Ghosting You

by Alexander C. Eberhart

  “I…” I stop, looking up to those two perfect caramel pools watching me. And in this moment, none of that matters. The future doesn’t matter. My father doesn’t matter. For me, there’s only right now, and this boy that I love. “I’ll figure something out. But right now? Right now, I want to go get a funnel cake with my boyfriend.”

  Tommy’s face lights up, as if fireworks have already filled the sky.

  Boyfriend.

  He said ‘boyfriend.’

  My ears are still buzzing with the word, hours after it was spoken. Nick smiles at me over a strawberry syrup-stained plate, and all I can think about is him saying it again.

  “What do you want to do next?” he asks, running his finger along a line of powdered sugar then licking it clean. Our pile of Styrofoam boxes and paper plates is starting to teeter. We’d originally came for the funnel cake, but then we needed lemonade, which lead to a bucket of fries and of course three orders of fried Oreos, because when in Rome, right?

  “I think I need a stomach pump,” I say then sip slowly from my watery lemonade.

  “I saw a booth for that. I think it was beside the bikini wax station. Maybe they’ll give us a two-for-one.”

  “Don’t make me laugh,” I groan, clutching my stomach. “I’m gonna puke.”

  Nick carefully balances the stack of trash, walking it over to the already overflowing can. He somehow manages to find the right angle to add our stuff to the Jenga pile without causing an avalanche.

  “Come on,” he says, offering his hand out for me to take. “You just need to walk it off.”

  I take his hand, my bursting stomach lurching at his touch. I swallow to keep from yakking right here and now.

  The sun has sunk beneath the Blue Ridges, casting Hester into a purple haze. The lights flicker to life one strand at a time and lightning bugs join in to help illuminate the festivities with scattered twinkles of luminescent yellow. The fireworks will begin soon. Which means I’m running out of time with Nick one-on-one. I text Mom just before my phone died, telling her to meet us by the stage at City Hall after the fireworks. But I’m not ready to share him yet. I want him to say the b-word again. Just one more, and I’ll be set, I promise.

  An idea strikes me with the ring of a bell. Or maybe that was just the strongman game across the street—it doesn’t matter.

  I know what I should do.

  “This way,” I tell Nick, taking the lead down the sidewalk, toward the looming wheel. Now that the sun has set, it’s lit up with a rainbow of colors that distort the plain white wood. I weave us through the mass of bodies. We’re like salmon swimming upstream as everyone heads for City Hall to get the best view of the fireworks. Little do they know, they’re walking away from the best seat in the house.

  Nick looks up at the swirling technicolor spiral. “Things in Hester are always more magical at night.”

  I stop, just shy of the ticket booth and turn to him. “Chase used to say the same thing.”

  Nick grins. “I’m glad we share the same sentiment.”

  I pry myself away from his hypnotic hazel eyes, turning to the girl in the ticket booth. She looks up from her phone, pulling out an earbud.

  “Four please,” I say, sliding her my debit card. She swipes it, then hands it back with a four torn red ticket stubs.

  “Four tickets?” Nick asks as I hand him two. “What for?”

  “You’ll see. Come on.”

  He follows me up to the wooden ramp that leads to the base of the Ferris Wheel. I don’t walk up to the attendant yet, but hang back by the entrance.

  “Don’t you want to get on?” Nick asks, utterly perplexed.

  I shush him. “In a minute. Hang on.”

  Over the mechanical music of the rides and the general din of the crowds, a faint voice echoes from the center of town. I can’t quite make out the words because of the reverberating effect, but it’s good enough to tell me it’s time.

  “Now!” I shout, running up the ramp and dragging Nick along behind me. I shove my tickets at the attendant as the Ferris Wheel slows to a stop and Nick does the same. A mother and her young son get out of the gondola. The little boy runs past us and his mother has to hurry to catch him. “Thank you!” I say to the attendant as he raises the bar to let us pass.

  With a click, the safety bar lowers and then we’re moving, our gondola swinging slowly as we ascend.

  “Wow,” Nick breathes as the wheel comes to a stop at the apex. “The town is so beautiful.”

