In Her Words (A St. Skin Novel): a bad boy new adult romance novel

by London Casey

  I looked up at Cass. “Did we know each other?”

  “No, darlin’,” Cass whispered. “I lived in a different town. We always picked on your town for being rich.”

  “I wasn’t rich, Cass,” I said.

  “To us you were. I was running away that night, Diem. My band was falling apart. I was a burden to Ma. I had the cops all over me. My life was a mess and I was done with it all. So I was leaving. I was cutting through the woods to get to the main road. Then I was going to hitchhike, take a bus, whatever. When I broke through the woods, I saw smoke coming out of your house. The backdoor was open and I just …”

  “So we’ve been connected for years,” I whispered.

  “I guess you could say that,” he said.

  My heart ached and twisted harder than ever before. His connection with Scarlett had been fast and deep. They had one night together and in that night they created a baby. Now I was raising the baby and Cass was helping. Yet he and I had our first moment long before all of that.

  “Darlin’, where do we go from here?” Cass asked.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “My life keeps changing, Cass. From the second I met you, it’s been a roller coaster.”

  Cass reached up and wiped a stray tear off my cheek. “You’ve been on a roller coaster longer than that, Diem. I’m just now sitting next to you. That’s the truth. You know that. Let me keep sitting with you. There’s no place I’d rather be. Learning about you. Loving you.”

  Loving you.

  It stole my breath away.

  “Cass, I need to go. To work. I’m going to be late.”

  “Leave Paisley with me,” he said. “Go to your meetings. Good luck. Kick some ass.”

  “I don’t know where my head is right now,” I admitted.

  “I know. I’ll go with you if you want. Keep you company.”

  “These meetings are boring.”

  “You’re the one talking? I doubt it’s boring. You can present anything you want to me. I’d buy it.”

  “Thanks,” I said with a weak smile. “Cass, this is all confusing for me.”

  “Me too,” he said. “I normally don’t do the fate thing, but look at it. You and me. I saved you all those years ago. And now you’re saving me.”

  “How am I saving you?” I asked.

  “You’ve given me my family,” he said. “I lost the road and my heart for it. I bought this house with no intention of doing a thing. The barn was supposed to be my return to music and it’s a mess. I feel calm when I’m tattooing but that’s not twenty-four-seven, darlin’. You and Paisley make me feel calm. You make me feel complete. I’m a father because of you, Diem. I owe you for the rest of my life for that.”

  “But Scarlett—”

  “You found me,” Cass said. “She didn’t. We need to settle the past. Move forward. I’m so sorry I didn’t go back into that house. To try and save your parents.”

  “You don’t have to apologize for a thing,” I said. “But I really do need to go.”

  Cass nodded. “Go kick some graphic design butt and come back home to me. Home, Diem. Right here.”

  I kissed Cass. A goodbye kiss. It felt good to kiss him like that.

  I set my sights on Paisley and gave her about fifty kisses.

  I left the house, fully trusting Cass with Paisley. He was her father.

  And he saved me from my burning house. But he didn’t save my parents. But that wasn’t his fault.

  I made it less than a mile before I burst into tears again.

  I missed Paisley. I missed Cass. I missed Scarlett even. And I knew what I wanted. I wanted to live with Cass. I wanted him to keep saving me.

  Cass

  NOW

  I sat on the floor and held Paisley, taking in all the cartoons one man could handle. It was longer than I expected and only ended because she started to get a little fussy. Nothing a quick diaper change and a few tickles couldn’t take care of. I still had some time to kill before I needed to head to the shop so I set Paisley up on the floor with some toys and grabbed my laptop.

  I had research to do.

  Before I could open the laptop, Paisley had herself sitting up and she pulled herself up to the table. She stood there, bending her knees, looking like she was dancing. She looked right at me and smiled.

  “You’re messing with me, pretty girl,” I said. “You want to walk.”

