Room on the Porch Swing

by Amy Clipston

  To his surprise, Rudy nodded. “You’re right.”

  “Allen!” Laura called down the stairs. “Mollie is ready for bed. Do you want me to tuck her in?”

  “I’ll be right there.” Allen looked back at Rudy once more and then climbed the stairs.

  He stepped into Mollie’s room, where his daughter stood in the crib, clad in a pink onesie as she held on to the railing.

  “Did you see her presents?” Laura turned toward him and gestured toward the bed. “Cindy carried them up here for me. Did you see the quilt she made for Mollie?”

  “I did see it. It’s schee.” He stepped over to her and touched the quilt. “She’s talented.”

  “She is. She inherited Mamm’s talent for sewing.” She snapped her fingers. “That’s what I forgot to tell you. I made Mollie a few dresses this week. I found Savilla’s fabric in the sewing room, and after taking a short nap, I worked on them a little each afternoon while Mollie finished sleeping. I wanted to make her five for her birthday, but I only completed two.” She pointed to the closet. “I hung them up. I also mended two of your shirts that had holes in them. I put them in your dresser. I hope that’s okay.”

  “That’s really generous of you.” He searched her eyes but found no sign of sadness or anger. Was she hiding her resentment toward Rudy? Or had she truly forgiven him?

  She gave him a shy smile. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

  “Nothing.” He shook his head.

  “I was going to carry the toys downstairs and put them in the schtupp, but I got sidetracked with her bath.”

  “It’s fine.” He motioned toward her crib. “I’ll take care of her. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all you’ve done to make Mollie froh.”

  Her pretty face lit up in a smile. “Gern gschehne.”

  “Go spend some time with Rudy. Enjoy what’s left of the evening.” His stomach soured as he said Rudy’s name.

  Laura waved at Mollie. “Gut nacht, mei liewe. Happy birthday. Ich liebe dich.”

  Mollie reached for him. He took her in his arms, and she touched his chest and looked up at him. “Dat.”

  “That’s right,” he whispered, his voice thick.

  Mollie touched Laura’s shoulder and looked up at her. “Lala.”

  Laura gasped and her eyes shimmered. She touched Mollie’s cheek.

  When Laura looked up at Allen, their gazes locked. His breath hitched in his chest, and the air around them shifted. He nearly gasped as something electric passed between them. Had she felt it too? His heart thumped, and he stared into her striking eyes, losing himself in her gorgeous pools of blue. Once again, he felt the invisible magnet pulling him to her.

  What does this mean? Laura belongs to Rudy.

  “Are you ready to go?” Rudy’s voice crashed through Allen’s trance.

  He took a step back and turned toward the doorway.

  “Ya,” Laura said. “I was just saying good night. I’m sorry for taking so long.” She kissed Mollie’s head. “I’ll see you Monday.” Then she looked up at Allen. “Gut nacht.”

  “Gut nacht,” he echoed.

  “Have a gut night.” Rudy gave him a half-hearted wave.

  “You too,” Allen said. “Be safe going home.”

  Laura smiled before following Rudy out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

  Allen held Mollie against his chest and swallowed the urge to ask Laura to stay so they could discuss these confusing feelings.

  He sank into the rocking chair and closed his eyes. He was losing his mind. He had to stop these crazy notions about Laura before they ruined his friendship with Rudy, Laura, and her family. The only way to cleanse his mind was to ask God for help.

  As he began to rock Mollie, he opened his mind and began to pray.

  God, please help me redirect my thoughts. I’m confused, and I don’t know how to stop having inappropriate feelings for Laura. She’s important to Mollie and me, but I can’t risk losing her by convincing myself I have feelings for her. Please cleanse my thoughts and mind and help me stay focused on being the father Mollie needs. Please also help Rudy learn how to be the man Laura deserves in her life.

  “Dat.”

  Mollie’s little voice pulled him from his fervent prayer. He kissed the top of her head as a vision of Savilla’s beautiful face filled his mind. His heart seemed to squeeze.

