Home: A Novel

by Rachel Smith

“Good,” he said. “There’s a little dive bar about twenty minutes away. The owner can cook one hell of a steak, but their broasted chicken is fuckin’ amazing.”

  I started to panic at the thought of being out in public. Even though Justin was with me, and I knew he’d never let anything happen to me, it was still terrifying. Getting bombarded to take pictures and sign autographs with no bodyguards around to keep the crazies at bay was not high on my list of things to do tonight. I just wanted to relax and feel like a normal girl. A girl out on a date with a gorgeous farm boy who would later tie her down in the back of his truck while he licked……

  “Hey,” I heard from the drivers’ side of the truck. “I know what you’re thinking, Lil, and I would never let anything happen to you. You know that, right?”

  I nodded. Had he crawled inside my head? There’s no way he could know how nervous I was to be in public. That little scene in the grocery store today was just the tip of the iceberg.

  “Just relax. We’ll be fine.” He reached over and gave my knee a squeeze. The simple, intimate gesture made my heart melt. Mama was right. Justin was a good man. I needed to keep an open mind and go with the flow.

  We drove the rest of the way to the bar in silence. By the time he pulled up to the old brick building I had myself fairly calmed down. Especially when I noticed there was only one other car in the parking lot.

  “Oh Justin, I don’t think they’re open.”

  “They are,” he answered. I could hear the smile in his voice.

  “Well, the closed sign on the door would tell me otherwise,” I said in a snotty tone.

  He chose to ignore me and parked the truck. I barely had my door open when a hand appeared in my space to help me down. I don’t remember Justin being such a gentleman. Or maybe he always was and I just hadn’t been paying enough attention.

  We walked to the tall glass door and Justin ignored the ‘Sorry, We’re Closed’ sign and walked right in.

  The bar was completely empty except for one table set in the middle. As I came to terms with what was happening I felt a tug on my arm. I looked down to see our fingers wrapped throughout one another. Justin leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Welcome home, Bright Eyes.”

  Holy hell. He had the bar closed down for a night. For me. Because he knew I would be nervous about a crowd not giving me space and ruining our night. In the matter of a few hours he had gotten this all done.

  “How is this possible?” I asked.

  “I made a few calls this afternoon,” he shrugged. “Celebrities aren’t the only ones able to get what they want when they want it,” he said with a grin.

  This had to cost him a fortune. I mean, I’m sure this little place didn’t do too much business on a weeknight in August. But he still would’ve had to promise to cover their losses to shut down like this.

  “I can’t let you do this, Justin,” I said as we walked over to the table. “This is too much.”

  “Babe, I’m not gonna argue with you about this.”

  Babe? He had never called me anything endearing before in our lives. Well, if you don’t count Bright Eyes. Even so, I longed to be his babe more than I cared to admit at the moment.

  “After the scene I saw in the grocery store today I knew you weren’t ready to be fully out in public yet. Now that people know you’re home, I thought it would be best to give it a few days before throwing you back to the wolves. Plus, I didn’t want to deal with sharing you while I sat back and you played superstar. I know it hasn’t been easy for you, and I know you never really got adjusted to all that shit the entire time you were in the industry. It’s not fair for me to ask to spend time with you and then force you into a situation you have no control over.”

  He turned me so we were facing each other and pulled me tight to his body. His hands rested on my hips and I had ahold of the big strong arms connected to them. We were close enough that my breasts pressed to his chest. The sensation was driving me wild and I hoped to God he couldn’t feel my nipples hardening through my bra.

  “I promise you, Lil,” he said as he looked into my eyes. “You are safe with me.”

  I felt a rush of warmness throughout my body, especially around my heart. I hadn’t felt anything like that in so long. Maybe ever. The fear that gripped me when thinking about getting close to someone was beginning to be chipped away by this man.

  While he continued to study my eyes, I thought for a moment he was going to kiss me. Any other time that thought would scare me silly, but something was different with Justin. I leaned in slightly to let him know I welcomed the idea.

