All Piss and Wind

by David Salter

  lazy jacks: light lines suspended either side of the main that gather the sail as it drops and helps hold it along the boom.

  lead: not the heavy metal used in keels. A lead – as in to ‘lead’ a horse – is a simple system of navigational markers to assist in the entry and exit of ports or to avoid major hazards. Two signs or lights on shore are positioned so that when they appear to line up, one directly above the other, the yacht is on a safe course.

  lee: leeward. The side the wind is going to. A ‘lee shore’ is therefore a dangerous place, but to be ‘in the lee’ of something is usually a protected, safe position.

  lee cloth: length of stout fabric attached along the side of a bunk and held up by lines to make a temporary wall that stops the occupant from falling out.

  leech: aft, or ‘trailing’, edge of any jib or mainsail.

  Liar’s Dice: infantile game of deliberate deception which uses five six-sided dice on which are engraved the 9, 10, Jack, King, Queen and Ace patterns of playing cards. Traditional means of passing time in the cockpit when becalmed.

  lift: favourable change in wind direction that allows the yacht to sail closer to its desired track. (Opposite to ‘knock’.)

  loom: dim show of light in the night sky that indicates the position of a town or lighthouse still below the horizon.

  luff: (n) forward, or ‘leading’, edge of a mainsail, jib or spinnaker.(v) to deliberately steer the boat higher into the wind than it should be sailing, usually for a short period, to assist in sail trim or for tactical reasons.

  made!: hail from a person at the mast that confirms a sail has been hauled all the way up.

  Mae West: old-fashioned style of lifejacket with prominent buoyancy compartments on the chest (an indecorous allusion to the former Hollywood actress with similar features).

  manila: traditional laid rope made from hemp.

  mark: buoy or other fixed point that must be rounded during a race.

  mast step: either on deck or below, a fitting usually in the form of a ‘shoe’ that holds the base of the mast in position.

  maxi-yacht: when first coined, the term indicated any racing yacht larger than 60 feet overall. Now a ‘maxi’ is more likely to be around 100 feet.

  MOB: man overboard. Most modern navigational systems have an ‘MOB’ button which holds the precise latitude/longitude coordinates immediately when pressed.

  mouse line: a light length of line attached to the end of an existing sheet, halyard or reefing line. When the main rope needs to be pulled through and removed it then brings the ‘mouse line’ behind it so that the replacement line can, in turn, be pulled into place by the ‘mouse’. Trust me, it works.

  NS14: Northbridge Senior. A highly-evolved development class of centreboard racer which for more than 30 years has offered very close competition.

  numbers: information provided by a yacht’s instruments, but predominantly boat speed, wind speed and wind direction.

  over-ride: nasty accident when, under load, one turn of rope on a winch overlaps the next in a way which locks the line in an unwanted position.

  pack: (v) art of storing a spinnaker in its bag in such a way that it can be swiftly raised when next needed. Packing mistakes are always disastrous, so no crew member complains that this process usually entails using the entire space below.

  pall springs: tiny pieces of coiled wire no larger than a baby’s fingernail. Without them a winch is useless.

  passage: any decent-length offshore trip from here to there (as distinct from ‘around the cans’ or ‘out and back’ races).

  peak: the highest part of a sail.

  peel: tricky process used in close racing where a new jib or spinnaker is hoisted inside (or outside) the existing sail, then the original is ‘peeled’ and dropped, leaving the new sail in its place.

  pick: (n) vernacular for anchor, from the old Admiralty pattern anchors whose straight shaft and curved flukes looked vaguely like a pick.

  pipe berth: lightweight bunk consisting of two aluminium tubes between which is slung strong fabric in the style of a stretcher.

  plane: type of motion that is only possible in centreboard boats and high-tech modern yachts where an advantageous power-to-weight ratio and flat aft sections allow the boat to lift its bow and scoot along the surface of the water rather than through it.

  port/starboard: there is no ‘left’ or ‘right’ in sailing. All directions are defined in relation to the ship’s ‘head’, i.e. where the boat is pointed. Everything to the left of a yacht’s centreline facing forward is ‘to port’; everything to the right is ‘to starboard’.

