Finding Izzy

by Nanette Fox

  “Mum I have organized for Dad’s Porsche to be serviced towards transferring it to David if he wants it and so they will pick it up from here tomorrow. The service people will bring it to me at the Airport for the ride home.”

  Ruth spoke, “I don’t know that Isabella will agree to get in to it.”

  Tim replied, “I am taking a chance. She has been so keen to let go of the past.” Ruth looked at him and started to say something.

  He held up his hand, “If she won’t get in the car, she’ll have to catch a taxi home. I have to make an appointment over the Airport side of town, the other side of the city.”

  Ruth groaned, “Over the other side of the city usually means something to do with Lainey.”

  “Correct,” replied Tim. "It’s a job I am proud to do, a ‘social work project’.

  “Mum can we ever do anything about ‘the big mistake’?”

  “No probably not Tim,” she replied firmly. She watched his relaxed expression go to tense, his brown eyes go to dark and brooding. “Tim, I know it’s a secret or on a need to know basis, but have you said anything to Izzy?”

  “Yes Mum, I have told her about Zot but not a lot of detail. Add it to my list of worries. I am not sure exactly what she knows other than I have a son with Lainey.” Ruth looked at him.

  “Mum you do know I have a relationship with my son, don’t you?”

  “Actually Tim,” pausing as she poured herself another coffee, “I thought everything was all as your dad and I advised, and as I had thought your father helped you to set up, a financial arrangement for his care. Last week, I was at your grandparents and Gran Rosa showed me all the photos including that one photo, the four generations, yet another secret your father kept.”

  Tim smiled, “It’s a pretty special photo, Gramps, Dad, Zot and I, very special to me.”

  "No, I didn’t know, but your father obviously did and that upsets me. His mother looked worried, but Tim pressed on.

  “Do you want to meet him?” Ruth looked thoughtful then up at Tim who was looking a little hopeful. “No, I don’t think so, but I am not sure.”

  Tim shrugged and said, “He’s getting older, he’s nearly five; he’s starting to ask questions.” Tim rubbed his chin, thinking fondly of a recent time. “He calls Stefan, Lainey’s husband, Steve and me Daddy.” Ruth was alarmed, “Oh my Tim, you are totally involved, how have you kept it so secretive?”

  “Just add it to my stresses Mum,” as he touched his hand to his heart. “He is a huge part of my life that I have to squeeze quietly, very quietly into my already full calendar.” He breathed deeply, frowned and said, “Mum, I have to get going. I am sorry this is a bit of an unfinished conversation.”

  “Sorry Mum.” He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek and collecting the suede duffle up, ran out the door. Ruth looked after him, anxiously shaking her head. A sense of foreboding crossing her mind as she was suddenly aware Tim hadn’t thought out the clash between his commitment to Zot and Lainey and his new and very exciting promise to Izzy. In essence because of his relationship with his son and the mother, he was already asking Izzy to share him, and Ruth doubted he’d had a proper discussion because everything was so under wraps.

  *

  The holiday break in Noosa was short but full of quality time together. Arriving on the Sunday, Tim and Izzy made the most of the resort facilities. Swimming, one of their mutual interests, sunbathing, cocktails and couple’s massages. They made love but not without some hesitations. Izzy still felt quite self-conscious naked in front of Tim believing that men generally preferred voluptuous curves. She worried about the faint scars. She was nervous and timid which surprised Tim. As someone who had been married before, he was anticipating her to be more confident about sex. He discovered she felt very uncertain and anxious worrying about fulfilling his needs and expectations. It made him feel very protective towards her. Amongst everything and their enjoyment of each other, they also discovered Izzy was abundantly messy in total contrast to Tim’s controlled obsessive tidiness.