  She could cruise through the house crawling like it was nothing. I had learned a quick lesson preparing my house for a baby. Every corner and every step was now a new danger.

  Paisley side-stepped while holding the table. She started to move down the table. A second later, she snatched the TV remote and slammed it on the table. The noise scared her and she let go of the table, waving her hands. She fell back and down to her butt.

  “Uh-oh,” I said.

  Paisley smiled at me again and tried to put the remote in her mouth. I hurried off the couch and plucked it out of her tiny hand.

  “Here, pretty girl,” I said and handed her a teething ring. “You get this.”

  Paisley took the toy and started to chew on it. I couldn’t help but stop right there in that moment and stare at her. She was so beautiful. Just precious and beautiful. I thought about that night with Scarlett. Sitting on that stage, writing those lyrics. I really felt something. I could never deny that. Why it didn’t go anywhere else … that was a story that would never be written. The ending was already given away. Scarlett was gone.

  I had Diem though. I never wanted to lose her either. I just wanted to make everything right. Make it fair. Make the past go away by settling it.

  I leaned forward and kissed Paisley’s head. “I have to do something, pretty girl. I need you to be good. Then we’re going to Daddy’s work. You can hang out with Uncle P and Big Daddy Tate.”

  I laughed at myself.

  I reached back for my laptop and opened it.

  My research had me finding the initial story about Scarlett’s death. The heartbreaking three paragraph article in the paper. A quick story for someone who had so much more than that deserved to be written about her. There was more, though. A follow up on the story. An arrest made in the accident. The driver of the other vehicle hadn’t just hit Scarlett’s car and killed her. The asshole got out of his truck and walked away. Drunk, walking away from an accident that took someone’s life.

  The third and final article had his name printed.

  Matthew.

  I came up on a dead end until I jumped over to social media. It took me only a minute to find this guy. And I knew it was him because his picture was eerily similar to the one in the article.

  Before I could react, I needed more information.

  I shut the laptop and reached for my phone.

  It was missing.

  Turning, I saw that my pretty little girl had taken off with my phone. She had it in her mouth and was crawling. I crawled after her. She dropped the phone and started to crawl faster and giggled.

  It was a game now.

  It was a game I loved to play.

  I chased Paisley around the couch three times on my hands and knees. When I’d catch up, I’d gently grab her ankle and tug. Just enough to make her cry out in laughter. Finally, I scooped her up and rolled to my back. I held her up in the air. She stuck her fingers into her mouth. A string of drool dripped from her mouth down to my shirt. I didn’t give a damn though.

  I just looked into those baby blue eyes and fell in love again. I would fall in love with this little girl every single day of my life. And I’d do the same with Diem.

  I sat up and held Paisley. “Okay, pretty girl. I need to make a phone call. Then we’re going to St. Skin.”

  Jonesy picked up on the second ring. He knew I rarely called just to say hi and see how he was feeling. He was the one who helped me find Diem’s house.

  And now he was the one who was going to help me find the guy that killed Scarlett.

  Paisley was the talk of St. Skin. I stopped a
t a store and picked up a baby walker so she wouldn’t be cooped up in a car seat or in someone’s arms all afternoon.

  Damn, did she love the freedom.

  Bolting up and down the shop, stealing everyone’s attention.

  I never saw Tate melt like he did around Paisley.

  After I finished up my first tattoo, I was able to catch my breath and hold Paisley for a little while. I texted Diem and she said she was almost done. I told her to take her time. That Paisley was in a chair getting MOM tattooed on her arm.

  Diem didn’t like that joke at all.

  As I stood in St. Skin when it was finally quiet for five minutes, everyone was hanging around. I was holding Paisley. That’s when an idea hit me. Danielle was behind the counter, chewing gum, playing on her phone. Tate and Maddox were looking at a folder of something.

  “Hey, I need your help,” I announced.

  Everyone looked at me.

  “What’s wrong, daddy?” Prick asked. He leaned against a wall and crossed his legs.