  “Your mamm would’ve loved to be here to celebrate your special day,” he whispered as he moved the chair back and forth. “Your mamm loved you so much. If only you could remember her.”

  Overwhelming grief lodged in his throat, making it impossible to say more. Pulling in a deep, shuddering breath through his nose, Allen closed his eyes, rested his cheek on Mollie’s head, and stemmed the tears that threatened to pour. Mollie would celebrate many more birthdays without her mother by her side, and he had to be strong for her.

  Laura’s thoughts spun as she sat beside Rudy. She wrung her hands and stared out the window as the streetlights cast eerie shadows inside the dark buggy. The intense interaction with Allen replayed in her mind, and confusion rocked her to her core. Had Allen felt the same unnerving energy flaring between them as they stood so close to each other? She’d never felt that kind of spark with Rudy. Had she imagined it?

  Suddenly she remembered how Allen’s soft voice had sent shivers down her spine earlier in the day. What was happening between her and Allen? And what would Savilla say? She swallowed a groan.

  “I’m truly sorry,” Rudy said, breaking through her thoughts. “I’ve been terrible to you, and you deserve better.” He gave her a sideways glance, his expression full of contrition. “I hope you won’t give up on me.”

  Laura cringed as guilt replaced her confusion. “I would never give up on you.”

  “Gut.” He trained his eyes on the road. “After we talked in the bathroom, I walked downstairs and Allen was waiting for me. He said some things that made me realize how awful I’ve been.”

  “What did he say?” She braced herself for his response.

  “He reminded me that you and Allen are freinden, and he also pointed out that I haven’t been a gut freind to him since Savilla died.” He sighed. “He reminded me that he needs your help and it’s only temporary. He said your relationship is platonic and he’d never risk your reputation by making your friendship anything more than just that. He also mentioned Savilla has only been gone ten months and he’s not ready for a relationship and would never disrespect her memory that way.”

  “Right.” How could she even think about Allen as anything more than a friend when Savilla hadn’t been gone a year?

  “Then he said I need to be a better boyfriend. I need to cherish you instead of cutting you down, and he’s right.” He frowned as he turned toward her. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”

  Laura’s lower lip trembled. Allen had defended her and told Rudy to treat her better. Appreciation flowed through her veins. Allen was such a good man. Savilla was so blessed to call him her husband, even for such a short period of time.

  “Are you okay?” Rudy asked.

  “Ya.” She nodded and sniffed. “I’m just very grateful to hear you say that.”

  “I should have realized it sooner. You’ve been trying to get through to me, and I’ve been too focused on myself to see the truth in what you were saying.” He turned back toward the road. “I’ll make it up to you. Please just give me a chance.” His eyes were hopeful. “Will you give me a chance, Laura?”

  “Of course I will.”

  “Danki. I won’t let you regret it.”

  As Rudy guided the horse down the street toward her house, Laura settled back into the bench seat and stared out the window. A vision of Allen staring down at her in Mollie’s bedroom filled her mind again, and she rubbed her temple. She had to abandon all her inappropriate thoughts of Allen and focus on being a better girlfriend to Rudy. She couldn’t throw away their last four years together, even if her heart seemed to crave Allen and his kind
words. Savilla would be so disappointed if she knew Laura was attracted to him.

  Laura turned toward Rudy and took in his handsome profile. Perhaps she and Rudy could finally be happy. She turned back toward the windshield and spotted her family’s farm ahead of them. Everything would be just fine as long as she had faith.

  But as she crossed her arms over her chest, Laura tried her best to dismiss the doubt that remained. In a couple of months, Irma Mae would be well, and Allen and Mollie’s life would be back to normal. How would Laura move on with her life without daily visits with Allen and Mollie?

  TWENTY-ONE

  The warm September breeze bounced the ties to Laura’s prayer covering off her shoulders as she stepped onto the rock driveway at the Smuckers’ farm. She searched for Allen’s buggy, but then she spotted Allen carrying Mollie and coming toward her. She grinned and waved. “Gude mariye!”

  “Hi, Laura!” Allen set Mollie on the ground. “Go get Lala.”

  Mollie squealed and then waddled toward her, her smile wide. “Lala! Lala!”