  Something changed in her after the second morning. Laying on the sand at the beach, covered in towels against the light breeze, they had been kissing and exploring each other with their hands when it quickly became amorous, and they made love quite discretely right there in the open. They were in a secluded spot but looked at each other giggling like silly teenagers on their first big adventure. Afterwards, returning to their suite, they were sitting on the sofa looking at each other with a gleam of excitement in their eyes. Izzy got up and wandering out to the balcony was gazing across the pool with a grin on her face. Tim came and stood behind her and holding her slender body in his arms turned her to face him. She looked up at him and in a serious tone said, “I didn’t think sex could be so nice, or so spontaneous. However, I have to shower as I am sure I have sand where sand shouldn’t be!” She smiled the most bewitching smile and moved inside. Turning as she stepped through the sliding door, “Thank you for being you and helping me to chase all the bad memories away. I love you Tim.” He watched after her, standing with his hand to his heart.

  On the return flight, the loved-up Tim and Izzy were observed by the airline check-in staff and the inflight crew. They were of course, a very attractive couple, but Tim and Izzy were totally relaxed in each other’s company, a little touchy feely but not overly so. Those that noticed the adoring looks cast at each other whispered they must be honeymooners. During the flight, Izzy was fidgeting whilst Tim was happily listening to music and reading through a bundle of notes. Izzy undid her seatbelt and leaning over Tim lifted his earphones away suggesting they join the ‘mile-high club’. He looked into her big blue eyes, winked in amusement but said, "No thanks’’. She blushed and quickly sat down again re-buckling her seatbelt. Feeling somewhat embarrassed, she buried her head in one of the books from her bag. Tim looked over; the book was upside-down, reaching over, he turned it right way up and kissed Izzy lightly on the lips.

  After landing, they collected their luggage and made their way to the kerb. Tim made a quick phone call and the Porsche cruised up to where they stood. Tim greeted the driver and signed some paperwork accepting the keys. He looked up to see a very disturbed Izzy. “Tim I am not going in that car.”

  “Why?” queried Tim. “I thought it would be a nice finish to our time away.”

  Izzy replied, “You don’t understand.”

  Tim answered with, “I do Izzy but remember you have to be willing to let go of the past.” She stood with her arms around herself, eyes flashing in panic.

  “No definitely not going in that car as it is identical to the one Isaac had, Marco and Isaac bought them on the same day.”

  “Calm down Izzy, it doesn’t matter, I apologize.” He held her in his arms looking down at her, lovingly but with some frustration.

  “Izzy, I have to take this car and go. I am sorry, but you will have to catch a taxi. I have to go. I am really pushing my schedule to make an appointment. It’s about a special project I really want to take on.” He pushed the stray strands of hair off her beautiful face and kissed her. “Something else Iz, you’ve got me, I absolutely adore you. You don’t have to throw yourself at me like you were offering on the plane. You’ve got me. I have fallen in love with you. We’re engaged to be married.” Izzy looked up at him searching his expression. “Iz, I have to go, will you be alright?” She met his eyes hesitantly, a faint smile and an uncertain, “Yes, I’ll be fine, go, I’ll ring you.”

  “You know Iz, I love this car, Dad loved this car, I wish he hadn’t left it to David. I don’t think Dave could care whether he has it or not.” Watching him drive away, she blew him a kiss. As the luxurious car disappeared into the distance with a very special man driving, she cursed her stupidity.

  Chapter 40

  Just Life

  Isabella and Tim had navigated their way through the tricky business of getting to know each other and fitting into each other’s lives over three fairly unsuccessful months. Isabel
la was anxious about them being together if it was just the two of them alone at either her place or in the Martinelli home. Tim was beginning to get quite testy telling her she needed to start to trust him. He was constantly annoyed at the happy mess that was Rebecca and Izzy’s with Basil, and now the kitten who had come to stay. The girls, Izzy and Bec, frustrated him no end with their handbag and shoe collection in the hall and on the stairs at the townhouse. What troubled him really was that Izzy seemed to have no idea of how to keep things tidy and in their proper places and certainly couldn’t cook anything beyond the simplest of things. He liked the order of his mother’s home. The routine suited him. He liked to know there was healthy food in the fridge, not a constant stream of wine and takeaway. He liked the access to the pool.

