Skill With People
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Introducing the Skill With People Mobile Application
Do you have skill with people? Put Les Giblin’s classic guide to career success, a better social life and improved family life at your fingertips.
This how-to guide gives you quick access to common sense tips and techniques that will help you meet new people, close the deal, or dazzle the crowd.
Answer 10 questions to find out if you are people smart. Then scroll through the skills that you need to build on. Have a specific challenge you need advice on? Go to Real Life Challenges to find out how to ace the job interview or make small talk at your cousin’s wedding.
Make the most out of your personal connections as taught by the master of people and sales skills. Learn to communicate with impact; influence with certainty; and listen with sensitivity.
Available now for download
Welcome
Skill with people is the most rewarding of all human talents.
Your skill with people determines the quality of your business life, your family life and your social life.
The knowledge and techniques in this book will greatly increase your skill with people.
Do use them!
I am happy to be of help to you in this vital area.
Good luck.
CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Page
Human Insight #1
Human Insight #2
Human Insight #3
1 Understanding People and Human Nature
2 How To Skillfully Talk to People
3 How To Skillfully Make People Feel Important
4 How To Skillfully Agree With People
5 How To Skillfully Listen To People
6 How To Skillfully Influence People
7 How To Skillfully Convince People
8 How To Skillfully Make Up Peoples' Minds
9 How To Skillfully Set Peoples' Moods
10 How To Skillfully Praise People
11 How To Skillfully Critique People
12 How To Skillfully Thank People
13 How To Skillfully Make A Good Impression
14 How To Skillfully Make A Talk
15 Some Final Thoughts For You
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Human Insight #1
How We Learn
(and buy)
83% through SIGHT
11% through HEARING
3.5% through SMELL
1.5% through TOUCH
1% through TASTE
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Human Insight #2
How We Retain Information
10% of what we READ
20% of what we HEAR
30% of what we SEE
50% of what we SEE and HEAR
70% of what we SAY AS WE TALK
90% of what we SAY AS WE DO A THING
* * *
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Human Insight #3
* * *
Understanding People and Human Nature
1
The first step in increasing your skill in dealing with people (successful human relations) is to properly understand people and their nature.
When you have a proper understanding of human nature and people – when you know why people do the things that they do - when you know why and how people will react under certain conditions – then and only then can you become a skillful manager of people.
Understanding people and human nature simply involves recognizing people for what they are; not what you think they are, nor what you want them to be.
What are they?
PEOPLE ARE PRIMARILY INTERESTED IN THEMSELVES, NOT IN YOU!
Putting this same thought another way – the other person is 10,000 times more interested in themself than in you.
And vice versa! You are more interested in yourself than you are in any other person in the world.
Remember that people’s actions are governed by self-thought and self-interest. This trait is so strong in people that the dominant thought in charity is the satisfaction or pleasure that the giver gets from giving, not the good the gift will do. That comes second!
You don’t have to apologize or become embarrassed in recognizing that human nature is self-interest. It has been that way from the beginning of time and will be that way till the end of time for people were put on earth with that nature. We are all alike in this respect.
This knowledge that people are primarily interested in themselves, gives you the basis on which to work in your dealings with people.
It also gives you power and skill in your dealings with others. In subsequent chapters you will see how many successful techniques spring from this understanding.
It is a key of life for you to realize that people are primarily interested in themselves and not in you.
How To Skillfully Talk To People
2
When you are talking to people, pick out the most interesting subject in the world to them to talk about.
What is the most interesting subject in the world to them?
THEMSELVES!
When you talk to them about themselves they will be deeply interested and utterly fascinated. They will think well of you for doing this.
When you talk to people about themselves, you are rubbing them the right way. You are working with human nature. When you talk to people about yourself, you are rubbing them the wrong way and working against human nature.
Take these four words out of your vocabulary -
“I, me, my, mine”
For those four words, substitute one word – the most powerful word spoken by the human tongue:
“YOU”
E.g., “This is for YOU,” “YOU will benefit if YOU do this,” “This will please YOUR family,” “YOU get both advantages,” etc.
KEY - If YOU will give up the satisfaction YOU get from talking about YOURSELF, and that YOU get from the use of the words “I, me, my, mine,” YOUR personality efficiency and YOUR influence and power will be greatly increased.
Admittedly, it is hard to do and it does take practice, but the rewards make it well worth it.
Another good way of using peoples’ interest in themselves in conversation is to get them talking about themselves. You will find that people would rather talk about themselves than about any other subject.
If you will maneuver people, into talking about themselves they will like you very much. This is done by asking them questions about themselves such as:
“How is your family, John?”
“How is that boy of yours in the army coming along?”
“Where is your married daughter living now?”
“How long have you been with the company?”
“Is this your home town, Mrs. _____________?”
“What do you think of ___________, Mr. _________?”
“Is that a picture of your family?”
“Did you enjoy your trip?”
“Did your family go with you, Mary?”
Most of us are not effective on others because we keep busy thinking and talking about ourselves. The thing to remember is that it is not how you like your remarks and subject; it is how your listeners like them.
So when talking to others, talk about them. And get them talking about themselves.
That is how you can become a most interesting conversationalist!
How to Skillfully Make People Feel Important
3
The most universal trait of mankind, a trait you and everybody else has – a trait so strong that it makes people do the things that they do, good and bad – is the desire to be important, the desire to be recognized.
To be skillful in human relations, be sure to make people feel important. Remember that the more important you make people feel
, the more they will respond to you.
Everybody wants to be treated as a somebody. This is the basis for the Asian habit of “saving face.”
Nobody wants to be treated as a nobody, and when they are ignored or talked down to, they are being treated as just that.
