In Her Words (A St. Skin Novel): a bad boy new adult romance novel

by London Casey

  Plus, there was nothing wrong with waking up next to a tattooed hunk of a man.

  I couldn’t say things were getting out of control, but I still felt surges of guilt. Every time I looked at Paisley and Cass together.

  “I can watch her today,” Cass said.

  “What?” I asked, turning, his body still pressed tight to mine.

  “Paisley. I can watch her.”

  “You have work.”

  “It’s not a real office job, darlin’.”

  “It’s a tattoo shop. How does that work?”

  “I don’t know. I’ll make it work.”

  I touched his face. “I love that you want to spend time with her. I have two important meetings and then I’m getting her out of daycare. I’ll come up.”

  “This driving thing is starting to get old,” Cass said.

  It was week after week of me and him trading days to see each other. I did most of the driving though. Cass had a bigger house and more of a social gathering than I did. Truth be told, I was sort of sick of my house. I was sick of the town. The people. The work even. It was just a constant reminder of what had happened. Driving that hour to Cass’s place was like stepping into the future. It was so dumb, I know, but it was my little escape.

  Paisley saved me from an uncomfortable conversation as I slipped away from him to go get her ready. There was something about Cass and I doing things together, like we were real parents.

  Real parents.

  I hated the way that sounded.

  He was a real parent. He was the one who created Paisley.

  And me?

  Who was I to Paisley?

  I held her as I stood at the dining room table, double-checking my bag to make sure I had everything I needed for my meetings.

  Cass appeared, wearing his jeans and his leather jacket. He was big and bad, but a total mush around his daughter. Not to mention Paisley loved him. The second she saw him, her hands shot out for him.

  “Come here, pretty girl,” Cass said and took the baby.

  There was nothing quite like the sight of him holding her. It soothed me in a way that was hard to explain.

  “Do you like doing this?” Cass asked.

  “Yeah,” I said. “It’s my business. I love what I do. Some of the meetings … yeah, they’re a little boring. But it keeps me going.”

  “You see that?” Cass asked Paisley. He pinched her belly and she smiled big. “That’s the best woman in the world, pretty girl. And she’s taking care of you. And me. How’d we get so lucky?”

  “Cass … stop …”

  He walked to me and put his free arm around me. “Darlin’, this is us right now. This is our family.”

  I looked at Cass. It was hard to accept. It was easy to fall but hard to stay down. Cass’s eyes devoured me. Things were moving to another level. A level I didn’t mind, but a level that worried me.

  “You’re not sure,” Cass whispered. “I get that. Listen to me though. We have to go with what’s now.”

  “Is this wrong?” I asked. “Look at us.”

  “Yeah, look at us,” he said.

  Paisley let out a yell and grabbed for my hair.

  I was running late. I didn’t have time for soul searching conversations.

  Cass carried Paisley out to my car and got her into her car seat. We stood there, awkwardly, before he leaned in and kissed my cheek.

  “I’ll keep my promise,” he whispered. “I’ll take care of you and Paisley.”

  The words made me shiver.

  “I’ll call you later, Cass. Go tattoo some people.”

  “And you go make some logos and shit,” Cass said.

  It was good to leave with a laugh.

  I sat in my car and watched him climb on his motorcycle. When the engine started, Paisley let out another yell.

  He cruised away and I just sat there.

  I was running more late by the second.

  My eyes filled with tears.

  My heart knew what it wanted, but there was a piece that just wasn’t sure.

  Was this the real thing or was I just a replacement?

  Cass

  NOW

  Passing the cemetery’s gates left me shivering a little.

  I needed closure. I had things rolling through my mind that weren’t working in my favor. I really liked Diem. Shit, I—I loved her. I loved her in a way that was hard to tell her without scarring her. I knew she saw me as Scarlett’s baby’s father when she looked at me. I didn’t know how to get rid of that. I couldn’t change what happened. If anything, Paisley was the miracle that brought me and Diem together.

