by Alice Ward
She glanced at me, her face the very definition of stressed. “Yes, I know. I told you that because your dad was… away.”
I sat frozen, barely able to breathe. We hadn’t talked about just how we would break this news to Jagger, so I hoped Skye had a good plan.
“Yes, you said he was away, but where did he go to?”
“He was working.” Her eyes lifted and briefly connected with mine before going back down to Jagger’s. “Jagger, honey, if you had the choice, would you want to meet your dad?”
“Yeah!” He bounced on the cushion and let out a high-pitched laugh. “That would be super cool.”
Skye’s throat bobbed as she swallowed. She seemed nervous, and I wished I could reach out, take her in my arms, and comfort her. I wished she could be mine the way Jagger was ours.
Jagger continued to bounce. “Why are you asking? Is he coming over? Do I get to see him? What’s his name? Do you think he’ll like me? Will I like him?”
In spite of everything going on in this room, I smiled at the little boy next to me and his squeaky little voice asking a hundred questions. Skye smiled too and lifted a finger to halt the questions. Then she took both of his small hands in hers.
“He’s here, Jaggy,” Skye said, her eyes filling with tears. “Jake is your dad.”
Jagger’s head whipped toward me. The big eyes so much like mine grew even bigger, just like the smile on his face. “Really?” he asked me, and when I nodded, he squealed with the euphoria of total innocence. “You’re my dad? Jake is my dad! My dad!” He kept repeating it, sounding like he’d just won the million-dollar jackpot.
A deep gratitude like none I’d ever felt filled me. My eyes stung with tears. I hadn’t realized until that moment, but I’d been worried about Jagger’s reaction to the news. Knowing he embraced my return fully meant more than I would have expected it to.
“Yeah,” I agreed, through a thick and itchy throat. “That’s right, Jagger. I’m your dad.”
Jagger grabbed my arm and bounced up and down again. “I knew it! You found me at the ball game because you knew I was your son!”
I chuckled. Over Jagger’s head, Skye smiled. “Yeah, something like that.”
“This is so cool. When are we going to play?”
I rumpled his hair. “Soon. Real soon.”
Skye spoke up. “Do you have any questions?”
Jagger became still and thoughtful. He stood up and faced me, this time shoving his hands in his pockets. “Why did you go away? Did I do something wrong?”
Hearing the question come out of his little mouth was like taking a sword to my gut. I actually gasped with pain, bending forward a little to quell the hurt. “Nothing, Jagger. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“But why did you go?”
How did I explain?
“Do you know who the Navy SEALs are?”
He shook his head, his brow furrowing, looking so much like his mom.
“Do you know what the Army is?”
His eyes brightened. “Oh, yeah! I know about army men! I’ve got a GI Joe and a tank and everything. Are you an army man?”
“I’m something like that. The Navy SEALs are part of the military. That’s where I was. I was working for them, helping to protect people a long way from here.”
Jagger’s mouth fell open. “My dad is an army man! He’s a whale!”
Skye burst into laughter, and I joined her. “A SEAL,” Skye corrected. “He’s a SEAL.”
“But I’m done now,” I clarified. “I’m home, and I really, really want to spend time with you.”
“Orion is going to think this is so cool! I can’t wait to tell him my dad is a SEAL. Can you balance a ball on your nose?”
God, this kid was freaking adorable.
“I’ll show you some pictures soon. Ones from when I was overseas. Would you like that?”
“Uh-huh!”
There was a noise near the front door, and it opened. A blonde woman came through, a paper bag of groceries in her arm. Her eyes immediately fell on me. By the look in them, I could tell she already knew a decent amount about me. It was the wariness more than anything else. We’d never even met, but this girl didn’t trust me.
“Hey,” she said, her voice stiff and untrusting.
Skye popped up from the table like a spring was in her ass. “Cadence, this is Jake.”
She nodded at me. “How are you doing?”
“Fine. Thank you.”