  “Just wait, it gets better.”

  “Better?” He turns towards me, “What do you—”

  An explosion of red light cuts him off. The delayed sound of the detonation hits us followed by a crackling sound.

  Nick turns back to me, his eyes wide with excitement. “No way.”

  “Perfect timing, if I do say so myself.”

  Nick opens his mouth, but another firework burst to life and he’s transfixed. I watch him, then the fireworks, then him again, and all the ways the colors of his eyes change when the next detonation hits.

  And then he’s looking at me, and he tilts his head, leaning in closer.

  It’s dangerous, kissing Nick away from solid ground. One slip of the lap bar and I’ll float right into the stratosphere. Away from Hester. Away from the unknown. Away from all the places that I shared with Chase a lifetime ago.

  Nick may smell of sunshine, but he tastes like pure honey. Sweet and smooth and when he flicks his tongue across my bottom lip, I can’t help but nibble on his in return. He lets out a low groan which splits my nerves, leaving them open and exposed.

  His hand leaves mine, wrapping around my waist to pull me closer. The gap between us dissolves in an instant, closed by our need to lose ourselves in one another.

  The explosions in the sky have nothing on the supernova inside my chest.

  “We have a winner, folks!”

  “Yes!” I hop up and down on the balls of my feet.

  The short, stout man in a sequin vest he can’t button stows his microphone before hurrying over to me and a mortified Tommy. Sure, it took thirty-eight dollars, but I finally managed to get a ring around a Coke bottle and now I can’t help but grin, ear-to-ear.

  “So, what’ll it be, young man?”

  I point at the tubby, plush dragon with rainbow colored wings. “That. That right there.”

  With the assistance of one very rickety ladder, the rotund man retrieves my prize from a hook way above our heads. The stuffed monster is even bigger up close and its feet skim the ground as the man carries it.

  “Come to daddy.” I embrace the toy with a childish grin. It nearly topples me over.

  “That thing is ridiculous,” Tommy says, fighting a smile of his own.

  “If by ridiculous you mean adorable and perfect, then I agree completely.” I pat the dragon’s head for emphasis.

  “Are you going to carry that around the rest of the night?”

  “Maybe.” I sling the stuffed animal around my back, pulling the drooping legs around my neck and tying them in a simple knot. The dragon’s head rests over my shoulder.

  “Well that certainly makes a statement.”

  “Want me to try to win you one too? We can match!”

  Tommy shuffles back from the booth. “No, no, I think you’ve blown enough money at this point. If it’s burning a hole in your pocket so bad, you can buy me a soda.”

  “Done. Come along Sir Fluffykins.”

  Tommy groans at the name, and I can’t help but smile.

  The fireworks may have ended, but the festival is only just getting started. String lights wrap around every post and pillar, illuminating the normally dim areas of Main Street. The crowds have only gotten thicker as folks head for City Hall and the concert that’s supposed to start any minute.

  “Come on,” Tommy says, dragging me along with him as he squeezes through a cluster of star-spangled tank tops and jean shorts. We’re almost to the center of town and Tommy keeps looking up at the c
lock face that rests at the top of City Hall. He stops in a gap of people, raising himself onto tiptoes to do a three-sixty.

  “Who are you looking for?” I ask, adjusting Sir Fluffykins’s leg with my free hand.

  “I said there’s someone here I want you to meet,” he replies, brushing a stray curl of dark hair from his eye. “Remember?”

  “Oh yeah, that’s right. Well, what’s their name. I can just start yelling it.”

  “Yeah, we’re not going to do that.” He lets go of my hand and for a second, I’m drifting off the ground, untethered. But reality grounds me again and he looks back over his shoulder and says, “Give me just a second, okay? I think I see her over there. Don’t move!”

  I plant my feet in a salute. “Yes, sir!”

  Tommy smiles and then melds with the crowd.

  Already, the night feels less magical without Tommy. But he’ll be back. In the meantime, I involve myself with the stars, twinkling above the festival like a net full of fireflies. My thoughts drift back to my dad, and how pissed he’s going to be when he realizes that I took Ma’s car. If they haven’t already. Maybe I’ll get lucky and he’ll just disown me. Then I can do what the hell I want and not have to worry about him and his precious reputation. Sure, I’d miss Ma, but I could still visit when she inevitably divorces him.

