Safe Words

by Magnolia Robbins

  When she called me in, I paused for a moment. Wondering if our little game would continue from Friday. Instead I was disappointed when she waved me forward. I walked to her desk, trying my best to avoid eye contact with her. Even when I even glanced in her direction, my face grew hot. As soon as I sat the papers on her desk, Scarlett picked them up, studying them. After she thumbed through, she looked up. There was a hint of something in her eyes. She looked distraught.

  “This will do,” Scarlett said, stacking the papers back together and placing them to the side of her desk. “That’s all.”

  I hesitated to leave, staring at her. Wondering if I should inquire if something was wrong. When she met my eyes, her lips pursed in their usual fashion. “Did you not hear what I said, Ms. Ross?” Her tone snapped me out of my trance and I nodded, turning to head back out the door without a word.

  The entire day was exhausting. Andrea worked me to the bone and Scarlett had little to do with me after our encounter that morning. In fact, she’d turned grumpier as the day progressed. I’d never been more ready to leave any place in my life. As I was gathering my things, Scarlett appeared from her office. When I looked up to her, we met eyes. Again, there was something about her that seemed very off. So much so, that it had me worried.

  “Goodnight Ms. Stone,” I called after her as she made her way towards the front of the office. She turned her head when I spoke but didn’t acknowledge me. Before I knew it, she’d fetched her jacket and left.

  While I’d made plans to see Justine that evening, my mood had turned so sour I’d ended up calling to cancel. It had been a while since we’d seen one another and she seemed disappointed. Just as we were about to hang up, we agreed to meet that weekend. “It’ll be fun,” Justine said. “We’ll go out and get your mind off of things.”

  My apartment felt more empty and alone than it ever had. And eerily quiet. After I’d ate leftovers, I grabbed a book I’d meant to finish for ages. By the time I’d made it through, I’d relaxed. Once I settled on the couch, I flipped on the television. I watched mindlessly, growing sleepy. A few minutes passed and my phone rang on the counter across the room.

  I was surprised to see that it was Megan calling. My eyes lingered on the caller-ID. It had been a while since she’d attempted to get a hold of me. Finally, my hand swept over the phone and I answered.

  “Natalia?” Megan sounded surprised.

  “Hi,” I said, as I made my way back to the couch. There was silence on the line for a moment before she spoke again. While her voice had usually caused me anxiety, for whatever reason I wanted to hear it tonight.

  “I didn’t think you’d answer.”

  “I didn’t think I would either,” I admitted, sighing. Silence again.

  “How are you?” Megan asked. I wasn’t sure how to answer that. If I should tell her the things that had been happening and how I was feeling. Or I should tell her that everything was fine and give her the simple answer. “Natalia?”

  “Exhausted,” I admitted, falling back into the couch. “I started a new job.” When Megan seemed to be genuinely interested, I told her all about it. She listened for what seemed like hours. About Scarlett, and how I was constantly trying to appease her. About Andrea, and how I thought she would kill me off one day. Once I’d finished, I realized I’d been rambling for a long time.

  “Oh Megan, I’m sorry. I’ve kept you too long,” I said, guilt running through me. She laughed on the other end of the line.

  “It was nice,” Megan admitted. “Getting to hear about your life again.” The way she said it sent a small wave of happiness through me. In that moment, I’d forgotten everything that had happened between us. She was just someone who cared.

  We chatted for a few more minutes till I grew tired. As I was getting ready to hang up the phone, Megan caught me by surprise. “Let me come up tomorrow and take you out for lunch.”

  The reality of our situation came rushing back. The entire reason I’d fled New Jersey. The reason I’d shut her out. I felt a wave of panic overcome me. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Megan. Not right now.”

  “You can do lunch,” Megan replied and I could hear the sternness in her voice. “Don’t tell me you’re going to let Justine brainwash you into never seeing me again.”

  “You know Justine isn’t the reason we ended,” I replied, my anxiety heightening.

  “Don’t turn this around on me,” Megan said. Her voice had grown angrier. “You’re to blame for this too, you know.” She didn’t have to say another word and I knew what she was thinking. Blaming me for her outlandish behavior. When she continued, my heart sunk even further in my chest. “If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have cheated.” There it was. The excuse she’d thrown at me dozens of times now. It was my fault.

