Numb (King's Harlots MC Book 5)

by J. M. Walker

  Coby nodded once. “Good girl.”

  ***

  (Dale)

  My head pounded. My bones vibrated. My body fucking ached.

  I was hungover as shit and the emotional turmoil I had put myself through didn’t help. Twelve beers later and I had passed out at my baby girl’s grave. What kind of man did that make me?

  I woke up in Max’s bed, surprised to find myself at her home instead of my own. And that was when I remembered that I was evicted. My life was turning to shit and I had just that to show for it. Shit. Everything was fucking shit.

  Sitting up, my gaze landed on the stuffed bunny sitting on the nightstand. Letting out a curse, I grabbed it and ran a hand over its soft head.

  “You bought that for her,” Max said from the doorway. “For our daughter.”

  “I did.” I let out a sigh and placed the bunny back on the end table. “I think she would have liked it.”

  “She would have.” Max chewed her bottom lip. “Tell me what happened.”

  I shrugged. “Nothing you didn’t see.”

  “You were evicted from your apartment.”

  My gaze snapped to hers. “How do you know that?”

  “After your text messages, I went to check on you and found the notice on your door. So, I went to the cemetery and I found you there. Coby helped me bring you ho—here.”

  “Text messages.” I checked my phone, finding the last texts I had sent her. Shit.

  Max moved to the bed, sitting on the edge but careful to keep her distance.

  Smart girl.

  With how tight I was wound, I would lose it first before any of this was resolved. My hands itched to touch her. To brush the hair behind her ear. To just hold her. But none of that happened because she was no longer mine.

  “CAN I HUG you?”

  My head snapped up at his words.

  Dale never asked for permission when it came to touching me.

  “I … I want to but I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  He nodded, cursing under his breath. “I’ll leave and let you get back to whatever you were doing.” He rose from the bed.

  “Dale” I placed a hand on his arm, stopping him.

  “What?” he asked, his voice rough.

  “I …” I chewed my bottom lip, pulling away from him.

  “Yeah.” He brushed past me. “That’s what I thought.”

  “What do you want from me?” I yelled after him, clenching my hands into fists at my side.

  “What do I want from you?” he repeated, spinning on me. “I want you to fucking love me and not look at me with hate in your eyes. I want you to admit that you’re not fine. That you can’t do this shit on your own. That you need me.”

  “I can’t do this on my own,” I said, repeating his words.

  “Don’t fucking patronize me, Max.” He turned for the door. “It’s been a couple of months. Both of us wanted time but I don’t think it’s done shit.”

  “I love you,” I breathed, swallowing past the hard lump in my throat.

  “Yeah.” His gaze turned dark. “And look where the fuck that’s gotten us.”

  “I never asked you to throw me out. I never asked you to leave me. I never asked for our baby to fucking die. I never asked for any of this. I only wanted you. Excuse me for telling you how I felt and for getting pregnant. Because that’s clearly all my fault.” I scoffed, stomping past him when I was grabbed from behind.

  Dale spun me around, slamming me up against the wall. “Don’t you dare fucking walk away from me.”

  “Or else what, Dale?” I pushed him. “What are you going to do? You keep threatening to leave. Do it. Leave. Leave already,” I screamed, beating my fists against his chest.

  But he didn’t. He only stood there, taking the punches from my hands. He didn’t touch me, he didn’t move, he didn’t do anything, and it only made me hit him harder.

  “Leave,” I repeated on a sob. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m done.” I went to step around him when he slapped a hand against the wall beside my head, stopping me.

  Dale stood right in front of me but he was so far away at the same time. I could feel him pulling away from me. He was shutting himself in between the walls of his mind.

  “Tell me you’re okay,” he demanded, his voice gruff. “Look me in the eye and tell me you’re fine.”

  I swallowed hard, looking away.

  He pinched my chin, his fingers digging into my skin. “Tell me.”

  “I’m fine,” I bit out, keeping my gaze locked with his.