  Laura laughed as she bent down, holding her arms out. During the past four weeks, Mollie had begun walking by herself and tottering all around the house and yard while pushing her corn popper or a small, plastic doll carriage Laura had found for her at a yard sale.

  The month had flown by. Mollie had started sleeping through the night, but Laura continued staying at Allen’s on weeknights. He’d confessed Mollie cried for her on weekends, and Laura knew he’d never be able to work safely if his daughter kept him from sleeping during the week too. Still, Laura had been careful not to allow herself to have intimate conversations with Allen. Instead, she’d focused on trying to improve her relationship with Rudy. They scheduled one night a week as their date night, eating supper together, and then they saw each other on Saturdays and Sundays. Laura was happy Rudy had been more attentive and kind to her. She’d noticed him talking to Allen more at church too. It seemed Rudy was trying to be a better boyfriend to her as well as a better friend to Allen.

  But when she was with Rudy, she still couldn’t shake the feeling that things between them would never go back to the way they were before her mother died. It was as if Rudy still distanced himself from her, or maybe she had distanced herself from him.

  “Look at you!” Laura scooped Mollie up and kissed her cheek. “You’re awfully schee in that purple dress.”

  “It’s one of the ones you made for her.” Allen joined them. “How are you today?”

  “I’m fine.” She smiled up at him, taking in his baby-blue eyes. “You look well rested.”

  “I am. She slept well last night.” He touched Mollie’s leg.

  “That’s great. Hopefully that means she’s finally stopped crying for me on the weekends. Do you want me to hold her during the church service?”

  “No, danki. I’ll handle her. You have her all week.”

  “I don’t mind. Right, Mollie?” Laura nuzzled her close. “You’re my special girl.”

  “Mollie!” Kayla, flanked by Cindy and Elsie Zook, approached. “Look at you in that schee dress. How are you today?”

  Mollie moaned and hid her face in the crook of Laura’s neck as Laura laughed.

  Allen reached for Mollie. “Do you want me to take her?”

  “No.” Mollie scrunched up her face and glared at Allen. “Lala.” Then she snuggled closer to Laura’s chest.

  Laura’s eyes widened as Kayla, Elsie, and Cindy gasped in unison.

  “I think she told you,” Laura said, trying in vain to suppress a snicker.

  “She certainly did.” Elsie glanced down at her infant sleeping in her arms. “I wonder if Lily Rose will be that outspoken.”

  Allen seemed to be at a loss for words. “Well, let me know when you get tired of her, and I’ll take her off your hands.”

  “I will.” Laura took the diaper bag from him and hefted it over her shoulder.

  “Allen!” Jamie called and then waved.

  Allen jammed his thumb toward where the men stood by the barn. “I’m going to go see Jamie.”

  “Okay.” Laura swayed back and forth, rocking Mollie in her arms.

  Allen hesitated. “Are you sure you don’t want me to take her? She’s really heavy.”

  “I don’t mind.” Laura nodded toward the men. “Go.”

  “I’ll take her from you when church starts.”

  “You might have to pry her out of Laura’s arms,” Kayla quipped.

  Allen paused for a moment and then walked over to Jamie. The two men shook hands.

  Cindy touched Laura’s shoulder. “Let’s go visit in the kitchen.”

  As the women passed the group of men, she met Rudy’s gaze and smiled. He reciprocated with a half-smile. That left her wondering if he was upset with her, and a familiar thread of worry coursed through her. She thrust it away as she entered the kitchen and greeted other women in her church district. Mollie rested her head on Laura’s shoulder as she spoke to them.

  “Is that Mollie Lambert?” Ada Swarey, Rudy’s mother, asked as she approached Laura.

  “Ya.” Laura shifted so Ada could see Mollie’s face, but Mollie groaned and turned her face the other way. “She’s a little grumpy this morning. She’s usually more outgoing.”

  Ada touched Mollie’s head. “Look at those blond curls.”

  “They’re schee, aren’t they?” Laura gazed down at her. “Her hair is just a little lighter than Savilla’s. But she has Savilla’s beautiful face and smile. I definitely see her mamm when I look at her.”