  The cemetery was set up in alphabetical order, which helped my quest be a little easier.

  I stopped my motorcycle, nodded to those who were trying to rest, and went to face the woman I had fallen in love with during the course of one night. The same night Paisley had been conceived.

  I walked to the grave and stood there. I stared down.

  That’s where Scarlett was.

  Resting there forever now.

  I crouched down and touched the blades of grass.

  Her name etched in stone, her memory etched into me. And yet so also lived on through those blue eyes of Paisley. Maybe Paisley would get her wild side. Then again, maybe Paisley would get my wild side. Either way, I was in big trouble.

  Diem.

  “Shit,” I whispered. “I’m here for closure. To try and understand all of this. I wish you would have called me. I don’t know what I did or said to make you think I wouldn’t have been there. I would have, Scarlett. For every appointment. For every ache, pain, and worry. I would have been there. You chose something else and I have to live with that. I don’t know how any of this after life shit works, but if it does exist, then I need you to go comfort Diem. She doesn’t understand how important she is. And not just to Paisley.”

  I stood back up. I ran my hand through my hair.

  You’re really talking to a rock and some grass?

  “I don’t know what I’m doing,” I said. “I know I love that little girl. I’m going to take care of her for the rest of my life. And I also know that Diem needs to be there too. But at the same time, I’m sorry, Scarlett, for what happened. You didn’t deserve this. You didn’t deserve to be alone when pregnant. Shit, if I could find a way to …”

  I swallowed it all down.

  There was no changing things.

  My focus needed to be for Paisley. The rest would fall into place as needed.

  I got back on my motorcycle. I really had to get to the shop. I had three bookings for the day and that was going to be my entire afternoon.

  I fired up my ride and looked over my shoulder. I could see Scarlett’s grave in the distance.

  That’s when a question hit me.

  What happened to the guy that caused the accident?

  Some things were best left unanswered, but I wasn’t the kind to accept that.

  And for that, I was entering another world of trouble.

  Diem

  NOW

  My meetings were done. All went well. I had business that would last me for another couple months. That was security and it felt good. I picked up Paisley up from daycare just as she was about to fall asleep. That worked to my advantage because within a minute of getting her into the car, she was out cold.

  I sent Cass a text that I was on my way.

  He texted me back and said he left a key under the mat at his house.

  Then he added something else.

  You could keep that key. You should.

  I was driving and couldn’t respond. Even if I could, what would I say?

  Take a key from him? Wasn’t that a big deal? Didn’t that imply things between me and him were really serious? Or was it just a convenience thing because of Paisley?

  The questions burned in my head as I drove.

  Halfway there, the engine light in my car came on. I took my foot off the accelerator and stared at the orange light.


  “Shit,” I whispered.

  I had put a crap ton of miles on my car since I met Cass.

  I had the radio off because of Paisley sleeping. I pressed the gas pedal and listened. I had no idea what I was listening for though. I knew nothing about vehicles. I just didn’t want to experience breaking down halfway between my house and Cass’s house.

  I kept going and tried to call Cass.

  He didn’t answer.

  The little light on my dashboard wasn’t going to go out.

  When I finally saw the sign welcoming me to Hundred Falls Valley I had a little sense of relief go through me. I knew one thing—I wasn’t going to chance it by driving all the way to Cass’s house. St. Skin was closer.

  I looked in the mirror and saw the blue eyed baby looking at me.

  “Hey, pretty girl,” I said.

  Paisley smiled.

  I never called her pretty girl until Cass started doing it. Now I couldn’t stop. And Paisley loved it.

  “I guess we’re going to visit Daddy at work.”

  Saying that bothered me, even though it shouldn’t. Cass was Paisley’s Daddy. But me? I was just … Diem. I had no idea what I would end up becoming for her.

  Mom?

  Aunt Diem?

  Aunt D?

  Just Diem?