I knew of Cadence. She was the cousin that Skye often went to visit during summer breaks from school. Since she and Skye now lived together, I could only assume that she knew about everything that had gone down between us.
Jagger jumped from the couch and took over the conversation. “Cadence, guess what? Jake is my dad!”
Cadence smiled at him, though I could tell it was forced. “That’s awesome! How cool.”
“Yeah, he was like this fish thing in the army, and now he’s back, and we’re going to have a lot of fun together and play, and Orion is going to be so jealous because his dad works at the bank and he always wants to be an army man—”
“That sounds super cool,” Cadence interrupted, probably very used to the little guy’s rambling. She looked at Skye, an unspoken question on her face. In the weird way females had of communicating silently, Cadence nodded and went down on her haunches to Jagger’s level.
“Want to go get some ice cream?” she asked, rumpling his hair.
Jagger threw his fist into the air. “Okay!” He turned his snaggle-tooth grin toward me. “Come on, Jake! Let’s go!”
Cadence put her hand on his head. “I was thinking just the two of us.”
“But—”
She whispered loudly. “I think your mom and Jake need to talk about something super secret.”
Jagger shook his head. “But I want my new dad to come with meeee!”
“Jagger,” she continued in the mock whisper “they probably need to talk about important things, like planning your sixth birthday party. You know, secret parent stuff.”
His nose wrinkled. “But my birthday isn’t until February.”
Smart kid.
“Actually,” Skye jumped in. “We were thinking of having a party for the five birthdays Jake missed. Kind of a catch-up party. Wouldn’t that be fun?”
I stood up and went to Jagger, where I knelt in front of him. “And do you know what that means?”
Jagger didn’t seem convinced. “What does it mean?”
“It means five different presents. Or… it could mean that we go to five of your favorite places. We don’t know yet because Mom and I haven’t gotten to talk about it.”
Jagg’s eyes grew wide. “Places. I want to go places. Do I get to pick where we go, since it’s my make-up birthday and all? It only seems fair, don’t you think?”
I rumpled his hair. “Sure, buddy. When we decide what we want to do, we’ll write down all the places you want to go, then maybe we’ll put them all on little slips of paper and put them in a bowl.”
He threw his fist into the air. “And I can pull them out and surprise! I’m liking this idea a whole lot.” He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and chewed for a moment. “Can I still get presents?”
I laughed. “Maybe. Remember… Mom and I need to talk about it.”
“Right! Ice cream.”
Cadence grabbed a notepad. “And we can start writing down some of your favorite places while we’re out.”
“This is the best day ever!” Jagg shouted and ran toward the door. Then he stopped and ran back to me. “I’m so glad you’re my dad.”
I grabbed him into a tight hold. “I’m glad I’m your dad too.”
He pulled back until he could see my face. “Will you be here when I get back?”
I glanced over to Skye, who simply lifted a shoulder. “Not sure. But don’t be disappointed if I had to leave and do super stealthy birthday parties stuff, okay?”
Those big browns grew wide again. “S
uper stealthy like a SEAL?”
I laughed. “Yeah, just like that. And one day, I’ll teach you some of the tricks.”
Jagg rolled his eyes. “I know how to be stealthy.” He turned my head with his little hands until he was whispering in my ear. “How do you think I get extra cookies?”
I laughed and hugged him tighter again. “You might have a few things to teach me too.”
He nodded solemnly. “I know lots of things. You’ll be aaa-mazed.”
I kissed his forehead. “I’m sure I will be. I think you and I are going to have lots of fun.” With great reluctance, I let him go. I was already crazy in love with this kid. I held out a fist, and he bumped it, then made an explodey kind of sound.
“See you soon, okay, buddy? We’ll get to play real soon, all right? You and I will have plenty of time to spend together.”
“You bet we will,” he sighed and threw his arms up in the air. “I haven’t even showed you my room yet. We have so much to do.”
Absolutely adorable.
“I can’t wait.”