  His beautiful eyes were locked tight to mine. Light, sea foam green to dark blue.

  Kiss me, I pleaded with him silently.

  Something flashed in his eyes and they turned glittery with desire. Something I’d never seen in Justin before. It was like he knew what I was saying to him and the thought apparently excited him. My God, this man lived inside my head.

  He wrapped his fingers around the back of my neck and pulled me closer, bending down to place a kiss on my forehead.

  “Let’s sit down,” he mumbled.

  I wanted to scream ‘NO’ at the top of my lungs, grab him tightly and haul him toward me. But I didn’t. He was clearly able to keep better control of whatever emotions I saw pass through his eyes just a moment ago. I, on the other hand, was having trouble not thinking about all the kinky things I would let him do to me.

  Get a grip Lillian, you are not a horny teenager.

  We walked over to the table, sat down and ordered our drinks. The bar owner was very gracious and didn’t linger too long. She came back with our beers and said, “Food’ll be out in a jif,” as she winked at Justin and walked off.

  I raised my eyebrows at him and tried to suppress my giggles. Justin just rolled his eyes, “I can’t help it I’m adorable,” he teased, which turned my giggles into full out laughter.

  “So tell me about today.”

  I sighed. I knew this was coming.

  “A little over a year ago I was doing a small show in Troy, Alabama. It was a county fair type gig. I used to do them every now and then just for the fans. It wasn’t a big money maker, but they never got big names at those things anymore.”

  I took a drink of beer and went on. “About halfway through the set, one side of the stage started to give out. It didn’t help that it was a standing room only type of show and the crowd kept pushing forward. The left side eventually collapsed and two people were seriously hurt.”

  “That doesn’t explain why you’re so afraid of crowds.”

  “Right. Well, that just slowly got worse over the years anyway. But after the stage went down that night, the fans went nuts. I think it was the combination of a hot summer night and way too much alcohol. I was too close to the front when it happened. I knew something wasn’t right, but I kept singing anyway.” I let out a small laugh. “Anything for a good show, right?”

  Sighing, I went on. “I couldn’t get traction in my boots and slid down the stage into the crowd. People were screaming and pushing. It was mass hysteria. I got lost in the shuffle and my security team had to wade through a shitload of people before they found me. But it was too late, the panic had already set in. I couldn’t catch my breath and then I passed out. If it had taken just a few more minutes for security to get to me, I probably wouldn’t be here. Two people were trampled to death, and one of the guys crushed by the stage will be in a wheelchair forever.”

  I finally looked up to see the warmth in Justin’s eyes. “I wasn’t held responsible legally because the city of Troy built the stage, but I still feel like it was my fault. Of course the media had a field day. I’m sure you heard about it somehow. My PR team did a great job of damage control but there was still backlash. After that, when crowds of people got too close I started freaking out. My biggest fear being that I’ll be trampled to death.” I shrugged. “That’s part of the reason I decided to quit.”

  “What’s the other part?” h
e asked softly.

  I shook my head, hoping he would just let it go.

  “Tell me about everything happening around here,” I said as my feeble attempt to divert the attention away from me. Thankfully, Justin didn’t push it.

  We sipped our beer and talked about nothing too deep. I found out that Justin had been working to buy his folks’ farm from them. He had a good amount of land, and also raised pigs and cows. He still had horses, but they were mostly for pleasure riding than show. After his parents moved into town, he started renovating the farm house one room at a time. Their farm was older than ours, and it had never been their top priority to do any upkeep. He told me the last time they had decorated was the early Seventies, and the green shag carpeting had seen the end of its days.

  We talked about old friends from high school and what they were doing now. We talked about my brothers and their families. I wasn’t surprised to hear Justin still hung out with his two best buddies from high school, Evan Wakefield and David Lyons. I was glad to see their friendship stood the test of time.

  We talked about everything Glenview and not one thing Nashville until our food arrived.