  Anger shot through me at a rapid pace. I sat up from the couch and paced the room. It took everything I had not to yell at her. Somehow I stayed calm. “Please don’t blame your behavior on me. You did that. It had nothing to do with me.”

  “You had everything to do with it,” Megan snapped. It was crazy to see how fast she’d gone from calm to heated. A detail I’d forgotten when I’d been drawn in by her charm.

  “I’m going to go,” I said before she could speak further.

  “Natalia,” Megan’s voice calmed, but I’d made up my mind.

  “Goodnight, Megan.” When I’d hung up the phone, I sunk into the couch. I could feel tears streaming down my face. For a minute I thought to call Justine, but I knew what she would say. Instead, I wallowed in self-pity on the couch until I fell asleep.

  Andrea woke me early the next morning, insisting I come in immediately. Frazzled, I did my best to make myself presentable. There was no amount of makeup that would hide my puffy eyes, so I ignored them. The taxi ride was quick to the Baker Publishing building. When I’d arrived at the office, Andrea was quick to comment on my state.

  “You look like a train wreck,” she said. I didn’t have the energy to retort. She made her way back to my desk, where a huge stack of papers sat. “I need you to call all the designers today and make sure they’re prepared for next week. If there’s any changes, take extensive notes. Scarlett will want to see all of this today. When you’re finished, come find me.”

  I sunk into my seat, flipping through the pages and pages of designers I had to call. At the top, Jamie from Gucci. I let out a silent laugh, picking up the phone.

  When Scarlett arrived shortly after, I’d just finished confirming with Jamie. I watched her trail into the room, wearing another fashionable suit. She’d pinned some of her dark brown locks away from her face. It was the first time I’d seen her with a different hairstyle. When she reached my desk, she paused, staring down at me. I offered a small smile, my hands brushing over the papers on my desk.

  “Good morning, Ms. Stone,” I managed to say. Her stare was fierce, studying me. The expression on her face hinted at concern, but she didn’t voice it. Instead I watched her eyes study my face for a long length of time before she spoke again.

  “Have you finished the confirmations?” Scarlett asked me in that strict tone of voice.

  “I’m working on that now,” I admitted, nodding to the list in front of me.

  “Bring it as soon as you’re finished,” she replied, turning on her heel to walk to her office. I watched her as she left. As soon as the door closed, my attention turned back to the phone.

  The morning passed by quicker than I had expected. I finished the confirmations and took the completed notes to Scarlett. After she looked them over, she seemed pleased. “Very good Ms. Ross. That’s all.”

  I turned to leave, relieved she’d been satisfied with my work. Just as I was about to place my hand on the door, Scarlett called out.

  “Ms. Ross.”

  I turned to face her. Her expression was one of slight concern. “Are you well?” The way she said it filled me up a little inside. She was worried about me.

  “Just fine,” I replied, offering a
small smile.

  Scarlett did not seem the least bit convinced, but she let me go without another word. When I went to sit back down at my desk, a wave of emotion overcame me. My mind was distracted as I returned to my notes. It wasn’t for long however. A familiar voice echoed from across the room and my whole world stopped at once.

  “I’m looking for Natalia Ross,” she said. The blood rushed from my face. It felt as if my heart had stopped beating in my chest. I sunk into my chair as far as I could. My entire being begged for me to be hallucinating. And then I saw her cut around the corner, Robin pointing in my general direction.

  Megan was a gorgeous woman. Long flowing dark brown hair paired with enchanting green eyes. She had a tall, lean frame, toned from years of competitive swimming. As a whole, she looked seemingly innocent. Everyone who’d ever met her thought she was charming. So had I, for a long while. Funny how time changed things.

  She was holding a bouquet of sunflowers, which were my favorite. Of course. Every little detail to play the part of the dutiful ex-girlfriend, trying to make it up to me. As soon as we met eyes, she broke into a smile. I was unable to do anything but struggle to breathe.

  “What are you doing here?” I managed to speak when she reached me.