He threw his arms around my neck and hugged me tight. Closing my eyes, I released myself to the embrace, squeezing him back as hard as I dared. My son. Twenty years would pass, and I probably still wouldn’t be able to believe it.
Jagger stepped away, then leaned forward to whisper. “Watch this. Stealth mode.”
In hugely exaggerated movements, he raised onto the tips of his toes and walked quietly, and very slowly, to the door. Once there, his fingers inched toward the knob and I swear it took nearly a minute for him to turn it. Once it was silently opened, he grinned back at me, proud of his accomplishment.
I gave him a thumbs-up, and he beamed, then tiptoed through the door. A grinning Cadence followed him. “Let’s go to the cookie dough place.”
I could no longer see him but heard his reply. “No, I want to go to Houghton’s.”
Cadence groaned as she stepped out the door. “They only have four flavors.”
“I want strawberry!”
“Every place has strawberry.”
The door closed behind them as they continued to argue. I waited until their voices faded away, then went and sat back on the couch. This time, I made sure to keep a good amount of distance between me and Skye.
She let out a huge sigh, her shoulders dropping as if a hundred pounds had just been removed from them. “That went well.”
“Yeah. It did.”
“I was worried...” She stared at the wall and shook her head. “I don’t know. I was just worried.”
“He seems happy.”
A smile played at the corner of her mouth. She would have looked content if not for her twisting fingers betraying her. “This is going to be good.”
I clasped my hands together so I wouldn’t reach for her. Comfort her. Let her comfort me. “So that was Cadence.”
The smile reached her eyes this time. “The one and only.”
I rubbed my palms together and searched for the next thing to say. “So I’m thinking elephants and monkeys for Jagger’s next birthday. I say we go all out with the circus thing. Think I can rent a seal that balances a ball on his nose?”
Skye’s head fell back as she laughed. “You’re not spoiling him.” The smile disappeared, and she pointed a finger at me. “Let’s just make that clear. There will be no making up for lost time by buying him monkeys or Ferraris or whatever.”
“Damn it. How are you so good at reading my mind?”
She laughed again and it felt like old times.
She looked down at her lap. “Really. I’m happy. This is good. If we hadn’t run into each other—”
“Don’t think like that.”
Skye looked at me, her eyes sad again. “It’s hard not to.”
I couldn’t answer. Something was distracting me. It didn’t matter that we were on opposite ends of the couch. The energy between the two of us was magnetic. I could feel the cells of my body being tugged toward Skye.
“We were supposed to meet when the time was right,” she whispered. “There’s no other explanation for it.”
I ran my tongue over my teeth. “I don’t know, Skye. If that’s the case, then doesn’t that mean everything is meant to be? Do you really think that?”
Her face was passive. “Maybe, yeah. Who am I to say?”
A painful exhale left me. “I wish I could just say that. You know, explain everything away. That would be too convenient, though. It would be copping out.”
An uncomfortable silence descended on us. The apartment was too quiet with Jagger gone.
“I made a mistake yesterday,” I said. “And I’m sorry.”
Skye’s lips twitched but she wouldn’t look at me so I couldn’t attempt to read her thoughts. “I was part of your mistake and took part in it fully.”
Her agreement stung like fucking hell. I knew we needed to stay away from each other, but that didn’t make things any less painful. I shifted my weight in my seat, feeling hot and uncomfortable. “I’m no good for you. I’m fucked up.”
“I understand.” She smiled sadly. “It’s not easy. Anyway, right now we just need to focus on Jagger. This needs to be about him and not us.”
“Right,” I agreed with a tongue that felt like lead.
I couldn’t keep the wicked and selfish thoughts away. If only she’d beg for me. Say one word to let me know she wanted to be in my arms.
But it really wouldn’t make a difference. No matter what Skye said or did, no matter how forgiving or loving she was, I’d still be bad for her. I’d hurt her again sooner or later. Whatever energy I had needed to go into doing things right with Jagger. I couldn’t let myself forget any of this.
