Numb (King's Harlots MC Book 5)

by J. M. Walker

  I shrugged. “It’s not fair of me to say this because everyone has been wonderful to me after … after the baby …” I swallowed hard. “Anyway, I just need something to call my own.”

  “Does Jay know?”

  “I’ll tell her when I leave here.” She would be pissed I didn’t talk to her first, but eventually she would understand. Although, I wasn’t sure how everyone else would take it knowing I would be alone.

  “Where are you staying tonight?” Josee asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

  “I’m not sure.” I wrapped my fingers around the key, taking in the moment of reprieve I would finally have something to call my own.

  “You’re more than welcome to head on over to the house. It has some furniture in it but it’s just been sitting there so it might smell a little musty.”

  “Okay.” A heavy weight lifted from my shoulders. “Thank you, Josee. If there’s anything I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to ask me.”

  “Well …” She winked. “Those two new guys in Vice-One. They’re fucking hot.”

  “Two new guys?” I frowned, trying to remember if I had met them or not. “Oh. Lian Wolfe and Henley Jinx?”

  “Yeah,” she sighed. “They’re fucking hot.”

  “When did you see them?” I only had met them in passing but never spoke to either of them. They seemed nice enough. Angel trusted them which was all I cared about. He needed good guys on his team after two of them got medically discharged and a third, being on stress leave.

  “I went to the clubhouse to find you. They were working with Angel on some construction stuff or something. They didn’t notice me thank God, ‘cause I was a hot mess.” Her cheeks reddened, a nervous laugh escaping her full mouth.

  “Whatever, Josee. You’re beautiful. With your curly hair, freckles, and perfect skin, they would eat you up,” I teased.

  Her eyes widened. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  I laughed, shaking my head. “So, both of them, huh?”

  “Yeah.” She winked. “Although they could be gay. They’re always together.”

  “Have you ever thought they could just be best friends? Maybe they have a bromance going on.” I reached for my wine, elated the conversation had become fun and no longer about me.

  “Even if they are gay, maybe they’ll take me for a spin just for one night.” She waggled her eyebrows.

  “You are too much.” I grinned.

  We spent the next hour or two chatting about nothing important. It was nice. No talk about the human trafficking business. Nothing was said about the motorcycle world. Nothing. We chatted about books, makeup, clothing, what we were watching on TV when both of us had time. It was perfect.

  But I found myself drawn to my best friend. I hadn’t been treating Jay well, taking my anger and frustration out on her when it wasn’t her fault. None of this was her fault.

  Josee had confessed later in the evening after a couple glasses of wine that she had a tiny crush on the two new recruits. I already knew that but after having some alcohol, she felt the need to tell me again.

  After my third glass, I decided to call it a night and head to the place Josee had given me. My new home. A part of me no one could take. It was mine and mine alone and, for that, I would always be grateful to her.

  I FELT HER before I saw her. The tiny brunette fussing with her nails took the breath right from my lungs and breathed new life into my fucking soul.

  The impact from the explosion had forced us on our asses but after double checking with everyone, we were all fine and fucking dandy.

  Angel had made his way to the other woman sitting on the picnic table. Her red hair was pulled back into a ponytail that had come loose around her shoulders after the building got hit. He said something to her. She scowled.

  I bit back a laugh knowing Angel had met his match. Most women fell all over themselves to get their bodies wrapped around him.

  I glanced at the big ass hole in the building. You could see right through to the bar.

  A bomb.

  In the middle of the motherfucking town. No one checked to make sure we were all right. Why would they? This shithole of a place was run by the corrupt and forced into the ground by the evil we were trying to bring to its knees.

  “My nails,” the little one exclaimed.

  The taller woman frowned at her friend.

  She had said something but I couldn’t make out her words when the small female glanced my way.

  Who are you? I found myself wanting to know every single thing about her, but another part of me wanted to have her spread out beneath me, begging me to take it further. I craved her screams. These unexpected feelings soaring through me were unusual. I didn’t like them. But then I did.