  “I’m here to take you out to lunch,” Megan replied, handing me the sunflowers. I couldn’t help but stare at them for a moment, feeling almost disgusted in a way. When I took them from her, I immediately threw them in the garbage at my feet.

  “Well, that wasn’t very nice,” Megan said, though it was clear by her expression that the gesture wasn’t appreciated. It was very rare I challenged her. A wave of confidence overcame me.

  “I thought I made myself clear yesterday,” I said in a hushed tone. “How did you even know where I worked?”

  “It’s easy to look up a high-profile name like Scarlett Stone,” Megan admitted. “One quick search and—”

  “You’re stalking me,” I hissed at her. It was hard to catch my breath again. If she’d been so quick to figure out where I’d been working, it was impossible to know if she’d figured out where I lived too. “I told you I didn’t want you to come.”

  “I thought when you saw me—”

  “What? That I’d change my mind?” I stood up from my seat, glaring at her. My entire body was shaking. There hadn’t been a time in recent memory I’d been so angry. “Leave, Megan. Right now.” Once again, I was impressed with how assertive I’d sounded. There had been so few times I’d stuck up for myself in front of Megan that I could count them all on one hand. Megan glared at me and it became apparent that the office was looking at us. I brushed a strand of hair from my face. My stern expression did not fade.

  “Let’s just go and talk about this,” Megan said. The way she spoke wasn’t a suggestion. It was a demand. Laced with a threat. There were always consequences. It made me sick to my stomach. To my left, I heard the clicks of heels. After a moment, Andrea appeared beside me, looking rather annoyed.

  “Is there a problem?” She looked at Megan. “Who are you?”

  “None of your business,” Megan said, turning her attention back to me. “Come on, Nat. All I’m asking for is lunch. You can do lunch.” Again, it was like a twisted demand. It wasn’t just that I could do lunch. I would do lunch. Before I made another reply, Megan’s hand wrapped around my wrist. Tight. Fear shot through me so fast I had no time to think. Memories I never wanted to remember. My arm ripped away from her, stepping back as far as I was able. Pain shot through my wrist where I’d pulled away, but I didn’t care. It had likely been unintentional that she’d grabbed me so hard. She would have never dared to do that in public. Either way, it got a rise from me.

  “Get off of me!” I yelled. Anxiety plagued me. The minute I grew louder, Scarlett’s office door flew open. She stood in the doorway, staring the three of us down.

  “What is going on?” Scarlett demanded, looking to each of us. Her eyes landed on me last. It was clear she’d been interrupted and was very annoyed. I didn’t think I would be able to handle much more of this. It was enough having to deal with Megan, but with Scarlett breathing down my neck too...

  Andrea cleared her throat. “We were just dealing with it, Ms. Stone.”

  “It doesn’t look as if it is being dealt with,” she replied, her eyes back on Megan. “Who are you?”

  “You must be Scarlett Stone” Megan said, scoffing at her. “I’ve heard all about you.” By her tone, I could tell anything that followed that sentence would be bad. “You sound like a real bitch from everything Nat told me.”

  “Megan,” I felt myself trembling then. “Please go. Please. I’m begging you.” While I’d been full of complaints about work the previous night, I’d not once called her names. Not once spoken ill of her. Once again, Megan was twisting my words.

  “Are you finished?” It wasn’t a question, though Scarlett had posed it as one.

  “Let’s go, Natalia,” Megan said, looking at me. Her eyes were frightening. I almost gave in, wanting to diffuse the situation. When Megan got what she wanted, things calmed. Scarlett spoke before I had an opportunity to surrender.

  “I’m afraid Natalia isn’t leaving,” Scarlett said. “And I suggest you do. Unless you need my security team to escort you.” Not once in the history of my existence with Megan had I ever seen someone so firm with her. Scarlett wasn’t afraid. In fact, she seemed only annoyed. Her arms crossed across her chest, eyes not wavering from Megan.

  Megan scowled at her and then turned to me. She leaned in close, her voice growing quieter. I was still able to make it out, regardless. “I see you haven’t changed. Always getting other people to handle your problems.” I couldn’t look at her. Mortified.