  Isabella would bring work home and work quite long hours in the evening phoning or emailing contacts overseas and never seemed to get the balance of doing that when Tim wasn’t there versus doing it when he was. He found she got very irritated when he had to travel to Perth for a week every now and then, yet he was supposed to not mind when she went to Sydney, even abroad as she had done. They had quite a tense argument about her trip to France and Italy, just a fortnight ago, she hadn’t told him in advance, just literally packed and said she was going and didn’t keep in touch while she was gone. Admittedly, over the last few years, she had been used to just picking up and travelling to somewhere without checking in with anyone.

  If he was true to himself, he was starting to think he’d made a very hasty decision in asking her to marry him before getting to know her better as her deliberate airy-fairy ways were beginning to get on his nerves. Isabella had been pushing people away or keeping them at arm’s length for so long to protect herself that she just didn’t know how to be in a relationship, Izzy was fretting because his life was so ordered and full and busy, there didn’t seem to be any time for her, even if she tried to fit in unless it was in the diary she felt she wasn’t thought about. He had strict schedules, kept a diary and had routines of phoning his closest friends, Simon and Paul, touching base with Paddle Pop and even checking in on Vicky. Everything in his life was ordered, and it didn’t fit with Izzy’s scattered ways.

  Late one afternoon, Izzy was on one of the couches in her office, sipping a wine, and sitting cross-legged she was flicking the leg that was now free of the moon boot. She sat reflecting that life wasn’t all that spectacular at the moment. The gallery had been in a slump over the quieter months. The business deal she was negotiating had stalled. She missed the girly chats that she fitted into, as Julia and Rebecca, both pregnant now, seemed to be talking a foreign language about pregnancy and babies, a language she really wasn’t interested in or could comprehend. Tim seemed to be avoiding her since her recent overseas trip, he certainly didn’t enjoy coming to her place to stay over, and if he did, he looked tetchy and unhappy. She slipped the engagement ring off and was studying it, contemplating things. She loved Tim and she wasn’t going to give up easily, but it was just a bit of a mess. She wanted to have times like in the kitchen on the ‘awkward Monday’. They hadn’t talked about the future or gone out and done something ‘fun’ for ages, it was all work, and the jigsaw of schedules and bickering.

  Her thoughts were broken with, “Are you going to throw that across the room or put it back on?” She looked up to see Tim, a somewhat brooding expression, leaning against her office doorway, hands in his pockets. “You’re drinking alone too that doesn’t bode well.” She looked up at him with a sad frustrated expression. “Can I sit next to you Izzy or is this a misery party for one?”

  “It depends.”

  “On what Izzy, what does it depend on?”

  “If you have time, if there is a gap on your calendar?”

  “As a matter of fact, there is, and I would like to sit with you.” She slipped the ring back on. “Well now there is a good decision,” said Tim.

  Tim plonked down beside her and said, “You know what Izzy I have been going about this all wrong.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well,” he said, “I didn’t think this through, I just expected we could mesh our lives as two very independent individuals into one beautiful instant mix.”

  “You are nervous about being with me, just me, for one, and secondly, I am so OCD about everything, and I expect people to be the same. So, there are two problems to start with.” She looked at him worried and anxious. “Izzy let’s go and do something just fun, nothing serious, no work, no each other’s places, just you and I.” Her anxious look turned to one of surprise.

  “When I saw you slouched in the doorway just now, I thought you were going to call it quits.”

  “Well Iz, when I saw you tossing up whether to throw your ring or put it back on, I thought the same.”

  “So, we’re even on that thought then,” said Izzy. “Tim, can I ask are you sure about this? Us I mean. I know you think I am a pretty hopeless girlfriend, fiancée, whatever I am.”

  “You Izzy are my future wife and someone who is in my eyes pretty amazing, I love you and want us to work out, so I am going to do everything I can to make that happen. I want to commit to giving it a go, you have to believe this can work, you have to believe in me.”

  “Now back to the fun, it has to be pretty active, paintballing or something or maybe I was thinking we could go up to Gramps Martinelli’s place and take a couple of horses out into the bush.” He looked at her waiting for her reply.