  I let my imagination run free as I gaze at the stars, picturing all the possibilities of my life sprawling like the vast night sky.

  A voice in my ear—“Nicholas,” and a firm hand on my shoulder.

  The stars—my possibilities—begin to fall, crashing into Hester and setting the town aglow.

  “There you are!”

  Mom’s sitting at a picnic table under a red and white stripped tent. I hold a cupped hand to my mouth, “Mom!”

  She looks up mid-bite, her chin covered in powdered sugar. She waves back at me and I hurry over to the table.

  “Finally,” I huff, hands sinking to my hips as I catch my breath. “I’ve been looking for you all over.”

  “Well,” Mom starts, “maybe if you would have charged your phone, then you could have just called.” She takes another bite of fried, round, thing.

  “Wait, are you actually giving me grief about my phone?” I ask, only half-serious. “Look me in the eye and tell me yours isn’t dead as a doornail right now.”

  Mom only continues chewing, her eyes sinking to the table.

  “That’s what I thought.”

  “Yeah, yeah. You’re so smart and responsible, blah, blah. Now, where’s this person that you wanted me to meet?”

  “He’s right over here,” I say, glancing back to spot him. I can’t make anything out through the crowd, but I know he’s where I left him. “Now come on. And please, wipe your face.”

  “Hang on, mister. What’s the rush? I got one Oreo left.”

  I lean in, snagging the last golden-brown disc from her tray and pop it into my mouth. “An’ ow you ‘ave none.”

  “I’ll remember this,” Mom warns, rising from her seat and dusting off the front of her blouse. “Someday, somewhere, when you least expect it, I will take something that you love from you. Just like you’ve done to me.”

  “Alright, Liam Neeson,” I say after swallowing my mouthful of cookie. “Let’s tone that down a notch. In fact, let’s just chill for a second. I don’t want you to freak him out.”

  “Why would I freak him out?” Mom asks. “I’m hella chill.”

  I fold my hands together in front of me, pleading. “Please, please, please. Whatever you do. Don’t say ‘hella’ like, ever again.”

  She nods, giving me a patronizing smile. “Okay, okay. Calm down, kid. You’re going to have a stroke before you’re twenty.”

  I stare at her. “Not helping.”

  “Just take me over there,” she says with a laugh.

  “Promise you’ll behave yourself?”

  She drags her finger across her chest. “Cross my heart.”

  “Okay, here goes.”

  I lead Mom through the crowd, gathering in anticipation for the post-fireworks concert. I keep thinking I’ll see Nick’s tall frame rising above the masses, but he’s nowhere to be found. When we make it back to the spot I left him, he’s gone. Sir Fluffykins lays face-down on the sidewalk. I kneel down to get him, and Mom snorts behind me.

  “Please tell me that’s not who you wanted to introduce me to.”

  “Of course not,” I retort with a little more venom than I was intending. Mom recoils from me, but I don’t have time to feel bad about it now. I crane my head, searching the teeming crowds for a plaid shirt and waves of chestnut hair.

  Relief washes over me as I finally see him, across the street. Another tall man has his hand on his shoulder and his face turned away from me. The two of them look like they’re having an intense conversation. I take a step toward them and Nick looks up, catching my eyes. The other man turns too, looking in our direction. He’s wearing a navy-blue polo and freshly pressed pair of khakis. Now that I get a glimpse of his face, he looks familiar, but I can’t put my finger on why.

  The man leans over to Nick and says something, then the two of them start moving towards us.

  “Did you find him?” Mom asks, stepping beside me. “Which one—oh my God. That can’t be.”

  I turn to her, “What is it?”

  “Shit,” she whispers, then fusses over her blouse for a second, checking buttons and cleaning the last bit of powdered sugar from the collar.

  The man stops just a few feet away, his lips stretching into a dazzling smile. “Caroline!” he booms, closing the last bit of distance between us with a confident stride. “My dear sweet Caroline, fancy seeing you here.”