  “This looks delicious,” I said as I checked out the plate in front of me. Broasted chicken and fries with a side salad. Yum.

  “Wait til you taste it, baby,” Justin replied.

  Oh, there he went again with the terms of endearment. I was too busy feeling the warm tingles run through my body from him calling me baby to realize the waitress was still standing at our table.

  “Sorry, but um…my daughter is a huge fan,” she started.

  Oh no, please not right now!

  “She would love to have your autograph, Miss Rae.”

  “Sure.” I smiled my super sweet country girl smile. “And please, call me Lily.”

  I quickly wrote a short message to her daughter and gave it to the woman. At least she was the only other person in the building. Justin knew this part of my life will always be there. At least until the hype that I quit the business fades away and I could go back to just being me.

  Looking back across the table, Justin was halfway through his meal already. I giggled at him and shook my head.

  “What?” he smiled.

  “Nothing, it’s like you haven’t eaten in days,” I said, acting like I was surprised. Justin always scarfed his food down like a starving college kid.

  “Well, you had me all worked up yesterday and I didn’t eat last night.” He paused to look at me. “Or today,” he finished.

  The smile fell from my face.

  Justin took a long drink of his beer and set it back down on the table. “I was so pissed when I saw you yesterday, but not at you. I mean, I was pissed at you, but it wasn’t your fault. I was mostly pissed at me. I wasted so much time that it all came to the surface at once and I just needed to get away from you. Look, I don’t know how you feel about me or if you even have any feelings toward me at all. But I have feelings for you, Lil. Strong ones. I’ve been living my life on auto pilot for the past twelve years, wondering if I’d ever get another chance to have you in my life. But you’re here and that chance is now. I decided today that I’m not fuckin’ around any longer.”

  I stared at him momentarily, picked up my beer and drank half of it down in three big gulps. What did I do with this? I obviously had feelings for him I never even knew were there. But to have him come straight out and tell me he’s been here waiting for me all these years made me a little nervous. It had been twelve years for Pete’s sake. I decided to simply nod at his comment and focus on my food. Thankfully, even after all the macho man straight talk, he let it go.

  We were just finishing our meal when I realized I had sucked down four beers already. Maybe that was why the conversation flowed so smoothly. I needed to be careful. Too much alcohol with me around a beautiful man was not a good combination. That lesson was learned the hard way.

  I couldn’t believe what I had done. I slept with Colton Jefferson.

  The next morning I woke up, found my catering uniform and got out of there. Walking down the steps out his front door, I called Sarah to come get me. I had no idea where I was so I just kept walking while I talked to her until the two of us figured it out.

  When she picked me up neither of us said a word. I could tell it was eating her alive.

  “Okay, we had sex. I don’t want to talk about it. Ever. And please don’t tell anyone. Ever,” I said to the windshield.

  “Okee dokee,” she replied.

  It wasn’t until a week later that I realized what had really transpired. I was at my keyboard working to put some lyrics I had written to music. My cell phone rang and I didn’t recognize the number but answered it anyway.

  “Hello?”

  “Yes, is this Lillian Raftzen?” the voice said on the other line.

  “This is she.”

  “Miss Raftzen, I’m calling from RCA Records. I’ve been advised by Mr. Jefferson to set up a meeting with you this afternoon.”

  No way. He followed through. I figured since I hadn’t heard anything from him in seven days that he’d fed me full of lies to get in my pants. But RCA was calling me for a meeting. RCA!

  I composed myself enough to answer. “Yes, this afternoon is just fine. What time would you like me to be there?” I was trying not to giggle and jump up and down.

  “Four o’clock, Miss Raftzen,” she answered. “Mr. Jefferson says to dress appropriately, as you’ll be going to dinner after the meeting.”

  Okay, this was WAY unexpected. After I hung up the phone I called Sarah. I had no clue what to wear to a meeting, let alone dinner with Colton Jefferson. We decided to meet at the mall. It didn’t take her long to talk me into charging some incredibly high priced outfit. At first I tried to talk her out of it, but she informed me that I was going to a MEETING and DINNER at RCA RECORDS and that soon I’d be able to buy anything I wanted. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but that would be freaking awesome!

