by Pepper Pace
The two of them were quietly contemplating their personal thoughts when a woman suddenly appeared at their table, smiling broadly. Robin returned the smile wondering if the older woman knew Jason.
“Hello there. I couldn’t help but notice you from our table.” She gestured a few tables over where a man was sitting; presumably her husband. He seemed embarrassed that his wife might be bothering them. Robin noted that Jason watched her with no sense of recognition.
The woman pressed her hands together and seemed to beam. “I just want you to know,” she said, speaking to Robin, “that I had a cousin that was like him. No one would ever treat him like family. They never even let him eat with us. When I was a child, I’d say, ‘why doesn’t Charlie eat with us?’ But they never wanted to talk about Charlie. Aunt Lois would take his meals up to his room and feed him there.” She turned to Jason, and leaned in. She talked loudly and slowly. “Honey, you have a nice day, and be a good boy to your caregiver.” Robin’s eyes got big at the woman’s awful statement. She couldn’t believe her presumptuousness! It was made worse when she reached out and patted Jason on the top of his wild red curls.
Jason was quiet; his lips a pale slash in his angry face. He lifted his hand and slowly gave the woman the finger. She looked at his hand as if he was offering it for her to shake, then she seemed confused that his one finger was raised. Suddenly there was a dawning realization and her mouth dropped.
“Uh…?” She looked back and forth from Robin to Jason who’s head was flopping around like crazy. He looked more like he had a mental disability than ever…well except for the light of intelligent anger in his narrowed green eyes.
“Fuck off you old bitch.” He spat out angrily.
Robin was so shocked by the venom behind his words that her own hands flew up to cover her mouth. The old woman looked as if Jason had thrown something at her. She stumbled away, back to her table. Jason’s hands were fists on the table top as he stared at nothing. Robin reached out and placed her hand over his.
“She put her fucking hands on me…” He was saying.
“Jason…” But the waitress suddenly appeared with their meal and Robin watched her anxiously, waiting for her to leave. Jason had a strange look on his face, he wouldn’t look at her, the food, the waitress, he just sat there angrily. He had moved his hand under the table so she was unable to touch him. “Are you okay?” She asked when the waitress was gone.
It took two attempts before he could speak clear enough for her to understand him. “I’m not okay. But I can’t (unintelligle) that (unintelligle) so fuck it.” It wasn’t as if he could whisper so his sharp words caught the attention of the table next to theirs. Robin avoided looking over at the older lady. She looked down at her plate of chicken tenders and began to eat quietly.
“What?” He finally asked, as if she had spoken, and of course she had, just without words. Disapproval was written all over her posture and silence.
Robin slowly put her half eaten chicken tender back onto her plate. “Baby…did you really have to curse her like that? I mean she was completely out of line, but-”
“You’re siding with her?!” Voice loud, though not yelling—yet loud enough to cause them to become the center of attention.
Robin’s skin began to prickle with the first signs of perspiration. “No!” She said in a hushed tone. “Don’t think that in a million years! That woman was a busybody. But she is also three times our age. I was just raised to show some respect to your elders, no matter how much of an asshole they are.”
Jason was staring at her. “I wasn’t ever taught that I had to show respect to a bigoted idiot! She thought I was mentally retarded because I have CP, but then she had the audacity to tell me I was! Fuck!” Oh god, he was so loud. Everybody was watching now.
“I’m sorry Jason.” She felt bad and unconsciously she gripped her churning stomach and began to quickly finish her meal. She should have just kept her mouth shut. Now he thought that she was saying he had no right to react the way he had, when all she had wanted to tell him was that there was another way to respond. He’d had an opportunity to teach that woman something, to show her that jerking muscles had no link to your mental ability and instead he had just lashed out.
Suddenly her IBS started to kick in and it was go to the bathroom now or never. She silently cursed the timing of this. Now it was like she was running away like she was a spoiled little girl that hadn’t gotten her way. “I have to go to the bathroom.” She said apologetically, then she jumped up quickly, darting to the restroom. In the stall she allowed her watery bowels loose. She felt nauseous as was often the case with irritable bowel syndrome. Of course she knew that it was anxiety that had caused it to kick in and it certainly wasn’t good for keeping the ulcer under control.
She heard someone rush into the restroom and then beat on her stall. “Hey! Are you the one with the retarded guy?! He’s having some type of fit!” Robin’s heart crashed against her ribcage in one large leap. She ran out of the restroom to see a crowd of people so dense that she could not see past them. She could not see Jason! She pushed past them and they parted for her.
Jason was on the floor kicking and clawing violently. It was a bad one. She’d never seen him thrashing so violently!
