Ghosting You

by Alexander C. Eberhart

  He’s holding the dragon I won, clutching it to his chest as he watches me with wide eyes. Dad releases from his grip as he drones on about some bull crap that no one cares about.

  I can’t let this be how Tommy remembers me. Frozen and terrified and smiling because my dad told me to. No, if this is going to be the last time I see him, then I’m going to do what I’ve been wanting to do since that day I saw him in the river.

  I step to the edge of the stage, the spotlight still shining in my eyes. I hold my breath and jump, stumbling through a landing, but staying upright. Once again, I can’t hear anything over the frantic pounding of my heart, but I’m vaguely aware that the spotlight is following me as I carve my path through the crowd.

  When I reach Tommy, both he and his mother are gawking at me, but I don’t care. I’m a man on a mission, and right now my mission is simple.

  I pull Sir Fluffykins out of Tommy’s hands, passing him over to Caroline. She takes the stuffed animal without a word. Once my hands are free, I grasp hold of Tommy’s shirt and pull him into me.

  We kiss, in sight of God and all of Hester.

  Hester melts around me. Buildings reduced to puddles and the droves of people sinking into the earth like fresh rainwater.

  Nick’s kiss wipes everything and everyone else away, leaving just the two of us and a clear night sky. It everything I could ever want.

  But as he pulls away, the hoots and hollers of the crowd tear me from my peaceful obliviousness.

  Nick stands in front of me, his chest heaving, as I’m sure my own is. I look over to Mom and her smile is pained.

  The senator says something quickly into the microphone that I don’t catch, and then he’s leaving the stage. I realize that a few members of the crowd are holding up their phones, and a sense of dread creeps up my spine.

  “What did you just do?” I ask Nick in a hushed voice.

  He doesn’t respond. Or should I say, he doesn’t get the chance to. The senator wraps an arm around Nick’s shoulder, pulling him tight against his side. “It’s time to go,” he says in a low and gruff voice. He doesn’t even acknowledge me or Mom. He moves to leave, but Nick’s feet stay firmly planted. “Nicholas, now.”

  Nick flinches at his father’s inflection. With one final glance, he turns and the two of them hurry away through the crowd.

  I take a step to follow them instinctively, but Mom catches my arm.

  “Please tell me that didn’t just happen,” she mutters.

  I wish I had better news for her.

  “I’m telling you that I cannot run this by Caroline, Phil.” Dad takes the turn onto the gravel road too hard and we skid a few feet before we get traction. “Because it was her swishy little brat that he decided to kiss in front of everyone! Exactly.”

  “Don’t call him that!” I shout at him, but he cuts me a look that chills my blood.

  “Yes. Thank you, go ahead and send that over and I’ll get on the phone with Rhonda in an hour to talk damage control. If we act quickly, we can get ahead of this thing before it gets out of hand.”

  We pull into the driveway, pulling beside my car because Ma’s SUV is still in town.

  “That’s right. We’ll be leaving first thing in the morning. Expect us back in Gainesville by eleven at the latest. I want to whole team ready to tackle this. All right, thank you, Phil. See you in the morning.”

  Dad ends the call, exhaling as he shuts the engine off.

  “I hope you’re happy with yourself, Nicholas.”

  I don’t answer, only stare out my window and into the dark forest that surrounds the cabin. The chorus of cicadas gets louder as Dad opens his door.

  “Get inside,” he tells me. “You’re going to have to explain all of this to your mother.”

  Explain it? Is it really that difficult for him to understand?

  “Hey Glenn,” Dad answers his phone, slamming the car door. His voice is muffled but I can still hear him say, “Yes, get on the phone with Duke tomorrow. I want him there by the end of the week, even if he’s got to sleep on the floor until the semester starts, I want him there.”

  That’s his damage control? Ship me off the school a month early so that he doesn’t have to look at his gay son? Father of the year material over here, folks.

  I get out of the car, storming past him as he continues to make decisions about my life. The screen door slams against the side of the cabin as I sling it open. Ma jumps at the noise, setting aside her laptop when she sees me.

