Skill With People
Page 2
That better way is for you not to make the statement directly but to quote somebody. Let somebody else make the statement for you, even if that somebody else isn’t even present.
If you are asked if the product you sell will last a long time, you might answer, “My next door neighbor has used one for four years and it is in good condition.”
In effect, your next door neighbor is answer the question for you, even though he isn’t around.
If you were applying for a position and the prospective employer wondered if you could do the work, you would mention how well pleased your past employers have been, etc.
If you were trying to rent your apartment and the people you were trying to rent to wondered if it was quiet you would mention that the past tenants remarked how quiet the apartment was.
Now, in all these examples, you do not answer the inquiry or question. Your next door neighbor, your part employers and your past tenants do the answering for you.
The people you are talking to will be more impressed than if you were to answer.
It’s an odd thing, but people won’t have the slightest doubt that what you tell them indirectly is true. Yet they will be highly skeptical if you say it yourself.
So, speak through third persons!
Quote people.
Relate success stories.
Cite facts and statistics.
How to Skillfully Make Up Peoples Minds
8
There is more involved in getting people to say “yes” than luck, guesswork, or their whim.
Those skilled in human relations have several techniques and methods, which greatly increase the chances of people saying “yes” to them. (Getting them to say “yes” simply means getting them to do what you want them to do.)
Here are four good methods –
Give people REASONS to say yes to you.
Everything in this world is done for a reason. So, when you want somebody to do something, give them a reason as to why they should do it.
However, be sure the reasons you give them are their reasons, meaning reasons that are to their advantage and benefit.
The wrong way would be for you to give reasons that would be to your advantage or benefit.
In short, tell people how they will benefit by doing what you want them to do, not how you benefit.
Ask “yes” questions.
When you are trying to get people to say “yes” to you, first get them into a “yes” frame of mind. This is done by asking them two or three “yes” questions.
Examples –
“You want your family to be happy, don’t you?” (Of course they do.)
“You want the best value for your money, don’t you?” (Of course they do.)
A “yes” question is a question that can only be answered with “yes.”
The idea behind “yes” questions is that if you get people into a yes frame of mind, it makes it more probably they will say yes to you.
Be sure, however, to ask “yes” questions properly. NOD YOUR HEAD WHILE YOU ARE ASKING THE QUESTION AND BEGIN THE QUESTION WITH THE WORD “YOU.”
“You want the best product, don’t you?”
(Nodding your head.)
“You do want a secure future, don’t you?”
(Nodding your head.)
Give people a choice between two yeses.
This simply means getting people to choose between saying yes to you one way or saying yes to you another way. Either way they chose they are saying yes to you.
It is highly preferable not to give them a choice between a yes and a no, which happens when you ask them to do something.
Yes means they will do it. No means they won’t do it.
The skill is to have them choose between doing what you want one way or another way. If you want an appointment with Mr. Smith, for example, you might say:
“Would this afternoon be satisfactory, Mr. Smith, or do you prefer tomorrow morning or afternoon?” (You are giving Mr. Smith a choice of times to see you - a choice of yeses.)
The least effective way would be to ask for an appointment. This way you are giving him a choice between yes (you can have the appointment) and no (you can’t have the appointment.)
Examples –
“Do you want the black or do you want the white?”
(Rather than, “Do you want one of these?”)
“So do you want to start work tomorrow or Tuesday?”
(Rather than, “Do you want to start work?”)
“Do you want this charged or do you want to pay cash?”
(Rather than, “Do you want this?”)
This method won’t work every time, but it will work a good deal of the time. And it will work far better than giving people a choice between saying yes and no.
Expect people to say “yes” to you and let them know they are expected to say yes.
When you expect people to say yes to you, that is confidence. However, this goes one step further than confidence. You let them know and definitely give them the impression that they are expected to say yes.
Almost all people start off in “Neutral” and can be led. Many never doubt or waver doing what you want, once you let them know it is expected of them.