Keep in mind that to the other person, they are just as important to themselves as you are to yourself. The use of this trait is one of the cornerstones of successful human relations.
Some tips on how to recognize people and make them feel important:
Listen to them. (See Chapter 5, “How to Skillfully Listen to People”)
Listening to people is just about the best way to make them feel important.
Failure to listen to them makes them feel unimportant.
Applaud and compliment them.
When they deserve it. It must be sincere.
Recognition and appreciation are basic human needs.
Use their names as often as possible.
Call people by their names and they will like you.
It is much better to say, “Good morning, John/Mary” than to say, “Good morning.”
Pause before you answer them.
This gives them the impression you have thought over what they said and that it was worthy of thinking over.
Use the words - “you” and “yo ur.”
Remember, avoid “I, me, my, mine.”
“You” and “Your” make them the important ones.
Acknowledge people who are waiting to see you.
If they have to wait, let them know you know they are waiting. This is really treating them as a somebody.
Pay attention to everybody in a group.
A group is more than one, not just a leader or spokesperson.
How to Skillfully Agree With People
4
Just about the single most important step you can take to be skillful in human relations is for you to master the Art of Being Agreeable.
Truly, this is one of the gems of wisdom of our time. Probably nothing will help you so much in your lifetime as this easy-to-do technique of being agreeable.
As long as you live, never forget that any fool can disagree with people. It takes a wise person, a shrewd person, a big person, to agree – particularly when the other person is wrong.
The Art of Being Agreeable has six parts:
Learn to be agreeable, to agree with people.
Get yourself into a frame of mind, an attitude of being agreeable.
Develop an agreeable nature. Be a naturally agreeable person.
Tell people when you agree with them.
It is not enough to be agreeable with people, let people know that you agree with them.
Nod your head “yes” and look at them when you do it and say to them, “I agree with you” or “you are right.”
Do not tell people when you disagree with them unless it is absolutely necessary.
If you can’t agree with people, and many times you can’t, then just don’t disagree with them unless it is absolutely necessary.
You will be amazed at how seldom this will be.
Admit when you are wrong.
Whenever you are wrong, say so out loud – “I made a mistake,” “I was wrong,” etc.
It takes a big person to do this and people admire anyone who can do it
The average person will lie, deny or alibi.
Refrain from arguing.
The poorest technique known in human relations is arguing. Even if you are right, don’t argue.
Nobody wins arguments or friends by arguing.
Handle fighters properly.
Fighters want one thing – a fight.
The best technique to handle them is to refuse to fight with them. They will sputter, fume and then look silly.
The Art of Being Agreeable –
a. People like those who agree with them.
b. People dislike those who disagree with them.
c. People don’t like being disagreed with.
How to Skillfully Listen to People
5
The more listening you do, the smarter you will become, the better you will be liked, and the better conversationalist you will be.
A good listener always winds up far ahead of a good talker in the affections of people. This is because a good listener always allows people to hear their favorite speakers: themselves.
There are a few things in life which will help you more than becoming a good listener.
However, being a good listener is not an accident. There are the five rules, which make a good listener –
Look at the person who is talking.
Listen with your eyes as well as your ears; keep looking as long as they are talking.
Anybody worth listening to is worth looking at.
Lean toward the speaker and listen intently.
Appear as if you don’t want to miss a single word
There is a tendency to lean toward the interesting talker and away from the not-so-interesting ones.
Ask questions.
This lets the person who is talking know you are listening.
Asking questions is a high form of flattery.
Questions can be simple as:
“What happened then?”
“Then what did you do?”
Stick to the speakers’s subject and don’t interrupt.
Don’t change subjects on a person until they are finished, no matter how anxious you are to get started on a new one.
Use the speaker’s words – “you” and “your.”
If you use “I, me, my, mine” you are switching the focus from the speaker to yourself. That is talking, not listening.
These five rules are nothing more than courtesy. Never will courtesy pay off for you so much as it will in listening.
How to Skillfully Influence People
6
The first big step to getting people to do what you want them to do is to find out what will make them do it (what they want).
When you know what will move them, you then know how to move them.
All of us are different. We like different things. We place different values on different things. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that other people like what you like or are after what you are after.
Find out what they are after, what they like.
Then you can move them by telling them what they want to hear.
You simply show them how they can get what they want by doing what you want them to do.
This is the big secret of influencing people. It means hitting the target with what you say, but naturally you must know where the target is.
As an example of putting this principle to work, let’s assume you are an employer and you are trying to get an engineer to come to work for you. You know that several other companies have offered this person a position.
Applying this principle, “Find Out What People Want,” you would first determine just what in a position and company the engineer was looking for and what appealed to this person most. If you found out that it was advancement opportunity, you would show how much advancement opportunity you had to offer.
If the candidate was after security, you would talk security. If further education and experience was important, you would talk about that. The point is that you would find out what the engineer wanted and then you would show how the candidate could get what he or she were after by doing what you wanted (e.g., to come to work for you).
To make this principle work from the opposite position, let’s assume you are applying for a job you want very much. You would first find out the abilities, duties and responsibilities needed so that you could show them that you could fill their needs. If they need a persons to handle customers over the phone, you would mention that you could (or had) handle customers over the phone. After you knew what they were looking for, you could talk language they wanted to hear.
The method of Finding Out What People Want is used by asking, watching and list
ening to them, plus the effort on your part to find out.
How to Skillfully Convince People
7
It is human nature for people to be skeptical of you and of what you say when you are saying things that are to your own advantage.
You can eliminate much of this skepticism when you make self-serving statements (statements that are to your own interest) by going at it in a different way.