  “What’s going on, Nick?”

  My heart hammers in my ears. I’m not ready for this. This isn’t fair. I should be able to tell her on my own terms, but that’s not likely anymore.

  Dad’s footsteps sound on the steps out front and I keep moving, heading into the kitchen to try to put as much distance between the two of us. With trembling hands, I pour myself a glass of water, taking slow sips as the soft sound of Dad’s whispering fills the cabin, squeezing my insides until I’ll pop at any second.

  Then silence, heavy and sharp on my ears.

  They both walk into the kitchen, Dad red-faced and Ma looking particularly upset. It kills me to see her like this. I long for her comfort, for her to tell me that everything will be okay and that she’ll go to bat for me with Dad. But who knows what she’s thinking now?

  “Nicholas,” Dad speaks with careful control. “I’ve shared what happened with your mother. Do you see how upset your actions have made her? You need to apologize right now—”

  Ma holds an arm out to halt his advance. “James, shut the hell up.”

  Dad falters, looking back with bewilderment. “What did you say, Gretchen?”

  “I said to shut your damn mouth and let me talk to my son.” She steps over to the bar and pulls a stool over to him. “Now, sit here and stay quiet.”

  “Excuse me? I don’t think—”

  Ma pulls two fingers over her lips, pantomiming a zipper. Dad just huffs and crosses his arms. I’m shocked into silence, seeing Ma talk to him like that. She’s never been one to be spoken down to, but usually they seem so… united. What’s going on?

  “Nick, honey.” Ma approaches slowly, brushing a strand of blonde hair from her face. “I want to apologize on behalf of your father. He was—”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” Dad is on his feet again.

  “James, sit down!”

  I shrink away from the power of Ma’s voice. It’s easy to forget that she captivates a courtroom for a living. People tend to listen.

  Dad does as he’s told.

  “Why are you apologizing?” I ask, my voice thick.

  “Because he took something from you, sweetheart.” She wraps an arm around my shoulder and I instinctually lean on her. “Something of immense importance. I’ve been waiting for you to share it with me since you were twelve.”

  Is she talking about what I think she’s talking about?

  “And even though I know what it is you want to tell me, I’d love to hear it from you. If you’re ready.”

  The lump in my throat is a boulder and it makes even breathing difficult.

  “Um,” I croak, pulling away so I can look her in the eye. Tears blur the edges of my vision, but Ma stays strong for the both of us, a faint smile playing on her lips as she nods for me to continue. I clear my throat, “Ma, I wanted to let you know that I’m seeing someone. And this someone, just so happens to be a guy.”

  “He just so happens to be Caroline’s son,” Dad chimes in from across the room.

  Ma cuts her eyes to him, “Wait, really? Tommy?”

  “So it would seem,” I say with a sigh.

  “Does Caroline know?” she asks.

  “She does now,” Dad inserts himself again. “And so does the whole damn town. Jesus, I can’t believe you’d do this right before election season, Nicholas. I swear, you do it just to spite me.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll be sure to consult your polling numbers before I go shopping for my next boyfriend. Maybe I
should run him by your campaign manager while I’m at it? Hey Phil, does this guy fit into Dad’s narrative? Cool, thanks for the feedback.”

  Ma steps between us, “Alright, back to your corners you two. This isn’t helping anyone.” She turns back to me, “Boyfriend, huh? Is it that serious between you two?”

  Heat flashes behind my cheeks. I nod.

  “Well, what are you going to do when you go to school, honey? Have you talked about it?”

  “There’s still time,” I say, rubbing the end of my nose. “It’s all still really new, so we’re figuring it out.”

  “I suppose that’s true,” Ma muses, her stare growing distant.

  “We’re leaving tomorrow, Gretch.” Dad says, his tone sharp. “I’m not going to allow this to go on any longer. We’re going home so that I can deal with this mess, and Nicholas is heading to Duke by the end of the week.”

  “But the semester doesn’t start for another five weeks, James.”

