Room on the Porch Swing

by Amy Clipston

  While the ministers met in another room for thirty minutes to choose who would preach that day, the congregation continued to sing. During the last verse of the second hymn, Laura’s gaze moved to the back of the barn just as the ministers returned. They placed their hats on two hay bales, indicating the service was about to begin.

  The chosen minister began the first sermon, and Laura tried her best to concentrate on his holy words. She glanced over at Rudy and found him staring down at his lap. Suddenly her thoughts spun with memories of the last four years of their relationship. When they first started dating, their relationship was easy, full of laughter and fun times with their friends. She cherished the memories she and Rudy had made in their youth group, playing volleyball, taking day trips to the lake, and visiting sick members in their community. Back then life was good.

  But then her mother passed away. She lost interest in the youth gatherings and couldn’t relate to her friends the same way she used to, before her life changed.

  While Rudy was there to hold her hand and hug her when she cried, she also felt herself pulling away from him emotionally. He didn’t seem to understand her overwhelming grief or her family’s turmoil. At times, she sensed he was bored when she shared how her family was lost without her mother. It was as if he couldn’t relate to her anymore. If they couldn’t relate to each other, then how could they have a future together?

  But if they broke up, what would happen to their friendship? He had been a part of her life for so long that she couldn’t imagine his absence. Her stomach tightened at the notion of losing Rudy forever.

  The first sermon ended, and Laura knelt in silent prayer. She closed her eyes and asked God to guide her heart and her relationship with Rudy. She also prayed for Allen and Mollie, asking him to send healing and comfort to them.

  After the prayers, the deacon read from the Scriptures, and then the hour-long main sermon began. Laura willed herself to concentrate as the deacon preached from the book of Romans. As he spoke, a baby began to moan. Laura looked down at her lap as the whining became louder. When Cindy elbowed her in the arm, Laura looked up.

  “Look at Allen,” Cindy whispered under her breath.

  Laura looked over toward Allen and found him adjusting Mollie in his arms as she began to sob.

  “Mmmmm. Lala! Lala!” Mollie yelled.

  Allen’s gaze collided with Laura’s, his eyes wide and his expression mortified as Mollie continued to fuss.

  Laura nodded, giving him the sign that she would take Mollie from him. Like a married couple, they each stood. With her cheeks flaming anew, she moved to the center of the barn, and he met her there, handing her Mollie.

  “Danki,” he whispered under his breath.

  Laura gave him a shy smile, keenly aware of all the eyes burning into her skin as Mollie snuggled into her shoulder. She returned to her seat and sat with Mollie wrapped around her torso. As she rubbed the child’s back, she hoped her face would return to a normal temperature.

  Her eyes found Allen again, and he smiled at her.

  “Danki,” he mouthed once more as his expression warmed.

  She nodded in response and took in his blue eyes and tanned face. His light-brown hair and beard were a sandy hue, thanks to the summer sun. He was handsome—really handsome. And not only was he attractive, but he was a good Christian man. He loved his daughter with his whole heart, and he was a kind, trustworthy confidant. Why hadn’t she noticed this before? There was something different about him, but she couldn’t put her finger on it—something warm, intimate, and comforting. It was as if she was seeing him in a new light.

  Suddenly an unfamiliar heat flooded her. It was intense and overwhelming as it filled her chest, and her heart thudded against her rib cage.

  Then it hit her like a thousand hay bales crashing down from the loft in her father’s barn. Allen was more than a friend, even more than a new best friend. He was important to her, and she had feelings for him. She was attracted to him. She swallowed a gasp as the realization punched her in the stomach.

  Oh no. No, no, no!

  This was wrong! It had to be a sin! She couldn’t think of Allen as more than a friend when she was in a serious, long-term relationship with Rudy. But was her relationship with Rudy truly long-term if he’d never even mentioned the word marriage?

  She mentally shook herself. Any romantic thoughts about Allen were a betrayal to Rudy! After all, this was Savilla’s Allen! He was off-limits, and he didn’t even like her as more than a friend.