  primaries: the largest pair of winches on the boat, normally used to sheet the headsails.

  protest: the Racing Rules of Sailing can be complex when boats meet. Because all yachts have an obligation to avoid collision there is often no time to reach a definitive decision on the rules during a race. If one skipper hails ‘Protest!’ and flies a red flag from the backstay, then the issue will be resolved on land during a meeting of the Protest Committee. This is a tedious ritual to be avoided at all costs.

  pulpit: the framework of welded stainless steel tubing that provides some security for crew working at the bow of the boat.

  quadrant: plate attached to the rudder stock inside the boat, shaped like a quarter circle, which carries the line or chain from the steering wheel and moves the rudder.

  rack/cot: common terms for a single bunk.

  rail: windward edge of the boat. Competitive yachts demand that any crew not directly engaged in a task sit shoulder to shoulder ‘on the rail’ to help flatten the boat. Ultra-competitive yachts insist that their crew eat and even sleep on the rail. Sheer madness.

  reach/reaching: the quickest, and often most enjoyable point of sailing, with the wind coming directly at the boat’s beam.

  reciprocal: bearing 180 degrees removed from the current direction of a yacht’s track, i.e. what the compass would show if you were able to steer straight back along the boat’s wake. Particularly important in man overboard situations.

  reef/reefing: process of reducing the area of the mainsail to match increasing wind strength.

  rhumbline: navigator’s theoretical straight line between a yacht’s current position and the next waypoint. Often the fastest course, but not always.

  righting moment: effect of the keel or other factors, including moveable ballast, in resisting the tipping-force of the wind to keep the yacht upright.

  rock stars: casual crew with such fine reputations that they are invited to join a yacht for a specific race or regatta. Universally disliked.

  rod rigging: form of rigging in which the normal wire rope shrouds that support the mast are replaced by solid lengths of drawn, high-tensile stainless steel.

  rudder stock: vertical shaft that holds the rudder in the boat and allows it to be turned.

  run (square): when the wind is directly behind the boat (‘up our clacker’). Always an uneasy point of sailing because the risk of an involuntary gybe is never far away.

  runners: additional rigging lines (usually wire) that run aft from high on each side of the mast on most offshore yachts. The runners must be eased on one side and taken up on the other during each tack.

  Samson post: sturdy post, bollard or cleat set into the foredeck of most traditional yachts used for securing the mooring line.

  scantlings: standards of component strength to which a yacht is built.

  scarf: delicate carpentry method whereby wooden surfaces can be joined using an overlapping shape cut into each edge.

  section: particular circumference dimensions and pattern of a spar, most often an aluminium mast.

  sextant: centuries-old navigational tool which measures the declination of the sun from the horizon, usually taken at noon.

  sheave: revolving part of a pulley or block that carries the rope or wire.

  sheer: graceful curvature of a yacht’s deckline, as viewed in profile. Normal sheer is concave; convex shee
r is called ‘reverse’.

  sheets: ropes used to control a sail, usually attached at the clew. The ‘main sheet’ controls the boom.

  ships’ chandler: purveyor of all things nautical.

  shrouds: wire rigging that holds up the mast.

  shy: point of sailing at which the wind has come ahead of the beam, making it difficult to carry the spinnaker.

  sked: contraction of ‘scheduled radio check’. All distance ocean races require participants to radio in their position at two nominated ‘sked’ times every day.

  skiff/dinghy: both are small sailing boats, and the distinction is often difficult to make with any certainty. Skiffs are usually ‘open’, i.e. without decking, while ‘dinghies’ tend to be enclosed. The exception is a rowing dinghy (sometimes also called a ‘tender’), which is always un-decked. The traditional 12, 14, 16 and 18-foot skiffs have provided many of Australia’s finest ocean-racing sailors.

  skirt: lower portion of a headsail that often catches on the lifelines. ‘Skirting the jib’ – lifting that part of the sail clear after a tack – is a standard foredeck chore.

  skite plaque: yachts that complete a major offshore race are traditionally given a small engraved plaque recording their participation. These mementos are often then attached to the main saloon bulkhead.

