Any Given Lifetime

by Leta Blake

  Suddenly, mid-thrust, Joshua reached up and grabbed Neil’s face in both hands, staring at him, “You look so young. Like a kid. But when I look at you, all I see is Neil.”

  “I’m old,” Neil said. “Believe me. Older than you. Older than this body will ever be.” Neil turned his head, kissed Joshua’s fingers, and sucked one into this mouth, watching Joshua’s eyes roll up a little. Then he guided Joshua’s hand down his back, spreading his legs enough to give Joshua room. He dropped his head back with a groan as the tip of Joshua’s finger pierced his tight hole. So good—so right—a circuit between them. In and out, and in again, Joshua moved his finger, as Neil thrust his cock into Joshua.

  Neil sucked at Joshua’s sweaty neck, and listened to Joshua’s sounds—noisy and desperate, grunts, whimpers, words of love and amazement. Each of them ricocheted within him with an answering lust. He’d known Joshua would be vocal in bed. He’d been right.

  “Can I fuck you?” Joshua asked, and looked shocked by his question.

  Neil swallowed. He barely remembered ever being fucked—a few times in his previous life, but never in this one—and he realized that he wanted Joshua to do it. He wanted Joshua to be the first. “If you want that,” Neil said, feeling the strength of Joshua’s limbs, wondering if he’d have the urge to fight Joshua off when he was penetrated as he remembered he had with the one man he’d let do it in the past. The only way to know was to see.

  “Now?” Joshua asked.

  Neil groaned, forced himself to pull free of Joshua’s body, and then passed a condom to Joshua, watching him slide it on. Neil prepared his own ass with a couple of fingers, some lube, and a few good twists. Joshua’s cock was hard and Neil wanted to feel that hard length press inside of him, take him in a way he hadn’t been taken in this lifetime. It would be the physical manifestation of just how owned he was by Joshua, and had been for his entire life.

  Joshua’s chest heaved as he held his cock steady, and Neil realized that he’d been so involved in fucking Joshua, feeling him, that he hadn’t had a good look at his body—his toned abs, his tight nipples, and still-youthful build. Nanites had kept Joshua young, and while Neil was pretty sure he’d have felt this intense attraction and need for Joshua no matter how old he’d become in the time it took Neil to grow up again, the additional life-span overwhelmed Neil with a sense of gratitude and desperate joy in his work. Nanites would keep Joshua with him until Neil was able to let him go.

  Neil straddled Joshua’s hips, gripped Joshua’s shoulders, and stared into his eyes as he pushed against Joshua’s cock. His asshole stretched and burned, and then clamped down. He cried out, freezing in place, his body rebelling against the intrusion. Joshua’s hands moved on his lower back, soothing, rubbing.

  With trembling thighs, Neil tried once more. His cock jerked and spurted a shot of pre-come as the delicious sensation of Joshua’s cock filling his ass rocked through him.

  Joshua felt pulled in every direction. His ass ached with an empty, thudding need for Neil’s cock, and his own dick was enveloped in the tightest, hottest, slickest clench he’d ever known. His heart felt on the verge of exploding with joy, lust, and ecstatic disbelief that bordered on mania. He couldn’t stop marveling at the young, scrawny, commanding kid riding him. Neil was so self-assured that he’d taken full control, swiveling his hips and holding Joshua steady with surprisingly strong hands as he powered them both toward orgasm again.

  And yet, despite Neil’s unlined face and underdeveloped body, there was no doubt in Joshua’s mind that the kid was Neil. His Neil, returned to him by the sheer force of Neil’s will. It was the only explanation that Joshua could understand.

  Joshua didn’t know if it was lust, or the shock of it all, but it took him several long, violently good minutes of being ridden like he was a mechanical bull before it occurred to Joshua that there was something about the determined set of Neil’s mouth, and the way his body moved almost desperately, that said Neil had probably never done this before—at least not in this life. Joshua put his hands on Neil’s slim hips and forced him to slow down, bringing his knees up to cradle Neil from behind, and hold him more firmly still.

  “Hey, hey, take it slow,” Joshua said.