This is excellent psychology and will be easy for you to practice after the first few successes.
How to Skillfully Set Peoples Moods
9
You can make nine out of ten people like you immediately!
You can make nine out of ten people courteous, cooperative and friendly in one second! (With the same magic.)
Here’s how -
Remember that the first few seconds of any relationship usually sets the tone and spirit of it.
Utilize the 2nd Basic Law of Human Behavior – People strongly tend to respond in kind to the behavior of other people.
(Let’s shorten this to: People respond in kind.)
So, in the first second, that instant when you first establish eye contact before you say anything, and before you break silence –give people your sincere smile.
What will happen? They will respond in kind – they will return your smile and be pleasant.
In every human relations act – a dealing between two persons – there is an atmosphere, a mood, a stage set.
The skill here is for you to set the atmosphere, the mood and the stage. Either you or the other person will set it. If you are wise, you will set it to your own advantage.
One of the tragic facts of human relations is the failure of people to realize that what they put out to other people they get right back from them.
If you put out sunshine to people, sunshine will come back from them. Put out a blizzard to them and a blizzard is what you’ll get back.
The key lies in the timing. The smile should come before you break silence. This sets the stage in a warm, friendly mood.
Your tone of voice and facial expression are important, too, for they reveal your inner thoughts.
Don’t forget to start your smile the same way the professional entertainers and models do, by saying this one word to yourself:
How to Skillfully Praise People
10
People do not live on bread alone!
People need food for the spirit as well as for the body. Remember how you feel when a kind word or compliment is given you? Remember how your whole day or evening is brightened up by that kind word or compliment? Remember how long the good feeling lasts?
Well, others will react just as you do. So, say the kind word or things that people want to hear. They will love you for saying kind things; and you will fell good for having said them.
BE GENEROUS WITH YOUR PRAISE. Look for somebody and something to praise and then do it.
But –
a. The praise must be sincere.
It if isn’t sincere, don’t give it.
b. Praise the act, not the person.
Praising the act avoids embarrassment and confusion. It has a much more sincere ring to it.
It avoids charges of favoritism, and it creates an incentive for more of the same act.
Example 1: “John, your work this past year has truly been excellent.” (Rather than, “John, you are a good man.”)
Example 2: “Mary, you did a splendid job on the year-end reports.” (Rather than, “Mary, you are a good worker.”)
Example 3: “Mr. Smith, your lawn and landscaping is simply beautiful.” (Rather than, “Mr. Smith, you work hard.”)
Make the praise specific – pinpoint it.
HAPPINESS FORMULA –
Get into the habit of saying daily one kind thing to at least three different people. Then see how YOU feel for having done so!
This is a happiness formula for YOU!
When you see the happiness, gratitude and pleasure you bring others by doing this, YOU will feel good. There is more joy in giving than in receiving.
Try it.
How to Skillfully Critique People
11
The key to successful critiques lies in the spirit of the critiques.
If you critique mostly to “tell the other person off,” or “to give them a piece of your mind,” or “to put them in their place,” then you will get nothing from the critique other than the satisfaction of venting your spleen and the other person’s resentment; for no one enjoys being critiqued.
However, if you are interested in corrective action – in results – you can accomplish much with your critique if you go at it in the right way. Here are some rules which will help you do just that.
The 7 Musts for Successful Criticism:
Criticism should be made in absolute privacy.
There should be no doors open, no raising of the voice, nobody listening.
Preface criticism with a kind word or compliment.
Create a friendly atmosphere – soften the blow. (Kiss ‘em before you kick ‘em.)
Make the criticism impersonal – criticize the act, not the person.
It is the act that should be criticized, rather than the person.
Supply the answer.
The answer means the right way. When you tell somebody what they are doing wrong, you also should tell them how to do it right.
Ask for cooperation, don’t demand it.
It is a fact that you will get more cooperation from people if you ask them for it than if you demand it.