  sloop: single-masted yacht carrying a jib and mainsail. Still the basic configuration for most ocean-racing boats.

  smoke: vernacular term for letting a halyard run free. Largely confined to emergencies.

  snatch block: ingenious type of sheet block in which one side (the ‘cheek’) is hinged so that a line can be made captive without the need for threading the end.

  sole: floor of the cabin, usually slippery or covered with sails.

  sounding: the depth of water as indicated on a chart.

  spinnaker: large, colourful sail flown from the masthead downwind to increase speed. Source of alternating misery and delight.

  spreader: also ‘cross-tree’. Strut protruding from the mast to help hold shrouds in position and transfer rigging loads.

  square: see ‘run’.

  staysail: small jib, usually set on an inner forestay closer to the mast.

  stern: rear end of a boat.

  stew: any meal served during a race containing meat, with a consistency anywhere between soup and bitumen.

  stick: the mast.

  Stockholm Tar: resinous extract of pine wood used to preserve hemp rope.

  stringers: narrow planks of wood fastened longitudinally along the inside skin of a hull to add strength.

  swaging tool: rigger’s implement that looks like large bolt cutters but used to compress soft metal sleeves (the ‘swage’) around wire rope to seize a loop.

  tack/tacking: (v) the action of turning a yacht through the eye of the wind so that the sails settle on the opposite side and the boat can then commence sailing upwind on the new tack. Also (n) the forward lower corner of a sail that is secured to the deck or boom. And (n) a supply of preserved food kept on a yacht in case of emergency.

  tailer: person who rapidly hauls in the loose part of a sheet or halyard before the grinder takes the full load on a winch.

  Tasman Seabird: wholesome class of 37-foot sloop designed in the late 1950s by Alan Payne, sometimes rigged as a yawl.

  tell tales: short lengths of wool attached to sails or shrouds that indicate the direction and strength of airflow.

  tether: stout length of webbing with snap-hooks at each end used to attach crew to deck strong-points or jackstays during bad weather.

  thermals: special underwear worn under wet weather clothing designed to generate and preserve body heat. Don’t leave home without them.

  thwart: a plank fitted transversely across the full width of a small boat or dinghy, often used as a seat.

  tight: sailing angle that takes the yacht very close to the wind.

  tiller: basic form of steering implement. The helmsman controls the rudder angle with a simple ‘tiller’ lever.

  timber hitch: overhand knot, usually tied around the boom to secure a reaching line. The ‘tail’ of the rope is wound around the loop many times to make it secure.

  top/bottom (marks): the ‘top’ rounding mark is upwind, at the end of the ‘working’ leg; the ‘bottom’ mark is downwind, at the end of the ‘running’ leg. All clear?

  topping lift: line similar to a halyard used to lift the spinnaker pole or boom.

  topsides: surface of the visible part of a yacht’s hull above the water.

  trapeze: system used by many centreboard classes in which the crew suspend themselves in a harness at the end of a wire from the mast and can therefore stand out on the gunnels and use their bodyweight to help keep the boat upright.

  traveller: track running across the boat, often near the helming position. The lower block of the mainsheet tackle can be slid to any position along the traveller to control mainsail twist.

  trick: period any one crew-member spends steering the boat.

  trim/trimmer: person responsible for the fine adjustments to the sails.

  truck: fitting at the top of the mast.

  trysail: small loose-footed sail rigged in place of the mainsail in extreme weather.

  Tupperware: any mass-produced fibreglass yacht.

  up/down: yet more terms for a boat’s heading relative to the wind direction. ‘Up’ is towards the wind, ‘down’ is away from it.

  vang: device between the mast base and the boom, often hydraulic, used to keep the end of the boom from kicking upwards while sailing with the wind behind.

  VB cord: light line used for lashing and sundry small jobs on a yacht. So called because it is the same type of line used to control venetian blinds, and is often sold as such.

  VHF/HF radios: all proper yachts have a VHF (Very High Frequency) radio which can be used for close-proximity and coastal communications. The VHF monitoring channel for emergencies is 16. Passage-making yachts competing in Category One and Two events must carry an HF radio, which can send and receive over much longer distances.