  “How long have you been taking care of her now?” Ada asked.

  Laura shifted her weight on her feet. Why did that simple question make her so uneasy? “A little more than two months, I think.”

  Ada nodded. “How is Irma Mae doing?”

  “She’s getting better. She was able to leave the rehabilitation center and go home last week, but she still has daily physical therapy.”

  “Oh.” Ada nodded. “When you do think she’ll be able to take care of Mollie again?”

  “It probably won’t be for another month or so. She can’t lift anything heavy, and she can’t be on her feet for very long yet.”

  Mollie yawned and then buried her face in Laura’s shoulder again. Without thinking, Laura leaned down and kissed Mollie’s head.

  “She’s awfully attached to you, isn’t she?” Ada touched Mollie’s back. “And you’re attached to her too.”

  “Ya, I guess we’re attached to each other.” Laura rested her head on Mollie’s. “She’s all I have left of Savilla. I cherish her.”

  “Ada,” another woman in the community called. “Come hear about Sylvia’s dochder.”

  “I’ll see you later.” Ada gave her a stiff smile before walking to the other side of the kitchen.

  Laura turned to Cindy beside her. “Did you hear that conversation?”

  “I did.” Cindy nodded.

  “Why do you think she asked me so many questions?” Alarm washed over Laura. “Do you think Rudy had her question me?”

  “Are you and Rudy having problems?” Cindy asked.

  Laura shrugged as if her concerns weren’t eating her up inside. “Not really, but he still seems on edge sometimes. He hasn’t said anything, but I can just feel it. I can’t put my finger on what’s wrong, but sometimes it just doesn’t feel right.”

  Cindy started to respond, but she was interrupted by the chiming clock announcing it was nine. “Time to go,” she said when it stopped.

  Laura walked to the barn with Cindy, Kayla, and Elsie.

  When they stepped inside, Elsie turned to them. “See you after service.” Then she went to sit in the section with the other married women.

  As she looked at the married women’s section, Laura tried to ignore the splinter pricking at her soul. Mamm and Savilla used to sit with Elsie, but now Elsie sat between two women Laura didn’t know very well. Her heart ached for her mother and best friend. Why did God have to take them both within month
s of each other?

  Dismissing the unsettling thought, Laura shifted Mollie in her arms and moved to the section where the unmarried women sat.

  Suddenly Mollie turned and moaned. “Dat! Dat! Dat!” She reached toward where Allen sat on the other side of the barn next to Dat.

  Laura’s cheeks heated as she crossed the barn and approached him. “I think she wants you,” she said softly, and he stood and took his daughter.

  “Your arms need a break anyway.” He smiled as Mollie snuggled into his shoulder. “Danki.”

  “Gern gschehne.” She walked back to her section, her nerves standing on end and her cheeks still blazing as members of the congregation watched her. She sank onto the bench between Cindy and Kayla and set the diaper bag under the bench before smoothing her hands over her white apron and pink dress.

  Cindy leaned over to her. “You okay?”

  “Ya. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “Well, your cheeks are red.” Cindy tilted her head. “Are you embarrassed?”

  Laura nodded and picked up her hymnal, hoping her sister would let the subject go.

  “Why are you embarrassed?”

  “Everyone looked at me when I walked back over here.” Laura was careful to keep her voice low. “I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea about Allen and me.”

  “They weren’t staring at you, so don’t worry about it.” Cindy bumped her shoulder against Laura’s. “Don’t be gegisch. Is something else bothering you?”

  “No.” Laura glanced over to the unmarried young men’s section, where Rudy sat between Jamie and Mark. When his gaze sunk into hers, his lips thinned, sending a current of trepidation through her. Was he upset with her again? While they hadn’t argued in weeks, that familiar feeling of foreboding took hold. She forced a smile, and he looked away.

  The service began, and Laura joined in as the congregation slowly sang the opening hymn. A young man sitting across the barn served as the song leader. He began the first syllable of each line, and then the rest of the congregation joined in to finish the verse.