  “Do you need the ambulance?” I found myself asking.

  The little one smiled up at me. “Yes.”

  I took her hand, leading the way. “What’s your name?”

  “Maxine.”

  From then on, I knew I was done. She was standing in front of me, yet I couldn’t reach her. Her words whispered across my skin. Her touch brushed along my bones. I became unraveled by her mere laugh.

  “I love you.”

  I shot up in bed, my heart racing at the voice still whispering in my ear. Fuck. Rubbing the ache in my chest, I pushed and prodded until all I felt were my fingers and no longer the pain I deserved.

  The dream scrambled through my mind. I had no idea if it was real or not. If it had been a memory or just a moment of hope. Pieces of what I had with Max came back every now and again but the only way to know if they were accurate would be to actually talk to her. Instead, like the asshole I was, I shoved her far away from my heart.

  Suddenly, the alarm on my phone went off. I had an appointment with the local doctor in town meaning I wouldn’t have to travel to the city but at that point, I would rather saw off my leg with a rusty spoon.

  I didn’t remember falling asleep. After Max left her own party on Saturday night, I had done the same not too long after. I didn’t need to be around Angel, knowing my neck was on the line. I never had the intention of hurting anyone or stressing anyone the fuck out but his words hurt.

  “If something happens to my baby because of your shit with Max stressing out my fiancée, I’ll fucking kill you.”

  I would never do anything to hurt Jay or their baby. The issue Max and I had was far from being over but I would never take that out on a pregnant woman.

  I enjoyed pushing Max, but I loved it even more when she pushed back. And fuck me, did it ever make me hard when she became all feisty.

  Seeing as there was no time to rub one out, I pushed those thoughts aside and headed to the doctor’s office.

  “Mr. Michaels,” the receptionist said as soon as I stepped foot into the small office building. She greeted me with a smile from the perch at her desk.

  “Uh … hi.” I mentally smacked myself. I had all sorts of training with etiquette and how to be a proper gentleman. The Navy didn’t just raise sailors, they raised men. But at that point, all of my training went to shit.

  The receptionist’s smile grew. “The doctor will see you now.” She giggled to herself. “I always wanted to say that.” She rose from her chair, her bright green eyes taking me in as they slid down my body.

  Way to keep it professional, lady.

  She cleared her throat. “Dr. Santos is right this way.” She led me down a long hall. Banging sounded, followed by grumbled sighs. “Excuse him. He’s not normally like this.”

  “Yes, I am,” came a deep reply.

  She jumped, spinning around.

  I looked up, noticing a large man standing in the doorway to another room.

  “Dale Michaels?” he asked, nodding my way.

  “Yes, sir,” I said automatically. Somehow, I knew this man came from power. His demeanor was rough but dominant and one dark look from him put the receptionist in her place.

  “You may go,” he told her, waving a hand in fr
ont of him.

  She nodded, racing back to her desk, and left me alone with only who I could assume was Dr. Santos.

  “I’m sorry to keep you waiting,” he said, stepping out into the hall. “And please excuse my abruptness. It’s been a long morning already. This isn’t my usual office.”

  “You came from the city,” I stated, stepping into the small room.

  “I did. Your doctor from the hospital called me directly.” Dr. Santos followed me and shut the door behind him. “I know you probably don’t want to be here. I’ve been assigned to your case because apparently I’m known for handling difficult” —the corners of his lips twitched— “situations.”

  I sat on the couch. “I don’t know what the point of this meeting is. I don’t remember shit. The shit I think I remember is just that … Shit. All of it is fucking shit. And if you want me to lay down while you write in your notepad with your fancy designer suit, you can kiss my white fucking ass.”

  Dr. Santos raised an eyebrow. “Are we done?”

  I grunted, crossing my arms under my chest. “Depends.”

