Softly, As I Leave You

by Caine, Candy

  SOFTLY AS I LEAVE YOU

  frustration on their faces was enough to make her cry. And now discovering she might become exactly like them left her empty inside. In one brief moment, fate snatched away her bright future with Daniel.

  Alisha sat on the bed surrounded by her father’s effects for a long time. But, by the time she started to put them back into the duffle bag, she knew exactly what she must do.

  * * *

  Driving back to New York, Alisha thought about taking the blood test to see if she had the gene for Huntington Disease. There was always a chance she’d be lucky and not develop the disease. According to medical science, if one of your parents has Huntington Disease, you have a fifty percent chance of getting it. But even if she didn’t have it, what about children? Daniel wanted a big family and she couldn’t have children and expose them to the disease. And if she took the test and found out that she would eventually get the disease, she wouldn’t want to live. For her, it was best not to know. Since there was no way to prevent the onset of the disease, if she was going to get it, she would. And when that terrible time came, she didn’t want to become a burden on Daniel.

  She wanted to be loved by Daniel and not pitied, She’d never know if he stayed with her out of love or pity. Therefore, the time to go was now before any of the symptoms occurred.

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  CANDY CAINE

  Chapter 8

  The motion of the train had finally made Alisha tired enough to sleep. She welcomed it.

  Hopefully, it would shut down her mind. She didn’t want to think anymore. Knowing that the road ahead of her would be uncertain at best, she needed to focus on her future and not the past which was centered entirely around Daniel.

  However, sleep didn’t free Alisha of her thoughts of Daniel. Instead, she dreamed about making love with him Christmas Day. All she saw and felt was Daniel. And she knew that would never change. There would never be another man in her life. She left her heart and soul with Daniel. But she still had Vermont and its marvelous ski slopes.

  Alisha had always loved Vermont ever since she’d first gone there to ski on a high school

  sponsored trip. She found her first time on skis exhilarating and she learned it quite easily. By the time the trip was over, she was on the intermediary slopes. She loved the feeling she got whizzing down a hill at breakneck speed. On her second ski trip, she graduated to the expert trails.

  When she had to decide where she’d live out whatever years she had left, she chose Burlington, Vermont for its skiing and trauma hospital, The University of Vermont Medical Center.

  * * *

  After Alisha had left him without an explanation, Daniel attempted to find solace in the bottle. By the following day, though, reality and a humongous hangover brought him to back down to earth. It was obvious what he was doing wasn’t a suitable solution and it certainly wouldn’t bring Alisha back.

  He can only hope that whatever caused her to leave would be rectified; she’d come to her senses and return home to him. However, he feared that might take too long, so he considered hiring a private investigator to try and locate her. That idea brought a half smile to his face. Then

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  SOFTLY AS I LEAVE YOU

  he could confront her and convince her that whatever was wrong could be solved. Nothing was irreparable. Their love was that strong.

  Daniel hired an investigator, but the end result was disappointing. Alisha hadn’t left a paper trail by not using any of her credit cards and no one at her former employment seemed to know where she’d gone. She could be anywhere. The only sliver of hope he held on to at this point was that she’d miss him enough to eventually return.

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  CANDY CAINE

  Chapter 9

  But Alisha did not return. The months came and went and still Daniel missed her more and more. He’d never felt the way he felt about her with anyone else. There would never be another woman to fill his heart with love like Alisha. To ease the pain of losing her, he threw himself into his business, working practically day and night and his efforts paid off. He only slept when necessary and when he did his dreams were of Alisha.

  What was worse for him was knowing that Christmas was coming. No longer did it symbolize joy for Daniel. Instead, the first Christmas carols played in the stores or on the radio sharpened the somber emptiness he felt without Alisha. He no longer believed she’d be back. He began to doubt that she ever loved him as much as he loved her. If she had, she would've have left him. She had simply vanished. It was as if she'd never lived with him for nearly a year. He thought he knew her. Now in retrospect, he realized that he’d never known her at all.

  Daniel attempted to understand why she left. They’d seemed so happy together. Unless of course, she had been a consummate actress. Things had changed right after her father's funeral. What had happened in New Jersey? He tortured himself thinking how things might have turned out differently had he accompanies her.

  However, all this preoccupation with what could've been circled his conscious and unconscious mind like water circling the drain. It was an endless loop of depressing thoughts that always weighed him down. And the depression was worsening now that Christmas was coming. He had to get away— as if he can free himself from his mind and the ghost of Alisha. Skiing down snow-laden trails could lift anyone's spirits so he booked a weekend at a ski lodge in Burlington, Vermont. He couldn't bring himself to go to the same one where he met Alisha. The memories would be too painful.

  * * *

  Alisha settled in quite nicely in Burlington. She was able to get a job at the Vermont Medical

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  SOFTLY AS I LEAVE YOU

  Center, which handled major trauma cases. Now in her element, she could immerse herself in her new job and try to forget Daniel. As if she ever could.