  Neil’s eyes sparked with pride and a bit of determined anger. “Don’t treat me like a virgin, Joshua. I’ve got it. I can handle it.”

  “Don’t hurt yourself.”

  Neil snorted. “Hate to break it to you—you feel great—but you’re not so big that my flexible orifice can’t take you on.”

  Joshua ran a hand slowly up Neil’s chest, tweaking his small nipples, before gripping him around the back of the neck and pulling him down for a kiss. “You’ve proven that,” he said against Neil’s lips, suddenly understanding Neil’s vulnerability, his need to show Joshua that he was worth the twenty-year wait. He almost laughed, but he kissed him slowly and lazily instead. “Slow it down. I waited for this—for you—and I want to feel you from the inside for a long time. If you keep riding me like that, I’ll come in seconds.”

  Neil’s eyes flashed, and he whispered, “You waited? I had to grow up again. It’s been agony.”

  But it got deliriously good after that, with Joshua grinding into Neil’s body as they kissed. He whispered in shocked amazement that this was real, this was happening. Neil made small, urgent noises with each thrust, and Joshua wrapped his arms more firmly around him, using his larger frame to roll them so that he was on top of Neil.

  Neil’s eyes were blown wide, and his lips were wet and trembling as Joshua gazed down at him, watching his face change with every pump of Joshua’s hips.

  “Christ, Joshua,” Neil whimpered.

  Joshua gripped his hands, holding them above Neil’s head, and rocked harder and faster into his delicious, hot, tight ass. The sweet pull drove him wild. Joshua kissed Neil, trembling as their tongues met, and they tangled together—Neil’s thin arms and legs wrapped urgently around Joshua’s body, his heels banging against Joshua’s ass cheeks. His tongue and lips twisting with Joshua’s, as Joshua’s cock slammed into his ass, and Joshua’s stomach rubbed against Neil’s hard cock.

  Suddenly, Neil lurched, and with surprising strength in his limbs, he pushed Joshua over, and rode him again for several long moments, before pulling off Joshua’s cock. Joshua groaned, but Neil kissed him quiet, as he rolled another condom onto himself, and then shoved Joshua’s legs up.

  “Gotta get in you again,” he said, as he pushed into Joshua’s ass, his head flinging back and his scrawny, long-limbed body flexing all over as he pumped and fucked Joshua with abandon.

  Joshua’s cock still wore the condom, and Neil shocked him by occasionally pulling out and then climbing up and sliding down on Joshua’s cock to ride for a few minutes. Then he’d climb between Joshua’s legs to lose control fucking him again. Both of them clawed at the sheets, clawed at each other, and when Neil finally yelled and came hard, he bit down on Joshua’s shoulder, leaving a mark that he lathed with his tongue as he jerked Joshua off several shaky minutes later.

  “We should talk,” Neil said breathlessly. “You’ll want to talk.”

  Joshua nodded mutely, but neither of them said anything, staring at each other, touching, and kissing. It wasn’t more than a few minutes before Joshua, shivering as Neil licked his nipples while putting on a fresh condom, moaned in disbelief as Neil pressed inside again. Neil’s hard cock throbbed like a pulse in Joshua’s tender ass.

  But Neil barely moved, settling in on top of Joshua, kissing his mouth, whispering in his ear words that Joshua believed despite the absurdity of them, and when Neil said what Joshua had waited twenty years to hear—I love you, I’ll never go away again—Joshua almost started crying, until Neil noticed and fucked that urge away.

  Chapter Twenty

  If Neil had been asked how it would go if he and Joshua ever did manage to come together during this lifetime, he would’ve first said that was an impossible dream. But if it wasn’t impossible for some reaso
n, then it would be a long, arduous process of explaining everything he knew about reincarnation, telling Joshua everything he remembered from his prior life, and eventually winning Joshua’s trust and belief.

  He had never been so glad to be wrong. Even if everything seemed precarious and delicate, he could see in Joshua’s eyes that there was no regret—at least not yet. Also, they couldn’t seem to stay clothed at all. An hour earlier, Neil had finally rolled out of bed, insisting that he needed to call in to cancel work on the project at least for the rest of the day, arrange for a substitute to teach his professor’s evening classes, and, at the very least, check his email. Instead, he’d barely gotten to his feet before Joshua was sucking his cock, and then Neil had shoved Joshua back onto the bed overcome with the need to press into Joshua’s body again in every way that he could.