Demanding is a last resort measure.
One criticism per offense
The most justified criticism is justified just ONCE.
Finish the criticism on a friendly note.
Finish on a note of, “we’re friends, we’ve solved our problems, let’s work together and help each other,” not on the note, “you’ve been told off, now get on the ball.”
This is the most important rule of the seven.
How to Skillfully Thank People
12
It is not enough for you to feel grateful and appreciative to people, you should show that gratitude and appreciation to the parties that deserve it.
This is because it is human nature for people to like and respond to those who show gratitude and appreciation. They respond by giving even more.
If you are grateful to people and if you let those people know you are grateful, almost always they will give you more the next time. If you don’t show your gratitude (even if you are grateful) chances are that there won’t be a next time or that you will wind up with less.
However, there is quite an Art of Saying “Thank you”:
When you say “thank you,” MEAN it.
Be sincere when you thank people.
People will know when you are genuinely appreciative.
They also know when you are not sincere.
Say it clearly and distinctly.
When thanking people, don’t mumble, whisper or slur the words.
Say thanks as if you are glad you are saying it.
Look at the people you thank.
It means so much more when you look at the people you thank.
Anybody worth thanking is worth looking at.
Thank people by name.
Personalize your thanks by names.
It makes a lot of difference to say, “thank you, Mary” instead of “thank you.”
Work at thanking people.
This means to watch for chances to show your appreciation.
The average person will thank for the obvious - the above average person for the not so obvious.
As simple as the above rules are, very few techniques are more important in human relations than the ability to properly thank people.
This will be a great asset to you all through your life.
How to Skillfully Make a Good Impression
13
To a great extent we control others’ opinions of us. We start off as strangers to everyone and their opinion of us is largely determined by the way we conduct ourselves. Knowing this, it behooves all of us to conduct ourselves in such a manner that the effect on other people will be good.
If you want people to think well of you, to look up to you, to look upon you with admiration and respect, you must give them the impression that you deserve that rating. This is done primarily by the value put on yourself.
Be proud of yourself (but not conceited), of who you are, of what you do, of where you work. Don’t apologize for your station in life or for yourself. You are what you are, so handle yourself with pride and respect.
Example: When people ask you what you do for a living, it is very important how you answer them. Let’s assume you sell insurance. Which of the following answers is stated with more pride?
“Oh, I’m just another insurance peddler.”
They couldn’t possibly be impressed with you, for you have told them that you weren’t worth their being impressed.
Handle yourself with pride and respect.
“I’m fortunate enough to be associated with one of the finest companies in the country, the Blank Insurance Co.”
You can well imagine the difference in value in the other person’s mind that the second answer would get over the first answer.
Other ways to make a good impression:
Be sincere.
Stay away from cheap flattery, empty promises and meaningless words.
Say only things which you mean.
Believe those things that you say.
Show enthusiasm.
This is a priceless asset that you can acquire by just selling yourself on what you are doing.
Enthusiasm is contagious. Only after you sell yourself, and not until, can you sell others.
Don’t be overanxious.
In dealing with people, avoid seeming overanxious.
Overanxiety starts people wondering and gives them doubts.
People have a strong tendency to balk at any action in which they feel you are overly anxious for them doing. Their instinct will be to get suspicious or to drive a harder bargain.
Conceal your anxiety. Be an actor.
Don’t try to build yourself up by running other people down.
Always stand on your own merits; don’t try to make yourself look good by making other people look bad.
True progress in life will be determined by your own efforts and worth. You cannot get far “advancing over the bodies of others.”
Keep the emphasis on yourself. You do that when you stand on your own merits. When you run others down to make yourself look good, the emphasis is on them, not on your.
Don’t knock anybody or anything.
If you can’t say something good, say nothing.
It is wrong to knock, but that is not the main reason not to knock. The main reason is that knocks and knocking boomerang and hurt the knocker himself.