  “Fuck you, Max.” He wrapped a hand around my throat. “With what we’ve been through, you should have enough respect for me to not stand there and lie to my face.”

  “I’m not lying.” He was leaving, what was the point in telling him the truth? It wasn’t like he was going to stay.

  “Max,” he shouted, punching his fist against the door beside my head. “Don’t lie to me.”

  “I’m not.” I lifted my chin, shoving past him when I was tackled from behind.

  ***

  (Dale)

  I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want any of this. But her defiance and the fact she was lying to my face, drove this darkness inside of me to come to light. Every inch of me wanted to cover every inch of her. With my fist in her hair, I held her head down. My breathing came out ragged, the muscles beneath my skin vibrating with a need I had never felt before.

  Max’s eyes were dark, dilated to the point of black. She licked her bottom lip, the flush in her cheeks becoming more pronounced the more time went on.

  It took everything in me not to force myself inside of her. Her sass mixed with her innocence drove me fucking crazy. This back and forth shit we were doing was going to kill us both. A part of me couldn’t help but crave it and it was time I took advantage of it.

  I kissed her cheek, letting my lips linger against her skin. It was a contradiction. The sweet gentle touch mixed with the hardness of my lower body. The fact I had her pinned down against her bed, trying everything in my power not to fuck her, proved just how much of an asshole I really was.

  She squirmed beneath me, the flesh of her ass rubbing against my crotch.

  A growl left my throat. “I’m not sure you want to keep doing that.” My dick grew, pressing against the fabric of my sweatpants.

  She groaned, pushing into me.

  “Max,” I snarled, tugging her head back. Grabbing hold of her wrists, I pulled her arms above her head and held them in one hand.

  A low moan rumbled from the back of her throat.

  My cock twitched, pushing into the heat of her center. Fuck.

  Max spread her legs, chewing her bottom lip.

  My body trembled above her, my heart hammering against my rib cage. Inching a hand beneath her knee, I pushed her leg to her chest and ground into her.

  She gasped, arching beneath me.

  A tingle hit me square in the balls. I didn’t want to do this. But then I did. My body reacted to hers before my brain could comprehend what we were doing.

  With Max, I had been in denial for long enough. I didn’t know how we could ever get out of this hell we had fallen into.

  She writhed beneath me, pushing her ass into my pelvis, rubbing her center against me.

  Tightening my hold on her wrists, I inched a finger beneath her panties and pulled them down her legs. Her pussy glistened, swollen and begging for my touch.

  A drop of pre-cum fell from my dick at the beautiful sight before me but all I could think about was getting my body balls deep inside of hers.

  Her ass held hints of the beating she had endured from Tyler and I found it only made me want to fuck her even more. That darkness inside of me burst forth, until a hard growl left my throat.

  Max whimpered, digging her nails into my hands.

  Before I knew what I was doing, my hand landed against the flesh of her ass.

  She yelped.

  I did it again.

  She cried o
ut, pushing back into the swings of my palm.

  Digging my fingers into the flesh of her rear, I lowered myself down her body and sunk my teeth into the full cheek of her ass.

  Max threw her head back, a hard cry escaping her lips.

  Massaging and kneading the flesh, I bit and sucked, taking the flesh into my mouth until her skin became red from my touch.

  I met her gaze, my mouth turning up into a grin when I bit her again.

  She gasped, licking her lips, her eyes bright with lust.

  This wasn’t about our love for each other. This wasn’t about our feelings. We turned into a possession. It was to see who had the true power over the other. Her. It had always been her. Max controlled me. Every waking thought. My dreams. My actions. My damn soul. She was the reason I woke up from the coma. And she was the reason I would leave her.

  ***

  (Max)

  Every inch of my body tingled from Dale’s mouth and hands.

  He was replacing Tyler’s touch with his own.

  As soon as Dale had tackled me to the bed, I knew it would turn into sex. It was a given. But even more, it was needed.