  “I’m already working on it. He can catch half the summer semester, get a leg up on his freshman year. Now, both of you pack your things. I’ve got more phone calls to make.” He rises from his seat, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “I expect you downstairs at Oh-eight-hundred hours, Nicholas. Is that understood?”

  “Whatever.”

  His hand tightens into a fist, but he takes a breath, turns and walks out of the room. The screen door hits the side of the house with a smack, and then there’s the faint sound of his engine starting and gravel under tires.

  “He’ll come around,” Ma says, though I can’t tell if she means it for me or her.

  “I can’t leave now,” I say, the reality of my situation finally sinking in. “I can’t. I-I don’t have Tommy’s phone number! I don’t know how to get in touch with him! If I just disappear, he’ll think that I don’t care about him and then he’ll hate me again and that’ll kill, me Ma. It’ll just kill me. No, this can’t—”

  Ma catches my hand as it flails. “Breathe, baby. Just breathe for a second, okay? Your father and I are going to have a very long discussion tonight. You leave that to me.”

  I let out a shuddering breath. “What about school? You heard him, he’s going to ship me out as soon as we get home. I’ll be six hours away! You may as well shoot the relationship in the face!”

  “He’s going to do nothing of the kind. But honey, you do have to go eventually. What are you going to do when that time comes?”

  “I don’t want to go there, Ma.” I plead with her. “I know I’ve said it before, but I really, really don’t want to go.”

  “You have to go to school, Nick. That’s not negotiable.”

  “Then let me go here,” I say, reaching full-on frantic mode. “Let me enroll in a culinary program. There’s three—at least—in Atlanta that I would love. I’ll be close to home and I’ll be doing something that I actually enjoy, Ma.”

  She raises an eyebrow. “Culinary school?”

  Ma has been dreaming of me filling her sensible courtroom pumps since I learned to walk. But she’s got to know that’s not the life for me.

  “And that would make you happy?”

  I nod. “I think so. It’s the best chance I have at getting there, Ma. That, and Tommy. I don’t know how to describe it. I’ve never felt this way before.”

  Ma chuckles, then pulls me into a hug. “It’s called being eighteen, honey. Enjoy it while it lasts.” She pulls away, but keeps hold of my shoulders. “I will bring up your ideas to your father tonight.”

  “Do you think you can convince him?”

  Ma almost looks hurt. “Remember who you’re speaking to young man. I’m one hell of a lawyer.”

  Tom’s diner is busy because of the festival, but Mom and I steal the booth in the corner before a pair of Outsiders take it. Dot pours Mom a cup of coffee and brings me Coke.

  “You okay, Caroline?” she asks with a voice full of more gravel than the parking lot. “Kind of looks like you saw a ghost. Or an ex-husband who’s supposed to be in prison. Either of those hitting home?”

  Mom shakes her head, reaching for the Sweet & Low. “I’m fine, Dot. Thank you. Can you give us just a minute before we order?”

  Dot slaps a ticket on the table. “Just give it to Brenda when you’re ready. You’re eating into my smoke break.”

  She shuffles away from the table, then through the swinging door to the back of the restaurant.

  I really wish my phone wasn’t dead. I pull it out of my pocket, just to double check that it hasn’t miraculously recharged itself. Stranger things have happened.

  Mom taps her spoon on the side of her mug, then takes a slow sip. She’s been abnormally quiet since Nick’s dad took him away. I trace my lips with a finger, losing myself for just a second in the memory of our kiss.

  “How did you two even meet?” Mom asks, sliding her mug to the edge of the table so she can lean closer.

  “At Claudine’s. He started just a couple days after I did.” And because I suddenly feel like I’m on trial, I add, “I had no idea who he was, Mom, I swear.”

  She sighs, sinking back into her booth. “I know, sweetheart. It’s just… God, this is such a train wreck. I don’t have to remind you that Senator McCarthy’s reputation as a legislator is less than favorable towards the LGBTQ community. He’s probably already in damage control mode, the paranoid bastard.”

  “What do you think is going to happen to Nick?” I ask her.

