Desires

by Holly J. Gill

  “Maybe, eventually. Why?”

  “Just wondered.”

  Had she scared him off with the talk of a family? She would love nothing more than to find a man and settle down and live a life of love. She’d hoped for that with Graham. It hadn’t worked out with him, but it didn’t mean it couldn’t with someone else. She hadn’t looked at Dan before as a man to have a family with, just for some sex and fun. But now the thought was there, it didn’t seem to want to leave. Stacie scolded herself mentally at the turn her thoughts were taking. It was bad enough that she thought he might return her feelings. Now she had to start fantasising about settling down with him? Get a grip, girl!

  A knock at the door interrupted her mental castigations. Dan turned, looking at the clock, then stood up, tightening his towel around his waist. Stacie sat up on the bed and watched him answer the door.

  “Come in, come in,” Dan said to whoever was out there. “Just give me a minute to get dressed.”

  A man walked in the room. Dan went into the bathroom and Stacie looked at the man. He was blond, tall, fairly muscular, with a look of one who spent time in the gym. He wasn’t bad-looking, but she preferred Dan. She glanced at the bathroom door, wondering why this man was here. Dan came out, fully dressed, his hair still damp. “Stacie, this is Mike,” Dan said.

  “Hi,” Mike said. He made his way to the bed and held out his hand.

  “Hi,” she replied, shaking it.

  “Wow, you’re a sexy treat,” he said, his eyes roving over her body, lingering on her breasts. Stacie recoiled and turned to look at Dan. “Christ, Dan, you got a looker.”

  “I certainly did,” Dan replied.

  Mike sat next to Stacie on the bed and turned slightly toward her. Her heart began to pound frantically. What the hell was going on? Did this character think he was in with a chance? He shuffled closer to her and Dan just looked at her, his face impassive.

  Stacie leaped up off the bed. “I don’t think so,” she told them.

  “Can you give us a minute, mate?” Dan said to Mike, who shrugged and walked out the room. Stacie turned around to glare at Dan. “Stacie, I want you to have sex with him.”

  “You’ve no bloody chance,” she blurted in petrified anger.

  “Look, I’m not going to be with you, out there in the big world. You need to have experience with another man. Mike is the best man for the job. He knows your background and he’ll not do anything to upset you. Please, Stacie,” he said, taking hold of her hands. “I need you to do this for yourself.”

  Stacie glared at him, seeing his eyes full of despair. Did he really want her to have sex with this stranger? Or was he doing it to hide his feelings, if there were any? God, she was confused.

  “Stacie, please, I’ll just be sitting here, at the table. I’m not leaving the room.”

  “No, Dan! No! I can’t do it with him. How could you ask such a thing?” Her heart felt like it was being wrenched out of her chest. His words rang round her head. I’m not going to be with you, out there in the big world.

  She didn’t know what to do for the best. Could she bear the thought of another man touching her, seeing her naked, licking and kissing her body, being as intimate with him as she had been with Dan? Stacie quivered, the whole thought made her stomach turn. But Dan had a very good point. He was only available here at Desires. Being out there in the real world would be another story.

  “Stacie, please.” His quiet voice rang like a shout in the silent room.

  She sucked in a deep breath. The pit of her stomach ached and she sat heavily on the bed, overwhelmed with emotion, trying to decide what was best. Dan sat next to her and picked up her hand, holding it between his two.

  “You’re going to be here?”

  “Yes…I will watch every single move,” he said. Did she imagine that his voice sounded unsteady?

  “And you aren’t going to join in?”

  “No…unless—”

  “No,” she said, needing to make that one clear.

  “That’s fine.”

  How far had she come already, here at Desires? In such a short space of time she’d done things with Dan she’d never done before. She’d even had sex in an orgy room, with other people watching. She watched other people having sex, and enjoyed it. It might not be as bad as she feared. She might actually like it. Mike was quite good-looking. And Dan wouldn’t let him do anything she didn’t want.