  I parked in the back lot of St. Skin and saw Cass’s motorcycle.

  There was a guy outside having a cigarette.

  He was a big guy, looking like he was ready to finish his smoke and start a fight. I thought it was the owner of the St. Skin, Tate.

  I hoped I wasn’t going to get Cass into trouble by showing up.

  The second he saw me, he dropped the cigarette and stepped on it. He waved his hands, washing away the smoke into the air.

  I climbed out of the car and grabbed the car seat.

  The only way to get into St. Skin was to go through this lunk of a man.

  He put his hands to his hips and watched me as I approached.

  “Hello,” I said, knowing my voice cracked.

  I was afraid of him.

  “Diem and Paisley,” he said. “And you’re looking at me like I’m a bad guy. You don’t remember me?”

  “Tate?”

  “There you go,” he said. Then he crouched down to face Paisley. “And look at this. What a beautiful baby.”

  “Thank you. I’m sorry if this isn’t allowed. I’m here …”

  Tate looked up. He raised an eyebrow, looking cocky. “You’re here to see Cass. I doubt you’d be getting ink.”

  “Something’s wrong with my car.”

  Tate stood up. “You don’t have to have explain it to me.”

  “I just don’t want Cass to get into trouble.”

  “Cass gets into trouble on his own,” Tate said. “Come on, I’ll take you in.”

  The big mean guy looked like a gentle giant as he held the door open. He surprised me when he stopped and asked if he could carry the car seat to give my arm a break.

  I nodded, mostly out of fear.

  Now Tate had my baby. My baby. The thought came so natural.

  Music was everywhere in the shop, just like the first time I had been there.

  As soon as we got to Cass’s office, the door popped open and out walked a beautiful woman. Long blonde hair. Tank top. Huge boobs. She had a bandage on her skinny right arm. Her eyes were bright blue.

  Cass came out behind her, looked at me, and did a double take.

  “Found this out back for you,” Tate said.

  “Hey, pretty girl,” Cass said. He dropped down and kissed his daughter. Then he looked to the woman and nodded. “You can go up front and finish up. I’m going to see my girls.”

  Girls … that included me.

  I met eyes with the blonde beauty.

  “Thanks again, Cass,” she said. She touched his shoulder. “Your work is amazing.”

  “Come back anytime,” he said.

  The woman walked away.

  Tate put the car seat down. “I’ll just leave this here.”

  “Thanks for your help,” I said.

  Tate looked at me. “No worries. And, hey, if you need, there’s a garage you can take your car to.”

  “What’s wrong with your car?” Cass asked.

  “Engine light came on halfway here,” I said.

  “Let me butt in for a second,” Tate said. “Cass, if that was your last one, take off for the rest of the day and night. Spend time with your family.”

  “Thanks, Tate,” Cass said. He unbuckled Paisley from her car seat and picked her up. He hugged her tight and a flood of happiness spread across his face. He took a deep breath. “I love the way she smells.”

  “Me too.”

  “And the way you smell, darlin’,” Cass said with a wink.

  My face blushed.

  “Oh, I thought I sensed innocence in here,” a voice said.

  It was Prick.

  He walked right to Paisley and grabbed her hand. “Do you want to give Uncle Prick a hug?”

  “Uncle Prick?” Cass asked.

  “What?” Prick asked.

  “That’s a little …” I said.

  “Fine,” Prick said. “Uncle P. Is that better?”

  “Much,” I said.

  “Can I hold her?” Prick asked.

  “Get out of here,” Cass said. “I’ve been waiting since this morning to hold my little girl.”

  “This morning?” Prick asked. He looked at me, raised an eyebrow, and grinned. “Interesting.”

  “Get out,” Cass said.

  Prick put his hands up and walked away.

  Cass addressed me. “Your car.”

  “Engine light,” I said.

  “We should get that taken care of,” Cass. “Let’s head over to my place so I can get my truck. We’ll take your car to Gonzo right now.”