  “Who knows? I mean, he’s set to go off to Duke in the fall, but I can’t imagine that the senator will let him hang around here the rest of summer.” She catches herself, then reaches out and places a hand on my arm, “I’m so sorry, sweetie. This must be so painful for you.”

  I nod, pulling my arms off the table and into my lap.

  Mom’s phone dings from her purse.

  “I thought your phone was dead?”

  “I had a power brick in the car,” Mom says, digging through the contents of her bag. “Five dollars says it’s from the senator.” She scrolls through the message. “Well, that answers one question. Looks like the senator is calling a staff meeting tomorrow, which means they’re most likely leaving in the morning. Great, this is just great.”

  Guilt swells in my gut, bringing the sting of tears to my eyes. “I’m sorry, Mom. This is all my fault.”

  Mom looks up from her phone, “What? Oh, sweetie, no. No, no, no. You’ve done nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing.” Another ding and Mom swears under her breath, “Shit. I’ve got to call Phil. I’m going to step out for just a second, Tommy. I’ll be right back, okay?”

  I nod then reach my arms around my torso to try to hold myself together.

  “I’ll try to make it quick. Sorry.”

  Mom hurries out of the restaurant, and I focus on taking deep, steady breaths and not vibrating out of my seat.

  Nick will leave Hester tomorrow, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Not only that, I have no idea how to get in touch with him. Maybe I could convince Mom to drive me to the cabin his family is renting. Then again, that sounds like the worst idea ever because his dad is there, and even the thought that we’re in the same town nauseates me.

  “Tommy!”

  Brenda waves at me from the window to the kitchen.

  “Happy fourth!”

  I wave back, but can’t bring myself to do more. Brenda doesn’t seem to mind because she’s already halfway to our booth by the time I lower my hand.

  “You by yourself? Where’s that cutie with the dimples and adorable laugh?”

  “Not here.”

  Brenda snorts a laugh and slides into the booth across from me. “I can see that, numbskull. Is he going to show up?”

  I shake my head because saying it out loud will only make me cry.

  “Uh oh.” Brenda pulls off her hat, scratching the matted curls underneath before replacing it. “Do I need to go make a house call, Tommy? I’ve got my triage kit just waiting back there. There’s a lot we can do with alcohol pads
and liquid bandages, I’m just saying.”

  I mean to laugh, but it sounds more like a sob when it comes out.

  “Oh, honey.” Brenda leans in closer. “It’s going to be okay. Do you want me to bring you a sticky? That always makes you smile.”

  “No thanks,” I whisper, dabbing at my eyes. “I don’t really have an appetite right now.”

  “Sure, sure, honey. I understand. Well, listen, how about a funny video?” She pulls out her phone, swiping it open. “I got one of Chester this morning on his walk where he does this cute little howl at a squirrel. You’ve just got to see it. I plastered it all over Facebook. One day, he’ll be super famous and I’ll be the lucky lady that gets to buy his solid gold collar.”

  Wait a second.

  “Brenda, quick, give me your phone.”

  “Keep your pants on, Tommy, I’m finding the video now.”

  “No, Brenda, please. I need to log on really quick.”

  “Well, okay. Let me just sign out here.” She taps a few times, then slides the phone over the table.

  I snatch it up, typing my email address with trembling fingers. Once I’m logged in, I ignore the video of Charley that pops up and tap the search bar. I type in, ‘Nicholas McCarthy,’ and a list drops down.

  Holy shit, there he is. The third one down. I click on his profile, my heart racing at the sight of him. I press the message option, then look back up at Brenda.

  “It’s time.”

  Brenda gives me a nervous laugh. “Time for what?”

  “For my romantic comedy moment.”

  I climb the stairs to my bedroom. As I reach the top I stretch, releasing a yawn. I would have already driven to Tommy’s apartment, but Ma says I should probably stay put for now. Plus, Dad has the keys to my car and Ma’s SUV is probably covered in parking tickets by now.

  So, I’m stuck, but I trust that Ma will have my back. We hammered out details for another hour or so, but now it’s almost midnight and all I want to do is sleep. And maybe I’ll see Tommy in my dreams.