  Nick hovers behind the man, his eyes trained on the pavement.

  “James,” Mom addresses the man, giving him a quick nod. “What a surprise this is. What are you doing here?”

  “Well Gretchen was looking for a place to get away and work on some pages. You always go on about your sleepy little Hester, and it sounded like the opportune place for her and Nicholas to spend some time while things settled down on the Hill.”

  The Hill? Oh, you’ve got to be shitting me.

  My eyes lock on Nick, but he just stares at the ground, arms wrapped up in one another. I jump as Mom places her own hand on my shoulder, pulling me to her side.

  “Well, I do hope that you’ve been enjoying yourselves.”

  “They’ve had a wonderful time in this little slice of paradise.” The man’s eyes shift from Mom onto me and I clutch Sir Fluffykins tightly. “Now, Caroline, who is this strapping young man?”

  “I’m so sorry, James. This is my son, Thomas. Tommy, this is Senator McCarthy.”

  I manage to pry away a hand to meet the Senator’s handshake. “Pleasure to meet you, Thomas. Your mamma has told us scores about you.”

  I doubt it. Mom wouldn’t freely discuss her gay son in the cesspool of bigots that is Senator McCarthy’s office.

  “Nice to meet you,” I mumble, stepping back in line with Mom. Nick still won’t look at me, and at this point it’s clear as to why. He can’t let his father see what we have. This was supposed to be such a happy moment. I loathe the senator for stealing it from me.

  “The pleasure is all mine, Thomas. Caroline, I was wondering since we had the fortune of running into each other, if I could bend your ear for just—”

  “Good evening, Hester!”

  The music blasting from the speakers in front of City Hall dials back as our pudgy, watery-eyed mayor waves from behind the podium atop the stage.

  “We are so thankful to have you all with us to celebrate our tenth annual Freedom Festival! How about those fireworks?”

  The crowd responds in kind with cheers and applause. The Senator motions for us to hold on and turns his attention to the mayor, but keeps a hand on Nick’s shoulder.

  “Before tonight’s band, the Chattahoochee Mamas, take the stage, I want to acknowledge another guest we have with us this eveni
ng. He is a man that needs no introduction, but I’m going to do it anyway, our very own junior senator from Gainesville, James McCarthy!”

  The spotlight moves from the mayor and illuminates the senator—and Nick—in a wash of golden light. From behind them, they both become shadows, eclipsed in blinding radiance.

  Mom and I take a step back from them.

  Nick looks back at me, but there’s nothing I can do.

  Dad seems taken aback by the sudden attention, but he recovers quickly, giving a wave to the audience.

  The red-faced mayor singles him out again. “Senator, we’d love for you to come up and say a few words if you would, and give us the chance to thank you for the hard work you do for this great state and our great country.”

  Dad shakes his head and relief washes over me, but the crowd eggs him on. His hand digs into my shoulder and he propels us both over to the wooden stairs leading up to the stage. I can feel the color drain from my face as we walk onto the stage. I do my best to fade into the background. Dad takes the microphone from the mayor, and flashes a rehearsed smile.

  “Thank you, thank you all so much for the support. My family and I are honored to be a part of your Freedom Festival, and to spend our Independence Day—”

  The rest of his words are drowned out by the rushing blood that fills my ears. This is all so bad. I thought for sure that I would get at least one more night with Tommy, before Dad would step in to ruin things.

  How did he even find me? How did—it doesn’t matter. He’s found me, and now I’m toast. This will be the last time I see Tommy.

  Tommy. He wanted me to meet his mom. I mean, how sweet is that? But I’ve messed that up now too. I’ve messed everything up, and now I can’t even apologize to him.

  Dad’s voice carries over the pounding in my ears, “—Nicholas. Get on up here, Nick!”

  I step forward, the flashing of cameras distorting my vision. Dad wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me in close. “Smile,” he whispers into my ear.

  I do my best, but my face is numb with heat and who knows what’s actually going on in that region. In between the flashes and the spotlight and the humming words that Dad is saying into the microphone, I spot Tommy in the crowd.