  “I love you,” Joshua said now, still panting, kissing Neil’s neck and ear. “I do. I love you.”

  Neil smiled, his cock pulling out of Joshua’s ass as Joshua rolled over onto his back. Neil rested his elbows on either side of Joshua’s head and ran his hands over Joshua’s hair, threading his fingers through it and tugging softly. Joshua grinned up at him.

  “That’s a little sudden, don’t you think, Mr. Stouder? Last time, I recall you needed…time. Lots and lots of time. Don’t rush things on my account. Though, given this”—Neil gestured to their naked, come-covered bodies—“I guess it’s a little late to say we’re going to take it slow.”

  Joshua’s eyes shaded darker. “When I lost you, I figured out that taking things slow is pretty stupid.”

  Neil ran his thumb over Joshua’s lips.

  Joshua took hold of his hand and moved it away, squeezing. “I didn’t do things slow for a long time after that. I worked as hard and as fast as I could, and when I met Lee….”

  That brought all kinds of weird feelings to the surface. Neil didn’t want to seem jealous. He wanted to be gracious, accepting, but some part of him still wanted Joshua to have always been his, even if that wasn’t right and wasn’t fair. He didn’t want to be that guy, though, so he prompted, “When you met Lee…?”

  “Well, when we started dating, anyway…I didn’t wait very long. A few days.” Joshua sounded guilty.

  “Good,” Neil said, and it was easy, because seeing Joshua look ashamed, like he’d done something wrong or like he was afraid Neil would be angry over his choice to be happy made him want to wipe that fear away. “Sparing a man the blue balls I suffered could only be a kindness.”

  Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say, though, because Joshua looked devastated.

  “Hey, what? I was joking. Why do you look…?” Neil waved at Joshua’s face, and he felt his own expression bending into the newly familiar shape of panic. “Don’t do that. Whatever you’re doing—don’t.”

  Joshua shook his head, and his eyelids fluttered a little, and Neil was horrified when a tear slid down one side of Joshua’s face.

  “No,” Neil whispered. “That’s not….”

  Joshua put a finger to Neil’s lips. “I’m not the same Joshua, you know?”

  Neil shook his head, a sudden fear ripping through him. What if he’d mucked it up already? “I don’t care,” he said. “I just want you.” It would sound ridiculous to him in any other situation, but the extenuating circumstances imbued his next statement with undeniable truth. “I’ve only ever wanted you.”

  Joshua looked horribly sad, and Neil felt like everything that had been so easy, so right just moments ago might crumble. He didn’t know if he should scramble to salvage it, or freeze and hope nothing else happened to make it truly fall apart.

  “There’s been too much time between then and now,” Joshua said. “Too much has happened to both of us to not take it seriously, Neil.”

  “I know. It’s…it’s what I do when…I don’t know what else to do.”

  Joshua nodded. “It is.”

  “I love you,” Neil said. “I’ve always loved you. And I’ll love you….” He trailed off and swallowed hard. Joshua’s hand came up and brushed against the side of his face before moving into his hair. “I can’t ever stop loving you. I tried. It didn’t work.”

  Joshua’s expression went impossibly softer, and he pulled Neil down for another kiss.

  Neil was urgent in his relief. He’d felt like there was a moment when it had crossed Joshua’s mind that this, what they had now, might not work. That maybe too much had happened, too much had changed. And those were fears Neil could not let cross Joshua’s mind ever again, not even for a minute, because the idea of going back to a life without Joshua’s physical presence in it was entirely unfathomable now.

  When he grabbed another condom from the roll on the bedside table, Joshua moaned a little and said, “Neil, I’m too sore. I don’t think I can.”