  “The horse riding sounds good. I love going up there and riding. I have been going up to the farm a bit, I trucked my equestrian horse down from Queensland, and it is stabled at the farm.”

  He just looked at her. “When did you do that?”

  “One of the weeks you were in Perth.”

  “You did it by yourself?”

  “Yes, perfectly capable, not just a pretty face.”

  He was smiling at her. “I would have enjoyed doing that with you.”

  “I didn’t ask, you’ve seemed so busy.” They looked at each other. “Anyway, I think we should go to the farm. I remember going once before, quite some time ago and it was pretty funny, because David was screaming and yelling as he really doesn’t like horses, and Julia kept falling off then landed in that prickle bush. Remember you and I got out far ahead of them.”

  Tim said, “I’d forgotten that,” looking down at Izzy, “you can sure ride a horse.”

  “Izzy, I want to ride my bike up there, are you okay with that?”

  “It’ll be an adventure,” she said more bravely than she felt.

  “Izzy just one other little bit of fun, would you come with me to a fifth birthday party in a couple of weeks? I can assure you there will be balloons, party bags, and I think a jumping castle.”

  “If you want Izzy and only if you want. I have been tossing up asking you for a week or so mainly because I didn’t know what you really thought about the ‘small child’ thing. You never really said other than to ask what he looked like.”

  “Oh, so you go to his parties and things.”

  “Yes, I do, my family doesn’t realize but I try to see him at least once a week.”

  “I wasn’t aware of that either Tim, maybe I should be don’t you think?” Izzy was frowning. “That is definitely something you should have shared.”

  He said, “It’s hard for me to share.”

  He looked down and said, “He’s a gorgeous kid. I was just so enraptured with Lainey at the time, third year university, we just weren’t careful. I was supposed to be with Vicky at the time, so technically I was cheating on her. Hence, David always chiding about ‘my cheating ways’. It was a big mess and Mum and Dad suggested I support him financially and leave contact out of it. Trouble is I liked Lainey as ‘my crazy friend’ and still do. We still have some good times together but just as friends amongst our other uni friends.”

  Izzy had picked up her wine glass again and sipping from it was regarding him as he spoke. “When did Lainey get together with Stefa
n and get married?”

  “About two years ago why?” asked Tim.

  Izzy continued to sip her wine, looking at him. “What did Vicky know?” said Izzy.

  “Actually, not much, I don’t think, I never really told her all the details.” Izzy looked at him incredulous. “Tim I am having a hard time believing you don’t hold a little bit of a candle for ‘Lainey’ or vice versa, she for you.” She picked up the wine bottle and replenished her glass. “I am also having a hard time understanding why Vicky didn’t kick you to the kerb.”

  Tim grabbed Izzy’s hand, “Hey slow up a bit with the two and two makes whatever, it was just about sex, pure and simple, and Lainey was into all sorts of stuff I didn’t want to be involved with. Vicky was the person for me back then.”

  “I still reckon I would have ditched you, big time,” said Izzy drawing circles on his shoulder with her finger.

  “Vic wanted me for my looks, and my potential. She wanted bragging rights over her girlfriends. I had an attractive girlfriend who was a ‘suitable’ partner. We were in a consistent relationship, superficial probably but it suited at the time. I never really shared about the contact with Lainey and Zot; she assumed I offered some financial support, end of story.”

  Izzy said looking deep into his eyes. “You’re being honest I appreciate it.”

  “Maybe Iz, I should tell you some stuff which will help you to understand.” The wine glass was refilled again. “So, I met Lainey at this Depression Support Group thing she was leading. Lainey always finds people to help. She seems to find some satisfaction in doing so. She grew up in the social welfare system, endless foster families. She is very, very intelligent but very rebellious and wild when she wants to be. Anyway, we met, we were friends for a couple of months, but it spilled over into a sexual relationship. I can truthfully categorically state I never loved her. We lasted all of six months. She fell pregnant during that time. We discussed termination, but she wanted to go ahead and have the baby.”