  “On what?”

  “You hear to prescribe me pills?”

  “Nope.”

  “You going to force me to talk?”

  “Not if you don’t want to.” Dr. Santos sat on the couch beside me, leaning his arm against the back of it. “You don’t have to talk. We can watch the baseball game.”

  “You like sports?” I asked, turning my body toward him.

  “I’m from a shitty town in Mexico. All I had as a kid were sports. So yeah, I like them.” His dark eyes pierced into mine.

  “You remind me of someone I know.” I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling the walls around me crumble just enough that I could get out my next words. “I fucked up, doc.” I let out a slow breath. “I fucked up bad.”

  ***

  (Max)

  I had finally finished unpacking. It only took me a couple of days but seeing as I had nothing else to do, I focused everything on getting my little home the way I wanted it.

  Standing outside the studio, I leaned against the door frame. The room was perfect. Not too small where I felt cramped but also not too big where I felt I had to walk miles just to get a set of paints.

  Although the room was complete, I still wasn’t inspired. It was frustrating the hell out of me and I had no idea how to fix it. Josee had been patient, knowing I worked well under pressure, but she was paying me to do a job. If I didn’t get something done and soon, it would reflect badly on her. I knew that. She knew that. I just didn’t know what to do without forcing something even though it might have to come to that.

  Taking my coffee out to the front deck of my home, I went to sit on the patio chair when a black truck pulled up the driveway.

  No. He couldn’t be here.

  My heart started racing. My palms became clammy. But while I was trying to force the impending panic attack away, my body hummed for the man I hated.

  When Dale stepped out of the large vehicle, I bit out a curse. I didn’t need this right now and he was not helping with my creativity lull.

  “What are you doing here?” I demanded, gripping the mug tight in my hands. “And how the hell do you know where I live?”

  “We need to talk,” he said, walking up the steps.

  My stomach flipped. He always had a deep voice that made my insides stir but ever since his accident, his voice had become lower. Rougher. I could almost feel it sliding over my skin like his calloused hands. A shiver raced down my spine.

  He raised an eyebrow, his lips pulling into that sexy smirk of his I wanted to slap off his face.

  “We talked already.” I cleared my throat. “Tell me how you found out where I live.”

  “People talk.” He shrugged. “Our group of friends don’t hold a lot of secrets.”

  “You’re lying. They wouldn’t tell you shit if I asked them not to.”

  He chuckled. “Woman, I can get any information I want from them. All I have to do is bat my baby blues. That’s how I got you, isn’t it?”

  My cheeks heated, my nostrils flaring. “There’s nothing more to say,” I grumbled, heading for the door.”

  “Yes …” He loomed behind me, slamming the screen door shut. “There is,” he breathed in my ear. “You’re just pissed because you know I’m right. You can’t get me out of your head. I invade your dreams. I come to you during those lonely nights when all you have are your hands.” He groaned. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

  “You’re an asshole,” I breathed, stomping on his foot. “Now get the fuck out of my way.”

  His laugh hardened. “Oh, baby, you know I like it when you get feisty.”

  My body stiffened, my mind taking me back to a time when we were okay. When it was just us and nothing else mattered. “I’ll show you fucking feisty.” I shoved him back. “I’m done talking,” I said, keeping my voice firm and opened the door.

  “Well, I’m not,” he said, following me inside the house.

  “Dale,” I cried, slamming the mug on the counter. “You can’t be in here.”

  “Well, I am, so you better as fuck talk to me.” Each step he took toward me caused me to take a step back. The closer he was, the less control I had and it was exactly what he wanted.

  “What the hell do you want?” I placed my hands on my hips.

  “I want you to tell me about her.”

  I faltered where I stood. Leaning against the patio doors, I crossed my arms under my chest. “There’s nothing to say.”

