank set up already.” It was a nasty thing to say, but I needed him to back off. He was too close into my personal space for me to be the sweet Lil. I don’t know what happened to my best friend, but someone obviously replaced him with this sexy, badass Justin in front of me. It was too much to process everything at once.

  Having no comeback for my ‘rebound skank’ remark, he shook his head and parked under the oak tree in front of the house.

  “So what, I’m just supposed to forgive you for being an ass the past two days and go out to eat with you? Sorry buddy, I don’t think so.”

  “Lily –”

  “Why the hell would you want to spend time with me anyway? I’m sure you have no trouble finding dates.”

  I grabbed the handle to get out of the truck when his voice made me freeze.

  “Yeah well, you see. About twelve years ago there was a smokin’ hot girl in school with this amazing voice,” he hissed through his teeth. My eyes popped open in surprise. “She was my best friend in the whole world, but little did she know that deep down she meant more to me than anything. That no other girl I meet compares to her. So I guess you could say it’s kind of hard for me to find someone even close. God knows I’ve tried over the years.”

  My mouth fell open.

  Holy. Crap. My brain was unable to process this.

  “Now ass outta my truck and get in the house. Get some rest this afternoon. I’ll pick you up at seven,” he stated firmly. I jumped down, slammed the door and walked to the house.

  “Lillian.” I turned to look back at the truck, still stuck in a daze at what he just said. “You make me fucking wait more than twenty minutes for you to be ready, and I’ll come up to your room and haul your ass out whether you’re dressed or not,” he finished out his window.

  I continued to stare at him, my eyes blinking furiously trying to absorb his words into my brain, my mouth unable to form a response. By the time I was able to form a coherent thought his truck was already down the lane.

  But little did she know that deep down she meant more to me than anything.

  What do I even do with that? He’s never, not once, spoken to me like we were anything more than friends. Does this mean he’s been here pining for me all these years? What the hell?

  I turned and ran up the front steps. Mama was already home. When I got into the kitchen she flashed a knowing smile in my direction.

  “So that was an interesting trip to town.”

  Staring at her like she’d grown an extra limb, I simply nodded in response.

  “How often, Baby Girl?”

  I knew what she was asking. She knew about my Enochlophobia, or fear of crowds. More specifically, my acute fear of being trampled to death.

  “Only a couple times,” I answered softly. “Usually my security team got me out of those situations before the darkness set in.”

  She nodded her understanding. “Things are different now, you know.”

  I did. I knew there was no security around to keep me safe, and I refused to hire any. Things would calm down eventually. Until then I could just stay in the house away from people. Well, after I went out with Justin first.

  “I think I’ll go lie down awhile,” I said and went upstairs. I needed to work through the last hour in my head. Not only did I pass out in the grocery store, but Justin was there to save the day and then asked me out. And even that wasn’t right. He didn’t ask me – he TOLD me.

  What the hell was that all about?

  Chapter 6

  The sun made its early morning appearance through the crack in the curtains. I slowly opened my eyes and took inventory of the way I felt. My sight was fuzzy and my pulse was pounding like a jackhammer inside my head. It felt like my body had been run over. I licked my dry lips and winced at the taste as I swallowed. Apparently, some sort of woodland creature had gotten into my bedroom in the night and shit in my mouth.

  As I made my way back into the land of the living I started to realize a few things. One, Mama must have changed the sheets yesterday because the bed felt strange. Two, I wondered why I couldn’t smell her cooking breakfast downstairs. And three, what the hell was so heavy across my stomach?

  I pushed the covers down over my body. My eyes about popped out of my head when I saw a muscular arm draped over my midsection.

  “Oh crap,” I whispered as I scrunched my eyes closed. When I opened them back up, the night before started playing through my mind.

  By the time Justin had gotten to my parents’ house, I was a total wreck. First off, I realized I no longer had such a thing as ‘normal clothes.’ Everything I owned was so expensive it felt wrong to put on while in Glenview. I finally settled on my favorite pair of Roberto Cavalli jeans. They cost a freakin’ load, but the way they made my ass look was totally worth it. I walked over to my other suitcase and popped it open. Since I would have to look through the entire thing to find just the right shirt, I started hanging clothes up as I went. The very last item I pulled from the bottom of the bag was an adorable pale pink baby tee. I had gotten it at a little shop in New York City when I was touring last summer. It was made of the softest cashmere and felt like a cloud. It was fabulous. Jeans and a tee seemed like a reasonable thing to wear, right? Paired with my brown leather sandals and a thick brown belt I thought I looked very much the Midwesterner.

  Justin knocked on the front door just as I was coming down the stairs. I grabbed my fall jacket on my way through the kitchen. It was the end of summer and the nights were starting to get cooler. I had no idea what he had in store for me tonight and didn’t want to be cold.

  “See you guys later,” I called to Mama and Dad who were sitting at the table shelling peas from the garden.

  “You call if you’re gonna be late,” Mama replied.

  I stopped in my tracks and closed my eyes. It wouldn’t matter how old or independent I was, at their house I would always be expected home at a decent time.

  “Mama.”

  “I know, I don’t need details. I just don’t want to wait up and worry,” she said and then shrugged as a slight smile tugged the corners of her lips upward. “And if you don’t come home at all, that’s fine too. Just let me know.”

  My eyebrows shot up into my hairline. Who was this woman? I mean, the kitchen was full of vegetables and she looked like my mother, but she was never one to condone the opposite sex sleepovers before marriage.

  “Don’t look at me like that, Lillian. Justin is a good man, and you deserve some happy in your life for a change.”

  She looked down at her pile of peas and got back to work. I glanced over at Dad to see his lips twitching, trying desperately to hold back a smile while he took his full pot over to the stove.

  I turned around and opened the door just as Justin was going to knock again.

  I walked right past him so he would get the picture that he didn’t need to come in and chat. That
little episode with my parents had me reeling and it was time for a drink.

  “Well hello to you too, Bright Eyes,” he said with a grin. “You ready to get outta here that bad already?”

  “Shut up, Justin,” I said as I walked toward his truck.

  I could hear his deep chuckle behind me. He reached around me with a strong arm to grab the handle that opened my door. He was so close I could smell his cologne. Gone was the smell of sweat and dirt. The musky spice lit up my senses with such force, it took all my willpower not to turn around and sniff him up and down.

  “Up you go,” he whispered so close to my ear I shivered from head to toe.

  This is going to be a long night if every move he makes produces this reaction, I thought as I rolled my eyes at my own ridiculousness.

  I hopped into my seat and shut the door as he rounded the front of the truck. I took a deep breath. I could do this. I’d been out to eat hundreds of times with Justin in high school. This was no different.

  Except he basically told me he’s been waiting for me for twelve years.

  Holy shit I can’t do this.

  I decided to ignore the fluttery feeling inside my stomach and move forward. I wiped my sweaty palms on the front of my jeans and took a final cleansing breath. He opened his door and swung himself up into the truck in one quick motion.

  “You still eat meat, don’t you?”

  I turned my head to look at him. Damn he was good looking. “Yes,” I answered, but was distracted. I was too busy taking in the man beside me. Both times I saw him in the past few days he was full of sweat and dirt from working on the farm. Tonight, he was all cleaned up. Dark jeans covered his long, thick legs down to his chocolate brown cowboy boots. A blue and white checkered shirt buttoned almost all the way with just a sliver of a white t-shirt sticking out the top concealed his broad chest. His unruly hair was slightly damp from his shower, but it still curled up around his ears and at the nape. I wanted to slide my fingers through it so badly, I sat on my hands so I didn’t embarrass myself trying to reach over and pet him.