  Then she recalled the night of the party, when Mollie called her “Lala” for the first time. The fine current of electricity shimming between Allen and her had been palpable. And if she were truly honest with herself, she’d have to admit she saw attraction in Allen’s eyes. What would have happened if Rudy hadn’t walked in on them?

  Laura felt her eyes widen and the temperature in her cheeks rise at the thought of that intimate moment with Allen. She had to stop these insane thoughts! Her job was only to care for Mollie and run the house for Allen. She had to stop treading in this dangerous territory.

  Pressing her lips together, Laura took in Allen’s handsome face once again and tried to push away her inappropriate thoughts. Across the barn, Allen lifted his eyebrows as if to ask her if she was okay.

  Laura looked down at Mollie to avert her eyes from his and break their trance.

  Kayla leaned over and touched Mollie’s leg. “You’re so gut with her,” she whispered. “She loves you.”

  “I love her too,” Laura whispered, careful to keep her eyes on Mollie.

  When she looked up again, she glanced over to Rudy and found him staring at her, his dark eyes narrowed and his face twisted in a frown. She tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace.

  With worry and guilt pressing down on her shoulders, she turned back toward the minister and tried to focus her thoughts on his message.

  When the service ended, Cindy touched her arm. “Do you want to help serve the meal?”

  “I’m not sure I’ll be able to.” Laura shifted Mollie in her arms.

  “Would you like me to feed her?” Elsie walked over with Lily Rose in her arms. “I’m going to feed Christian in the kitchen, and I can feed her too.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Of course I am.” Elsie nodded toward the barn doors. “When I was in the kitchen earlier, I noticed there were two high chairs. I can put Christian in one and Mollie in the other. I’ll feed them while you all serve the men the meal.”

  “If it gets to be too much for you, then send someone to get me,” Laura said.

  “Of course.”

  “I’ll walk to the kitchen with you and get Mollie settled.” Laura retrieved the diaper bag from beneath the bench and followed Elsie out of the barn.

  TWENTY-TWO

  “How are you?” Vernon asked as Allen sat beside him at the table during lunch.

  “I’m fine.” Allen nodded and picked up a pretzel from his plate. “The shop has been keeping me busy. I picked up two more wrecked buggies last week, and I’ve been rebuilding one of them since then. I have an order for two buggies from a family with twin sons who just turned fifteen, which is great.”

  “That’s gut.” Vernon patted his shoulder. “I’m froh to hear the shop is keeping you busy. If you ever need to talk again, just let me know. I’d be glad to come visit you.”

  “You just want to get away from the farm and your chores,” Mark said, teasing his father from across the table. “You like leaving everything for Jamie and me to do.”

  “Well, you know I am close to retirement age,” Vernon said, teasing his son in return.

  “That’s true.” Mark laughed.

  Allen grinned. When Vernon turned to Noah beside him and asked him how work was at his furniture store, Allen glanced across the table to where Rudy was talking with Jamie. Although the conversation was friendly, Allen didn’t miss the tightness in Rudy’s jaw or the stiffness in his shoulders, as if irritation o
r frustration plagued him.

  As he popped another pretzel into his mouth, Allen’s thoughts turned to the service. When Laura handed Mollie off to him before the service began, he’d hoped to keep his daughter content with her pacifier. Mollie, however, had other plans and began to call for Laura during the first sermon. He was grateful Laura agreed to take her.

  After Laura sat down with Mollie, he’d done his best to concentrate on the service, but his attention repeatedly gravitated to Laura. He wondered what had happened earlier in the service when she looked nervous, or maybe even stunned.

  Later in the service, he glanced over at Rudy and found him scowling at Laura, which concerned Allen. Who was he kidding? Allen always worried about how Rudy treated Laura, even though he’d gathered their relationship had improved during the past few weeks.