  Both of us were wound up tight and we needed that release before we snapped.

  Dale’s mouth moved over my skin. He lifted my shirt, tracing his nose along my spine and inhaled.

  I shivered, arching under him.

  When his lips found my neck, he thrust into me.

  I cried out, scratching my nails into his hand holding my wrists.

  He grunted, his hips moving painfully slow. Gripping the sheets tight, he trailed kisses down the side of my neck. “Tell me,” he demanded, sinking his teeth into the soft spot beneath my ear.

  “Fuck me,” I breathed. “Please.”

  “No.” Dale nipped my shoulder. “Tell me who you belong to. Tell me who you will always belong to.”

  “You,” I whimpered. “Always you.”

  “That’s right.” Dale’s fingers gripped my ass, spreading me open. He released me and pulled my top up and over my head before taking his own off.

  I licked my lips.

  “Are you ready for me?” he asked, towering back over me and linked our fingers.

  “Yes,” I whimpered.

  His hips reared into my ass.

  I gasped, the fullness of him stretching me.

  Dale tightened his hold on my hands, keeping his mouth against my throat. “I’m not leaving until all you think about is me. Every inch of you will smell like me. Your skin will taste. Like. Me. Everything about you will scream that you were fucked by the man you love. And that’s me, isn’t it, Max?”

  I swallowed hard, nodding.

  “Tell me.” He closed his teeth around my ear. “Say it. Say the fucking words.”

  “Yes,” I screamed. “I love you.”

  “Only me.” His hips sped up, thrusting hard and deep, pulling a release right from my body. “That’s right, kitten. Come for me. Come so fucking hard.”

  My body shook, the electric wave of pleasure shooting right up my back.

  “That’s it, Max.” He kissed my throat, thrusting hard before he growled out a release of his own. He kissed my shoulder, falling free from my body before wrapping his arms around my middle. “No man will be able to give you what I can.”

  Tears burned my eyes, a lump lodging its way in my throat. His words whispered over my skin, stabbing me right in the heart because they were the truth. No man could ever give me what I needed.

  “Tell me you’re okay,” he muttered, kissing me softly on the cheek.

  A sob crashed into me, squeezing my lungs.

  “Tell me,” he brushed a hand down my side. “Max.”

  “I’m not.” Agony whipped around me, piercing me in the stomach. “I’m not okay.”

  “I’M NOT OKAY.”

  Placing the bouquet of yellow tulips at the foot of my baby girl’s grave, I kissed my fingers before brushing them against the tombstone. I didn’t want to leave but without Max at my side, there was nothing for me here.

  Max’s words from last night made me realize that neither of us were okay. Being apart but still being in the same town, didn’t help. After grabbing a couple things from my apartment, I decided to just … leave. I had no idea where I was going or what laid in store for me, but I knew I needed to get away.

  “I will always love you, Max. No matter what. No matter how long we’re apart. My love for you will never lessen.”

  But I still walked out.

  And she still let me.

  “Can we be friends?” she asked, reaching for my hand.

  I linked our fingers and kissed her knuckles. “Maybe in time.”

  She nodded, her eyes shining. “I love you, Dale.”

  Walking away from her was the hardest thing I ever had to do but we both knew our relationship wasn’t healthy.

  When she had finally confessed she wasn’t in fact okay, I couldn’t do anything but hold her. I was a pansy-assed-pussy who didn’t deserve her.

  “You sure this is what you want to do?” Coby asked, leaning against his SUV.

  No. “Yes.”

  Coby nodded once, looking out at my shitty car parked by the curb. “You still got that old beater.”

  I grunted. “Yeah.”

  “What’s the first thing you’re going to do?” He crossed his arms under his chest, his gaze slowly meeting mine once again.

  “Buy a new car.” The joke meant to lighten the mood but it did shit all.

  “I’ll watch out for her,” he told me, clapping a hand on the back of my neck. “And any fucker who comes in breathing distance of her, I’ll bust their kneecaps.”