  “Okay,” she whispered, watching Dan’s face. He didn’t look happy, as she expected he might. In fact, he looked quite desolated. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

  He got up to let Mike back in. There was a quiet conversation at the door that Stacie couldn’t quite hear, then Mike came in, grinning hugely. Stacie’s heart ached and her tummy did back-flips. She had a sudden urge to do a runner, but then her time at Desires would have been a complete waste of time. She was at the club for a confidence boost. Maybe Dan knew better than she did what was good for her. She had to admit that doing everything her own way hadn’t worked awfully well for her so far, had it?

  Stacie sat back on the bed against the pillows. Mike lay down beside her, propping himself up on an elbow. She watched Dan pull a chair from under the table, positioning it so he could keep a close eye on everything. Maybe she could use this to her advantage. Would Dan get jealous?

  Mike shuffled his body closer to her, raising his hand and placing it onto her knee. She quivered, scared, wanting to get through this for her own benefit. His hands stroked her leg slowly, moving up to her thigh, and came up toward her chest, her breasts clearly on show beneath the tight T-shirt she’d put on for Dan’s benefit.

  “Wow, you have fantastic tits,” he told her, cupping her right breast, then her left, caressing and stroking. She froze, holding her entire body stiff, not wanting to enjoy his touch.

  “Hey relax, babe,” he said. “Lie down.” He paired his instruction with a gentle push to her shoulders. She lay down obediently, the position reminding her of the times she’d assumed the position for Graham while he did whatever he wanted to her. At least she knew she’d be able to endure this, if necessary. Mike’s hands ran up and down her body, kneading her boobs like they were dough. Stacie turned to look at Dan over Mike’s shoulder. He was smiling at her encouragingly. Stacie didn’t smile back. Right now she hated him.

  Mike pulled up her T-shirt, kissing around her tummy and licking in her navel. He pulled away from her taking off his tight top, revealing a six-pack with plenty of chest muscle and a few tattoos. He flicked his shoulder-length blond hair back then stood up and undid his fly. He was going commando, his cock popped out as soon as he lowered his trousers. Stacie stared at it, revolted.

  She looked again at Dan, glaring at him. He picked up a glass of water to take a sip, not looking at her.

  Mike came back on the bed, crawling up her body. He undid her jeans and pulled them off her. It was all happening in such a rush. She felt cheap and tawdry. At least with Graham, they had been married. He tugged at her T-shirt, lifting it up and over her head. She didn’t resist, she couldn’t be bothered to argue with him. She lay on the bed, wearing her bra and thong. Stacie wished she wasn't wearing sexy underwear, it gave an appearance that belied her feelings. It seemed wrong to be looking sexy while feeling nothing.

  He moved over to her right side, so Dan could see everything. He kissed her on her lips. She didn’t kiss him back. Mike quickly moved down to her breasts, pulling down the cup on her bra and inhaled deeply on her right nipple as his other hand twitched her left nipple, pulling and tugging at it. He licked and sucked intensively on her right bud till it was erect, then moved across to the other one.

  “Wow, your boobs are amazing,” she heard him say.

  He moved suddenly, coming up on his knees, positioning his cock next to her face. Erect, it swayed before her. Mike took hold of his cock and placed it next to her lips. Stacie closed her eyes, and opened her mouth. She could easily bite the damn thing but knew that wasn’t
going to solve anything.

  Mike placed his dick into her mouth. She sucked on it mechanically while he played with her breasts. He reached down, pulling her thong to the side. His fingers dipping in her pussy caused her to squeal and wriggle. She was still sensitive from her earlier arousal with Dan, when he sat with his cock on show. Mike took her noises as encouragement and dug his fingers in farther. Had Dan just been putting on an act to get her in the mood for Mike?

  His finger flicked over her clitoris while Stacie sucked his dick. He swung his leg over her head, putting them into a sixty-nine position. She stared briefly at his dangling balls and arsehole in her face before shutting her eyes tightly. She just lay with her mouth open, not even bothering to suck anymore, letting him fuck her mouth while he licked and teased her clitoris and inserted his finger into her hole. She couldn’t help making involuntary noises when his finger entered. He made circular movements with his fingers deep inside her. Her body jerked slightly, and he thrust his cock deeper into her mouth, making a loud groan.