  She hadn’t wanted to hurt Daniel. However, if she stayed with him, she’d end up being an albatross around his neck. As time went on he would have to wash and dress her, and change her soiled diapers. She thought it best to leave before any of this happened. He deserved a better life with love and happiness. Though she wanted him to move on, the thought of calling and having another woman answer the phone would shred her heart. Therefore, there had to be no contact.

  The joy she once felt during the Christmas season was gone. Instead of being happy and wanting to celebrate, she found herself wrapped in a cocoon of anguish. She never felt as wretched and she did now. And, if ever she wanted to contact Daniel, to tell him how much she still loved him and needed him, she did now. But she wouldn't give into her own weaknesses. She had chosen this path and she would travel it, for better or worse. But that didn't stop her from feeling desolate and bereft. Therefore, in her work she found mindless solidity that helped camouflage the deep despair of loneliness.

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  CANDY CAINE

  Chapter 10

  Randy Howard was a veteran state trooper. Lately, he’d been doubly watching his six since a fellow officer had been gunned down following a routine traffic stop.. The thought of early retirement was becoming more and more attractive, lately.

  Tonight, with the reports of a possible storm, he was extra vigilant. Only the crazies would be out. Right on cue, large snowflakes began to hit his windshield. He pulled into a small coffee shop and ordered a large coffee and a slice of pie. His wife, Andrea, would give him hell if she knew. However, you only get to go around this life once and he was hungry.

  As he sipped his coffee, which was piping hot, he looked outside. There was little traffic and fewer people than normal wear out and about. For once, were they actually taking the weather advisory seriously?

  Finished with his late snack, Howard cleaned off the windshield of his cruiser and got back inside. He drove out of town to a major crossroad and parked leaving the windshield wipers on. The snowfall had thickened and was now coming down hard. Someone truly had to be crazy to go driving tonight. Then he thought of the avid skiers who might be coming
to take advantage of the newly fallen snow and shook his head.

  As if to add credence to his thoughts, a small Jeep came lumbering down the unplowed road heading straight for one of the ski lodges.

  “Dumbass,” Howard murmured allowed as he watched the Jeep several more moments.

  Suddenly, a large buck came charging out of the woods and darted in front of the Jeep. The driver saw the animal and swerved hard to avoid hitting it, but the Jeep skidded and flipped over.

  “Jesus H. Christ!” Howard muttered. He called the accident in and drove over to the Jeep. He got out and attempted to peer through the Jeep’s tinted windows, to see if the person inside was still alive.

  * * *

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  SOFTLY AS I LEAVE YOU

  Emily Crocker took the call from the incoming ambulance. Alisha saw the expression on her face and knew it was bad.

  “Listen up everyone,” Emily began, “Incoming, estimated arrival time seven minutes. Auto accident. Victim had to be extricated from car. Fracture of collarbone and legs. Concussed and possible internal bleeding.”

  “With this horrid weather, I doubt this will be the only accident victim,” Alisha said. Unfortunately, people are crazy enough to drive in this weather.”

  “Amen,” Dr. Weber said walking into the room. “Alisha, Mary, and Joe, you’ll assist me with this.”

  “They’re pulling up now,” Emily alerted them.

  The doors whooshed open as two EMTs pushed the gurney inside. A bloodied, unconscious male attached to an intravenous line lay strapped on top.

  As Alisha, Mary, Joe, and Dr. Weber situated themselves around the gurney, Weber said, “On my count. One, two, three.” They lifted the man deftly onto a hospital gurney.

  Alisha looked at the man’s face and cried out. “No, it can’t be.”

  All eyes turned to Alisha as the doctor asked, “Do you know this man?”

  Alisha’s lips trembled. She was trying to compute what her eyes were telling her. Though her throat had constricted, she was able to force through one word. “Yes.”

  “Can you continue or do you want to be replaced? This is no time for sentimentality,” Dr. Weber barked.

  Alisha nodded and told him, “I’m fine.” Then swallowing her fear, she allowed her nursing to take over. This was Daniel and she had to help save him. As she assisted the doctor, she silently she prayed for God to spare Daniel. At that moment, she would’ve traded her soul to make him whole again.

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  CANDY CAINE

  Chapter 11

  As Daniel lay in recovery, Alisha thought long and hard what she was going to do when he became conscious. There was a chance that she’d be off duty when that happened and he’d be eventually transferred to a room never knowing she was ever there. He was very lucky to come out of that accident with only contusions and broken bones. How easy would it be for her to let him go back to New York none the wiser?

  Daniel once told her that things happen for a reason. She had met him after causing him to fall on a ski slope and breaking his leg. Did he have this car accident for them to get back together again? But, how could she reenter his life when nothing had changed? She still had the same possibility of developing Huntington Disease.