  All I could do was nod as the billowing ache formed in my chest.

  “I love you, brother.” Coby leaned his forehead against mine. “You better come back.”

  “I will.”

  “You better come back for her.”

  “I will.” I took a deep breath. “I don’t want anyone else.”

  “Good.” He kissed my head. “Fuck, Dale.”

  “Yeah.” I rubbed the tightness out of my chest. “I agree.”

  ***

  “Where the hell are you going?” Angel barked as soon as I entered the King’s Harlots clubhouse. His gaze zeroed in on the bag hanging off my shoulder.

  “I’m not quite sure,” I muttered, throwing the bag on the bench. After Coby left my place, I had driven over to Asher’s, said goodbye, and made my way out of there before things got emotional again.

  As I walked into the Harlot’s clubhouse, I just finished sending Stone a text. The guy was nowhere to be found. He did some running for Angel few knew about. I didn’t ask questions.

  “Listen, brother.” Angel clapped both hands on my shoulders, his brows furrowing. “You don’t have to leave.”

  “I do.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I love her too much to stay,” I said, a flutter of relief washed over me. It had been the most honest thing I had said in months. Max’s happiness meant everything to me and if she couldn’t be happy with me, I would leave.

  “Fuck, Dale.” Angel squeezed my nape. “I love you, man. I know we’ve had our own shit but … fuck.”

  I chuckled. “Aww, Angel, are you becoming a softy now that you’re a father?”

  “Shut up,” he grumbled, punching me gently in the shoulder.

  We stayed like that for a couple minutes before he pulled away and shoved his hands in his pockets.

  “I need you back here in six months. I don’t give a fuck where you go. Find yourself. Sort your shit out. But be back here on October twenty-first.”

  “Okay … why?”

  Angel grinned. “Because that woman of mine is finally making an honest man out of me.”

  My eyes widened. “Fuck yeah.” I tackled Angel, pulling him in for a hug. “Congratulations, brother.”

  “It’s about damn time too,” came a deep reply.

  We pulled apart, finding Coby coming to
ward us.

  He smirked, clapping a hand on Angel’s shoulder.

  “I thought you were heading back to the city,” I said to Coby.

  “This is more important right now.” He handed me a beer. “Brogan understands.”

  “You know what this means right?” Asher stepped out from behind the bar. “Bachelor party time.” Asher wrapped an arm around my neck. “Good to see you, brother,” he muttered in my ear.

  “Good to see you too.” I shoved out of his grip before hooking an arm around his shoulders and kissed his cheek.

  “Fuck, Dale.” He pushed me away, slapping me across the head. “Why the hell do you do that?”

  “You love me.” I blew him a kiss.

  Asher shook his head. “It’s about damn time you got your humor back.”

  My smile faltered. It was fake. All of it was damn fake. But they didn’t need to know that or that I had left the woman I loved. I was sure they could take a guess as to what had happened but there was no way I would discuss it.

  Not then. Maybe not ever.

  The light banter went back and forth between us.

  Friends. Brothers.

  We ended up moving to one of the booths, joking and picking fights like old times. It was how it used to be.

  Before we met the King’s Harlots.

  Before I fell in love.

  Before I met Max.

  6 months later…

  MY CHEEKS HURT. I had never smiled so much in such a short amount of time. Hell, I hadn’t smiled like this in a year. It was a nice change but that never-ending nagging feeling that I shouldn’t be happy still poked at my heart. I ignored it like my counselor had suggested.

  Angelica shifted in my arms, cooing around the soother in her mouth. I kissed her cheek, inhaling deep, the sweet scent of her skin easing all the nerves racing through me.

  I was going to see Dale.

  It had been over six months since I last saw him. He never told me where he was going. He never made contact.

  My stomach did flips that we were in the same building but hadn’t run into each other yet.

  Jay and Angel’s wedding was supposed to be small but half the town had shown up.