  Although Rudy had spoken to Allen more during the past month than he had since Savilla died, their conversations during the noon meal after church were superficial and felt forced. Rudy discussed only the weather or work. He was making an effort, but Allen was still aware of an undercurrent of distrust and resentment coming from his friend.

  “Kaffi?”

  Allen craned his neck and glanced over his shoulder. Laura had appeared, holding a carafe. She was radiant in her pink dress and white apron.

  “Ya, danki.” He handed her his cup, and she filled it. “I can’t thank you enough for helping me with Mollie during the service. I had no idea what to do when she started screaming for you. I considered taking her outside, but sometimes that can be even more disruptive.”

  “You don’t need to thank me.” She filled her father’s cup. “I’m always froh to help.” She nodded toward the barn doors. “Elsie is feeding Mollie lunch. Lily Rose is asleep in her infant seat, so she’s feeding Christian and Mollie at the same time in the two high chairs she found in the kitchen. They were laughing and holding hands when I left.”

  “That’s wunderbaar. Danki. I’ll go get her when I’m done eating.”

  “Don’t leave before I get a chance to say good-bye to her.” Laura gave him a sweet smile and then walked away.

  Allen angled his body toward her as she moved down the line, filling cups and chatting with the men. He studied her beautiful profile and admired how her eyes sparkled and her rosy lips curved up as she worked her way toward the end of the long table.

  When he realized he’d been staring at her for too long, Allen swiveled around and picked up his coffee cup. He looked across the table and found Mark watching him with his eyebrows lifted and an expression of surprise—or maybe curiosity.

  Uh oh!

  Mark had caught Allen watching his twin, but Rudy was still engrossed in a conversation with Jamie. A thread of relief filtered through Allen. As he sipped his coffee, Allen braced himself, waiting for Mark to ask him why he was watching Laura. But Mark remained silent for a beat.

  “So Allen,” Mark finally began, “you mentioned you bought two wrecked buggies this week to rebuild. How often do you come across wrecked buggies to buy?”

  Allen blinked, surprised Mark didn’t mention Laura. “I normally find maybe one or two a month.”

  “How do you find them?” Mark picked up a pretzel and ate it.

  “Sometimes I see them in advertisements in the paper, and other times people contact me and ask me if I’m interested.”

  Mark nodded slowly. “I guess each buggy has its own unique issue.”

  “That’s right. Some are more damaged than others.”

  “Is that how you set the resale price?”

  “Ya, it depends on how much money I have invested in the buggies.” Allen fell into an easy conversation with Mark about his carriage business, but his mind remained stuck on Laura and how beautiful she looked in her pink dress today.

  “Would you like to go to the youth gathering? It’s at the Bontragers’.” Rudy stood beside his buggy after lunch.

  “I don’t think so.” Laura shook her head. “I really just want to relax this afternoon and spend some time with my family.”

  “Mark is going.” He pointed to his right, where her brother stood talking with two of the young women in their youth group, Franey and Ruthann. Then he pointed behind her. “I heard Jamie talking to Kayla about going to her haus to spend the afternoon with her family. So why exactly do you want to go home to spend time with your family?”

  “Mei dat will be at the haus, and Cindy most likely will too. She hasn’t gone to a youth gathering since before mei mamm died. Besides, I have to get up early tomorrow to go to Allen’s, and I know I won’t get much sleep at his haus next week.” An idea gripped her, and she smiled. “Why don’t you join us? We’ll have some time to talk one-on-one without a crowd around. We can visit on the porch, and then you can eat with us too. What do you think?”

  Rudy’s posture stiffened. “You know, Laura, I’ve been trying to be a better boyfriend. I’ve had supper with you once a week and visited you every Saturday and Sunday for the past month. I’ve put you before mei freinden, and I’ve tried to be more patient with you and your job.” His face clouded with a frown. “The least you could do is bend a little and put me before Allen and Mollie.”

  She bristled at his caustic tone. “What makes you think I don’t put you before Allen and Mollie?”

  “You’re refusing to go to a youth gathering with me today because you have to be at his haus early tomorrow.” He gestured behind her.