“Jason!” She dropped down next to him. A man was cursing and pacing back in forth.
“He bit me!” He held his hand to his chest. Blood had just begun to appear from the broken skin. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as her eyes rose to the man, holding his bloody hand. Then she was robotically turning Jason’s head to the side. His mouth was clenched and he was kicking violently. Once his head was turned to the side saliva began to dribble from his mouth.
“Please baby….” She rubbed his back gently. “Please…” His muscles slowly calmed and he went limp. She waited for his quick intake of breath; his gasp. But it didn’t come. He wasn’t purple, he was blue.
“Jason?!” He’s not breathing. He’s supposed to start breathing, it’s normal to lose your breath but it’s supposed to come back. “Breathe, Jason! BREATH!” Jason lay there limply on his side; dying.
Suddenly a waiter pushed past them. He reached down and grabbed Jason under his arms and lifted his limp body from the floor. The man’s strong arms went around Jason’s middle and with three sharp thrusts a partially chewed chicken tender flew from Jason’s mouth.
Oh god, he had been choking on food! But he still wasn’t moving. Robin watched as if through a pool of slow moving water, the way the waiter placed Jason back onto the floor. He turned his head to the side and used his finger to sweep out the inside of his mouth; which amounted to the last bits of partially chewed food.
Then the man placed him onto his back and began to administer CPR. Robin stared numbly. Jason was dead. Jason’s not moving. He’s blue, he’s not breathing…
There was a loud gulp from his still body and then he was suddenly sucking in air. He reached up blindly and began clawing weakly at his throat. The waiter backed away as Robin lunged forward and gripped Jason into a tight hug.
“Breath, baby, I’m here. Breathe.” After a moment, his ragged breathing calmed and he lay limply in her arms, but at least he was breathing even if he still hadn’t completely regained consciousness, he breathed. Someone was making the crowd move away, but Robin could barely tell how she knew this as her attention was so intent on the semi conscious young man.
She was shaking so badly that she was almost having a seizure herself. That was the first thing that Jason knew when he regained consciousness; that he was laying on the floor and that Robin was holding him and sobbing. He remembered her dashing off to the bathroom and then he remembered the chicken tender going down the wrong pipe. He was coughing and trying to bring it up and then the seizure. That was the end of his memory until he awoke in Robin’s arms.
He reached up weakly, hugging her. “Robin?” She pulled back enough to look at him frantically. Jason saw that several of the restaurant’s staff wa
s crouched on the floor with them, talking and trying to get them up. But Robin was staring at him with wide, shocked eyes.
“You stopped breathing.” She spoke in a stilted tone.
He gave her a weak smile. His throat hurt and so did his ribcage. Jeez…He had choked bad.
Robin allowed someone to help her to her feet, but Jason could plainly see from where he was struggling to sit up on his own that something was wrong with her.
“Sweetheart?”
But then they were suddenly ushered from the room; Jason was given assistance with his crutches and the two were shown to an office. Papers were signed while Jason craned towards Robin. She stood stiffly, her eyes too big for her face.
“Robin?” Her eyes swung to his but she didn’t respond.
Papers were offered for them to sign and before they knew it, they were being ushered out the back entrance with two gift cards in their hands. Jason reached out for her hand.
“I can’t.”
He frowned. “You can’t, what?”
She couldn’t do this. She wasn’t equipped for this type of job. She wrung her hands and headed for the car. Jason stood there and so Robin had no choice but to return to his side.
“Jason, I can’t take care of you. You almost died because I left you alone!”
So that was it. “Baby, that always happens-”
She threw her hands up. “No! Not like that!” Her eyes bulged as she got in his face. “That waiter in there gave you CPR and revived you! You were dead…” The last word cracked and she took a step back. Jason’s mouth was gaped open. The two were behind the mall area where there were just parking, and thankfully no people.
He wheeled forward. “No, honey. I wasn’t dead. You said breathe. I heard you say breathe.”
She paused. Doubt appeared on her face. He’d heard her? Jason watched her with clear eyes. He had not heard her. He never had a memory of the events that occurred while he was seizing. But he knew her. After weeks of seizures he knew that she would tell him to breathe. He held out his hand again.
She shook her head, appealing to him. “Please get another Assistant, Jason. I can’t do this-”
“Do you love me?”
“Yes!”
“Then who will be a better Assistant then you?”
She tried not to look at him as the tears splashed from her eyes. She swiped them away angrily while staring into the sky. “Someone who is not so fucking stupid.”
“Robin.” After a moment she looked at him. He had a sad look on his face. “You’re not stupid. You just did what anyone else would do; you panicked. Sweetheart, how many times have you helped me?”