  “Like hell there isn’t, Max,” he snarled, coming toward me. “I deserve to know—”

  “You deserve to know?” I laughed. “Seriously, Dale. We already fought over this. I’m not telling you shit and you sure as hell don’t deserve to know anything.” I was being a bitch. I knew it. My grandmother would be disappointed in me but this man standing only a few feet away, broke me. He didn’t even know how badly he had caused me to fall within myself. He forced me to drown in the sea of utter despair when I gave birth to our dead daughter.

  My chest tightened, my breathing quickening as the evil of my nightmares threatened to take hold. “I can’t do this.” I went to walk away when a rough hand wrapped around my arm.

  Dale pulled me back against him, brushing his nose into the crook of my neck. “You need to talk to me,” he muttered, circling his arm around my waist. “I need you to tell me what happened.”

  My heart jumped at being this close to him. My knees shook, my head involuntarily leaning to the side to give him better access to my neck.

  His mouth brushed over the soft skin just under my ear, a purr escaping his lips. “I need to know. Please.”

  That snapped me out of the daze. “It’s not going to do anything,” I said, my voice cracking. I pulled from his grip and took a couple steps away from him before I jumped in his arms and begged for him to do whatever he wanted to me. A part of me wondered if I should. Maybe it would clear my head, motivate me to paint and help us move on. I bit back a scoff. Who the hell was I kidding? That shit only happened in movies.

  I slowly turned back around to face him and took a deep breath. “I saw you.”

  “What do you mean, you saw me?” He frowned.

  “I watched you fuck other women after you laughed in my face when I confessed my feelings for you. I told you I was pregnant and you accused me of fucking someone else. When I threw those parties at the clubhouse, it was my hope that you would open up to me and tell me you had made a mistake, but instead I walked in on you. You would take women to the dark corners of the clubhouse. Bring them to the bathroom. Sometimes one woman, two, even three at one point.”

  “Shit,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. His shoulders dropped, but the guilt he felt was nothing compared to the pain and anguish he had caused me over the past couple of months.

  “I saw you fucking them,” I said, my voice small. “Your hands on their bodies like you touched me.”

  “I may no
t remember everything but I sure as hell know when I was with those women, it was nothing compared to what I had with you,” he snapped.

  “Well, you sure have a funny way of showing it.” I waved a hand in front of my face, admitting defeat. “But it’s done. I need to move on.”

  “No.”

  “Excuse me?” I raised an eyebrow. “What the hell do you mean no?”

  “You are not moving on. Not from me. I refuse to allow it.”

  I laughed, shaking my head. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? Are you telling me you want a relationship with me? After all of this time, does Dale Michaels finally want to settle down?”

  “Fuck,” he growled. “I don’t know. But I do know that I won’t allow you to move on.” He stepped toward me.

  “You can’t tell me what to do, Dale. It doesn’t work that way.” Before I could guess what would happen next, he had me in his arms and threw me on the couch. I pushed him, struggling beneath his rough hold. “Dale,” I cried, trying to shove him off me. Although my mind didn’t want it, my body heated with desire for him.

  Dale didn’t say anything. But he made sure to speak with his hands. They roamed up the sides of my body and back down. His fingers gripped my hips, pulling me further beneath him.

  “Dale.” Although I didn’t want him to, I knew this wasn’t right. Not for me. Not for either of us.

  His mouth brushed over the shell of my ear. “I remember the first time you told me to stop. When I did, you confessed you didn’t actually want me to. You wanted to fight me. Hottest fucking thing ever.”

  I shivered, remembering what he was referring to. I had been scared he would think I was a freak but the dominant man inside of him won out and he did what I had asked. The fact he remembered pierced me in the heart, but I couldn’t let him know that. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, no longer struggling beneath him.

  He licked up the length of my neck. “Sure you don’t. Just like when you told me you loved me. You didn’t mean that, either, right?”

  “Fuck you.”

  His teeth closed around my ear. “I’m trying.”

  I whimpered. “You … you …”