  “She’s turning one soon,” I said. “Really soon. I know I haven’t talked all that much about Paisley’s young life, but things are a little crazy right now. I’m learning how to be a good dad. I’m trying to figure out things with Diem. But it shouldn’t hurt Paisley at all.”

  “I think we can all agree on that,” Tate said. “What do you need?”

  “Diem lost everyone in her life when Paisley became hers. I don’t think Paisley is going to have a birthday party. Like a real birthday party. I can’t let that happen. This little girl needs to have a real party. And I’m looking at you to help.”

  “A bunch of tattooed outlaws?” Tate asked.

  “Pierced creeps like me?” Prick asked.

  “Exactly,” I said. “You’re my family. All of you.”

  “Damn,” Max said. “The rock star has a heart.”

  “Skip the rock star stuff,” I said. “I’m a father. And the best artist in this shop.”

  “Whoa whoa whoa,” Tate said. “That could start a war.”

  “Good,” I said with a grin. “You all know I’m right.”

  “What do you need from us?” Prick asked.

  “Everything,” I said. My phone started to ring. I looked. It was Jonesy. I walked toward Prick and let him take Paisley from me. “I have to take this call. Don’t tell Diem about the party yet. I’m going to surprise her later. But just get things in order. We’ll have it here.”

  I ran down the hall and out the back door.

  “Jonesy,” I said into the phone, accepting the call. “Give me good news.”

  “I found your guy.”

  I listened to a twisted story that left me with my lip curled and my free hand balled up tight into a fist.

  “He just walked away and got away with it all?” I asked.

  “Basically. It’s back door shit, Cass, okay? He was some kind of reporter or something. Not big time but in tight with police. He knew how things could go. Walking away let him sober up. They couldn’t prove he was drunk. Even though it was speculated when they found beer and booze in the truck. Anything spilled he claimed was because of the accident. He said it happened so fast and sent him into shock. That he had a traumatic experience as a kid in a car accident. He claimed PTSD.”

  “Fuck him,” I growled.

  “That’s what happened. He admitted wrongdoing for leaving the scene and for causing the accident. He was put into jail for one night and released on bail. Damn, Cass, I hate to say this, but since Scarlett didn’t have anyone fighting in her corner, it sort of faded out.”

  “She was forgotten,” I said.

  “Basically.”

  “Shit.” My stomach did a flip. The anger and bile climbed up my throat. I wanted to spit fire and scream hate.

  “I’m sorry, Cass, but you wanted the truth.”

  “So keep telling me.”

  About Matthew, the man that killed Scarlett. My Scarlett. Paisley’s mother.

  “What’s this going to do?” Jonesy asked.

  “Closure,” I said, knowing that perhaps it was a lie. There was just a burning inside me, demanding to know the fate of Scarlett.

  “Closure,” he said. “Right. I don’t know what else you want. He was brought up on vehicular manslaughter charges but it never gained legs. I don’t like saying this shit because I’m a cop, but there were a lot of favors called in and handed out, okay? The thing never made it to trial. A judge settled out of court. He served a month inside, but it was a well-protected facility. He came out and was given parole and that was that. Nobody batted an eye, said a word.”

  “He’s alive and well right now,” I said.

  “Alive, yes. Well? Who the hell knows? If he was whacked out on booze and killed someone, that’s got to be on his back for the rest of his life.”

  “But Scarlett never got her day.

  “Cass, what do you want me to say to that? You’re going to make me regret this, aren’t you?”

  Before I could answer, the back door opened and Prick came walking out with Paisley in his arms. She was twisting, wanting out.

  I couldn’t blame her.

  I stared at my daughter.

  Things were lining up, finally.

  “Thanks, Jonesy,” I said. “I’m good here. I really appreciate the help.”

  I hung up the call and took my daughter from Prick.

  “You okay, bro?” Prick asked.

  “Fine.”

  “You look ready to kill someone.”