  She spun to face the barn, where her father stood talking with Allen, Noah, and Jamie. Mollie rested her head on Allen’s shoulder, and her heart tugged as she longed to join them before they left to go home. What was her problem? She’d see him and Mollie tomorrow.

  “We don’t have to stay at the Bontragers’ long,” Rudy said, his tone warming. “We can leave around suppertime if you’d like.”

  She swiveled toward him. “I really don’t want to go.”

  His jaw locked. “Just last week you were complaining I don’t spend enough time with you, but now you’re refusing to spend time with me. You said you want things to be like they used to be, and we used to have a great time at the youth gatherings with our freinden. Which is it, Laura? Do you want to spend time with me or not?”

  “I don’t want to go to the youth gathering.”

  He opened his mouth to respond, and she held up her hand, silencing him.

  “Please let me finish.” She took a deep breath. “I want to go home, but I’d love for you to come and visit too. I just want to spend a quiet afternoon at home with you and my family.”

  And also with Allen and Mollie. She swallowed back the unexpected thought.

  Rudy blew out a deep sigh. “Fine, but I think I’ll pass. I guess I’ll see you soon. Let me know if you want to have supper together one night this week. I’ll wait for your call.” He opened the door to his buggy and climbed in. “Have a gut week.”

  “What?” She held the door so he couldn’t close it. “Don’t blame this all on me. You say you want to spend time with me, but you refuse to come to mei haus to visit. If you want to see me, why won’t you do what I want to do?”

  “Because I want to see our freinden.”

  “But that’s not what I want. I don’t want to play volleyball and listen to the maed talk about the buwe they like. I want to just relax and talk to mei dat before I have to leave to go to Allen’s all week. I feel disconnected from my family.”

  “Do you feel disconnected from me?”

  “Ya, I do.” She leaned back against the door. “I’ve felt disconnected from you for a while now.”

  “That’s your fault.” He pointed at her chest. “That’s because you’re still staying over at Allen’s haus.”

  “That’s not true.” Her voice trembled. “I’ve felt that way since before I started working for Allen.”

  He blanched as if she’d struck him. “Why would you say that?”

  She took a step back. “I don’t think this is the time to talk about it.”

 
“Oh, no.” He climbed out of the buggy and moved toward her. “I think it is time we talked about it. What did you mean by that?”

  “I’ve felt that way since mei mamm died.” Her eyes welled with tears. “I feel like we’ve grown apart and we don’t relate to each other anymore. We used to have fun, but now I don’t remember the last time we laughed together. Sometimes I wonder if we’re still together just out of habit. We haven’t dated other people, so we have no idea what a healthy relationship is supposed to feel like. Maybe our relationship is falling apart, and we just haven’t admitted it to each other.”

  Rudy’s mouth dropped open, but then he recovered to ask, “Why didn’t you tell me you felt this way?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t sure how to put it into words.”

  “I’ve felt you pulling away from me, so maybe the problem isn’t just me. Maybe it’s you too.”

  “I think we should talk about this later.” She wiped her hand across her eyes. “People are going to stare at us, and then rumors are going to start.”

  “So you feel like we’ve grown apart.” His words were measured as if he were contemplating their meaning.

  “Ya.”

  His expression relaxed, warming his handsome face and dark eyes. “How can we fix that?”

  “I think the only way we can fix that is by spending more time together and talking.”

  He nodded. “But how can we spend more time together if you’re at Allen’s haus all week and can only have supper with me once a week?”

  “You can visit me there. You can come for supper a couple of times a week.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Why not?”

  He leaned back against the buggy. “Why would I want to have supper at Allen’s haus?”

  “To see me.” She laid a palm on her chest. “And to spend time with Allen and Mollie. I thought you said you want to be a better freind to Allen, and this is one of the ways you can be.”

  Rudy folded his arms over his chest. “I don’t know. I’d rather visit with you in private.”

  “Then come over to mei haus this afternoon. We can talk about everything that’s bothering us.”