A sharp knock sounded on the door. Skye’s eyebrows furrowed together as she stood. “Who could that be?”
Anxiety squeezed my chest, and I quickly bolted to standing. “Don’t answer it until you know who it is.”
She didn’t seem to hear me as she walked for the door. All my training and paranoia came back, hitting me like a big gust of wind, and I reached for the invisible gun that was no longer at my side.
“Skye,” I warned.
She stopped walking and turned to face me. “What’s wrong?”
Just like that, the worry dissipated and I realized how crazy I was being. “Nothing.”
She cocked her head, confusion on her face. “Okay.”
Another knock sounded on the door.
“Who is it?” Skye called as she went to it.
“It’s Brad,” came the answer through the wood.
Brad.
Shit.
I’d almost forgotten about the guy from the ballpark. Annoyance pumped through me, coming at me with an adrenaline-like force. Skye’s boyfriend. Or semi-boyfriend. Or just a guy she somewhat knew. She hadn’t mentioned him since Saturday, so I had no reason to think they were serious. Which meant she hadn’t cheated on him with me the day before. Right?
What does this all mean?
My stomach rolled as Skye unlocked the door. The guy was probably decent, but that didn’t mean I had control of the jealousy taking me over.
Brad stepped inside, a smile on his face. It flickered the moment he saw me. “Oh. Jake Truman again. What a coincidence. Please tell me you’ve taken over Ed McMahon’s job and Skye’s won the Publishers Clearing House millions.”
Skye’s laugh was just a little too loud.
He smiled again, but this time it looked forced. “Right. Sorry. Bad joke. How are you doing?”
“Fine.”
Skye stepped in front of him. “How’s it going?”
“Good. I was stopping by to see if you and Jagger wanted to go to the movies.”
Skye stood fully toward Brad, her face away from me. I couldn’t see her expression, but I liked to imagine she wasn’t too happy over what appeared to be a surprise visit. “He’s out with Cadence for a while.”
“That’s cool. I just had the afternoon free and wanted to see what you were
doing.”
“That’s really sweet. Can I text you later?”
His eyes briefly flicked toward me. “Yeah.”
“Great.”
He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. Fury rolled in me, but I kept my face smooth and my mouth shut. I had no right to be feeling any of this.
“Maybe we can go out tomorrow night?” Brad asked, his hand wrapping around her upper arm, the thumb making a soothing gesture on her blouse.
“Maybe. Let’s talk.”
Brad gave me a nod and Skye walked him outside the door. I could hear murmured whispers, but couldn’t understand the words. A few moments later, Skye was back and returned to the couch, a slight blush on her face. I settled next to her.
“Sorry about that,” she said.
I lifted a shoulder. “Does he know about me?”
A look of surprise crossed her face. “No. I haven’t even thought to tell him anything. I’ll let him know when we talk next… I mean, about you being Jagger’s father.” She twisted her fingers together and looked down at them. “Not, um, not about anything else.”
I couldn’t help myself. “Is he your boyfriend?”
She looked up at me, her cheeks still red. “Didn’t we already talk about this? No, he’s not… not my boyfriend. He’s a guy I’ve gone out with a few times. He’s nice.”
“Oh.”
Her nose scrunched up. “What does that mean?”
I shook my head. “Nothing. I shouldn’t even be asking. It’s none of my business.”
“No, it’s not.”
Her harsh answer hurt, but then I saw the smile playing on her lips.
I bumped my shoulder against hers. “You’re just fucking with me.”
“Me? Fuck with you? I’m appalled over that accusation, Jake Truman.”
And just like that, the tension that had filled the room drained away. “That sounds like the Skye I know.”
Her eyes shimmered, a strange mix of pleasure and sadness in them. A memory from the other day, one of her beneath me, hit me like a train. I sucked in a breath and told my dick to settle the fuck down.
“You don’t date much, do you?” she murmured.
The question was so shocking it made me laugh. “I have… relations.” I didn’t confess that the last relations I’d had outside of my fist had been over a year ago.