  I looked at Paisley, then at Prick. “Just realizing that I would die for this girl in my arms. And I would kill for her. She has a long road ahead of her. I need to make sure that road is as smooth as possible.”

  “That’s really deep,” Prick said. “And I agree. You’re a good father, Cass.”

  “Thanks, Prick. Just help me figure out this party, okay?”

  “You got it.”

  Prick went back inside.

  I held Paisley tight. I kissed the top of her head.

  “I love you, pretty girl,” I said. “I swear I’m going to protect you for the rest of my life. No matter what.”

  Those words and that promise were the reason I would end up in jail.

  Diem

  NOW

  “You’re tough to track down.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose. There were fifty excuses in my head. None of which I was going to give to Jason, my attorney.

  “I didn’t have anything to say,” I said. “Or nothing I want you to say.”

  “I’m just checking on things,” he said. “I know you found Paisley’s father.”

  “How?”

  “The world is smaller than you think,” Jason said. “I just need to know what your intentions are now.”

  “With what?”

  “Diem, the second he goes to a lawyer, you’re in big trouble. Not actual trouble, of course, but things could end up in court trying to decide Paisley’s fate. I hope you realize that.”

  “I know. I’m trying to figure this out with him.”

  “You trust this guy?”

  “I do. He’s been really good to Paisley. And me.”

  “Okay. I’m not your therapist though, Diem. I’m not going to tell you right from wrong when it comes to your emotions. I know how much Paisley means to you too. You need to talk to him about his intentions and then we have to get a plan in place. You’ve done too much for too long to just be pushed out of the picture.”

  “That would never happen,” I said.

  “You’d be surprised,” Jason said. “But, again, I’m on your side. Just keep yourself guarded and come up with a plan. It won’t last forever like this, okay? Eventually the legal system will have to step in and decide what’s best for the baby.”

  It was a sobering conversation to have.

  When it ended, I walked up my stairs and into the nursery. I stared at Paisley as she slept. I wondered what she dreamt about. I never wanted her to carry the stuff I carried on m
y shoulders. Worry. Doubt. Guilt.

  There was only one thing that could chase all that away though.

  Cass.

  Maybe I was being a little greedy but I spent my entire life not being greedy. Was it all that bad? Paisley had her father. I had a man who could hold me, touch me, and look at me in a way that made me feel truly alive. All that legal stuff mattered but did it matter more than trying to have a family? The one thing I never had. The one thing Cass never had. And the one thing Paisley deserved.

  I knew it was all going to blow up in my face … but I went with it anyway.

  Cass stood at the bottom of the steps as I held Paisley.

  “You need my help, darlin’?” he asked.

  “No. I need a me and Paisley nighttime routine.”

  “You got it,” he said with a smile.

  I had officially spent three nights in a row at Cass’s place. I had a few names of realtors in my bag, meaning I was seriously considering moving into Cass’s house. I wanted a family. I was in love with Cass. I couldn’t deny how I felt about him or what he had done for Paisley. And me.

  The key was how to handle the legal process. But that would come in time.

  I never moved like this in my life. Other than being forced from family to family, when it came time for me to make a decision, I always took my time. With Cass, all rules were out the window.

  It took me an hour to get Paisley down and settled. That included some extra cuddle time, but that was time I would never give up for anything else.

  When I went back downstairs, Cass was at the table. He shut his laptop, pushed it aside, and stood up. He came right to me, his eyes locked to mine. He made me feel like I was the only person in the world that mattered.

  I touched his strong, tattooed arms as he held my waist. He turned and sat on the couch, keeping me standing.

  “You know, I need to check on that tattoo,” he said.

  “That’s been healed for a long time now,” I said.

  “But a good artist always follows up.”

  He smiled big as his fingers gently pulled my pajama bottoms down. Just enough to expose the heart tattoo he had given me. Yeah, it was fully healed. There was nothing to check. Cass’s lips gently touched the heart and my body started to melt.