  Now looking at Daniel in the hospital bed, tears filled her eyes. Her love for him was still as strong as it was when she left. How could she bear to let him go again? Oh Lord, give me the strength to find an answer.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Dr. Weber asked.

  Alisha nearly jumped. She had no idea how long Dr. Weber had been standing there.

  Normally, Alisha would’ve kept quiet and keep her problems to herself. But this time she was so distraught that she needed to talk to someone.

  Dr. Weber took her into his office, a small room off the ER, and poured her a cup of coffee. She told him everything including the possibility of having Huntington Disease. He said nothing but just sat there with his fingers tented, until she was finished.

  “Alisha, you’ve got the wrong end of the stick in some respects. If you do not carry the defective gene, there is no possibility of your child inheriting it.”

  Alisha gasped as the doctor continued. “The twenty-five percent probability is only used if the doctor is not able to determine if the parent has inherited the gene from his or her parent. And today, there are strides being made to extend a better quality of life to some Huntington sufferers.

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  SOFTLY AS I LEAVE YOU

  It seems to me that you have only one way to go with this—,take the test and find out for certain whether or not the gene had been passed on to you. If you’re lucky, and I pray that you are, you can continue with a normal life and have normal children. In any case, you should consider reuniting with Daniel. Don’t throw away the love you have for this man. And for all you know, he’ll still want you just as much even if you have inherited the gene.”

  Alisha thanked the doctor for his advice, but she was still unsure whether or not she had the courage to take the blood test. Suppose she was afflicted and Daniel stayed with her out of pity? Then she thought of Daniel lying in that bed and all the hurt she must’ve caused him. If only she had a chance to undo it... How many times had she said that?

  * * *

  The following evening, Alisha sat and watched Daniel sleep. Her heart swelled with joy and

  relief having received the results of the blood test earlier. Now she prayed that he still loved her

  and would forgive her for what she’d done.

  His eyelids fluttered and he slowly opened his eyes. Then he saw her and instantly became

  wide awake. Intense astonishment touched his pale face. “Alisha?” He said his voice hoarse.

  “And I dreaming or are you really there?”

  Alisha took his hand in hers and kissed it. “I’m here and I’m never going to leave you again,”

  she said as tears spilled down her cheeks. “Please say you forgive me and still love me.”

  He looked at her, his eyes wet, and replied, “I never stopped loving you. Why did you leave

  me?”

  And Alisha told him.

  “So why did you decide to finally take the blood test now?” Daniel asked.

  “Because of you.”

  His brow furrowed. “I don’t understand.”

  “You once told me that things happen for a reason.”

  He nodded.

  “Well, you could’ve ended up in any hospital, but you ended up here where I work. It was

  fate. It’s too bad that you didn’t have a sprain or stub your toe instead of a car accident, though.”

  Daniel tried to laugh but started to cough. She gave him some water and he settled down.

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  CANDY CAINE

  Tears refilled Alisha’s eyes. “I will do whatever it takes for us to be together again. Quit my job—”

  “Not necessary. My job is portable and I can do it anywhere. Vermont seems as good a place as any,” Daniel said, his blue eyes shining with love.

  Alisha leaned over and kissed him with all the love she could muster. They would be together again for Christmas this year and next year and the year after that.

  The End

  44

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  CANDY CAINE

  Because of You

  by Candy Caine

  The shifting of her husband’s body on the mattress woke Jill Stone in time to catch him getting

  out of bed. It was her first Saturday off from work in months and she’d hoped they’d be spending

  it together.

  “Come back to bed soon,” she whispered, focusing on his delectable tight
ass as he walked

  with nonchalant grace toward the bathroom. Jill was definitely ready for some good morning

  loving.

  Adam stopped and turned to face her. She felt the heat in her body rise as she took in his

  enticing morning erection. “Can’t. I’m heading into the office today.”

  Jill groaned disappointedly. “Not today of all days.”

  “Why not? Somebody’s got to make a decent living.”

  That remark wounded Jill on so many levels. The very fact that Adam chose to work rather

  than spend some quality time with her was bad enough. But his insinuation that she didn’t help

  pull her own weight made her feel insignificant.

  All remnants of sleep had been swept away and Jill was now wide awake—and steaming.

  Her amber-colored eyes narrowed. “That’s an unfair remark.”

  “Really? Do you honestly think we could survive on your salary alone?”

  “I don’t want to get into an argument. All I want is for us to do something together for a

  change.”

  “Didn’t we sleep together last night?”

  “If you meant in the same bed, yeah,” she said with cold sarcasm.

  Adam ignored what she’d said. “Why wouldn’t I go into work today?”

  BECAUSE OF YOU

  “Because it’s Saturday and the first one that I have off in such a long time. Most people don’t work on Saturday unless they really have to. And I doubt you really have to—”

  Adam thrust out his hand to stop her. “Please don’t start that tired old argument with me today, Jill. I’m not in the mood to hear how unfulfilled you feel.”