  “Gonzo?” I asked.

  “Yeah. He fixes everything. Top notch guy.”

  Cass grabbed the car seat and was already on the move.

  No matter how hard I tried to resist him, I couldn’t help it.

  He was taking care of me, like he promised.

  And I liked it.

  Cass

  NOW

  I rushed into the house to get my keys but made a stop at my laptop. I had it on the table, open. All it took was a click and the screen would turn and reveal what I had been up to. I made a quick stop home that morning before heading to St. Skin. My curiosity got the best of me and I started to conduct a little research.

  It was all trouble. And I knew it was going to bite me in the ass.

  I was back outside a few minutes later and climbed up into my truck.

  Diem followed me back into the heart of Hundred Falls Valley, right to Gonzo’s garage.

  It wasn’t a glamorous looking garage by any means. Hell, there wasn’t even a name on the building other than the words Auto Garage in faded black paint on the side of the place. Not that people would come to town looking for him. Everyone in town knew Gonzo. Before I came to town, he lost his wife to cancer. That left him searching for something to fill the time. Or at least that’s what I was told.

  I pulled up to the second garage bay, which was closed. I waved Diem to pull up to the first one.

  I got out of the truck just as Gonzo came walking out of the office. He left the door open when he saw me. He was holding a blue shopping bag tied in a knot. He had a navy blue shirt on with the word Coach on his left breast.

  “Gonzo,” I said.

  “Cass,” he said.

  We shook hands.

  “I have a big favor,” I asked.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “My daughter’s—” Mother. Caretaker. The woman raising her. “—you know my situation. Something is wrong with Diem’s car.”

  “Yeah, sure, leave it here,” Gonzo said. “I’ll get a look at it. No worries.”

  “Leave it? You’re out for the day?”

  “Coaching soccer,” Gonzo said. “Practice t
onight.”

  “Shit,” I said. “I’m sorry, Gonzo, but can you look at it now? I’ll pay you whatever your double time rate would be.”

  He laughed. He grabbed my shoulder. “You don’t want her around?”

  “Christ, I didn’t say that,” I said. “She’s a nervous wreck. And driving the baby around, she lives an hour away. I don’t want anything to happen. To either of them.”

  “Yeah, okay,” Gonzo said. “But, uh, the cost—”

  “Name it.”

  Gonzo reached to his back pocket and pulled out a hat. He showed it to me.

  “Coach,” I said.

  “You have to go coach the kids,” Gonzo said. “Just practice.”

  “I don’t know a damn thing about soccer.”

  “Neither do I. Just make them run.”

  I looked back and saw Diem looking at me. I nodded. I waved her out of the car.

  “It’s a deal,” I said. “I’ll take care of soccer. You take care of her car.”

  I introduced Gonzo to Diem and Paisley. He told Diem he would take good care of her car. She didn’t realize what my payment was in the deal until we were sitting in the truck. I put on the coach hat and curled my lip.

  “What are you doing?”

  “He’s the coach,” I said and pointed to Gonzo as he drove Diem’s car into the bay.

  “So now you’re the coach?”

  “Yeah.”

  “To a bunch of kids?”

  “Exactly.”

  “And you have no experience?”

  “None,” I said.

  “Cass …why?”

  “Because I love … I love you and Paisley.”

  I got down on one knee. I looked into the eyes of ten six year old kids that looked ready to eat me as though I was made of milk chocolate.

  “Does anyone know who I am?” I asked.

  A bunch shook their heads. One little girl lifted her hand.

  “Yeah? What’s your name?”

  “Annie,” she said. “You draw on people.”

  “Exactly,” I said with a grin. “I draw on people. But tonight I’m Coach Cass. Will you all say that?”

  In almost unison they all said, “Coach Cass.”

  “Now, let me run down our roster here.” I went through all ten names. Everyone was present.

  It was time to start practice.

  Soccer practice.