  Upon arrival at the studio I was ushered into a conference room. There were two other men in suits sitting across the table with Colton. They introduced themselves as James Morgan and Stanley Wallace. I was given the rundown of how this would work. They’d heard my demo and loved it. They thought I looked the part and would need minimal work done to get prepared for the spotlight. We set up studio time so I could test a few songs and work with someone on their staff to get the right sound they were looking for.

  I couldn’t believe this was happening. My mind was spinning in circles as I tried to process it all. I looked across the table at Colton and he winked at me. I smiled back at him and closed my eyes, trying to keep calm. I couldn’t believe he did this for me. I owed this man everything.

  When the meeting was over, the two other men left with high hopes for what was to come. I thanked them profusely as they walked out the door.

  “Told you I’d make you a star,” Colton said as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

  My excitement bubbled over before I realized what I was doing. I turned around and hugged him as hard as I could. He leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Save some of that excitement for after dinner, sweetheart. I have plans for you.”

  I pulled back to look at him grinning at me. I smiled, thinking of what he could possibly have up his sleeve. He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine.

  “You ready to see how the other half lives?” he mumbled against my lips.

  I nodded and pulled him tighter. I was ready all right, and with Colton by my side what could be wrong?

  “Hey, are you okay?”

  I gained focus again at Justin sitting across the table from me.

  “I think we need to get drunk,” I said as I took the rest of his beer and finished it in one pull.

  Which brings me to now. In bed with Justin wondering what in the hell happened last night.

  “I know you’re awake,” he mumbled next to me. He turned my body to face him. I became even more aware at how awful my mouth t
asted, and realized that my breath probably wasn’t any better.

  I cupped my hand over my mouth. “What happened last night? Did we?” I couldn’t even say the words out loud. Justin’s arm tightened around my midsection.

  “No, Lily, we didn’t. Not that it didn’t cross my mind a time or two, but I prefer my women awake when I fuck them,” he said.

  I swallowed hard and looked down at his throat. The thought of him with any other woman made me feel sick to my stomach.

  “Was that a common thing for you?” I whispered. “Being with other women?”

  His eyes closed as he rolled me to my back, pinning me to the bed with his body. He rubbed his nose against mine, and his lips were only a fraction of an inch away. From what I could feel touching my thigh, he was just as turned on by our proximity as I was. “Honey, you left here twelve years ago and it about ripped me to shreds to watch you go. Being a nineteen year old kid I obviously didn’t handle things well. So yeah, I’ve had my fair share of women, Lil. It’s a small town and I’m sure you’ll hear all about it at some point. But you gotta know that no matter what you hear, not a single one of them got even close to my heart. Not one, Lil.” He pulled my chin until our eyes met. “You had a lot to drink last night. I brought you here and put you to bed. Nothing happened.”

  “Oh, thank you.”

  “And don’t worry,” he went on as he rolled back onto his side of the bed, “I called your folks after we left the bar. They know you’re here.”

  Oh crapola! I totally forgot about letting my parents know I wouldn’t be home. Well, in my defense, technically I was incoherent and didn’t know I wouldn’t be going home. I knew that argument would not fly when I saw them later.

  I pushed the covers away to get up and realized I was only wearing my t-shirt and panties.

  “Justin, where are my jeans?” I asked.

  I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Not that it really mattered that he saw my silk purple panties, but still. He saw me in my silk purple panties! This was not the way this was supposed to go. In the little world inside my head we would go out a few times, maybe flirt, some harmless touching would occur here and there. Then slowly we would get to know each other and increase the physical moments after the correct amount of time had passed. The panty showing would not be for quite a few dates. This was not the way I operated. Well, it’s not the way I operated anymore. I couldn’t deal with a hangover and this at the same time. Oh God, please kill me now.