“But not when it mattered!” When it mattered she had just stood there watching him die. Tears splashed down her face. She couldn’t do this! She couldn’t be responsible for killing him because she did stupid things like run off to the bathroom, or fall asleep, or even leaving him unattended in a car…
She hurried to her car and opened it. Jason had a pained look on his face and he was pale with the beginning of bruises appearing beneath his eyes. But he didn’t say anything as Robin helped him to sit. But once she was inside he reached out and placed his hand on her leg.
“Robin…” He took a deep breath which dragged raggedly through his lungs, but his gaze was steady on her. “I know that this…job is stressful. You have an ulcer to think about. Your health is the most important thing. If…” He cleared his throat. “If you can’t deal with this then I understand. I understand.”
His words were like a splash of cold water. Not able to deal? It wasn’t her ulcer. Jesus, she’d messed up again. Now he thought that she was bailing because of his disorders. Robin took a deep breath and placed her hand on his.
“Jason, you don’t think that I’m saying that I don’t want to be with you, do you?”
He looked at her and after a moment gave her hand a slight squeeze. “Maybe you should reconsider that too, Robin. I won’t blame you, Sweetheart, if you want to break up-”
“No!” Her grip tightened on his. “I’m not leaving you. I just found you!”
The sadness was still present on his face though he offered her a shaky smile. “Whether you are my assistant or not, these are the problems that will always follow me. As my girlfriend, you are still going to be exposed to these things.”
“I didn’t mean it.” She whispered. “Jason, that’s not what I meant.” It crushed her that she had hurt him. And she could clearly see that he didn’t accept her words. She would have to struggle to find the right way in which to explain. “Jason, when I fell in love with you I never once thought about you having CP, or being in a wheel chair. I didn’t think about your seizures, I just wanted to be with you.” He watched her closely, searching for the lie in her words.
He smiled. “If you don’t want to be my aid-”
“Shh! I was hysterical, but I’m okay now.” She leaned forward and kissed him and he scooped her close and returned the kiss.
He pulled back and looked at her. “You don’t have to do this-”
“I know.” They just stared at each other and then Jason nodded. “But I want to. I really do.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.” She started the car and they drove in silence for a while.
“I’m sorry about…what I said to the old lady. You were right. I could have handled it differently.” He could have said a lot worse and would have if Robin hadn’t been there. But he would never tell her that.
When she thought about all that was wrong with her; the fact that she didn’t stand up for herself, that she held things in until she made herself sick and the way Jason stood up for himself, spoke his mind, she felt stupid for even suggesting that he be different. Look at her. She was a freaking mess. “No Jason, I’m sorry. Who am I to tell you how to-”
“Someone who’s opinion I respect a great deal. That’s who you are. And I’m willing to listen to what you have to say.” Jason knew that Robin had been right. No one had ever taught him that there was a certain way that he should speak to people. His mother had been so wracked with guilt that her son had accepted the abuse of his Aids without telling her that she had taught him to lash out in anger; because his anger would be his protection. And then the Aid had fallen down the stairs because of his angry approach, and the only thing his mother had said was, ‘she got what she deserved.’ This approach was all that Jason knew. And he knew that he was very fucked up in his own right.
Chapter 10
They were late and so had to hurry to rehab. Thankfully they were much too late to have time for the Jacuzzi, as Robin felt very little desire to saunter around in her bathing suit. Jason quickly changed in the locker room and Raymond didn’t chastise him for his tardiness once looking at the tension that was evident between the two of them. Robin looked like she had been crying and Jason looked like someone had straight up bitch smacked him. He hoped the two would make it. Jason had been through a lot in his life and if that sweet, mild mannered girl was still here with him, then maybe it was mean to be.
Raymond unstrapped the braces from the young man’s legs and then froze. He and Jason exchanged looks.
“Your joints are badly swollen.”
“No shit.” Jason responded. Raymond ran his hands up both legs, over his feet and ankles and then had him lay on his side where he examined his hips. He had him sit up and then Raymond gripped his legs in his big strong hands and bent it, rotating the knee cap.
Jason grimaced and bit back a cry, his eyes were tightly squeezed. Robin moved forward from the seat that she had selected next to Raymond’s desk and stood next to Jason.
“What’s wrong with his legs?”
Raymond was glaring at Jason. “You need to see an orthopedic specialist. You need to be fitted for leg braces meant for walking.” He turned to Robin, holding one of the knee braces. “This is for standing, to keep his knees straight. Not for walking correctly.” He looked at Jason again. “And since you’re off the Baclofe
n your legs have weakened a lot.”