  Neil kissed his mouth as he pressed the condom into Joshua’s hand. He felt Joshua’s response under him, shaking with anticipation as understanding dawned. Neil didn’t have many regrets about fucking Derek for two years, mainly because it had refreshed his memory of sex and how to make it good, but right at the moment he regretted that he couldn’t in good conscience let Joshua screw him without a condom. He was almost certain he was free of STDs, but he couldn’t risk it.

  Joshua whispered, “Let me get you ready.”

  Neil nodded and let Joshua rise up to flip him over, surrendering to Joshua, giving himself over, and he hoped that Joshua would understand. He loved him. He didn’t know what else to do.

  Another hour later, Neil passed a plate with a PB&J sandwich on it over the kitchen table to Joshua. He thought Joshua had gotten his message loud and clear, because there hadn’t been even the smallest hint of doubt on Joshua’s face since that slow, passionate joining. Neil closed his eyes, remembering vividly how the pressure of Joshua’s cock against his prostate had made him feel like he had to have a hand on his cock or he’d die, and the way he’d jerked himself off frantically as Joshua had fucked into him, taking his time. Joshua hadn’t been able to come again, but he’d kissed Neil with so much tenderness and love that Neil had nearly lost it, still feeling vulnerable and open from being fucked, and from his fourth orgasm of the day.

  They still hadn’t talked about what they were doing, what happened next, or anything like that. Neil wasn’t sure when they would, but he knew the subject had to be broached. The sooner, the better. They were both busy men and had people who relied on them. They couldn’t live in this in-between world of discovering each other for long.

  Neil sat down gingerly on the opposite side of the small table and took a bite out of his sandwich, ravenous.

  Joshua smiled at him. “Still have terrible table manners, huh?”

  “What are you talking about? I’m the epitome of politeness.”

  “Right.” Joshua cleared his throat and took a sip of water. “So…I guess we should talk.”

  Neil nodded, taking another bite of sandwich. He spoke around the wad of peanut butter and bread, “Sure. But let me warn you—I don’t have a clue, either. I mean, I was born this way. That’s all I know.” Neil shook his head, feeling frustrated that he didn’t have more to offer Joshua than that.

  “Who knows about this? Aside from me—and Derek,” Joshua’s voice held a strange note, and Neil looked up, curious.

  “My mother. That’s it.”

  “Your mother. Of course.” Joshua nodded, but his eyes were off to the side. “You must have a lot of faith in him—Derek—to tell him something this strange.” Joshua’s tone was one of forced casualness, and Neil blinked.

  “He’s my friend. Probably the only friend I’ve ever had. This time around, anyway,” Neil said. “But that’s all he is.”

  “A friend,” Joshua said, taking a bite of his sandwich and looking around the apartment. “And that’s it?”

  Neil felt a flutter of anxiety in his chest. He frowned and said, “You only just showed up on the scene today. I didn’t expect you here today, much less in naked in
my bed, so…yes. I messed around with my roommate.” His voice pitched up nervously, betraying him. “Is that going to be a big problem?”

  “Neil, I just…I need to know—”

  “You’re the only one I want,” Neil said in a rush. He wasn’t about to play coy now. That would be ridiculous. “He’s my friend, but if it’s between you and him, or hell, you and anything in the world, I’ll take you. Every time. I’ve waited my whole life to be with you. I’ve wanted you forever. I can’t be more clear, Joshua.”

  Joshua looked shell-shocked again, and then he leaned forward and said, “I need to know everything. Start at the beginning.”

  “Well, it all started out with the Big Bang, and after a few hundred thousand years, galaxies started to form—”

  “Neil.”

  “Honestly, that about sums up what I know. It’s all so much mumbo jumbo.” Neil smiled and felt a bubble of laughter in his throat, and he was relieved to see it echoed in Joshua’s expression. “But, okay, give me a starting place. What do you want to know?”

  “Did you always know?”

  “Yes.”

  Joshua’s eyebrows went up. “Really? Always?”

  “Always. My first memory from this life is from before I could walk. I was angry—enraged—wanting you, knowing how scared you must be, and wanting to get back to you.”

  “Oh my God.” Joshua’s voice was quiet.

  “Yeah. Tell me about it. Alice—my mother—she had it pretty rough dealing with me growing up. I wasn’t normal. She put up with a lot.”