  “I’m a very impatient woman,” Scarlett warned Megan, who turned to gaze at her. “I won’t ask again.”

  Megan hesitated for just a moment. It looked as if she might utter another seething retort. She turned to me and I saw that empty expression in her eyes. The look that came when she’d finally snapped. It was terrifying. “This isn’t over.” Once she’d said it, she stormed from the office, not looking back. I stood at my desk trying to catch my breath. My body was shaking. Eyes were on me in every direction.

  “Ms. Ross,” Scarlett said. When I looked up at her she was staring straight at me. “My office. Now.” The last thing on earth I wanted was to go into Scarlett’s office. To have another demand shoved down my throat. Especially after how embarrassed I felt. But I listened, moving around my desk. It took everything in my power not to cry.

  Scarlett shut the door behind us. As soon as she did, her voice softened. “Sit,” she said calmly, as she moved around me to lean against the side of her desk. I didn’t look up at her, choosing instead to stare at the floor. My hand wrapped around my sore wrist. There was a red mark where Megan had gripped me and it ached from when I had pulled away.

  “I thought you’d like a moment,” Scarlett glanced at me. I nodded, still unable to make eye contact with her. She didn’t speak further and instead walked back around her desk to sit. I listened as she worked on her computer, and as soon as she did I let out a small quiet sob. For a minute I let my emotions take over. They overwhelmed me. It had been a long time since I’d experienced this. When I recovered, I wiped my face with the back of my hand and looked up to Scarlett.

  “I’m so sorry,” I apologized, but she waved me off, turning her attention towards me. When we met eyes, I spoke again. “Thank you.” She nodded, a look of concern on her face. I stood up from the seat before she could speak further. The last thing I wanted was pity. All I needed was to get back to work. We stared at each other for a moment longer and then I turned away, walking out of her office and back to my desk.

  By the end of the day, I’d started to relax. Andrea kept me busy until she left. Even after she’d gone, I was unable to leave, worried if I’d run into Megan when I did. After the nasty threat she’d given me, I didn’t doubt she’d come around. Instead, I sat at my des
k, reading over an old catalogue of stories from a previous year. I’d immersed myself for a while until I heard the door to Scarlett’s office open.

  “Natalia,” Scarlett said behind me. It was one of the first times she had said my first name. The sound of it echoed in my mind. It was so intimate. Personal. I turned to look at her. “You’re still here.” I nodded, unsure of what to say. I didn’t have to speak. She knew why. We looked at each other for a long moment.

  “Come have a drink with me,” Scarlett said, motioning into her office. I studied her for a moment, hesitating. However, it didn’t take me long to realize that I really wanted the drink. I stood up, making my way past her into her office. My body fell into the luxurious leather sofa on the far side of the room. Scarlett pulled a bottle off of a long bookshelf across from me, and two glasses next to it. She set them on her desk, opening the bottle.

  “I received this at an awards ceremony last year,” Scarlett said. “Laphroaing scotch, single malt. Aged for twenty five years.” Once she’d poured the glasses, she came to sit beside me, handing me one. “Do you drink scotch?”

  “I’ve never had it,” I admitted, holding the glass between both my hands.

  “Sip it slowly,” Scarlett instructed. “That’s likely a hundred dollars’ worth. It’s meant to be savored.”

  A hundred dollars’ worth of alcohol in my hands. If it weren’t for the fact that I was drained, I might have made a remark. Instead I took a small sip. It was smooth and sweet tasting. “It’s good,” I said, nodding to thank her.

  Scarlett looked pleased, taking a drink herself. When she finished, she studied me for a long while, not speaking. Finally, she cleared her throat. “I’m assuming the woman from earlier was the ex-girlfriend you referred to.” The thought of Megan sent a wave of pain through me. I took another small sip of the drink and then nodded. “Does she always behave that way?”

  For a moment I considered lying. Telling Scarlett that it was unusual behavior and that I didn’t know what had gotten into her. Instead I realized that I didn’t want to. I wanted to tell her the truth. I wanted to confide in her. There was something about her that felt trustworthy. Like I had nothing to fear in explaining myself. “That was tame compared to normal.” My eyes drifted on hers, waiting for a reaction.