  He pulled out and moved off her. Stacie turned to look at Dan. He wasn't even watching, but staring at the bedside cabinet. Could he not bear to watch Mike shagging her? Or was he just not bothered?

  Mike lay down on his back and quickly rolled on a condom. “Come and sit on me, babe,” he invited her, his latex-clad cock rearing up.

  Stacie turned around so her back faced Mike. At least she didn’t have to look at him. She gathered up an amount of saliva and lubricated herself like she used to have to do with Graham. Slowly, she lowered her pussy onto his dick, feeling him deep within her, then began to thrust herself up and down on his cock. She closed her eyes, wanting to allow herself to attempt to enjoy the sex session. Maybe she could get beyond the emotional and just concentrate on the physical. She rode his dick hard, feeling him fill her.

  “Oh God, yeah, baby. You’re so good, you’re so into it. Fuck me harder, baby. Make your tits jiggle.”

  She leaned back and felt Mike’s hands grabbing at her breasts as he thrust up to meet her.

  “You feel so good, baby, so hot and wet. Turn around, I want to see you.”

  Stacie pulled herself off him and turned herself around. She reinserted his cock and leaned over him, so her boobs jiggled in his face. He grabbed at them, sucking desperately on her nipples like a giant baby.

  “Lie down, sweetheart. I’m gonna fuck you so good you’ll come like you never did before.”

  Stifling a sigh, she moved off him, lying flat on the bed. He moved over the top of her, and shoved his dick in, thrusting deeply. Stacie looked at his face. He was clearly enjoying himself. Probably the best way to get this over with was to pretend to be enjoying it too. Mike began to thrust harder and faster, hurting her a little. Stacie grabbed the bed sheet, doing her best to make noises like she was enjoying herself when really the opposite.

  He came with a groan and she matched his noises, jerking her body as if she was coming. She looked over at the chair to see Dan gone.

  Mike climbed off her and pulled the condom off, tying it up and wrapping it in a tissue. Dan appeared bringing her a robe from the bathroom. She took it and pulled it over her body.

  “Thank you, Mike,” Dan said.

  “No hassles, she’s a beauty. Was that good for you, babe?”

  “Great,” she replied, not even bothering to fake a smile. He obviously wasn’t that brilliant at his job if he didn’t notice she didn’t get excited. She blinked back tears. She felt cheap, dirty and disgusting.

  Mike pulled on his clothes and Dan saw him to the door. Stacie sat up on the bed, tying the robe tightly around herself. She hated Dan, hated him!

  Had he seriously expected her to enjoy that? Stacie lay on her side and curled up into a ball as Dan stood outside the room talking to Mike. He was exactly the same as the rest of them, no respect whatsoever. How could she have thought he might love her? My God, she’d even been considering him as husband and father material. He’d done her a favour by getting this Mike involved. It was probably time for her Desires experiment to come to an end.

  Stacie climbed off the bed and went into the bathroom to clean up. Only an hour ago she had been so happy. Now she just felt empty. Tears of self-pity came and she sat on the toilet seat and sniffled for a few minutes. How stupid was she? For the first time, Stacie considered the possibility that maybe the contract was there for her own protection. Certainly getting emotionally involved with Dan was bringing her nothing but misery.

  Stacie headed back into the room. Dan was sitting on the bed. She didn’t say a word to him or even favour him with a look, but instead headed to the wardrobe, getting out her overnight bag.

  “What are you doing?” he asked, standing up and moving toward her.

  “Leaving.”

  “Why?”

  Stacie didn’t reply, pulling her things out of the wardrobe and stuffing them in her bag.

  “But you have paid until seven. I thought we could go downstairs and get something to eat and then come back here and—”

  “What…and shag? I don’t think so.” She pulled up the bag by its handles.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, sounding puzzled.

  “Don’t give me that. Look, I have things to be doing back at home, I need to get ready for work, sort a few things out. I have wasted enough time this weekend.”

  “What do you mean? I thought…” he said, standing up, coming close to her. Did she imagine the pain in his face?

  She pushed past him, dragging her bag through into the bathroom and started gathering up her toiletries. He followed her and stood at the door. “You thought what? That I’m a slag and need a good fucking? Was I wearing you out? Did you need to bring in someone else to help you?” Stacie laced her voice with generous amounts of venom.