  Victor Bravo: sailing slang for Victoria Bitter (VB) beer. Derived from the international phonetic alphabet system (V for Victor, B for Bravo).

  VJ: ‘Vaucluse Junior’. Delightful little sailing dinghy just 12 feet long designed in the 1930s for cheap and easy construction. If you can sail a VJ you can sail anything.

  VMG: ‘Velocity Made Good’. When a boat is tacking into the wind its speed through the water may be 5 knots but the zig-zag course means it is not closing its target at that rate. The VMG is the calculated actual rate at which yacht is covering ground into the wind.

  water ballast: recently-fashionable system of pumping large volumes of water from tanks on one side of a yacht to the other during tacks to help keep it upright. Now largely replaced by canting keels.

  waypoint: fixed geographical landmark or nominated position used by the navigator to plot a course.

  weather (rail): high side of a heeled yacht (where the ‘weather’ is coming from).

  weather/lee helm: few yachts retain a ‘neutral’ helm, especially in strong wind. ‘Weather helm’ is the resistance the helmsman can feel in the wheel or tiller because the boat wants to ‘round up’ into the wind. ‘Lee helm’ is the opposite.

  wet locker: dedicated hanging space on a boat where wet weather gear can be stored. The idea is for the water to drain off the clothing directly into the bilge. Few modern boats have an adequate locker.

  windward: where the wind is coming from. Sailing to ‘windward’ is the hard work of tacking into the breeze. A ‘windward boat’ is between the breeze and your boat.

  work: stuff the owner rarely does. Also, the standard term for sailing to windward.

  zed: normal unit of sleep at sea, as in ‘Send up a few zeds, did you?’

  Zodiac: trade name for the most popular brand of small rubber inflatable boat, now used generically to describe all such craft.

  Think where man’s glory most be
gins and ends

  And say my glory was I had such friends.

  William Butler Yeats, 1939

  BOOKS DON’T JUST HAPPEN. Even frivolous little tomes such as this need somebody to make them real. That credit must go to Jeanne Ryckmans of Random House, who laughed when I first suggested the title and just took things from there. My heartfelt thanks to Jeanne for steering through a project that few other publishers would have had the wit or imagination to take on. She was splendidly supported through the editing and production process by Roberta Ivers, one of the many talented worker bees at The House of Random, and a painstaking editor, Sara Foster.

  In truth, writing this book was the easy part; it was the previous 50 years or so of sailing to accumulate the experiences that took all the work. Most of my sailing time has been spent on OPBs – Other People’s Boats – so the least I can do here is thank those other people for all the wonderful rides they’ve given me over the years.

  First, my great schoolmate, Les Donovan, who was always keen to try something new, however weird or wonderful; the immortal Melrose Brothers from the Concord & Ryde Sailing Club who taught us as kids to race hard, but always by the rules and with honour; Mick York, my first yachting mentor and a walking practical encyclopedia of all things nautical; Steve Murphy, a good, brave sailor and absolute artist with wood who still shares my passion for beautiful boats; Ted Thomas, my boss at the Seven Network during the 1980s, who encouraged me to mix work with pleasure (and looked the other way when pleasure won); the late Jack Rooklyn and his son Warwick – the masters of Apollo – who let me savour the special thrills of maxi racing; Jim Hardy (later Sir James), to whom I owe too many things to mention, of which maybe the greatest is that sailing should always be fun; Hugh O’Neill and Dal Wilson, good mates who taught me so much about boat management and the principles of safe passage-making; Steve Grellis, a terrific seafaring companion; Bob Mills, a fellow scribe who coaxed me back into serious offshore racing when he saw I was spending too much time at work; Chris Oh, a fine navigator and generous owner; Max Whitnall, who lent us his classic S&S Vittoria to sail to Lord Howe and – amazingly – paid all the bills; John Sturrock, a true gent and font of sailing knowledge; and Nigel Stoke of the mighty Fidelis, a splendid yachtsman and wonderful host who has the unique knack of making every sail pleasurable.