  “No, not at all. I can’t believe you’re thinking that. I brought Mike in to allow you to experience another man, not to make you feel you’re a slag. I obviously made the wrong decision,” he said, his voice becoming a little high-pitched with panic.

  “Damn right, you did that all right,” she said, pivoting to scowl at him. Adrenaline pumped and she began to shake. She wrapped her arms around herself and glared.

  “I’m so sorry, Stacie, I never meant to make you feel that way. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing. You should have said something before if you weren’t enjoying it.”

  “Oh, right, so it’s my fault is it?”

  “No, I didn’t mean that! I thought that bringing in another man might just boost your confidence, I never even thought it would make you suffer the way you are. I swear Stacie, I’m so, so sorry, I cannot apologise enough to you. Please, stay a little longer.”

  Stacie stared at his beseeching face and exhaled, resenting his pathetic apologies. “I do need to go,” she said in a calmer tone. “I need some time to myself. I need to think about things.”

  “I just thought it might help. I never wanted to cause you pain.”

  “Just forget it. I have obviously taken it the wrong way. You’re only doing your job,” she said. She picked up her last few bits and put them in the bag, zipping it up, then dragged the bag back into the bedroom. She picked up her clothes from where Mike had dropped them.

  “Will you come back?” Dan asked her.

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Okay, wait here, I will just go and get you a leaflet.” Stacie quickly got dressed while he was out of the room and wandered over to look out of the window. Grey rain lashed the dismal gardens. Stacie looked around the room, wondering if she had truly just over-reacted to the whole situation.

  He burst back into the room, out of breath, a tri-fold leaflet in his hand. She walked back over to him and he thrust it at her. She took it, not looking.

  “It’s some suggestions of things you could do at home, you could buy a few vibrators, clitoral stimulants, oils, that kind of thing.”

  Stacie stuffed the sheet in her handbag. “Thanks. Well, I should be off.” She didn�
��t look at him, didn’t want to see the look on his face.

  Dan carried her bag down to the bottom of the staircase. The receptionists looked at her as they came downstairs, then exchanged a significant glance.

  This was it, then. She turned and took her bag off Dan. She raised her eyes to his briefly. He was smiling, but it wasn't convincing. She tried not to read too much into it, that was what had got her into trouble to begin with.

  “Goodbye,” he said, leaning to give her a kiss on the cheek.

  “Goodbye, take care,” she replied, accepting his kiss, but not returning it.

  Stacie turned and walked to the main entrance. She wondered if Dan was watching her go, or had he just disappeared. She looked back. He was still there, at the bottom of the staircase, watching her walk away. She opened the inner porch door, holding it open as she looked back one more time. He gave her a little wave, but he wasn’t even pretending to smile any more. She could stay. She had paid till seven after all. But it was time she accepted it, Dan wasn't her future. It was time to move on with her life.

  She let the inner door swing shut, and opened the outer door, the rain on her cheeks mixing with her tears as she left Desires.

  Chapter Ten

  Stacie’s flat was freezing when she arrived home. She dropped her bag on the floor and headed straight into the kitchen to switch the heating on. She turned on the lights and drew the curtains, then plumped herself on the sofa and stared round at her cold empty flat. It would take ages for the heating to warm the place up. She turned on the gas fire in the living room and stared at the flickering flames, feeling their heat warm her face.

  Wine might be a good idea. Wine and some music. She went into the kitchen and opened a bottle of Cava, pouring herself a glass then put on her favourite CD. Stacie sat cross-legged on the fake sheepskin rug in front of the fire and sipped her wine. She drained the glass and poured another, gulping it down, feeling the strength ebb from her limbs. Dan’s face floated in her mind’s eye. How did he feel about her? Really? He had seemed genuinely devastated that she was going. He hadn’t been able to watch Mike and her having sex, yet he had engineered it. If he had no feelings for her at all, he wouldn’t care that she was leaving, he was still getting paid after all. He wouldn’t care that she and Mike were having sex, in fact he would probably enjoy watching. All the evidence suggested that he did genuinely care for her.